Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

[DexterMeth]

Drink lots of water.. Hydrate. Forget about vomitting. Neo is right, it's too late for that now. Take a long hot shower to mist up the place and sweat out what you don't piss out. Skip coffee (imo), but maybe have some tea?

 

[S.M.F.G]

Kids back.... Obviously had a shithouse day @ school by the way she walked in, Not helping either of us.
Will atack the powerade and h2o, i could do witha swim, but the source of the problem hasnt gone awy, I'm gonna loose everything ive put my heart and soul into, As Bill Hicks said "Ive got a bathtub and an immagination il stay the fuck indoors this summer at least i can listen to music i like" I have these periods where i can be of solid resolve, but then one kick in the balls and im right back where i started. Fucked.
This doesnt mean im gonna stop trying, im just caneing mself for doing the wrong thing when i knew the right thing and was backed up by many of you

 

[DexterMeth]

You didn't let us down, nor yourself. You're learning and you know you made a mistake and you're not only trying to actively rectify it, but you're really doing your best to prevent it from happening again. It certainly won't get worse since you've took the initiative. You should take each part that you did right as a victory.

 

[S.M.F.G]

Just gonna rest for a while now, bottle of water beside me, feelin nausious which is really gonna help getting dinner ready for kiddo, Red leader was so right, its not worth feeling like this coz somethings gone wrong, I despise what ive done to mself today, maybe Dex is right in saying i did some things right and should be thankfull for that, im just too far gone today. u all folks even if we dont converse i still read just dont have the words to help ATM.
Goodnight/day 2 every1... (maybe). gots wake later and post pets shit, n photo thread long overdue but owe it to uz who have shown me ur piks...(hate my photos online but want to show you the difference to what i was to what i am).

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ You'll be okay mate. Remember, tomorrow is a new day. Whenever I've had a shocker and feel down about my actions etc, I try to remember that tomorrow is a fresh start.
Let us know how you're going tomorrow if you're up to it. Take care buddy

I'll definitely check out Mindfulness Meditation. I've tried meditation before, although I never really quite stuck with it. I'm thinking of adding some exercise to my routine, as well. Maybe every other day or so.

Exercise would be great!! Do you have any particular type of exercise in mind? Anything you've been in to before?
Don't let the "meditation" part of mindfulness throw you off, I thought the same thing when my therapist first mentioned "mindfulness meditation" to me. I was thinking "Eeeeep, I don't have the patience nor the inclination for meditation!!". But it's not really like the meditation you might be imagining. It's more just about keeping your thoughts in the present moment, and whenever you notice your thoughts drifting to things that happened in the past, or might happen in the future (e.g. anticipatory anxiety-inducing thoughts), you get your thoughts focussed back on the present moment. It takes practice but it gets easier, and reasonably quickly too



I'm proud to announce I'm sober again today. For the last week or two I've been cheating a little bit with very small doses of xanax here and there when my anxiety gets too bad. But today I haven't even had any xanax. I felt hideous when I got home from work and so help me, I have no idea HOW I didn't end up going to the shops to pick up some wine. I'd admitted defeat and had made up my mind that I was going to do it, but then subconsciously distracted myself playing around with my boyfriend's new iPhone, and then before I knew it I wasn't craving any more and it was already like 7:30pm! I find that if I can just get to that 7pm mark without drinking or having any xanax, I'm in the clear.

 

[DexterMeth]

Neo. When do you usually go to sleep at? Think it has anything to do with sunlight? Start taking vitamin D-3. It helps a lot.

 

[stardust.hero]

My boyfriends friend from our old town flew down to visit us a few days ago. Little did I know he thought he could kick it down here and slipped a few films in his book to get on the plane to get him through. We'll we get the call from him that he left the book on the plane. IDIOT. So I've spent the last 4 days listening to someone talk about how they are dying. He's gotten me for my reserved sleeping pills and has been drinking non stop the entire time. Ah yes now I remember why we needed to leave.

