harlans
Bluelighter
I did a shitload of hard drugs too and none of them got to me quite like booze
I, too, lost the best relationship of my life directly because of booze
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Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0
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I did a shitload of hard drugs too and none of them got to me quite like booze
I, too, lost the best relationship of my life directly because of booze
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
Failing again
The first thing that knocks me, mentaly or is hurtfull/ makes me dissapointed n sad.... I'm back on the smashed wagon
Im not gettin any healthier and not sleeping any better. Sick every morning weather it be from smoke, drink or even the chems in the shampoo make me feel ill. The thing that scares me is that i dont wake up one day coz ive drank and taken too many pills. I feel like a baby as im sittin here coz i know if i keep going im gonna need some company...I really dont want to end up in the hospital again all cut up
I try so hard then Pop.... back to square one. Makes me wonder if im even meant to be here or i dont need no more of this world
The first thing that knocks me, mentaly or is hurtfull/ makes me dissapointed n sad.... I'm back on the smashed wagon
Im not gettin any healthier and not sleeping any better. Sick every morning weather it be from smoke, drink or even the chems in the shampoo make me feel ill. The thing that scares me is that i dont wake up one day coz ive drank and taken too many pills. I feel like a baby as im sittin here coz i know if i keep going im gonna need some company...I really dont want to end up in the hospital again all cut up
I try so hard then Pop.... back to square one. Makes me wonder if im even meant to be here or i dont need no more of this world
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
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- 691
Hang in there, SMFG. You're better than this and all the pills and drinking are doing is making you sick and wasting your time. You've gotta get back up and work on taking care of yourself again.
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Last night my temptation led me to buying a pint of vodka. But I didn't end up drinking it. I stared at it for some time and just couldn't bring myself to do it. I ate a big dinner instead and I went to sleep. It's still sitting up there in my bedroom. I don't know why I'm keeping it. I probably shouldn't. Something's just stopping me from dumping it out. But I guess at the same time, if I've got that same unopened pint sitting on my desk a week from now, I'll know that I really am still committed to this.
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Last night my temptation led me to buying a pint of vodka. But I didn't end up drinking it. I stared at it for some time and just couldn't bring myself to do it. I ate a big dinner instead and I went to sleep. It's still sitting up there in my bedroom. I don't know why I'm keeping it. I probably shouldn't. Something's just stopping me from dumping it out. But I guess at the same time, if I've got that same unopened pint sitting on my desk a week from now, I'll know that I really am still committed to this.
^^ Dude.......get rid of that shit. Go and give it to a neighbour, or a friend or relative, just as a random gift. Get it out of your house. There is absolutely NO reason why you should have a pint of vodka in your possession, staring you in the face. It is counterproductive to everything you've been working so hard for.
Do it
SMFG I'm going to reply to your PM in a little bit, but for now, may I ask, where are you at with your therapy appointments and stuff? When was the last time you saw your psych or a doctor?? You need some help mate
Do it
SMFG I'm going to reply to your PM in a little bit, but for now, may I ask, where are you at with your therapy appointments and stuff? When was the last time you saw your psych or a doctor?? You need some help mate
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
^about a week ago n3o due back to the doctor this week for a check in... was only just off weekly appts from last time i fell down. Agree with n3o also when she say not to keep that stuff lyin around blahman and yer im not planin on havin anything today not in the best of spots pretty scarry what this stuff does to me its gettin to be a really bad trait i gotta get rid of the xanax is causing depression im sure wanna look @ switch to valium and ween off but i gotta get this shit off first, hormones are all outta whack, sposeed to have this blood test but no alchohol for 3 days prior. Im feelin worse for wear today just gona try and take it easy and not get my emotions out of control to the point that i reach for the nuke button.
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
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Hey, thanks for checking in. Nah, I haven't relapsed. Still have the bottle, haven't touched it, and I don't think I'm going to. I really wanted to drink the night I bought it but just couldn't bring myself to do it. I bought it with the intention of just drinking for "one night" and then getting right back on track, but I have a feeling it would just turn into a bender and everything I've been working at will be gone by the end of the week. I know I should just get rid of it.
Hope everyone's doing well.
Hope everyone's doing well.
Vaya
Bluelight Crew
Hi all!
