• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist

Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only - V.2: MERGED with amps quitting thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
ektamine said:
Methamphetamine occurs naturally in Acacia berlandieri.

The Acacia berlandieri tree contains the following alkaloids:
amphetamine
methamphetamine
N,N-dimethylamphetamine
p-hydroxyamphetamine
p-methoxyamphetamine
DMT
nicotine
mescaline

The trees are native to West Texas.

[source]
Click to expand...

This is true.

However, methamphetamine isn't naturally occurring outside of this from what I understand. And all methamphetamine that is being used is synthetic. But you are correct, it's not a fully synthetic drug, it was man-made before discovered naturally though.

I also wanted to point out how I have a lot of respect for Sweet P - you admit that methamphetamine isn't doing you a whole lot of good, but it's "ingrained" in your identity and you're pretty sure you'll be using it every day of your life.

I just wanted to point out first that maybe one day you won't have to be on it anymore - it's still a possibility. :)

But even if it's not, it's not something that has to ruin your life, and that's why Bluelight is here. For people who don't quit, you can still try and strive towards being a functioning addict again. I promise you that even if you aren't functional now, you can be in the future, if not drug free entirely.

However, as I have ADHD, I will likely be using d-amp for a while, as I am a mess/wreck without it (and have been my whole life, even before starting the medication I am on today). However I still take days off of the medication and I still manage to feel OK about myself then too. Drug use - medicinal or recreational - doesn't have to make your life a living hell and that's why Bluelight is here, to minimize the harm that's inevitably present with any physical drug dependency, most cases of IV drug use, and so on.

Props to Sweet P for still fighting the good fight! :)

Mariposa said:
Just a note to say that May 17 marked 3 years since I last touched the stuff. It was a couple comparatively brief love affairs and I did not quite "lose my soul", but I live a life free of it now and my life is much better.

I am even now able to use prescribed amphetamines (for ADD) responsibly.

Keep the faith, everyone.
Click to expand...

If you didn't want to read my post, this is the TL;DR version. %)

This is amazing Mariposa! I think I'm coming on 2 years to 2.5 years now, and I'm feeling great myself (I was abusing heroin, not meth) however I also have ADHD and can use d-amp responsibly, to the point where I have yet to go through my monthly prescription in a month (except for the first month where they only gave me half the dosage I am at today, as well as an XR formula and not an IR formula), so it is great to be able to get to that point. :) For ADHD, a lot of people will use different drugs to self-medicate before they have a proper diagnosis + medication, whether it be heroin, meth, alcohol, cocaine, or anything else. This can also be true for other disorders, whether they be personality disorders, anxiety/panic disorders, depression, etc. - there's still always hope for anyone who wants to get help/treatment.
 
the_void said:
First post about myself here...

I've never been one to believe in God, satan, spirits, souls, hell, possession and other things I often heard tweakers talking about. I thought it was some meth psychosis thing. Now though I still don't believe really, I do find myself questioning the possible existence of all of those, and it's disturbing to me.

Now you're going to say, eat something get some sleep it'll be alright. But I've been doing those things, as well as taking breaks of three days to a week. This drug initially felt like speedy ecstasy (only cleaner and more euphoric); now it just feels dark. It can be a euphoric darkness, but it's a darkness nonetheless...though I still lean towards some scientific explanation, much of the time, especially when I use alone and at night, I feel as though I've morphed into an evil version of me. Other times I feel like I'm not me at all, but rather various negative entities being channeled through me through me (these are not hallucinations, or delusions, I know they're not happening but it feels as though they are).

For lack of better word, it does feel as though I'm losing my soul, or at least part of it, to this drug... that part of me, that cared and empathized with others, is gone or dying. The disturbing thing is, sometimes I feel this way completely sober as well, exactly as though I imagine a -sociopath might feel. it feels good sometimes to see others in pain and that's a horrible thing and not who I am. Other times, sober or not, I feel this intense rage in me that I didn't know existed.

