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worst letdown of my life

DXMkid420

DXMkid420

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 18, 2009
Messages
976
so if you guys read my other threads about my girlfriend, then youll know what im talking about. so after a few weeks or really getting sober and getting back in school and really getting my life together(this was ALL to get back together with her, she said i needed to get my shit straight so i did) i told her what i had done and she said she would give me another chance, i LOVE this girl so i was happier than if i was rollin. so she tells me to meet her at a park by her house, so i did. when i get there shes with someone i hate. this asshole guy that she knows i want to kill. so i just ignored him and i said hi, bet feeling of my life to finally see her again, then she says "im just kidding, im not getting back with you. that was just revenge for what you did to me." then the asshole that i hate comes over to me and tells me to leave. so i ended up fighting him and really fuckin him up. i think i might have broke my hand cuz i got him on the ground and just couldnt stop hitting him. after that, it was just the worst feeling i have ever expierenced. i just wanted to die. all that work for fucking nothing, quitting drugs, giving up y friends, signing up for rehab AGAIN. all for nothing. :(:(:( im just gonna binge on xanax and roll alot because i really do want to die, like more than i ever have before. im really scared..
 
Yeah that's fucked man.

Just remember you'll probably feel just as fucked up and guilty the next morning. I mean like if you got your shit together you still have things going your way (besides the girl who sounds like a bitch). So while its fucked up, who's gonna get the last laugh? Getting all strung out will only make her think 'haha I told you so'.

Getting high might feel good now but don't let that bitch fuck up the good stuff you had going on in your life. Like you got your life on track, you beat up some dude, you got the win. Try to look long term and realize you won't give a shit about this girl in a year or two.
 
thats what everyone keeps telling me, but i just feel the pull of addiction more than ever right now. i just want to feel good, thats all
 
Gawd, if this wasnt the dark side id totally give you such a reaming...

That being said, yes I have read your posts and I think that you need to look at things more long term and not focus your entire being on someone else. Heres a tip that I wish someone had told me a long time ago.

If the focus of your happiness is one person than you will never be happy all the time because nobody can live up perfection.

You're better off trying to find happiness on your own. If you keep looking for happiness in another person you will only get hurt, alot, until you find that one. By then you may be too fucked up to get her.

I've been through the whole gf now with a guy you hate thing to. I dont advocate beating his ass from a legal stand point but if you got away with it then good job. You should also take added pleasure from the fact that it sounds like a superficial-ass relationship that will end with that guy being hurt and your ex wondering wtf to do now.

One day you are going to look back at this and wonder wtf you were thinking.
 
PROTIP: Fix your life for yourself -- not for a female.

Living well is the best revenge, and there are tons of girls in the world.

Hope you get to feeling better.
 
the pathetic part about this is i still love her... i cant help it. as much as i wish i could hate her, i just cant. now im pretty lost in my life. at least when she had me thinking she would take me back i had some sort of direction. now im just dead in the water
 
DXMkid420 said:
after that, it was just the worst feeling i have ever expierenced. i just wanted to die. all that work for fucking nothing, quitting drugs, giving up y friends, signing up for rehab AGAIN. all for nothing. :(:(:( im just gonna binge on xanax and roll alot because i really do want to die, like more than i ever have before. im really scared..
Click to expand...

All that work for nothing? You made some major strides there. All of that is a big accomplishment that you did for yourself. Be proud of that and stick with it. What you've done for yourself is more important than getting back together with a girl. All of those things that you did you really honestly should have been doing them for yourself, not just to get back with a girl. You can really take advantage of this situation now and make sure that you stay on the straight and narrow, or at least try to be extra responsible with your recreational use and not go overboard with it if you want to still use sometimes.

I really don't recommend drowning or blocking out your sorrows now with using because it could really make things a lot worse for you. It sounds like this may take you a while to get over, and if you temporarily erase these bad feelings with drugs those bad feelings are just going to come back stronger when the drugs wear off. I've been there, man. I had a girlfriend of four years leave me because my drug use got really bad. I did a lot of stuff to try to get back with her, stuff that I really should have been doing for myself the whole time. She didn't take me back :( I got myself together and kept myself together, though, so I know that you can do it too, man!

Hang in there. Just because she's out of the picture doesn't mean that there aren't people who love and care about you. Go hang out with family or some close friends. Be safe!
 