I was sorry to read about how many people are struggling and/or plain old discouraged right now. You know you're all in my thoughts and best wishes.
I've had a few (well, a slew) of flare ups of Social Anciety Disorder the past two weeks on top of my shoulder/thumb/testicles shit, I've been contacted by my former best friend again (after over 2 mos, and I've decided to move on), work's been gnawing ever-so-slowly at my patience and tolerance for others, and all culminated with my computer being stolen (hence my absence the past however many days).
I've been feeling nearly nothing BUT discouragement lately. But i had a lengthy chat with my sponsor yesterday. He said it sounded as though the circumstances in life had made me feel too self-piteous, and that I was effectively clouding my ability to understand myself and properly interpret others' actions. I am quite prone to holding he most extravagant pity-parties (population: 1). And his suggestion was *simple* but effective - to avoid that slippery-slope thinking that takes me own every time, indeed to begin to practice being "other-directed" sun that I don't spend toomu h toxic time by myself.
It may sound like a crazy prospect, but he actions are speaking for themselves.
No one ought to be eating themselves up.
Not at all.
You're all too kind, insightful and passionate to suppress those innate joys with ethanol.
Check back soon....
~Vaya
I was sorry to read about how many people are struggling and/or plain old discouraged right now. You know you're all in my thoughts and best wishes.
I've had a few (well, a slew) of flare ups of Social Anciety Disorder the past two weeks on top of my shoulder/thumb/testicles shit, I've been contacted by my former best friend again (after over 2 mos, and I've decided to move on), work's been gnawing ever-so-slowly at my patience and tolerance for others, and all culminated with my computer being stolen (hence my absence the past however many days).
I've been feeling nearly nothing BUT discouragement lately. But i had a lengthy chat with my sponsor yesterday. He said it sounded as though the circumstances in life had made me feel too self-piteous, and that I was effectively clouding my ability to understand myself and properly interpret others' actions. I am quite prone to holding he most extravagant pity-parties (population: 1). And his suggestion was *simple* but effective - to avoid that slippery-slope thinking that takes me own every time, indeed to begin to practice being "other-directed" sun that I don't spend toomu h toxic time by myself.
It may sound like a crazy prospect, but he actions are speaking for themselves.
No one ought to be eating themselves up.
Not at all.
You're all too kind, insightful and passionate to suppress those innate joys with ethanol.
Check back soon....
~Vaya
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
^^ hey mate
not cn you around before from memory and i thankyou for your kind words.... Its important that you dont beat urself up too much about ur drinking, You realise that it is detrimental and i think many if not all the folks on this thread are having quite the same strugle in differing ways the thing that binds us is the fact we worry about our drinking, Thats a big move in my books, its doing something about it thats the hard part and sticking with it.
I'm really not the best for advice and not very social, but PM me if you eva wanna chat or anything, Im always around here unless im out of internets. Am glad to be able to share stuff that strikes a chord with other folks and definitly if it makes one feel not as alone in thier situation.
Not good went out fed ducks played frisbee, brought fruit for my kids lunch.... Then brought a fucking beer not gonna write me off but isnt exactly what my goal was for today. Ho hum, Will trys again tomorow.
Blahman congrats on ur efforts hey Im really glad to hear that you didnt fold.... Maybe can give it to a homeless guy i read of someone doing this here once and i thought well for a problematic drinker, to give it to someone who would think all thier christmas's had come @ once for that is the best thing you could do with it
Thinkin of Everyone here even if im not directly adressing ur posts. Sendin good vibes
not cn you around before from memory and i thankyou for your kind words.... Its important that you dont beat urself up too much about ur drinking, You realise that it is detrimental and i think many if not all the folks on this thread are having quite the same strugle in differing ways the thing that binds us is the fact we worry about our drinking, Thats a big move in my books, its doing something about it thats the hard part and sticking with it.I'm really not the best for advice and not very social, but PM me if you eva wanna chat or anything, Im always around here unless im out of internets. Am glad to be able to share stuff that strikes a chord with other folks and definitly if it makes one feel not as alone in thier situation.
