Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

[n3ophy7e]

should i let each day take its natural courise, or should i aim not to drink

at this point i feel likr i a setting mysekl up to fail

BM, you should definitely try to AIM not to drink, otherwise you don't really have a goal to work towards. But I think you should just take it one day at a time. You need to make sure you have other activities planned in advance though, to distract you and keep you active. Otherwise any free time that you have will be spent obsessing about alcohol and will probably eventually result in you going to the shop for a bottle of wine. You also should try to put as many "spanners in the works" of your daily routine as possible, to try and divert your brain's attention to getting and drinking alcohol. Say for example, if you drive/walk a particular route home every afternoon that is close proximity to a bottle shop, start taking a different route. Perhaps start exercising in the afternoon/evening, which will take up time you'd otherwise spend drinking, and will also distract your thoughts. At first it takes a LOT of work trying to think up new activities to take up your time, and to actively stop obsessing over alcohol, but it gets easier. What do you think about that?

I am new to posting here but have lurked on TDS for a long time. I am a college student and I am about to make my first real attempt at stopping or at least cutting down my drinking. Currently, I drink to black out at least five or six days a week. My grades have fallen apart. I am just so tired of this. Anyway, I had a question. The only thing that I have found that really helps me with alcohol cravings, is weed. But as a former heavy daily smoker prior to my descent into alcoholism, I didn't know if this is really a constructive way of dealing with cravings. Especially since I lost my most recent job for being stoned at work.

Hey moose, welcome to The Dark Side
Mate, I think you know the answer to your question.....cutting down or quitting alcohol, and then taking up smoking pot again to deal with the alcohol cravings, is a classic case of trading one addiction for another. You need to think about WHY you're drinking, and WHY you used to smoke pot before, and then work on those issues whilst sober. Using drugs and alcohol every now and then recreationally is fine, but when you're a daily user, there must be something there that you're running from and don't want to deal with....what do you think?

-Even if I manage to stay sober for a long period of time I'm STILL powerless because if I don't work on my addiction - I will be led back to it.

Hey Polynomial, welcome to The Dark Side Thanks for sharing a bit of your story with us. The bit I quoted above I can really relate to, and I'm sure a lot of others in this thread can too. Unfortunately addiction is usually with a person for LIFE, just like clinical depression and anxiety. It's not about getting RID of the problem, it's about keeping on top of it as best as you can, and constantly being aware of triggers etc.

 

[DexterMeth]

Too bad love doesn't come in a pill; because it doesn't. MDMA doesn't even come close.

 

[LaserHosen]

I've been back on the booze again after another hellish drying out period a few weeks ago when I posted on here. I'm OK though. I've just had a bottle of wine and a couple of vodkas and listened to the radio and played some free online poker. I've been chipping away at it for the last three nights, even though I know I shouldn't.

My point is, what makes an alcoholic go back to the booze even when we know how much stress and trouble it's caused us in our lives? At the moment I can only think it's the reliability of alcohol. I know that a bottle of wine will make me forget any troubles I might be going through with work and sometimes, hey, fuck the consequences of feeling a bit depressed with myself in the morning. A few hours of not having to worry about shit is welcome sometimes. :-/

 

[DexterMeth]

I can only think it's the reliability of alcohol.
Ya, reliable at fucking everything up that much more, every time.

I know that a bottle of wine will make me forget any troubles I might be going through with work and sometimes
Drink to forget, right? Then what, when it wears off and everything catches back up to you, but only worse, and worse, and so forth? What do you do when your body and mind become it's own worst enemy due to drinking and the actions that result?

hey, fuck the consequences of feeling a bit depressed with myself in the morning.
How does this help you at all? You know it doesn't. And "a bit" is an understatement

A few hours of not having to worry about shit is welcome sometimes. :-/
Of course it is, but alcohol does not do this, your own mind does. Alcohol is a temporary shortcut to get there, like peeking through the keyhole, but the doors remains locked. Alcohlism is like throwing a match in the room full of gasoline that is currently your life.

You can't drain the gasoline out of the room with a lit match in it. It will only exlode.

