11th Issue Heroin Discussion v. So I warmed the piss up in my mouth

Would you rather be...

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Good luck. As we all know it's not quitting, but staying quit for any length of time that's difficult.
 
^ Thanks man. I've taken pretty long breaks before, but usually due to being in a different geographic region. The real challenge comes now while living surrounded by dope. I know I can make it to next friday, but I'm hoping to take another week off at least.
 
I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack... or something. So I'm picking up a half gram in less than 5 mins (if on time).

Faaaaaahk.

@Tbone68- It is Great for w/ds.
 
chinky said:
yeah that girl i was talkin about has sucked me off for a bag of dope before

years ago we were basically "drug friends with benefits" people thought we were dating and in a way kinda were but it was nothing official and i had other girlfriends and she had boyfriends but we still kinda did our thing too...and she called me up seein if i wanted to smoke and get some drinks ehich we have done countless times before and so i was down and then i went and copped a jab and a half with her and gave her a bag to snort nut i can tell she wanted more and as thye night went on it seemed like she was kinda hinting at it or something like that and i played dumb like what do you mean cause i thought thats what she meant but im no creep and didnt want to freak her out cause we were friend for like 8years and she flat out was like" ive never done this before but we have know each other for a long time and uused to hook up a few times, so im comfortable askin if you would throw me a bag or 2 to go home with and ill give you s blowjob or something " and i was like forreal? and she was like ive been sick for 2days now and my boyfreind wont let me leave the house really cause he wants me to stay clean, so i havent been able to meet up with the dopeman

so i was like you wanna fuck right here? and she was like well i dont know about fucking do you have any condoms? and i didnt and she was like so ill suck you off for 2bags or we can fuck for like 5 snf try not to bust in me thoiugh and i was blown away by it..its not often as a guy your get proposed things like that, especially cauyse ive known her for so long and she used to never be anything like that and i was like alrite if thats what you want to do then im down but i never had to pay for it before from you and she was like yeah you did what all them OCs weed and coke we used to do and i was like ok i never thought about it like that..i didnt fuck her just got some head and then we went and got some drinks and smoked a little more and then after the drinks and her doin a little dope she got horny and wanted to fuck for free( she made it a point to say that i didnt have to give her the bags) and i wasnt down with that anymore so i played with her pussy while she sucked me off again then droipped her off at home
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So did she end up getting any bags in the end at all? If i was a guy and an old friend turned junkie whore i think i would of been to turned off to do anything lol poor girl. Has she gotten any help or is she now reaaaaaaalllllyyyy gone?
chinky said:
one of the wildest nights and everynow and then she will hit me up and see if i want to go for a "ride" and i did it one other time and then like i said her looks started goin and her shooting up got way worse and that was the end of that

i wanna know how you get other girls to do things that benefit you? whats in it for them and whats in it for you..you wanna send a couple this way i got some extra bags of dope lol
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Okay So you wanna know my secret ;) lol

Okay this is what i usually do, i hang out with different groups of people and i usually look for "the weakest link" so to speak. I seek out girls who are hardcore users and really stupid /skanky(so then i dont feel so bad, i always feel guilty after doing this btw)... They are usually broke junkies who either are already selling their vaginas for dope already or are pretty damn close to doing it anyways.....

Well i hang out with the girls we become really good friends and i usually say all the right things to them and when the time is right (usually she will have no money and is sick and trusts me by this time) im like lets go get some dope i know this guy blah blah he is really cool. I call my guy friend and im like i got another one and i go pick up my bundle or pills or whatever i want and then i bring the girl over and i stay with her and party at the dealers house and the girls feel special and cool for hanging with the dealer and usually ask me "hey he is wants me to go do this with him and ill get another bag and i lie and say ya i have done it before go do it.

Then the dealer gets what he wants from the girl, and also he gets hot chicks always at his house making him look cool and i always get drugs just to hang out and bring desperate hot chicks over...


But since i have gotten clean (as in stopping a daily habit and working on stop relapsing)the things i have done fucking haunt me. those girls some of them had never gone so low as fucking for drugs but all of them were over 18 and they all love me even still they call and are like when can you chill, so they dont know i was only a set up........

So basically dealers like to have hot chicks around and sex. So not to be conceded or anything because im far from perfect. But i am pretty and the girls i bring are pretty and they fuck so at the end of the night i get my drugs, the dealer is happy and the girl feels cool to be able to hang with us and get drugs.....When its all done and we leave i make sure to tell the girls don ever try to go on your own to the dealers house you will not get treated so nice if im not thereand that part im honest about because some of the guys are fucking scary as fuck.......