Not good went out fed ducks played frisbee, brought fruit for my kids lunch.... Then brought a fucking beer
not gonna write me off but isnt exactly what my goal was for today. Ho hum, Will trys again tomorow.Blahman congrats on ur efforts hey Im really glad to hear that you didnt fold.... Maybe can give it to a homeless guy i read of someone doing this here once and i thought well for a problematic drinker, to give it to someone who would think all thier christmas's had come @ once for that is the best thing you could do with it
Thinkin of Everyone here even if im not directly adressing ur posts. Sendin good vibes
Sepher
Bluelight Crew
Failing again
The first thing that knocks me, mentaly or is hurtfull/ makes me dissapointed n sad.... I'm back on the smashed wagon
Im not gettin any healthier and not sleeping any better. Sick every morning weather it be from smoke, drink or even the chems in the shampoo make me feel ill. The thing that scares me is that i dont wake up one day coz ive drank and taken too many pills. I feel like a baby as im sittin here coz i know if i keep going im gonna need some company...I really dont want to end up in the hospital again all cut up
I try so hard then Pop.... back to square one. Makes me wonder if im even meant to be here or i dont need no more of this world
SMFG, that was me too. Bad day at work, fall-out with my partner or family, the general constant guilt knowing I'd been letting people down and not meeting my obligations to them cos I'd been on a bender, or just feeling a little more stressed and down than usual, anything really would be a trigger. My solution was always as much vodka and stella as I could get my hands on and get completely obliterated, cos for those few hours I'd be numbed to the point of not caring about whatever had set me off this time. It becomes our coping mechansim, though a completely counter-productive one cos all a bender does is add to the problems and drag down our mood, the mental and emotional fall-out of that then becoming the trigger for the next one.
I'm having to learn at the ripe old age of 43 how to cope with problems more constructively and though it was hard at first I'm finding I'm much better at it than I imagined I'd be. There's a real sense of satisfaction in knowing that I've tackled something head on and though I might not have resolved things completely at least I've made inroads on things, moving in the right direction. Instead of feeling 'whaddamigonnadoooooooo' overwhelmed the clear-headed, rational, sober me has been more able to break things down into bite-sized chunks I can deal with. The more practice I have at it the better I become, even just over the short time these last two months that I've been sober. You'll probably find the same if only you can put the triggers to use more positively and constructively. Instead of the 'I'm feeling bummed out with this, I'm gonna get drunk' thing that resolves nothing and just stores up problems for the future, turn it into 'I'm feeling bummed out with this, what can I do to make this go away so I'm not bummed out with it again in a few days / weeks time'. It will be difficult, no question, having to learn new coping mechanisms when you're so used to blotting things out with booze, but it is doable, and the more you do it the better you'll become at it. That in turn will do wonders for your mood, and you'll feel all the stronger for it, better able to deal with something triggering next time round in the knowledge there's a better way to deal with them that's more productive every which way. Hang in there buddy, keep strong and fight this fucker. You're better than this!
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Yep I can really relate to this as well Sepher (no surprise there
). My psychologist suggested that I start keeping a journal, of anything really, but mainly of my cravings and experiences relating to my sobriety. It's been really interesting keeping track of exactly WHAT triggers me, and when, and to what extent. This week I have the house to myself, and my flatmate has a bar fridge full of wine and beer. This has not been an issue for me because when she's home, it's like I have someone else to be held accountable to, so I don't even entertain the thought of drinking her alcohol. But now that there's no-one else in the house, that little voice in my head has been nagging me all evening "Go on, have a bottle of wine....replace it tomorrow....no-one will ever even know".
Grrrrrr!!!
I've gotta get out of the house, but it's cold out, so I don't feel like exercising. I might just wander up to the shops and stroll around for a while. I fucking hate that this is such an issue for me, that I have to constantly stay on top of my thoughts and feelings and cravings etc. WHY?! Why can't I just relax?! I just want to fucking scream!
blahman8000
Bluelighter
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- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 691
^ I know the feeling! Be strong, n3o. I've had a pretty bad night full of cravings and horrible feelings/anxieties. In fact it's almost 5:30 AM and I haven't been able to sleep at all. It definitely sucks that we have to sit here and keep telling off that damn voice that keeps trying to tempt us into drinking. It seems so easy to give in, but you're way better than that and you deserve better than to have to feel guilty and hungover. The tough days will make you all the more proud of yourself after you've gotten past them clear and sober. At least that's how I see it.
Booze just isn't an option for any of us anymore. The trick is accepting that as good news.
