Recovery 8thday done with Poppyseed Tea/Wash! Week of Hell!

[TrapZeppelin]

DAY 41..... DID NOT SLEEP LAST NIGHT!!! Horrible night. I was up with hot flashes and mild sweating all night. My brain was wide awake just like it was a couple of weeks ago. Is this how the rotten process goes? You think you've turned a corner and the same withdrawal symptoms hit you up again? I am done with this. I cannot believe I am still having physical symptoms of withdrawal from PST after this long! I must be one of those that have really messed up their brain chemistry and it will take months to years. This is horrible. I am wide awake, yet have anxiety, depression and a horrible feeling inside that won't leave me. I have not had a day without hot flashes on and off throughout the entire day and night!!!

I can do this. I can. I am going to. I need to focus on some positives even though it is raining cats and dogs today. I need some sunshine and some dopamine running through my brain. Will this ever end? Not feeling hopeful today but trying to turn my negative thoughts around. Wish me luck!!

8th day - do you listen to NPR (National Public Radio)? If you go to their website, there are some interesting podcasts on behavioral therapy and insomnia. And I felt like it is very useful for anxiety as well. It talks about training your brain, journaling, etc. I recommend checking it out! Your brain is not ruined, it just needs reprogramming

 

[Iceman1216]

Hi 8th day,
You are one Tough Mom, and Lady !!!
I do not have a recovery journal, because not in Recovery for my opiates
I have tapered down to 20 mg of Vicodine, but not sure where I will go from here?
Shoulder,Neck Pain not acceptable at the moment. I am in a tough spot where I feel that exercise to these areas will help, but unable to really get any done to to limitation of Radiation damage?!?!

I love being on hear because it Helps me so much: to learn what this whole world is about, and Harm reduction.
I am a Real alcoholic been self diagnosed since 1983, when I stepped in to my first AA meeting.
Has been a wonderful if not Very interesting journey, I have been clean and sober 95% of those 35 years.
But Drs and opiates and real long term pain and AGE ( Yes I wrote that word ) have been a real second chapter to my life and recovery.

Girl you have not done long term damage to your brain. I think you may have been an over Thinker and achiever, before all this
I am using a supplement NOW - TRUE FOCUS for mental repair work ( I take double recommended dose, once an addict always an Addict - 4 pill a day) and I feel they are helping
pick them up on Amazon best price for multiple bottles .

All is Well

 

[Stargazer]

Hi 8thday. I'm sending a huge hug to you, and taking one from you in return. Girl. This stuff isn't for amateurs is it? We didn't realize how enormous what we were getting into was. Uugh.

How are you? What improvements are you noticing? I know it so gradual. But trust, the day's coming when you will indeed wipe that final sweat off your brow, and say "Holy shit was that horrible! I can't believe I got through it. ". I promise.

My husband is fine. I don't think he knows how stressful and terrifying it truly is to be the shot caller. How frightening it was when I thought I killed him because I thought I waited too long to administer the second dose of Narcan.

**Disclaimer, for educational purposes, Wait 3 minutes between doses. Sometimes it takes a minute.

I'm hanging in there. I need some coffee. I'm going to have some shortly.

Iceman- How's your day? Pain, chronic esp., is a tough one. I'm right there w you.

He's right 8thday, you aren't permanently damaged. Though it sure as hell feels like it right now. You chose a good time to stop. You're going to get to enjoy the Summer with your Husband and children. I mean, like really enjoy it. You earned it.

I hope you're all well. Sending love to you guys. Always.

 

[Iceman1216]

Hey guys,
Doing well!
I am going to follow some of 8Th day advice and
"Move a Muscle & Change a THOUGHT" !!
there is a lot on my plate at the moment, of thing I can not do anything about
Thank God for the Serenity Prayer
I am really good with life on Lifes terms long as:
It IS what I WANT
Not doing so good when it is NOT

But then again
Things I can Not Change can only work with Acceptance

Happy Easter to ALL ??

 

[Stargazer]

Happy Easter to you Iceman!

Acceptance. Phew. It can be tough. It can also be a relief.

Let's get those muscles moving. I'm going to get a second cup of coffee!

