Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
8thday, First, I'm giving you a big, long hug. (I've been told I'm a great hugger lol) , so, <<<<<HUG>>>>>.
You took your pills because that's our way of coping. And it's so quick! It's great until it's not.
Another BL'r, jdfisse, said something like a bird flies, a fish swims, an addict uses. It's second nature to people like us.
My humble opinion is you're not on the right meds. It's alot of trial and error, but so worth it.
Don't get me wrong, even on the right meds, you can still have cravings, and still use though you know better. I experience all that (as you know), but,it's more like I choose to use rather than need to use. I like how I feel on opiates, I like the needle too. Not to mention many times it's brought around me, and without actually leaving for the night, I'm not able, just yet, to resist. I look forward to the day of saying, "No thanks. It's not worth it".
If you're feeling the way you're describing, to the extent that you are, talk to your Dr., tell him or her all of this. You're not a criminal 8thday. This is a very real struggle with addiction. We all know it, up close and personal.
I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, when I'm re-inducting. I have panic attacks. Feel so disgusted, I could vomit. And ask myself that question "WHAT am I doing??!! What the hell is wrong with me??!!".
My most recent induction was probably the worst yet. The intense misery lasted 5 days. And I had to catch a flight feeling that way. I know you know that feeling. Absolute hell.
Are you still taking meds? You may experience withdrawal symptoms. Even if you only took them for a week. It's called the kindling effect.
The way it was explained to me is that your brain takes 5yrs to heal. Everytime you use opiates, your brain produces receptors. So, you're brain is in the process of healing, so Everytime you use opiates it's like tearing the scabs off. It made sense to me. After 1.5yrs clean, I experienced withdrawal symptoms Everytime I used opiates.
At first, they were milder than before. But, they get worse and worse the more you continue to use, until they're really bad again.
8thday, I hope you can stop before it gets bad. I know you don't want to do this,( trust me, I didnt want to either), you may want to go on Opiate Replacement Therapy, subs. I resisted for a year or so.
Then, it got to a point where I saw where things were headed again. It was worse to continue using full-time. Going on subs was one of the best decisions I've made.
I'm thinking of you, and sending lots of love.
You took your pills because that's our way of coping. And it's so quick! It's great until it's not.
Another BL'r, jdfisse, said something like a bird flies, a fish swims, an addict uses. It's second nature to people like us.
My humble opinion is you're not on the right meds. It's alot of trial and error, but so worth it.
Don't get me wrong, even on the right meds, you can still have cravings, and still use though you know better. I experience all that (as you know), but,it's more like I choose to use rather than need to use. I like how I feel on opiates, I like the needle too. Not to mention many times it's brought around me, and without actually leaving for the night, I'm not able, just yet, to resist. I look forward to the day of saying, "No thanks. It's not worth it".
If you're feeling the way you're describing, to the extent that you are, talk to your Dr., tell him or her all of this. You're not a criminal 8thday. This is a very real struggle with addiction. We all know it, up close and personal.
I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, when I'm re-inducting. I have panic attacks. Feel so disgusted, I could vomit. And ask myself that question "WHAT am I doing??!! What the hell is wrong with me??!!".
My most recent induction was probably the worst yet. The intense misery lasted 5 days. And I had to catch a flight feeling that way. I know you know that feeling. Absolute hell.
Are you still taking meds? You may experience withdrawal symptoms. Even if you only took them for a week. It's called the kindling effect.
The way it was explained to me is that your brain takes 5yrs to heal. Everytime you use opiates, your brain produces receptors. So, you're brain is in the process of healing, so Everytime you use opiates it's like tearing the scabs off. It made sense to me. After 1.5yrs clean, I experienced withdrawal symptoms Everytime I used opiates.
At first, they were milder than before. But, they get worse and worse the more you continue to use, until they're really bad again.
8thday, I hope you can stop before it gets bad. I know you don't want to do this,( trust me, I didnt want to either), you may want to go on Opiate Replacement Therapy, subs. I resisted for a year or so.
Then, it got to a point where I saw where things were headed again. It was worse to continue using full-time. Going on subs was one of the best decisions I've made.
I'm thinking of you, and sending lots of love.
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