That's a really shitty thing to have done to you. But the whole situation does show that you are perfectly capable of fixing your life up when you have a reason to.

What other reason do you have...how about for yourself? Don't you want peace of mind?

We need to feel our pain if we want it to pass. Running away from it using drugs or any other method just guarantees that we will need to continue finding ways to run away, and in the meantime we are never really at peace.

There's really no other way around it. You can decide to feel how hurt you are right now and eventually move on, or you can decide to binge.

Do you want temporary or long-lasting peace of mind?
 
Im sorry to hear that happened to you, thats pretty fucked up. But...in all honesty after hard breakups, or rough relationships, doing drugs ESPECIALLY ecstacy or psychs, I get more depressed about things...it just makes it worse.

You did some great things cleaning your act up it would be sad to see that all have gone to waste. Im sure with the will power to clean up like that you could do some great things!
 
thats the thing though, im a self destuctive person. i just dont care what happens to me. i love her so i wanted to get back with her, so i stoped the drugs. but i didnt and never will do it for myself. it just wont happen. she honestly is what kept me alive these past few months, because if i hadnt have met her, im 100% sure i would be dead right now. but shes gone, and i think im gonna be to. its just reality...
 
That's reality if you decide to make it reality. You also have the choice of finding something else that matters to you. Just because you don't have that right now doesn't mean it isn't possible.

I understand how hard breakups can be, but the pain does not last forever. Spiraling down into heavier drug use won't give you what you are looking for.
 
Well apparently she wasnt so great for you to not fuck it up...

just saying.

You got to do it FOR YOURSELF! because nobody else is good enough to do it for.
 
Hey man I feel for ya. I sort of fucked up my relationship when I was withdrawaling real bad from Xanax and Opiates. I kept telling her to please wait for me, I just need a few weeks to recover (I was laying in bed in pain for 2-3 weeks.) Well she just couldn't understand what I was going through, and said that it was my own fault for the pain I was feeling, and left me.
Now I feel like you do, and do a lot of opiates again.

Hope all works out for ya, be careful with the Xanax, that stuff fucked me over royally (moreso than the opiates!)

The thing is, she wouldn't admit it, but she really did like who I was when I was fucked up all day every day on Xanax and Opiates. I was a lot of fun and of course real confident/out-going. But of course my personality changed during/after withdrawal; I could barely even talk for a good period of time from those damn benzo's!

Good God, benzo withdrawal is complete and utter HELL, 100x worse than any opiate withdrawal I have ever experienced!

With time, I am sure you will forget her. Just hang in there bro! Good luck!
 
thanks for all the advice guys. she actually messaged me lastnight, but i gotta wait to talk to her once shes out of school. ill let you guys know what happens
 
You should not reply to her and make her think you have something better going on in your life. I hate playing mental games but she seems like a total bitch dude
 
its so strange though, when we were together she was the kindest most loving person iv ever met. idk, i just wish i could get that back
 
ive been through many-a-girl trouble, and some girls are just b***ches man, its MIND BOGGLING, its something no man may EVER understand, but women sometimes act in ways that flip my brain into the 12th dimension. not trying to hate on women or anything, but some are ridiculous!!! theres plenty of messed up men too so dont worry ladies ;)

what i mean with that is some things we cant explain, and we just have to let go of wanting that explanation. forget logic, logic breaks down once emotions become involved. just try to envision how happy youll be when you can do drugs occasionally for fun, and still be just as happy sober!! being happy while sober is an amazing feeling, because its basically being on drugs, without having to be on drugs!

plus, tolerance is a mother fucker
 
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dankstersauce said:
Yeah that's fucked man.

Just remember you'll probably feel just as fucked up and guilty the next morning. I mean like if you got your shit together you still have things going your way (besides the girl who sounds like a bitch). So while its fucked up, who's gonna get the last laugh? Getting all strung out will only make her think 'haha I told you so'.

Getting high might feel good now but don't let that bitch fuck up the good stuff you had going on in your life. Like you got your life on track, you beat up some dude, you got the win. Try to look long term and realize you won't give a shit about this girl in a year or two.
Click to expand...

I agree.
 
well on top of oll thats going on with me, i just got a call that my bestfriend died today from a drug i introduced him to. fuck my life.
 
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