I had such an awful bout with wine I was thankful to have had a dope run to throw me off it. Wine has some kind of hold I can't even begin to understand. Like eve biting into the forbidden fruit. It tastes like the most delicious apple. The first night I drank I just knew it. My eyes sprung open at 4am and I remembered the nights I used to jut awake. I laid there for hours staring at the ceiling the way alcohol typical holds me in limbo. I was thankful to not have the buzzing or the waterfalls of synchronized static flying through the air that usually comes as part of the package.

I was lucky to have been able to stay away from it last night but dear god what have I gotten myself into.

 

[SubDude]

You're strong, but you're not the only one. Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker are doing pushups in the parking lot of the bottle shop and they are ready for you. They're pissed off that you haven't been loyal lately and they want to put you in your place. Sure, it's a silly story, but you gotta go with it. You gotta be stronger than all that, whether you think of them as incarnates of the devil or just chemicals that are really, really good.

It's a unique way of expressing it... and i like it. The message is so true. You really do need to be stronger than the alcohol and you are!

 

[RedLeader]

^ Heh, I've always found it silly how drinking is such a "masculine" thing in Western society, when in reality it works against testosterone levels, deteriorates muscle, etc.

 

[VanWeyden]

I felt hideous when I got home from work and so help me, I have no idea HOW I didn't end up going to the shops to pick up some wine. I'd admitted defeat and had made up my mind that I was going to do it, but then subconsciously distracted myself playing around with my boyfriend's new iPhone, and then before I knew it I wasn't craving any more and it was already like 7:30pm! I find that if I can just get to that 7pm mark without drinking or having any xanax, I'm in the clear.

That's great! Not using despite the decision to do so is a sign that your body is fed up with drinking more and more. Benzos are definitely helpful when you are quitting, but you should only use them according to a plan you made before, lower the doses you take, and set a quit date for them. Especially taking "as needed" is a slippery slope when you're quitting another substance, but I don't think I have to educate you about treating addictions ;-). You are intelligent, expirienced and aware of those issues, so I have no doubt that you are well on your way.

Keep going! %)

 

[S.M.F.G]

Passed out half an hour after the kid went to bed last night, i made her dinner and tried to sit and eat something..But it came up probably a good thing as i did feel better for a few mins after chuckin, but then shithouse.. Woke up @ about quarter to 5 this morning a little eariler than normal, I got such a brew of emotions going on this morning and i have to go out to make this appointment or else im fucked, I am again reminded of all the things i despise about alchohol. Lets try again then shall we?
But im ok was what i came here to let youz know.
will no doubt be visiting again after i get this shit out of the way, just had my first xanax and already feel like i want my 2nd, But @ least i know i aint gonna be drinkng nothin but water, juice and the odd tea.

 

[DexterMeth]

All (no it's not simple) you have to do is not drink the first week. Once you get over that, everything becomes a lot easier each day after. It's good you already see that you shouldn't pop more xanax. I find that stuff more addicting than alcohol. I used to be at 24mg a day of that, and illegally, so when I ran out.. ya, worst month of my life ever.

What's the longest you've gone without drinking in recent times?

Nothing important can be built or come out of my life when I'm drinking.

 

[S.M.F.G]

^ longest stint in the last few years without alchohol was a coulpe of months, but i didnt view it as a problem back then i was just kinda like hmm would be good to take a break... The xanax is a majour demon but its all thats keepin me sane and im on 6mg a day and have to keep it tight as its all on the level and if i take too much il get in trouble. shits complicated, I only woke up to stop drinking this time when my last therapy session i was told i was on my way to a detox centre, and i have little faith in the system so am very dubious about all the other meds they chucked @ me that they havnt helped either and really think i can do this shit without getting dragged into a system that on the large Just doesnt work

 

[DexterMeth]

There's nothing wrong with taking benzos. I just don't see them being effective after a certain amount of time on them. My bad. I jumped the gun and assumed you started taking Xanax in place of alcohol. Tea sounds like a good idea. Get a relaxing chamomile or something like that.. Perhaps even one with saint john's wart.