 

[S.M.F.G]

Hey folks... Well its day 6 for me with no alchohol, its been fucked and its still not getting a tad better, Have been offline for these couple of days, Ive been cranky ive been near manic.. first few nights fuckall sleep, sweaty, anxious mess of a person ive been, much to the distres of the g/f this shit has taken alot out of her emotionaly.
Immediatly after stoping drinking though i found myself WAY less depressed, until yesterday arvo when it hit me like a brick again ive been not even able to smile for her or my kid for a bit now, which i think is whats causing it. Really not keen on tha zoloft either thusly have not thrown it into the mix.
Made my way thru so far but am fightin hard coz i was already on the xanax, so although im still on it its felin like its not really working, the e cigs are going thru cartridges like crazy, and weed has been nessacary. Thats the next thing on the plate whilst trying to maintain sobriety from alchohol.... Not gonna be a fun time to let that one go either but i deemed both impossible together.
Good thing is i suppose that its payday and im not in any way craving or letting my shit get lost n headin for the bottle shop. im deadset on being alchohol free for a substantial period, at least till i get damn mind and medication under control... Food intake is still shit, like i just lost the will although i am getting some solid food down my neck at least once a day.
Sorry to just come here and unload that without welcoming new posters, and following along with whats been happening here. Really hope that everyone is getting thru or getting towards a better place hopefully i can be back more soon with some positive imput.

 

[blahman8000]

Sober for about 7 full days. Went through hospital detox, stayed for a few more days, been home since yesterday. Feels better but still a long way to go.

Sobriety feels better. If you're still drinking, you might not even want to believe that. If it's gotten out of control, go to detox. If you can't handle drinking, stop, however you can. I was closer to death than I thought. I wasted years of my life. Don't let this shit ruin you. All you need to do is read my past posts on this forum and you'll see the hell I went through because of this fucking garbage called alcohol.

 

[SubDude]

I can't reccomend anabuse ever really. I understand why some people need it, but I don't think she does. Might as well just take benzos if you need anabuse. The medication does not get to the root of the problem. No medication does.

That campral however sounds like it could be helpful for a lot of people in the very early stages of withdrawals, but honestly I'd just stick with a week or so on diazepam..stopping use of it immediately when no longer physically needed for alcohol DTs of course. Benzos are old and understood. Very addictive, yes, but work 100% for DTs. Just have someone that is reliable hold onto the benzo stash.

Antabuse was given to alcoholic vets in the 70's and probably still today. I knew a couple on it and it didn't work for either of them. They would first drink and get sick a couple of times and then stop taking it.... which I suspect happens with many. IDK how Naltrexone works but if it simply prevents the effects of alcohol.... that would seem like a much better option. That's how Subs works for me when I take over 1mg so thast's all I take.

When you're a young problem boozer [from my experience] it's constantly on your mind to get off and be sober. I did that twice once for 5.5 yrs and another for almost 15 but like they say, once a drunk always a drunk. The older you get the more real that becomes and many of us accept it as long as we can function... at least half assed. I'm not speaking about someone on the street totally out of control because i've not experienced that.... yet

 

[polymath]

Good to hear you're feeling better, blahman.

Quitting drinking can be difficult, but preventing relapse is even harder. Last year I promised after a week-long binge that I would never drink again, but it took only 11 days before I got drunk next time. That was my longest sober period last year. Have you thought of going to AA or other 'stay-clean' group?

How were your liver function test results? ASAT, ALAT and others... Usually heavy drinkers have a high gamma-gt reading and enlarged mean blood cell volume (MCV). Last summer my gamma-gt was 159 and MCV was 1.00, while the values in non-alcoholic people are at most 80 and 0.98, respectively. I was drinking an 8-pack even on weekdays and a lot more in the weekend at the time.

Drinking can really mess up ones life... I have to go to a debt councellor soon because I have financial problems caused by drinking. It's gonna take years to pay all my debts back...

 

[blahman8000]

Good to hear you're feeling better, blahman.

Quitting drinking can be difficult, but preventing relapse is even harder. Last year I promised after a week-long binge that I would never drink again, but it took only 11 days before I got drunk next time. That was my longest sober period last year. Have you thought of going to AA or other 'stay-clean' group?

How were your liver function test results? ASAT, ALAT and others... Usually heavy drinkers have a high gamma-gt reading and enlarged mean blood cell volume (MCV). Last summer my gamma-gt was 159 and MCV was 1.00, while the values in non-alcoholic people are at most 80 and 0.98, respectively. I was drinking an 8-pack even on weekdays and a lot more in the weekend at the time.