Friends I started using with (and whom it hit a lot harder than me, and hell it's only been a couple of months), they're no longer the same people. Some of them even developed have this permanent malicious glow in their eyes that never seems to go away. While I've merely 'felt', very different from my usual self, these former friends gone out and actually done horrible things, mainly just for the thrill of it. It's difficult for me to reconcile who they are now with who they once were. I mourn who they used to be, but they are no longer my friends and I no longer feel safe around them.

After my last use (this morning, that's all I had left), I've taken one step I at least feel good about: thrown my pipes, meth bong, torches, and butane cans. I'm tired of hiding all this paraphernalia (snorting doesn't get me off anymore)... I feel bad enough that I know how to use this stuff, let alone own it. Please don't feel judged fellow meth smokers, certainly there is no judgment from me, I just hated being addicted to such a conspicuous pipe and gear and I feel cleaner with it all gone.

Sorry... just been feeling so down and needed to rant. Thanks for reading.
Click to expand...

honestly I feel you on this... I feel I can overcome it, though i do tend to push to the edge of no return. but i feel ive lost a friend and cant do anything to help the situation. we've only used foil, but the amounts and frequencies have gone out of hand..
 
thanks for the feedback guys. its amazing how many of us experience the exact same sensations while under the influence of this drug... how alike our stories are. meth is truly in a class of its own... out of all the stimulants ive done, none could really prepare me for this one, mentally, and the mind games it plays with you. i thought i would handle it fine because i have extensive amphetamine experience/abuse. i was wrong. meth has a certain dark quality that ive never seen in any drug, period...

i made it a month off. the first week was a challenge, after that theres a certain thrill in the accomplishment of being sober. and after that, its why bother? life doesn't feel fun without uppers. i dont know if i can ever be happy without stimulants. but i dont want to die over amphetamines either...

yeah, i know about dopamine downregulation blah blah blah. but stimulants just make me feel so alive. it reflects how sad and lonely my life really has been, but all my best memories, ALL of them, were when i was fucked up on mdma/coke/amphetamine/meth/whatever. sober life never was any good for me, its hard to imagine that suddenly it will be, especially now that ive seriously fucked with my neurochemistry, i have a police record, im bankrupt, friends have left, and my family and sober friends i do have don't look at me the same way again.

i have entered treatment since last posting, i hope it works. it's my first time but it's expected to be my last - my family doesn't understand addiction, or relapses, they are being as nice as they can given how fucked up the situation is, but if i fuck this up i guess im on my own to deal with this (im in my mid 20s... another overgrown teenager i guess). i live in the northeast... they classify methamphetamine under cocaine treatment, so basically im with a lot of crack addicts - i do relate, but i wish there were specialized resources, a lot of what id like to talk about would be irrelevant to the experiences of a crack cocaine addict... not that one is better than the other, but every drug has its own unique challenges.

yesterday morning i awoke with an intense craving for a high only a powerful stimulant can provide, and within hours i ended up scoring some crack and some crystal. i swear i didnt even look for them, but i wanted them so i suppose they came to me. :/ been smoking since the afternoon... then to all night... and i am high now... so back to step one. not sure whether to be happy and enjoy the high, or just cry :(
 
Last edited:
^ It gets easier. <3

You inevitably, find your way back, but as more time goes by between each time you use, it does get easier to not use.

It doesn't mean all hope is lost. Just get back on, and keep going.

Sometimes I (still) use stimulants, and they make me feel fucking shit. The more time away I have from them, the better in every aspect I feel, and my body adjusts to not being stimulated. Then I'll use again, and it feels 10x worse. Reminds me why I hate the shit.
 