..... Its sad but the drug world is a shady place its all a game you just have to be at the top So you dont become a bottom feeder.......


Im glad i got all this off my chest its a relief ..... I am thankful i do not talk to any of these people anymore....Still to this day the girls do not know what i did. But the worst part is i fucking know what i did and its killing me...
 
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^ Well at least you are remorseful now. When I was reading your post I thought you were messed up, but then I read the second half where you said it haunts you and you feel bad about what you did. I'm not gonna lie I was gonna tell you off pretty good until I read the second part about how you've been since you got clean.
 
Tommyboy said:
^ Well at least you are remorseful now. When I was reading your post I thought you were messed up, but then I read the second half where you said it haunts you and you feel bad about what you did. I'm not gonna lie I was gonna tell you off pretty good until I read the second part about how you've been since you got clean.
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I feel fucking horrible for those things. Since i have gotten clean it really haunts me i keep thinking god i could have helped them i could have done so many things different and now its to late.... I have nightmares about it and i have stopped talking to all of them since i got clean.

You know what now that i am clean i cant not even imagine doin those things. I have a hard tome believing i actually did it at all. Its disgusting and fucking low. I hated myself everytime i did it but the drugs always controlled my actions....
 
All of you are the first people i have ever told. I have held that in for so long and its been killing me.... I wish now that i could instead of getting the girls to do bad things i could get them into rehab. :( i wish i never started on drugs so then i wouldnt have done such terrible things to get them.....
 
I dont get what is so horrifying about that Kayla. I mean its not model citizen behavior but nobody put a gun to their head and said "fuck this guy". Youre just profiting from other peoples wants and needs by being a middleman(women w/e lol). Unless if I misunderstood
 
@Kayla
It's crazy how different our mentality is from when we are using to when we are clean. A few months back I was talking to a friend of mine and he was supposed to be getting me dope, and when he said he needed the money first I said I wanted to come for the ride. He immediately got all defensive, so I just hung up on him and told him we'd talk when get picked me up. When I got in the car he immediately started bitching, saying how we've known each other for years, etc...

The first thing I said to him was that we're strung out so we are not thinking right, so to keep that in mind before saying anything else (ftr he was a lot more strung out than me). He tried to deny the truth of that statement, although we all know it's true. I just told him I wanted to come for the ride because I hate waiting at my house when someone is doing a run for me, because I feel more dopesick as every minute seems like an hour. I was basically trying to twist it around saying I wanted to chill with him which is why I wanted to come for the ride, and that it wasn't an issue of trust (it was though).
 
shimazu said:
I dont get what is so horrifying about that Kayla. I mean its not model citizen behavior but nobody put a gun to their head and said "fuck this guy". Youre just profiting from other peoples wants and needs by being a middleman(women w/e lol). Unless if I misunderstood
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I just ceel bad now because a lot of the girls were just trying to be cool and thought i had done it and it was like i was turning girls into drug prostitutes. It is disgusting behavior... I know i didnt force them but the way i manipulated they wouldnt have done it if they hadnt met me.... Well at least i dont think they would have idk i just feel like shit for it....
Tommyboy said:
@Kayla
It's crazy how different our mentality is from when we are using to when we are clean. A few months back I was talking to a friend of mine and he was supposed to be getting me dope, and when he said he needed the money first I said I wanted to come for the ride. He immediately got all defensive, so I just hung up on him and told him we'd talk when get picked me up. When I got in the car he immediately started bitching, saying how we've known each other for years, etc...

The first thing I said to him was that we're strung out so we are not thinking right, so to keep that in mind before saying anything else (ftr he was a lot more strung out than me). He tried to deny the truth of that statement, although we all know it's true. I just told him I wanted to come for the ride because I hate waiting at my house when someone is doing a run for me, because I feel more dopesick as every minute seems like an hour. I was basically trying to twist it around saying I wanted to chill with him which is why I wanted to come for the ride, and that it wasn't an issue of trust (it was though).
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Tommy i know when i get sick every sec feel like forever and i always want to ride because the anticipation to the dealers house makes me feel just a tab bit better lol

I def think our mentality is different when clean. When we are using everything we do is based on getting high. I would literally think to myself i cant eat right now because pills are coming or so drugs ran everything to eat to drinking to how mich gas i needed in my car for the week.