Drinking can really mess up ones life... I have to go to a debt councellor soon because I have financial problems caused by drinking. It's gonna take years to pay all my debts back...

I've been considering AA and will probably attend to next meeting I find that I can make. At least just to give it a shot and see if I get anything out of the experience. I need to do something to keep me off the bottle, even though right now I have no desire to ever drink again. I'm rather disgusted by the idea of ever relapsing. I've been drunk enough for one lifetime. And if I do ever drink again, then who knows how long that lifetime will last.

I don't have the numbers in front of me, but most of it was way out of range and completely fucked. My liver is quite enlarged, my bullirubin levels are way off the charts, but they said that I'm slowly getting better. The inflammation is still there, but most of the doctors assured me that there is probably no cirrhosis (although they apparently can't say for sure unless they were to do a liver biopsy, which they declined to do). All I can do is hope that my liver heals and returns to normal health without scarring.

I know what it's like losing all your money because of drinking. That's just one more reason you need to get off it. This shit is not making any of us happy. I know it seems impossible to quit for most alcoholics/problem drinkers. Right now I'm in my longest sober period in almost 3 years. In my case, I literally can't drink again without basically risking years of my life in the process. They were close to even suggesting a liver transplant.

 

[DexterMeth]

Antabuse was given to alcoholic vets in the 70's and probably still today. I knew a couple on it and it didn't work for either of them. They would first drink and get sick a couple of times and then stop taking it.... which I suspect happens with many. IDK how Naltrexone works but if it simply prevents the effects of alcohol.... that would seem like a much better option. That's how Subs works for me when I take over 1mg so thast's all I take.

When you're a young problem boozer [from my experience] it's constantly on your mind to get off and be sober. I did that twice once for 5.5 yrs and another for almost 15 but like they say, once a drunk always a drunk. The older you get the more real that becomes and many of us accept it as long as we can function... at least half assed. I'm not speaking about someone on the street totally out of control because i've not experienced that.... yet

I've been on the street and totally out of control, on both alcohol and dope, and I'm still relatively young. I'm actually glad I went through it. That whole "at least can function, at least half-assed" concept is all too true. Then you get to the point of, "Well fuck it, I might as well not function at all". Then you get to, "well why should I even breath anymore?" ..I got here and tried to end my life, but was luckily given a second chance. Too bad most people never get a second chance, or even a first. ..All that aside, I don't see the point in functioning half-assed. Function at 100% or don't function at all imo.

*About the bupe: Ya, that's why I was only at 1mg, then only .5mg of sub. I was on A LOT of methadone, and then A LOT of sub in the past, but on my last run, I took it just for that. There was zero sense in even trying to score dope.

 

[SubDude]

I've been on the street and totally out of control, on both alcohol and dope, and I'm still relatively young. I'm actually glad I went through it. That whole "at least can function, at least half-assed" concept is all too true. Then you get to the point of, "Well fuck it, I might as well not function at all". Then you get to, "well why should I even breath anymore?" ..I got here and tried to end my life, but was luckily given a second chance. Too bad most people never get a second chance, or even a first. ..All that aside, I don't see the point in functioning half-assed. Function at 100% or don't function at all imo.

*About the bupe: Ya, that's why I was only at 1mg, then only .5mg of sub. I was on A LOT of methadone, and then A LOT of sub in the past, but on my last run, I took it just for that. There was zero sense in even trying to score dope.

I can relate to much of what you're saying especially "I don't see the point in functioning half-assed". That's true but as some drunks get older with mental and physical pain problems... it becomes really really hard. I don't like making excuses but I do believe there's something to the studies that claim it runs in families including genes and environment.

Both my dad and grand father liked their booze and so do all 6 of my kids. [4 generations i know of] So far I think my "kids" are in control... but i worry of their future use. Liquor is always part of our family parties. The only good thing [so far as i know] none of them are into other mind altering drugs.... My oldest sister and nephew died in alcohol related car crashes.

Health is so important and for those of you younger guys/gals... I hope you can give it up because you definitely grow old much quicker with this way of life.

 

[DexterMeth]

Why sure there's genetic and evironmental factors.. but both of these do not force a person to drink. A person chooses to drink (medication, healthy living + futher and alternative research apply here). The same goes with applying oneself to any circumstance in life.