Sweet P said:
^ That was a great post... thanks for replying. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I'm no longer a functioning addict either. I'm drifting from place to place, doing what I can to make some cash for my next fix. My physical and mental health have gone way downhill, to the point that my parents will probably outlive me. But crystal meth is my life and my identity. I know it's killing me, but even that isn't a good enough reason for me to quit. I've had drug counselling, gone to NA meetings, and all that jazz, but none of it worked for me. I'm now resigned to the fact that I'll be using meth till the day I die. Live fast and die young, as they say.
Click to expand...

I know this is old but I just saw it and thought I would reply...

I know how it feels to realise you're not longer a functioning person. I have been lucky as I work from home, and was able to get by on copious amounts of bullshit and promises. It all hit me when one time, I decided to go for a walk, and literally walked a couple of blocks before I was at the point of absolute exhuastion. Not tiredness - I was doubled over, wheezing, unable to go another step. I was 23 and unable to walk 2 blocks. For me, that really brought home how unfunctioning I was. If it wasn't for my good fortune of having a family that cares, and a job I could mooch along with, I'd be homeless or worse.

I also remember days when I decided to give my life over to meth, and it almost felt good, like an epic romantic story, I love you so much I wont part with you until I'm dead. And I fully believed that and somehow took solace in that.

But that's just one part of you speaking when you wrote that you'd use meth til you die. There is one part of you that will let you do that, and it could happen. But I fully believe there is also another part of you that can make an alternate decision.

I have nearly 6 months off now of what was near daily use for 7 years. If I can do it, I believe anyone can, I really do. (I used to read things like that and think, yeah maybe most people, but not me. But I fucking did it!)
 
been clean for 6 months.

dont get urges anymore save for today. first urge in months. fortunately i realize the fantasy is better than the reality.
 
^Well done on the 6 months man! :)
What support are you getting/ taking, with regard to any with cravings?
 
Rip caleb

ektamine said:
Methamphetamine occurs naturally in Acacia berlandieri.

The Acacia berlandieri tree contains the following alkaloids:
amphetamine
methamphetamine
N,N-dimethylamphetamine
p-hydroxyamphetamine
p-methoxyamphetamine
DMT
nicotine
mescaline

The trees are native to West Texas.

[source]




Hey man, knock it off :D
You might think your life is sad at times but from just speaking with you briefly over the last weeks I think you know thats not entirely the case. You live in a beautiful place, you have passions (boating, the ocean), and you seem like you got a good head on your shoulders.
If your still alive, its not too late, seize the day!
Click to expand...

Just read through this reply to me from EKTAMINE at a time when all seemed so dark and he helped me try and see the light.... Sorry to say but the darkness remains- however i hope your in a place that has all you'd ever hoped and dreamed of...

RIP Caleb...Aka- EKTAMINE
 
I never understood what the big deal was about cravings. I used to get them when I quit coke and it wasn't a big deal. Then I quit using meth and I truly understood. It feels like more of a need than a craving. Like being thirsty or something.
 
A bottle of Adderall is sitting in a drawer in the house where I live and I want it.

I'm about four months clean of a benzo addiction. During these past four months I've intermittently taken opioids, smoked weed, and consumed caffeinated beverages -- with miserable results every time. My mind starts to turn against itself whenever I take a drug, or even consider taking a drug. Despite these lapses, I've healed palpably. I know better than to throw away my progress, even temporarily, by taking a drug that will upset my brain chemistry and my nervous system.

Just now I poured a few of the beads out of one of the capsules and chewed them and swallowed them. Just like when I took a swallow of wine a couple of weeks ago, the inside of my head is now burning and throbbing and I feel such rage. That I am succumbing to temptation, even to the extent of going through these kinds of gestures, is maddening. I feel so much frustration and loathing.

I know that what I must do is go about my day as best I can, throbbing head and all. I must accept that I've forfeited the possibility of being able to take a nap (sleep is the only thing I look forward to, especially since it's finally gotten better this past week or so), but that I will probably still be able to sleep normally tonight. A couple of extended-release beads out of a 10mg capsule of Adderall is not going to affect me physiologically to the point of keeping me from sleeping, any more than breathing cigarette smoke or weed vapor secondhand does.

