11th Issue Heroin Discussion v. So I warmed the piss up in my mouth

Would you rather be...

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I am a strong beleiver in second chances.

The way I see it is the past is the past. It;s pointless to toil over events that will forever remain unchanged... What matters is the path you choose from this day forward. Not words about the future or your plans, but your current actions. None of us have a spotless past.

I have the opportunity for a second chance now. My brother's wife is giving birth in a few months & I face a crossroad. My soon-to-be nephew will not know of my past but rather he will get to know me how I choose. This is my chance to leave the selfish beaten down weak addict behind and become a person of value. Someone to look up to, who can be trusted- a selfless loving person. I hope I can be a solid role model for him.. someone who he will be proud of, not ashamed. He will get to know me based on the actions I take, not that of my past.

Of course these are worthless words at the moment..as I am still on buprenorphine and chipping once a week. I have the choice to continue down this seemingly endless road leading to hell on earth, or I can clean my self up. I have been tapering my bupe lower and lower, & in 20 days I will be at .25mg bupe and ready to walk off of it. There has to come a day where you take the last drug you will ever take...where you say I am done, but this time you actually follow through with it. Rather than that be on my death bed, my will is for it to come soon.. Helping to raise a kid will give meaning to my life which it has lacked for quite some time.
 
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tbone68 said:
Kayla I understand that you feel horrible and guilty but you are going to have to get past it and forgive yourself. Like many have said before me that addiction will make people do things that they would never even consider doing when clean. Beating yourself up about can only lead to being miserable and when we are miserable a lot of us will backslide.
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I really am trying to put the past behind me but i just relapsed really bad and all the fucked up things i did are messin with my head......

Its like since i relapsed i hve an on going nightmare playing in my head except the nightmare is my past reality..... Its really eating at me atm.
Thank you for the support <3i know i really have to try harder but i think after wed night i had a wake up call and i really want to stay clean now..... Well i always wanted to stay clean but it was easy to relapse. I am now going to try not to relapse and make excuses. I am stronger than this i just really need to find that strength.

Swain- I am rooting for you <3 i hope you can do it:)

Tommy- i re read my post and thought to myself omfg when reading it, it sounds as if i were bragging or something. In real life that was not the case i was actually really depressed while writing that but you know on the internet its hard to know how someone is feelings. Yanno what i mean?
 
Swain said:
I am a strong beleiver in second chances.

The way I see it is the past is the past. It;s pointless to toil over events that will forever remain unchanged... What matters is the path you choose from this day forward. Not words about the future or your plans, but your current actions. None of us have a spotless past.

I have the opportunity for a second chance now. My brother's wife is giving birth in a few months & I face a crossroad. My soon-to-be nephew will not know of my past but rather he will get to know me how I choose. This is my chance to leave the selfish beaten down weak addict behind and become a person of value. Someone to look up to, who can be trusted- a selfless loving person. I hope I can be a solid role model for him.. someone who he will be proud of, not ashamed. He will get to know me based on the actions I take, not that of my past.

Of course these are worthless words at the moment..as I am still on buprenorphine and chipping once a week. I have the choice to continue down this seemingly endless road leading to hell on earth, or I can clean my self up. I have been tapering my bupe lower and lower, & in 20 days I will be at .25mg bupe and ready to walk off of it. There has to come a day where you take the last drug you will ever take...where you say I am done, but this time you actually follow through with it. Rather than that be on my death bed, my will is for it to come soon.. Helping to raise a kid will give meaning to my life which it has lacked for quite some time.
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Your words are not worthless atm they show promise and strength. I think that it all starts with an idea and a reason and it grows from there. Eventually you will be clean. I know you will make it <3 :)
 
i wouldnt hold that against you..like you sad those girls were already selling their bodys or at the point of doing it.

send a couple over here, i got nothing planned for tonite except a pocket full of dope

or ummm....lol
 
I taking some xanax to help this horrible come down from all the shit thr other day.

