well shes saying she really does want me back. i talked to her and she was crying cuz she felt so bad, and i know its not a trick this time because its the real her, i can normally tell when shes lieing exept for last time cuz i was soo excited, but i really paid attention this ime and shes serious. of course i want to just say yes, butttttt do you think i should? because if it will be like it used to, them i would defiantly say yes and just forget this whole thing. but idk.
See this is where roles can reverse and I suggest you take advantage of it while that window is still open. Remember how I said everyone has a weak spot? Shes starting to become vulnerable to you.
It does NOT matter to me whether you ignore this girl or get back together with her, you truely have to understand that is NOT the important thing here. The important part here is you regaining an upperhand on the situation so you can start feeling normal again.
And you don't really do this by taking her back initially. If you DO want to take her back, you have to punish her in someway. I know people will bring up how unethical this idea is, but if you don't set that boundary with her, you are essentially REWARDING her negative behavoir.
You should absolutely make her work to get you back. And there are a million and one ways to do this. When you speak to her, be very calm and self assured, and when you talk about getting back together merely say "I'm not sure if I'm ready yet... I mean I do want to get back with you, but I'm still hurt by what you did, I just need a bit of time".
That sort of self control will cause a woman to lose her mind rather quickly.
"So wait... he still loves me and wants me back... but isn't taking me back?... but says he will take me back when hes 'ready'... does he not like me anymore? why is it not urgent for him to take me back? how can I make him love me more?"
Regardless of what thoughts actually go through her mind, she is bound almost no matter what to always come to that last sentence of "what do I need to do to get him back/make him love me more?" You NEED to create that push/pull dynamic.
Let her feel what its like to not have you around for a bit emotionally. And I can tell you thats the most important part is how you emotionally speak to her these next few days. Pull back a bit, don't reveal certain intimate details about how you miss her and how much you love her. Think CASUAL. Women sense this emotional detachment almost immediately and its very punishing, same way it is to men.
This is the only way she can realize what she did was wrong. And when you DO take her back, it will be RIGHT, it will feel right. Thats the important part. If you take her back w/out setting that boundary first, you make it much likely that she will repeat certain bitchy behavoirs in the future.
I find in relationships its ALWAYS best to remain emotionally casual when things start to get stressful like this. Because the majority of people panic and let it affect their lifes in a negative way. Show her you are strong, show her do you DO NOT need her back, you are taking her back when she has proven she is worthy, and when she has endured a certain amount of discomfort.
This is just the way I would play it. I can't tell you how many times a girl has actually breakin up with me, and I'd start to fake an attitude of relief/happiness. I wouldn't call them, text them, write any sad shit on my facebook. I'd write things like "went to the beach today! had a blast". They'd eventually call or contact me in someway and I'd keep doing it.
Self esteem is a very sick fucking tool you can use to manipulate people. I hate to say this, but some people intuitively realize this and use it to their advantage. Don't get cruel with it, but use it to set boundaries and to build a foundation where you KNOW your partner is not going to try playing games with you... because when they do, you are always going to check mate their ass no matter what.
It all starts in the head. The more detached you can remain, and the less personal you can take it, the more you invariably wind up puncturing the other persons self esteem.
Just keep telling her that you DO want to get back together, but you are too confused and need some time to think (don't say time alone lol theres a good reason for it) sort things out. Try to keep it friendly and playful, and LET HER be the serious one. Switch up the role, and take the advantage back, and never lose that advantage again.
Once things calm down and its obvious shes sorry, you can drop the whole preoccupation with toying with her mind. But you still must be able to call on those skills at anytime in the future when she tries to do shit like this again... which she likely will.
In a way because you're the man you're responsible for keeping things stable and setting certain boundaries in the relationship. When she does ANYTHING wrong, you must always punish her behavoir in some way. A lot of people don't stick to this concept, and their partner keeps doing shit/acting out. Don't let it evolve into that dynamic. Take the upperhand, and hold onto it with everything you've got.
g/luck!