 

[batmanplaybaseball]

Nothing important can be built or come out of my life when I'm drinking.

Agreed. I think about it in terms of sports. People don't drink champagne first and then go out and win the World Series. Or the big event of that strange game played by swinging a canoe paddle at a bouncing racquetball being thrown at a line of bowling pins...for our folks down under.

 

[DexterMeth]

The worse part about alcoholism is that in the depths of it, you're no longer celebrating anything, and you know this, but you still make excuses to make it seem like you're still celebrating.

Example: "I didn't feel like total shit from drinking yesterday, so today I will drink a lot."

Looking at you Neo. You're better than this. Glad you're on that naltrexone for now.

 

[S.M.F.G]

Havnt had the best of days.... half an hour trip for an hour long red tape filled argument that turned out to be the same old bullshit, These people dont listin and dont give a fuck i wonder why i even bother.... The g/f has put me in the friend zone... Sais she wants to make things right and start again but i have my doubts as to weather its a slow soft letdown, in which case thats fucked. So i have not won today but im not blind, the talk we had got me to having a beer. BUt i put up the stop sign. Not a win but somewhat of a self intervention. Kids back so if she wants a bar of what im doin, we may get to a board game or a dvd.

 

[Beat Narrative]

i wish i was ignorant of my alcoholism so it wouldn't make me so angry at myself when i drink knowing its not good for me

i am entering what i see as classic alcholosim stages, hiding booze, drinking a lot on the commute home and then claiming i am only drinking a bottle of wine a night which my gf has learnt to accept but does not agree with

i was far my open with my drug use which i have fears of relapse because this drinking pattern can't continue and i know this sounds pathetoc, but a sober me is a useless me

thursday i will hopefully get some diazepan from my constantly judgemental doctor which helps balance out my day and quench that gut wrenching anxiety that only opiates fills and to an extent grog

why is it it that the path the to a sustainable life is clear to me yet i can not acheive it

arghh, i just come on here and vent and repeat myself

 

[munki]

i know this sounds pathetoc, but a sober me is a useless me

thursday i will hopefully get some diazepan from my constantly judgemental doctor which helps balance out my day and quench that gut wrenching anxiety

You need to change your mindset that a sober you is useless, because it is completely the opposite: fucked up/high/drunk/addicted you is the useless one.

I don't know if getting a prescription for benzos is really the solution to the problem either, since they are even more addictive than alcohol. They may temporarily help out with the anxiety, but they are only a mask for any underlying issues, and the anxiety just gets exasperated when their effects wear off.

Exercise is a really effective way to relieve anxiety, even something as simple as taking a walk. Drink chamomile tea, take some kava kava (natural benzo, also addictive so you need to be careful), take a shower, read a book, dance around in your living room. These are things that I have been doing to take care of my own anxiety, and generally they have been working.

Its been three weeks now since I quit. Feeling pretty good overall. Had a bad bout of craving on friday where I really just wanted to get drunk, but I did my self-soothing (tea, shower, dancing around, etc.) and it passed. Went out dancing on saturday and danced for four hours, had no craving at all, even though I was in bars. Definitely is a world of difference from my bender weekends. I am sleeping and eating more, but have lost a little bit of weight. Had some friends over for dinner last week, and they had brought over a bottle of really good beer because I hadn't told them I had quit. That was tempting but I made them put it in the closet and take it away when they left, so I have stayed strong.

When I had my bad craving, part of the way I talked myself down was to reflect on how shitty and ashamed I would feel the next day. Just didn't seem worth it.

 

[S.M.F.G]

arghh, i just come on here and vent and repeat myself

One thing thats always stuck out in my mind when i read this is that the only way we learn to do something good and worthwhile... Is by repitition, Try not beat urself up BN, you may feel that ur just repeating urself here, Makes me think that you know the path is clear and like me and many others will learn by repeating some of our mistakes...But learning just a little more each time.

SMFG needs munki's last sentance tattooed on his head.