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Self-harm support thread v. 3

^ Hey n3o, thanks for the reply m8. Yup yur exactly right, and glad I did just fall asleep. I had a feeling I left a post on ere, but couldn't really remember. Had a terrible hangover yesterday, which I deserved 8) but am feeling alot better today.
 
Need urgent help

I just had a arguement with my mum and she just stormed off, so i thought fuck it and swollowed about 15 of her zopiclone pills then I cut my wrists, I feel fine now but I don't know what do do when she asks 'where have all my pills gne'. If I go doctors they'll have to tell my mum, and if i don't im gonna have to lie about where her pills went and cover up these scars on my wrist, just wtf have i done!!!
 
She came back home and is just about to leave for work, she isn't back until the evening so I just said "Mum when you come back can we talk about stuff", then she said ""There's nothing to discuss", now she's gonna go again in a min.

What's the point?
 
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^ Hey m8. I've lied way too many times in the past when it comes to taking extra pills of mine off my mum, and have as recent as a couple of weeks ago (taking an extra day of 15mg diazepam). I'm not a liar with anything, cept for when it comes to drugs at times (i'm an addict). I beleive the best thing you should do is sit down and have a serious truthful conversation with your mum. Obviously I don't know the full circumstances and your relationship with your mum, etc, but nowadays I know it is better for me to tell the truth if I fuck up with anything. Hope all goes well m8.
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ Hang on hun, don't panic. Are you absolutely certain that a) it was dirty, and b) the person who used it has been diagnosed with AIDS? How long before did that person use the rig? Try and get all the facts, then go and see a doctor as soon as you can. Keep us updated <3

<3
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im positive the rig was dirty, but as to wether the person before me that used it has aids i can only trust the word of my friend who told me that the day after i used the rig. i know the guy didnt use it that day so it had been a day or to since the rig had been used. which is realy the only good news, though it doesnt make me feel much better.
 
^^ ZAP, the risks of doing such a thing are tremendous and dire. Please do not even consider it an option. I must respectfully edit your post because it is indeed potentially triggering and I fear that others might get ideas. I hope you understand.
I, and a lot of other people here in TDS, have been watching you grow and transform in to the person that you are today. Your journey is not yet complete, please don't jeopardise the continuation of your growth as a person, okay? Have you got a counsellor/therapist you can talk to at the moment? <3

fivelinefury said:
^ Hey n3o, thanks for the reply m8. Yup yur exactly right, and glad I did just fall asleep. I had a feeling I left a post on ere, but couldn't really remember. Had a terrible hangover yesterday, which I deserved 8) but am feeling alot better today.
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I'm glad you're feeling better dude. You're a good person and you deserve to be happy. I really hope that next time you're in that drunken depressed state, you can just stop and remind yourself that the way you feel is only exacerbated by the alcohol and if you just sleep it off you'll feel better in the morning. Please try and remember that next time mate <3


glitter kiss, I think the first thing you should do is go and see a doctor and explain the situation to them. I'm not 100% sure on what the calculated risks/chances of you contracting anything are, judging by the timeframe etc. Plus you can't even be 100% sure that your friend has the right facts about the guy who's rig it was.
Please go and see a doctor then take things from there, okay? Take care hun <3


lynx how are you doing today?? I hope you're feeling a bit better. I think that if you really want to talk things through with your mum, perhaps you should be a bit more assertive/forceful, and insist that you sit down and have a discussion. I think (hope) you'd feel a bit of relief after doing so <3
 
lynx how are you doing today?? I hope you're feeling a bit better. I think that if you really want to talk things through with your mum, perhaps you should be a bit more assertive/forceful, and insist that you sit down and have a discussion. I think (hope) you'd feel a bit of relief after doing so
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I came back home from someones party early as I really wasn't in the mood. So I came back home at 12am and my mum was waiting for me, (she had been drinking a little bit in the house too) and I told her about the self harming and the suicide attempt, then she put her arm round me saying I love you ect ect. Then the next day she screamed at me for taking all her zopiclone pills (secretly I think she has an addiction to them) and said I don't care about any of you anymore, you ruin your life, become a drop out (as I have just quit college by choice and have been planning to for several months). She also said I should be in a mental home if I am always cutting my arms.

I currently work in a retail store and would like to progress to supervisor or hopefully a manager in the future (you may laugh but I really enjoy my job even though at the moment it is pretty 'dead end'.) My mum even said 'you couldn't be a manager'! She's never ever been this horrible to me. I think she was just hoping to see me in a cap and goun in the next few years but it's just really not what I want, I just want a simple life, simple but considered half decent job in the future.

I go to work to get away from my mum to take my mind off all this and have nobody else to talk to accept you people on Bluelight, so I just wanna say thank you again. :)
 
n3ophy7e said:
I'm glad you're feeling better dude. You're a good person and you deserve to be happy. I really hope that next time you're in that drunken depressed state, you can just stop and remind yourself that the way you feel is only exacerbated by the alcohol and if you just sleep it off you'll feel better in the morning. Please try and remember that next time mate <3
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Thanks darl <3 I stupidly ended up drunk again last night, but did manage to do that and was in a better frame of mind (eventhough I blew $100 on the damn pokies, which I can't afford, and ended up getting a massive peice of bud from a mate eventhough I don't smoke it and haven't smoked it for about 3 years, wtf)

Managed to get outta bed at 10:40 for my 11:00 doctors app 8) My doc seems to think i'm looking/acting better compared to the last couple of times which is a good sign I guess.
 