Chinky your in chintown kinda hard to send some girls ur way lol jkjk

What are yall up ti. I want to be back to my clean state and put this relapse behind mez im tryin to lean to forgive myself
Isnt relapse part of recovery?
 
excuses kayla, should of told me i would have sent plane to pck up you hoes, and if thats the case your not getting out of it, husband or not jk... where areyou from anyway?

and well i put that pocket full of dope to use and dont remeber what ive been doing the last 3hours ..except i have a massive headache cause i forgot to put my glasses on and so ive been squinting

shit is weak cause i get headaches from squinting so bad it makes me throw up..and its not from the dope, well at least im pretty sure its not cause its not like uncontrollable..i more or less make myself do it to feel better like you might do with alcohol..ill do it to take the headache off my eyes
 
I think we've all done our fair share of fucked up shit for drugs. I haven't gone so far as pimping out junkies or anything but I'm still not proud of the way I've manipulated some of those who are very close to me sometimes right under their nose but having them trust me so much that I know I could get away with it more every time. It sucks to think about, but I wouldn't let your past bother you too much (as long as nobody got seriously hurt as a direct result of your actions). Like everyone else said, the drugs start thinking for you after a while and the people you have wronged (in the drug world at least) kind of opened themselves up to it anyway. Just move on and become a better person and try not to go there again now that you're aware of it.
 
no chinks i get headaches like that to its dope just do a couple bumps and it will go away when it happens go in a dark room wit no light and chill cause man i get it so bad i throw up too other than that u cant really do much. anyway besides that was on the bus to see my people and there was a ton of white fuckers gettin dope i was like damn then i realize its 420 thats why dude i talk said he makes the trip all the way from downers grove i was like fuck is it really worth it not only that he was getting some bunk shitbecause he told me his spot. so i quickly was like fuck wit the skull bags they always stay good sometimes.
 
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well sobriety was fun for a little. last night it kinda went out the window though with a g of yay and a 1/2 bun. omnomnom. i've been selling mdma/etc test kits and making a decent dollar + keeping heads safe.....so i splurged a little and am justifying it as a test of quality for the local dope (i hit a little with my test kit. came up spot on. cut with random shit, but still spot on.).

i miss anything fun and exciting?
 
got 2 roxi 30s today instead of bags. I thought they might have been fake because it crushed to a really fine powder but I guess I just pounded it really good because they are most definitely real. Feeling real good righ now, got a half onion on friday so im good this whole week
 
Reck- Yup and i am changing for the better :)

Chinky<3- I live in Texas...., where are you at btw? And hey my girls need limos and first class plane tickets and a hilton hotel lol jkjk

Ps- today im feeling so much better. Ugh i went thru a bit of a depressive state after that drug binge and i have been on and off sleeping, i slep all of thursday and woke up some friday was on bluelight of course and then slept all of saturday jut woke up and its 6pm. I cant wait to be back into my normal state of mind.

What vitamins do you guys suggest? Vitamin c,dmilk ??I need to feel alive again i feel like yuck...
 
trumandchiave said:
Hey johnny i know u know u shit does drinking 100% garpefruit juice and taking xanax bars yellow 2 mg increase the effect of the xanax
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Gfj is a cyp450 inhibitor so like Kayla said it could. I've personally never noticed anything substantial from drinking gfj with any of the many drugs that it's said to help out but everyone it's different so be extra careful especially if you're doing dope on top.
 
^ Yea, the only thing that I heard it produces a noticeable effect on is methadone. It doesn't really get you higher, but it lasts longer so you can go longer before withdrawals begin.

KAYLA2010 said:
What vitamins do you guys suggest? Vitamin c,dmilk ??I need to feel alive again i feel like yuck...
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Magnesium supplements along with the stuff you mention.
 
B vitamins Kayla. Really you should be taking a multivitamin too but B vitamins can help. They are found in abundance in energy drinks but, caffeine probably isn't the best choice because it may make you feel like shit and dehydrate you so other options would be better. There are people that swear by vitamin C for detoxing and there have been many studies on it's effects on detoxing people so it won't hurt and is certainly worth a shot.

Don't forget to eat well and stay hydrated whether you want to or not. We beat the shit out of our bodies and have to take extra care to help rebuild all the damage we do.
 
Thank you johnny and tommy. I just took a multi vitamin and im drinking so much water but this migrane is whats killing me atm.

Since i just did a relapse one day which was wed night how long do you suppose it will take before im back to my normal happy feeling clean state? Or have i set my body back to square one as people say that happens when you relapse?.
 
What up y'all long time reader of the boards here saying what up (first post) chillin tonight with some chronic and blowin some roxis. Watching some playoff hockey.
 
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