Booze just isn't an option for any of us anymore. The trick is accepting that as good news.
Thank you so much blahman I didn't drink last night. I went out for a walk instead. I'm still craving alcohol though (still? or again?), so I'm feeling really shit and emotionally exhausted. But, I'll continue to be strong.
I am really glad you haven't had anything to drink too mate, would you still consider getting rid of that vodka??
I didn't drink last night. I went out for a walk instead. I'm still craving alcohol though (still? or again?), so I'm feeling really shit and emotionally exhausted. But, I'll continue to be strong. I am really glad you haven't had anything to drink too mate, would you still consider getting rid of that vodka??
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
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I know I should definitely dump the vodka out or give it away, but something about having it around makes me feel better. Admittedly, this only keeps me closer to eventually relapsing. I know I haven't completely let go of drinking even if I haven't had anything to drink since the hospital. I feel less and less like I can guarantee to myself or anyone else that I won't drink soon. The longer I'm sober, the louder the volume is on my life. And my life isn't even that complicated right now. It's my state of mind that's complicated, I guess. Anyway, I don't know when I'm going to finally decide to get rid of this vodka. Something tells me if I dump it out now, I might just go out and buy more. It's stupid but again, having it around somehow helps. Although I know how that sounds. I definitely sounds like I'm right on the cusp of drinking again.
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 691
Hi guys, I thought I'd check in. I ended up dumping out that bottle of vodka. It was kind of on a whim, and I told myself as I was doing it that a part of me will regret it soon, and sure enough here I am wishing I could drink. I suppose it's obvious that I'm better off without it.
I'm starting to lose my grip, I think. I've tried to talk to a friend about how hard this has been lately, but I think I'm just starting to come off as whiny. I'm sure no one really wants to hear it, especially because I must sound like a broken record. My reasons to stay sober seem to be wearing off. And what I've gained from sobriety seems less significant, I guess. I'm not happy, for the most part. And the reasons why I used to drink so much are still as present as ever. Except now it's all day long, loud as ever in my head. It's like this 24/7 confrontation with who/what I really am, or what I'm afraid I might be. Just a lousy person all around, I guess. It's like something's not right in my head and I just can't be happy or even a genuinely good person. The other night before I dumped out that pint, I was laying in bed with it sitting at the table next to me, and for some reason I was thinking about how my mom showed me this painting she made with my sister on Mother's Day, and I just started crying there in bed. Because my mom's such a good person and I'm just not.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I mean, I could go on and on, bitching and moaning about how I want to just drink so badly, and just live out the rest of my days drunk so I don't even have to know who I am anymore. But it really doesn't accomplish anything. I think it mostly just bores anyone who is listening and pushes them away. Saying the same thing over and over again really gets nothing done. Today I wanted to drink and started to walk to the store, and ended up going to the coffee shop instead and spending what little money I had so I couldn't afford to drink tonight. But I don't know for sure why I'm doing it anymore, because I don't know if what I'm doing now is going to go anywhere. I don't know if I'm actually ever going to feel better sober. Maybe some people just don't feel better.
I know all of this is really self-indulgent and lame, and the last thing I want to be is self-indulgent. I just don't know what else to say. I don't want to feel like this all day anymore.
I'm starting to lose my grip, I think. I've tried to talk to a friend about how hard this has been lately, but I think I'm just starting to come off as whiny. I'm sure no one really wants to hear it, especially because I must sound like a broken record. My reasons to stay sober seem to be wearing off. And what I've gained from sobriety seems less significant, I guess. I'm not happy, for the most part. And the reasons why I used to drink so much are still as present as ever. Except now it's all day long, loud as ever in my head. It's like this 24/7 confrontation with who/what I really am, or what I'm afraid I might be. Just a lousy person all around, I guess. It's like something's not right in my head and I just can't be happy or even a genuinely good person. The other night before I dumped out that pint, I was laying in bed with it sitting at the table next to me, and for some reason I was thinking about how my mom showed me this painting she made with my sister on Mother's Day, and I just started crying there in bed. Because my mom's such a good person and I'm just not.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I mean, I could go on and on, bitching and moaning about how I want to just drink so badly, and just live out the rest of my days drunk so I don't even have to know who I am anymore. But it really doesn't accomplish anything. I think it mostly just bores anyone who is listening and pushes them away. Saying the same thing over and over again really gets nothing done. Today I wanted to drink and started to walk to the store, and ended up going to the coffee shop instead and spending what little money I had so I couldn't afford to drink tonight. But I don't know for sure why I'm doing it anymore, because I don't know if what I'm doing now is going to go anywhere. I don't know if I'm actually ever going to feel better sober. Maybe some people just don't feel better.