You should explain to your kids your family's genetic tendencies towards alcoholism if you haven't already. If I was in your shoes, I would be more worried about them not knowing this, than them rebelling against your advice.

Kids can spot out their parent's bs a mile away as they age, so I would stay away from the whole "You shouldn't drink because I don't want you to" approach.

 

[n3ophy7e]

blahman you are truly an inspiration to me mate. You were in such a deep dark place with alcohol not long ago and to see such a huge transformation is so enlightening for me. I am really happy for you Please stick on this new path you're on.


My update: The naltrexone is going really well for me. I didn't drink at all through the week and my cravings were hugely reduced which is amazing. But I had 2 glasses of wine last night because it was Friday night and I was bored. I felt really sick and headachey and just generally shit afterwards though, so I didn't even finish my second glass of wine.
My moods though?? Fuck, they've been out of control. Off the Richter scale. Completely batshit insane, I believe is the technical terminology. It gets a little bit better every day though, and I'm determined to ride this out until I can feel "normal" for a whole entire day. Hopefully that day isn't too far away.

 

[DexterMeth]

At least you relapsed early and felt the pain so you don't have that extra baggage and guilt later. Ya dig?
Hang in there. I'm counting on you.

 

[n3ophy7e]

So true man, thank you Your support is very valuable to me

 

[DexterMeth]

It's not a matter of it you can do it, you will do it. No pain no gain. I think you've managed the pain part enough in your life. Here's to winning.

 

[S.M.F.G]

Keep @ it n3o we all stumble on the road, Ive a feeling that ur a bit worse off than me ive just drank frequently and for stints but once on the meds the month of solid drinkin had me headfucked...
Im nowhere near out of the woods especialy after 9 days, temptation crept in just before so it was "Time to go to the alcohol thread"....
Im sposed to be treatin tha kid to some takeout junk tonite since tha weathers steeled, a bit scared il get a drink although ive found garpefruit juice and lemonade an ok substitute for a beer, yer i might be thinkin "yer il only get one stubby" but i know its gonna @ this stage be of detriment so heres hopein i can go do this.
I dont think i could do it in front of my kid anyways, shes seen me improve and she old enuf to know if i did it would probably really upset her. Fingers crosed and one day @ a time

 

[Beat Narrative]

had a big night on stimulants and copious amounts of alcohol

i hate post bender anxiety, i always had the answer for that though, and it was opiates, well i have resisted that temptation (which was incredibly high) and thought alcohol will be the only cure, its sad that one of the elements that caused the anxiety is one of the only immediate cures

so a few beers ,some wine, weed, diazepan and a book plus staying of my gf's way so i dont take it out on her seems the soloution

 

[DexterMeth]

^at least you consciously realize it's a problem. Your poly substance abuse is an even bigger problem. Lay off the stims most of all. What's the point in doing that stuff if you need to abuse a handful if other drugs just to not feel like crap later, even though those are making things even worse? You know this stuff already. I'm just echoing your sentiment.

@SMFG: Ya, I have a little niece now myself. My sister and brother-in-law are unfortunately less responsible than her, and she's not even 2 yet. In love those 2, but they need to really grow up. They always drop her off with me, so I'm practically her father. Fine by me actually, because it's that much more of a reason to stay sober. She's a smart girl, and I intend for her to stay that way.

Grapefruit juice is so good for you in general, but watch out for complications with it and various medications. It greatly potentiates benzos, which act on GABA, as alcohol does too. I wonder if this has anything to do with it.

 

[Beat Narrative]

^at least you consciously realize it's a problem. Your poly substance abuse is an even bigger problem. Lay off the stims most of all. What's the point in doing that stuff if you need to abuse a handful if other drugs just to not feel like crap later, even though those are making things even worse? You know this stuff already. I'm just echoing your sentiment.

.

i generally hate stimulants however i got into them last night as i was going out and stimulants prevent me from getting messy drunk no matter how much i drink and i knew it would be a big night

the stimulants make the hangover anxiety 10 times worse

so the sensible thing was that i remained sober so i didnt begin this cycle

why didn't i do that, because i am an alcholic who can't fathom a social situation sober

i fucking despise my stupidity