i know this sounds pathetoc, but a sober me is a useless me
thursday i will hopefully get some diazepan from my constantly judgemental doctor which helps balance out my day and quench that gut wrenching anxiety
You need to change your mindset that a sober you is useless, because it is completely the opposite: fucked up/high/drunk/addicted you is the useless one.
I don't know if getting a prescription for benzos is really the solution to the problem either, since they are even more addictive than alcohol. They may temporarily help out with the anxiety, but they are only a mask for any underlying issues, and the anxiety just gets exasperated when their effects wear off.
Exercise is a really effective way to relieve anxiety, even something as simple as taking a walk. Drink chamomile tea, take some kava kava (natural benzo, also addictive so you need to be careful), take a shower, read a book, dance around in your living room. These are things that I have been doing to take care of my own anxiety, and generally they have been working.
Its been three weeks now since I quit. Feeling pretty good overall. Had a bad bout of craving on friday where I really just wanted to get drunk, but I did my self-soothing (tea, shower, dancing around, etc.) and it passed. Went out dancing on saturday and danced for four hours, had no craving at all, even though I was in bars. Definitely is a world of difference from my bender weekends. I am sleeping and eating more, but have lost a little bit of weight. Had some friends over for dinner last week, and they had brought over a bottle of really good beer because I hadn't told them I had quit. That was tempting but I made them put it in the closet and take it away when they left, so I have stayed strong.
When I had my bad craving, part of the way I talked myself down was to reflect on how shitty and ashamed I would feel the next day. Just didn't seem worth it.