 

[Iceman1216]

Thanks, Its off to work !!
welcome to a holiday weekend in the service business

 

[TrapZeppelin]

Hi 8th day,
You are one Tough Mom, and Lady !!!
I do not have a recovery journal, because not in Recovery for my opiates
I have tapered down to 20 mg of Vicodine, but not sure where I will go from here?
Shoulder,Neck Pain not acceptable at the moment. I am in a tough spot where I feel that exercise to these areas will help, but unable to really get any done to to limitation of Radiation damage?!?!

I love being on hear because it Helps me so much: to learn what this whole world is about, and Harm reduction.
I am a Real alcoholic been self diagnosed since 1983, when I stepped in to my first AA meeting.
Has been a wonderful if not Very interesting journey, I have been clean and sober 95% of those 35 years.
But Drs and opiates and real long term pain and AGE ( Yes I wrote that word ) have been a real second chapter to my life and recovery.

Girl you have not done long term damage to your brain. I think you may have been an over Thinker and achiever, before all this
I am using a supplement NOW - TRUE FOCUS for mental repair work ( I take double recommended dose, once an addict always an Addict - 4 pill a day) and I feel they are helping
pick them up on Amazon best price for multiple bottles .

All is Well

You are doing well at only 20mg! I wish I could say the same. Currently at 60mg, down from about 80-100mg per day. I feel so much better but my goal is to stay under 30. Good job!!

 

[TrapZeppelin]

Happy Easter to you Iceman!

Acceptance. Phew. It can be tough. It can also be a relief.

Let's get those muscles moving. I'm going to get a second cup of coffee!

I’m off to weed eat the lawn lol! It’s actually one of favorite things to do haha

 

[Iceman1216]

Thanks guys,
Well tapper not so Hot today!!
My Mom called and had a sewer back up at her laundromat, so after
Boots
wrenches
snake
Shit
and pump out
Took an additional 10mg/325 Norco
Shoulder and arm just on fire.
I am having trouble with being 58 and trying to do the same work i did at 38 Pre Cancer Treatments

Happy Easter to All
???

 

[Stargazer]

Hey Trap!

I like lawn work/gardening too. You're doing well with your taper. It's difficult to be patient. Slow and steady wins this race.

Oh God Iceman! That's sounds ...gross. You are an angel for doing that. I can only imagine how your muscles must ache.

Honestly, neither of you are on insane amounts of meds. You should be proud of yourselves for that. And all the progress. It's not easy, and you're doing it.

I think you're all amazing personally.

Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail, hippity hoppity, Easter's on it's way lol.

Happy Easter!!! ?

 

[cj]

DAY 41..... DID NOT SLEEP LAST NIGHT!!! Horrible night. I was up with hot flashes and mild sweating all night. My brain was wide awake just like it was a couple of weeks ago. Is this how the rotten process goes? You think you've turned a corner and the same withdrawal symptoms hit you up again? I am done with this. I cannot believe I am still having physical symptoms of withdrawal from PST after this long! I must be one of those that have really messed up their brain chemistry and it will take months to years. This is horrible. I am wide awake, yet have anxiety, depression and a horrible feeling inside that won't leave me. I have not had a day without hot flashes on and off throughout the entire day and night!!!

I can do this. I can. I am going to. I need to focus on some positives even though it is raining cats and dogs today. I need some sunshine and some dopamine running through my brain. Will this ever end? Not feeling hopeful today but trying to turn my negative thoughts around. Wish me luck!!

Unfortunately what your describing is textbook post acute withdrawal syndrome. You just randomly go back into withdrawal. Over time it will happen less frequently and with less intensity. But for now just gotta ride it out

 

[Iceman1216]

Hi 8th day,
Happy Easter ???
Must be crazy with small kids ( I remember well, Church and Too much Sugar from that Dam Easter bunny ???)
Hope you are doing well?
I have been entranced with your strength and journey through this PST detox !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The shit just seems EVIL ?????
I am glad we met here , because I would have been All in for this type of shit ( How Bad Could a LITTLE tee from a seed be??)
wow
reminds me of :
You are NEVER a LITTLE Pregnant

 

[8thday]