I know all of this is really self-indulgent and lame, and the last thing I want to be is self-indulgent. I just don't know what else to say. I don't want to feel like this all day anymore.
blahman I can totally relate to the stage of sobriety that you're currently in. I've been feeling this way for the last two weeks. It just gets so exhausting have to constantly be on top of your game, staying aware of your thoughts/feelings/cravings/triggers, ALL the fucking time. You just can't relax! This is the time of sobriety when our brain really starts to try and trick us back in to drinking again. My brain is doing it at least a few times a day at the moment. Those thoughts of "One drink won't hurt..." or "Why do I really need to be sober?" etc etc. Actually, a classic thought for me at the moment is "Why aren't I allowed to drink, when everyone else in the whole world is allowed to drink?!"
So lame, but it is my brain blatently trying to trick me!! And it's nearly succeeding. NEARLY. The key is to know what your brain is trying to do, and staying smarter than it...if that makes sense. Your brain will try to tell you these compelling stories to try and steer you back in to the drinking life again. But blahman, you don't need it dude. You've come so far the last few months, you've worked SO damn hard at being sober. You know what? You DESERVE to stay sober, because it feels good, and it is good for you. And hey, you threw out that bottle of vodka, right?! THAT is absolutely amazing, and you really need to allow yourself to feel proud for doing that. Seriously mate
What activities are you currently doing, to try and distract yourself from cravings? Exercise? Socialising with non-drinking friends? Taking up new hobbies? You really really need to fill your time with fun activities that make you feel good about yourself, so that you're less likely to even think about drinking. It takes hard work, it takes planning ahead, and it's tough. But it's so much better than the alternative, which is giving in to the cravings and slipping back in to that shitty alcoholic oblivion again. You don't wanna go back to that dude, I know you don't.
So lame, but it is my brain blatently trying to trick me!! And it's nearly succeeding. NEARLY. The key is to know what your brain is trying to do, and staying smarter than it...if that makes sense. Your brain will try to tell you these compelling stories to try and steer you back in to the drinking life again. But blahman, you don't need it dude. You've come so far the last few months, you've worked SO damn hard at being sober. You know what? You DESERVE to stay sober, because it feels good, and it is good for you. And hey, you threw out that bottle of vodka, right?! THAT is absolutely amazing, and you really need to allow yourself to feel proud for doing that. Seriously mate
What activities are you currently doing, to try and distract yourself from cravings? Exercise? Socialising with non-drinking friends? Taking up new hobbies? You really really need to fill your time with fun activities that make you feel good about yourself, so that you're less likely to even think about drinking. It takes hard work, it takes planning ahead, and it's tough. But it's so much better than the alternative, which is giving in to the cravings and slipping back in to that shitty alcoholic oblivion again. You don't wanna go back to that dude, I know you don't.
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
^/^^ So awesome to have read that and see that youz r going strong
I'm just checkin in, im still here, still in a rut did some constructive thing got out of the house this morning, took my bread and fed a mob of birds, but back @ home now again.... emotionaly goin out of control, even the one beer with my other shit just gets me back here emotionaly crashing, alone and winging on here. I feel pitifull.. Just glad i had the motivation to come here and post today, each day seems like im getting more and more detattched from the world, Finishing up with i really dont know i just feel like everything is gonna be lost soon then what? kinda scary im all upset im go for a bit and come back i hope i can get up and just come back. Sorry to be bummin tha thread out just havin the same shit over and over again.
I'm just checkin in, im still here, still in a rut did some constructive thing got out of the house this morning, took my bread and fed a mob of birds, but back @ home now again.... emotionaly goin out of control, even the one beer with my other shit just gets me back here emotionaly crashing, alone and winging on here. I feel pitifull.. Just glad i had the motivation to come here and post today, each day seems like im getting more and more detattched from the world, Finishing up with i really dont know i just feel like everything is gonna be lost soon then what? kinda scary im all upset im go for a bit and come back i hope i can get up and just come back. Sorry to be bummin tha thread out just havin the same shit over and over again.