It really takes over your life....and your body.
 
i dont think anyone has the authority to judge anyone else here, junkie or clean. When you are clean and dealing with your past, that's one thing. But when you are a junkie, you do things that you fucking regret but you don't give a shit because you are sick and all you care about is a fix. Maybe some people here aren't as far gone as others, maybe some have different situations, etc.. but I know within 3 years of catching a habit and I started having to do run schemes, steal, rob, rip people off, burn, etc.. it's just something I HAD to do. I didn't want to do it.. but you are a selfish person when down and out. I have never physically hurt anyone or put a gun to someone, but come close to it many times. Usually it's selling drugs, overcharging people for middlemanning dope, robbing people, stealing from people, fraud.. anything to get some bucks. I do feel like an asshole for it all.. but everyone that has been doing heroin long term that I know runs similar games. I knew a kid who was a nutcase and burned a dealer in Newark for 2 bricks and 30 vials of coke. He set it up nice and once he had the drugs was on the highway. The dude had a roll of singles. That kid is dead now. Overdosed. So karma? Who knows? I am sure everyone who has had a hardcore habit has done something grimey for drug money at one point.

BTW we are talking daily habit here. I haven't had a daily habit in years. And this period of time when I was going crazy didn't last long. It's kind of like being on your last string. Eventually I went away for a while and cleaned my act up. I hope I never end up like that again because I know if I did what I am capable of and could do.
 
trumand- It doesn't really increase the effects but can raise the levels of the drug in the blood stream and make it easier to overdose.

alt- Yes a daily dope habit can make up do some really fucked up shit. I wish younger teens and stuff could just know what we know before they try drugs because there are so many regrets you eventually have. and the feelings and guilt never go away...well unless your high again..
 
Who am I to judge... I am the reason the thread is titled "So I warmed the piss up in my mouth"
 
Kayla I understand that you feel horrible and guilty but you are going to have to get past it and forgive yourself. Like many have said before me that addiction will make people do things that they would never even consider doing when clean. Beating yourself up about can only lead to being miserable and when we are miserable a lot of us will backslide.
 
Swain said:
Who am I to judge... I am the reason the thread is titled "So I warmed the piss up in my mouth"
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Haha, true. I would have been judging more if she didn't show remorse. When I was reading the first half of the post I was thinking she was saying it like she didn't care, and that's how she rolls, etc... But the second half put it into perspective.
 
Tommyboy said:
A few months back I was talking to a friend of mine and he was supposed to be getting me dope, and when he said he needed the money first I said I wanted to come for the ride. He immediately got all defensive, so I just hung up on him and told him we'd talk when get picked me up. When I got in the car he immediately started bitching, saying how we've known each other for years, etc...

The first thing I said to him was that we're strung out so we are not thinking right, so to keep that in mind before saying anything else (ftr he was a lot more strung out than me). He tried to deny the truth of that statement, although we all know it's true. I just told him I wanted to come for the ride because I hate waiting at my house when someone is doing a run for me, because I feel more dopesick as every minute seems like an hour. I was basically trying to twist it around saying I wanted to chill with him which is why I wanted to come for the ride, and that it wasn't an issue of trust (it was though).
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I am in a very similar situation right now with a friend of mine. He has been trying that, "I need the money first. I have to go at this exact time and then I'll have it for you when you're off work. It's just easier for both of us." on me these last couple weeks now that he has this great new connect. Even though he's a friend and we've been through some shit together, he still uses every day. I maybe use once or twice a month now. These last 2 years he had gotten REALLY strung out. I made the mistake of fronting him to go pick up a bun a week after he got out of rehab and I never saw that money again despite the whole, "My mom found it right when I got back to my house. I lost my shit too! I'll pay you back, no worries." A few months after that, I rode with him to the dude's house but I couldn't go inside. It took longer than normal since the Mexican had already dropped off. I figured he nodded off from a good bag while he was inside and lost track of time. He comes back with the bags and they're all about half the size they normally are.

He used to be one of my best friends but after those couple things, I definitely have trust issues with him. If he would just admit to doing that shit, I'd still have trust issues but at least I could forgive him for it. He hits me up to take him to cop at least once or twice a week but whenever I put basic conditions like, "I'm going with you" and "At least let me come in if you're going to handle the money" he gets all defensive about it and I just end up not wasting anymore of my time with it. Whenever it gets to the point where I don't have other options for dope or pharms and he's my only link, I have to twist my words around to make it think like I'm trying to chill with him and hang out since it's been a while -- even though it's really more about having basic contingencies in place in case he tries to fuck me over.

*Sigh* I miss having hook ups I could reasonably trust. The dope culture just seems to totally change all the cool people I knew back when it was all about getting high with friends and sharing good times. Now it seems to be all about fucking people over and being selfish all the time.
 
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