The temptation remains just to down three or four of the capsules and let the high take me where it will.
 
panic in paradise said:
"This is the Speed/Meth/Amphetamines MEGA Thread. This thread will focus on the unique challenges and problems caused by amphetamine dependence. Talk about your struggles with psychosis, battle to get clean and generally get support here!"

- chicpoena

JUST TO ADD THE BASIC RULES HERE:
- no advocating anything in the amphetamine family
- think of wat u say wen u post.....diffrent ppl here r at diffrent stages of recovery - cud u b triggering a lapse/relapse by something u say
- no personal attacks.....plz PM the mods if u r upset by something a user has said.....we can usually sort it out
- this thread is about addiction, for addicts.....if ur not an addict, u r welcome to hav ur piece to say, but it must b helpful for us who r suffering from amphetamine addiction
-support/advice/(negative) experiences and ur offering help to others is the basis of this thread
- if u find ur post isnt here, high chance its been deleted cos u didnt read these rules properly
Click to expand...

...
 
I was about to edit my post and say I did a poor job of explaining the main purpose of my story was,

No matter how much you do, or how long you've done it, you can quit. I just thought I'd post a story so I don't sound like every anti-drug advocate who has no real experience with drugs or having a druggie family member

Long story short: My dad did 3.5g of pure meth daily for 10 years, and quit cold turkey just because he wanted to. He walked away with little to no cognitive ability decrease. He admits withdrawal makes you have suicidal thoughts, but he knew not to act on them because withdrawal is temporary.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I use to be addicted to heroin. Using meth has become more and more frequent these days, but I don't find it near as bad.

The only time I have bad experiences is when I do too much and have psycosis
 
Addyman said:
Long story short: My dad did 3.5g of pure meth daily for 10 years, and quit cold turkey just because he wanted to. He walked away with little to no cognitive ability decrease. He admits withdrawal makes you have suicidal thoughts, but he knew not to act on them because withdrawal is temporary.
Click to expand...

Meth is neurotoxic so for him to walk away with little/no cognitive impairment is the exception, not the rule. 3.5g of pure is a huge amount of meth, so whether or not he notices any impairment, I would think there is almost no doubt that he has suffered extensive brain changes because of this habit. (Remember that it takes losing 80%+ of your dopamine receptors to perceive any change.) And, all studies suggest that this damage is not temporary, but permanent (at least for 5+ years), although it can improve somewhat. I find it amazing that someone could get to this daily amount, because I was using pure meth too, and by the time I'd had enough to get high (.5-.7, usually), the physical effects were so bad I was hospitalised a few times, and had heart rates of above 200 a minute, etc etc. Was he a large guy? Also, how was he taking it? If he was just eating it, the story makes more sense, but you couldn't puff through 3.5g a day even if you puffed continously, and that's a ridiculous amount to bang, and if he was injecting I'm amazed he didn't die of a heart attack. Also consider - a tolerance so huge, would most likely suggest a ridiculously huge downregulation of dopamine receptors, which more than likely will impact on him later in life, if not now.

I do agree with you though that anyone can quit, but for some people it'll be much harder than others.
 
Last edited:
Addyman said:
I was about to edit my post and say I did a poor job of explaining the main purpose of my story was,

No matter how much you do, or how long you've done it, you can quit. I just thought I'd post a story so I don't sound like every anti-drug advocate who has no real experience with drugs or having a druggie family member

Long story short: My dad did 3.5g of pure meth daily for 10 years, and quit cold turkey just because he wanted to. He walked away with little to no cognitive ability decrease. He admits withdrawal makes you have suicidal thoughts, but he knew not to act on them because withdrawal is temporary.
Click to expand...

How long was the withdrawal for that level of use?

I am glad to hear he quit though! :) That's very inspiring.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top