8th day - do you listen to NPR (National Public Radio)? If you go to their website, there are some interesting podcasts on behavioral therapy and insomnia. And I felt like it is very useful for anxiety as well. It talks about training your brain, journaling, etc. I recommend checking it out! Your brain is not ruined, it just needs reprogramming

Thanks TrapZeppelin, I have been reading about cognitive therapy for sleep and trying different things. I am up for trying anything to help me. I am a yard worker too. I love to mow, edge, clip, chop, weed and get a yard looking good. It makes you feel better to be out and when you drive home to your house and it looks good....puts a smile on my face! ha

 

[8thday]

Thanks guys,
Well tapper not so Hot today!!
My Mom called and had a sewer back up at her laundromat, so after
Boots
wrenches
snake
Shit
and pump out
Took an additional 10mg/325 Norco
Shoulder and arm just on fire.
I am having trouble with being 58 and trying to do the same work i did at 38 Pre Cancer Treatments

Happy Easter to All
???

I love the mom calls! I cannot imagine a backup cleanup, but I do know how to use a snake and pick out gross stuff from clogged drains! haha. I had to mow my mom's lawn this week and I had to empty the bag after two strips, every single time! It took forever! It was so long and wet. I'm hoping one of my nephew's will want to do it for her because it wiped me out! I can't imagine doing things with the pain you are dealing with. I am lucky I don't have permanent pain and I still used opiates for no good reason other than to feel good enough to do things I didn't want to do.

 

[8thday]

Hi 8th day,
Happy Easter ???
Must be crazy with small kids ( I remember well, Church and Too much Sugar from that Dam Easter bunny ???)
Hope you are doing well?
I have been entranced with your strength and journey through this PST detox !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The shit just seems EVIL ?????
I am glad we met here , because I would have been All in for this type of shit ( How Bad Could a LITTLE tee from a seed be??)
wow
reminds me of :
You are NEVER a LITTLE Pregnant

The seed is evil. I won't even eat a poppyseed bagel or muffin anymore! It makes me sick to think of ingesting them ever again after what they have done to me!

 

[8thday]

DAY 47!!! I actually had to go look at the calendar to see what day it was!!! That is definitely an improvement because I knew every day and every hour a couple of weeks ago. haha. I had a bad week of not a lot of sleep last week and I was thinking about what the sleep doctor told me. She said I needed to take some medication to help me with my anxiety and depression. I have always been an over exerciser because it just made me feel better and helped with my anxiety. Not just a little exercise, like crazy exercise. I would run until I felt like I was going to vomit and keep pushing myself, if I didn't run I would be at the gym for hours or hike big mountains. I have alway had to over do to feel better. She said I was self medicating myself to get rid of the depression and anxiety. I could never fall asleep without laying in bed for hours and I have always had restless leg. She said that was not normal at all and even though I didn't want to take medication, I really needed to address my anxiety and depression with some kind of medication. I don't know why I feel bad that my brain won't work well on its own. My husband is near perfect and it is hard to be married to someone so wonderful in every way and he takes nothing. But...I'm not him, I'm me and I'm going to be the best me I can, and if that means medication to help with anxiety and depression, then medication it is!

Last week I started a really low dose of Lexapro and felt a little better, then started taking Wellbutrin, because I know that has helped me in the past. It does up my anxiety though. I have been taking Gabapentin the last three nights to sleep and it does put me out. I slept from 10 to 6 last night. That is the most I have slept since this whole ordeal started. I have actually started to feel happiness again.....without opiates! On Saturday, I was busy cleaning and running errands and getting ready for Easter since I am the Easter Bunny still. Later my girls wanted to go shopping at night and it didn't seem horrible to do. We had fun and blasted music the whole way to the shoppes that were about a half hour away. I got the baskets made and hid and on Sunday morning made a huge breakfast and made my kids watch The Passion by Mel Gibson. Then watched the Lamb of God, it is not as long as The Passion and not as bloody and made by my church. I love Easter. I feel so grateful for the gift of life and resurrection. What a wonderful sacrifice and gift he gave all of us. I cried most of the day yesterday. My dad passed away a couple of years ago and knowing that because of Him, I will see my dad again. Death is not the end.