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 691
n3o, thanks for the support. It does sound like we're going through the same thing lately. For me, it's pretty much been a nightly thing where I just feel like absolutely giving up. What stops me is knowing how I'll feel the next morning. How I'll be right back where I started with nothing to show for it. I tell myself that I shouldn't bother staying sober because I'm only going to want to drink all over again tomorrow. But even if I do get drunk, I'll feel that way. It'll just feel worse. The temptations will only feel closer and drinking will only feel more necessary. And going back to the way I was before REALLY is not an option. Not just for my mental health, but physically, my body will not survive another go with booze. I was lucky to have ended up in the hospital before it was too late back in February.
In terms of activities/distractions, mostly I've been exercising and playing guitar. I do need more hobbies, though. Exercising has been helpful, although it hasn't wiped out my depression or anything. I've also been concentrating on eating as healthy as I can. For a lot of people, healthy diet and exercising does the trick but I'm definitely still depressed. It might just be PAWS like you suggested not too long ago.
I haven't really been doing much socializing because I just don't feel like myself anymore. I feel so boring. I used to make people laugh and I used to be fun to be around. Now I'm just lost and distant. I don't know how to do that anymore. It's really disappointing. I used to be proud of my personality and sense of humor, now I'm really insecure. It's like I don't understand how anybody can like me.
Thanks for being supportive though, n3o. You've been really helpful for a while now, more than you know. I hope you're doing well. I'm glad you're staying strong and sober. We can do this. Same to you, SMFG. Don't worry about bumming the thread out or anything, because I'm sure as hell doing my share of that too. I can definitely relate to what both of you guys are going through.
In terms of activities/distractions, mostly I've been exercising and playing guitar. I do need more hobbies, though. Exercising has been helpful, although it hasn't wiped out my depression or anything. I've also been concentrating on eating as healthy as I can. For a lot of people, healthy diet and exercising does the trick but I'm definitely still depressed. It might just be PAWS like you suggested not too long ago.
I haven't really been doing much socializing because I just don't feel like myself anymore. I feel so boring. I used to make people laugh and I used to be fun to be around. Now I'm just lost and distant. I don't know how to do that anymore. It's really disappointing. I used to be proud of my personality and sense of humor, now I'm really insecure. It's like I don't understand how anybody can like me.
Thanks for being supportive though, n3o. You've been really helpful for a while now, more than you know. I hope you're doing well. I'm glad you're staying strong and sober. We can do this. Same to you, SMFG. Don't worry about bumming the thread out or anything, because I'm sure as hell doing my share of that too. I can definitely relate to what both of you guys are going through.
Beat Narrative
Bluelighter
well the old alcohol and benzo combination fucked my life enitirely last night, i am not sure of the excat details all i know is that my partner of 8 years has her phone off and her sister has told me she wants nothing to do with me at all, i recall police questiniong me last night but i know i would never hit my gf and the fact i was not arrested would suggest i abused her verbally
I am so ashamed of myself, i have screwed my life entirely, today i am going munch a handful of benzos and have a large amount of opiates and a bottle of wine and hope i go into the longest sleep possible
The feeling of not knowing what u did then waking up and having brief memory flashbacks but not a full recollection is the worst feeling on earth, especially when u know u really fucked up
Well if i dont hear from my gf by wedenesday i am doing the old running away from my problems trick and going to put the wheels in motion for 6 months in india then come home and reside in another state
I am the definition of a stupid fuckwit
I am so ashamed of myself, i have screwed my life entirely, today i am going munch a handful of benzos and have a large amount of opiates and a bottle of wine and hope i go into the longest sleep possible
The feeling of not knowing what u did then waking up and having brief memory flashbacks but not a full recollection is the worst feeling on earth, especially when u know u really fucked up
Well if i dont hear from my gf by wedenesday i am doing the old running away from my problems trick and going to put the wheels in motion for 6 months in india then come home and reside in another state
I am the definition of a stupid fuckwit
Vaya
Bluelight Crew
Update us, PLEASE, Beat Narrative. I hope that you did not hurt yourself with that combination of potent downers.....
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