Today has been a busy day of putting Easter away...no easy feat! So much candy and decorations around here. It took hours. I had to make a birthday cake for one of my kids. He is my youngest and it is hurting me how big he is now. Birthday days are always big days. I have felt good. I can't explain it but I have felt better than I did on opiates for the last few months. I am feeling happy and energetic on my own -- without PST!!!! I can't explain how happy I feel to be done! I am still not 100 percent, but I am feeling so much better! I know the Post Acute Withdrawal days will hit again, but knowing that I will have good days again on my own is giving me some hope and something to look forward to.

I have read everyone's comments on here. I read them on my phone a couple of times a day but I can't respond until I get on my computer because it would be too hard to do on my phone. Thank you for the love and support and comments. I truly can't express how much it means to me that you care and know what I am going through. It is so nice to know I am not alone in this addiction and struggle.

I hope you all had the most wonderful Easter weekend.

 

[8thday]

Hi 8thday. I'm sending a huge hug to you, and taking one from you in return. ❤ Girl. This stuff isn't for amateurs is it? We didn't realize how enormous what we were getting into was. Uugh.

How are you? What improvements are you noticing? I know it so gradual. But trust, the day's coming when you will indeed wipe that final sweat off your brow, and say "Holy shit was that horrible! I can't believe I got through it. ". I promise.

My husband is fine. I don't think he knows how stressful and terrifying it truly is to be the shot caller. How frightening it was when I thought I killed him because I thought I waited too long to administer the second dose of Narcan.

**Disclaimer, for educational purposes, Wait 3 minutes between doses. Sometimes it takes a minute.

I'm hanging in there. I need some coffee. I'm going to have some shortly.

Iceman- How's your day? Pain, chronic esp., is a tough one. I'm right there w you.

He's right 8thday, you aren't permanently damaged. Though it sure as hell feels like it right now. You chose a good time to stop. You're going to get to enjoy the Summer with your Husband and children. I mean, like really enjoy it. You earned it.

I hope you're all well. Sending love to you guys. Always. ❤❤❤

I'm so glad that your husband is okay! I cannot imagine what a horrific day that was for you. You poor thing! I am glad you are hanging in there, that would have put me over the edge!!!! You are one strong woman! I don't know how you do it. You are dealing with so much and yet such a support to everyone on here. You are an amazing woman! I'm feeling better, but it might be the Gabapentin that I have used for sleep. Not sure. I am hoping I will get back to my brain making its own chemicals, but until then, a little help sure makes things better during the day and night.

 

[Stargazer]

Hey! Glad to see you 8thday!

I'm glad you're feeling ok, no matter what the reason is. Think back to last month at this time. You were ready to throw yourself out of a window. And nothing was really helping you feel better.

You are through the worst of. Definitely.

I feel like punching my husband at the moment. He stresses me out. I'm happy to see you.

 

[Chris42393]

Congrats on the 49 days! Thats awesome! Its an amazing feeling not being sick anymore from the WD's. Its almost a 'high' in itself lol

Keep up the good work! It definitely isn't easy by any means.

Im on my 9th day and everything is back to normal, thankfully. I have some depression/cravings now and again but thats getting better each day (its probably because of stress from work).

Anyways, congrats again!

 

[Stargazer]

Good for you 8thday!! It's great to get through acute withdrawal. Holy shit is it great. Like Chris said, it's a high within itself.

Gabapentin continues to work for me, as far as not living in a constant state of severe anxiety, having panic attacks and racing thoughts.

I still feel all of the above, just not constantly and as intensely as I did before being on them.

I promise, opiates stop working. Morphine and IV heroin weren't effective for my anxiety toward the end. Can you imagine?! A 5 bag shot of heroin and 300mg of morphine and I still had anxiety and panic attacks.

When you settle down some more, it's really worth looking into mental and emotional issues, and finding solutions

I can tell you with certainty, that I would be a full-blown opiate/heroin addict if not for Neurontin (gabapentin). It was unbearable to be in my skin before that.

Yeah...I live on ibuprofen. My back, ankles, feet. I could definitely feel alot if stuff that was masked. You're still re,-balancing. You've done so well! I'm so proud of you 8thday. You are a strong woman!!! Let's hear it for the girls! Hive five.