Is it normal to require stitches after slicing oneself? I want to do it again but I don't want to have to go back to the emergency room. I think I did it wrong. What is the technique supposed to be?
 
Fjones there are no rules or techniques or guidelines to self-harm. There's no secret method of cutting deep yet avoiding requiring stitches. It breaks my heart to know that you're doing this to yourself now :(
What has brought this on??

Essentially, if you don't want another trip to the ER, then don't cut that deep. Preferably don't cut at all, although I know from experience that's easier said than done sometimes.
What's going on man?
 
n3ophy7e said:
Fjones there are no rules or techniques or guidelines to self-harm. There's no secret method of cutting deep yet avoiding requiring stitches. It breaks my heart to know that you're doing this to yourself now :(
What has brought this on??

Essentially, if you don't want another trip to the ER, then don't cut that deep. Preferably don't cut at all, although I know from experience that's easier said than done sometimes.
What's going on man?
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I just get tired of it all sometimes. Living in a society that doesn't want me, having my heart crushed again and again. I went through half the bottle of valium and it still didn't kill the pain. Just looking for answers.
 
well, I think I sort of figured it out. I won't need stitches. but the rush isn't there without seeing the blood flow forth and drip dowm. It just isn't the same
 
Fjones said:
I just get tired of it all sometimes. Living in a society that doesn't want me, having my heart crushed again and again. I went through half the bottle of valium and it still didn't kill the pain. Just looking for answers.
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I know mate <3 But self-harm provides no answers. It is merely a distraction from finding the real solutions to your problems. Sure you get a brief rush from seeing your blood, but once you've bandaged it up and the wound is healing, then what? You're right back where you were before.
If you want a more longer-term solution to your problems you need to look at what is causing you stress and try to solve or remove those stressors. I know it's hard, especially when depression is clouding your judgement, but you can do it. And you have friends who will help you as well. Please try <3
 
@gliterkiss

Im no expert but if you used the rig a day or two after the previous user (with aids) the chances of catching the virus are fairly slim as it tends to be caught from fresh blood. there are other factors such as whether its full blown,if he's on hiv medication etc.. the only way to find out for certain is obviously a test. good luck and be strong i know personally how hard it can be waiting the few weeks it can take for the test results to come back
 
Hi, I'm new, A friend directed me here, he doesn't know what I'm going through but thinks you guys might have some understanding and have some words of wisdom.

I started cutting this Sunday after I made an effort to try and cut my wrists and bleed out, but I couldn't get deep enough with scissors and just settled for cutting. I've been doing it since, which frightens me because I've never been a cutter.

I'm transgendered and am in the middle of a male to female transition, which has led me over the past several months of course to fall under extreme scrutiny and move into a form of isolation (apart from a handful of old friends which are supportive but not within easy reach). It got worse in the past 3 weeks when both my boyfriend and my best friend (also number 1 supporters) stabbed me in the back (by sleeping together). Since then I've been using MDMA, methylone and mephedrone frequently, more than twice a week. This eventually led to a massive binge Saturday night on all three and a mild overdose. The crash and few days after have been hell, I can usually tolerate this background noise of judgement and isolation but not when I'm chemically imbalanced. Another friend called me a selfish ass rather than trying to help and cut all ties. I'm on methylone right now, I couldn't resist any longer, it makes everything tolerable for that little bit and then I feel even worse and want to cut. :X

I have a lecture in 20 minutes, my pupils are still too dilated to risk going, and I'm not showing up for class high or with dilated pupils after already doing it last week.

I probably sound pathetic even by saying all this, I should have some self control, but I can't seem to stop dosing up. After I crash or something bad happens I cut. I need to stop doing both, but I can't seem to control myself.
 
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@e-lanna dont know what to say really but wanted to reply anyway . cutting is something not to be ashamed of imo and isnt about" attention seeking" as many non-cutters claim but more frustration and anger at oneself. i allways think that its silly feeling guity about doing it, when so many other people in the world take things out violently on their fellow man, we only hurt ourselves after all.
I too have completely isolated myself from other people and friends because they never live up to what i expect them to be and allways let me down in some way. Also as you probably know drugs like mdma etc will make you very depressed when they wear off and the best thing to do is stop taking them (easier said than done). have you not got a psychologist to talk to about the sex change operation?
i know little about these sorts of things but hopefully another poster will respond who can help more.
good luck with everything and stick around on bluelight, theres a lot of decent and helpful people who can advice you more than i.
 
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Thanks for replying. Yeah, the problem is most definitely being worsened by the heavy use of MDMA etc, and it doesn't help that I most definitely am getting hooked into mephedrone quite thoroughly, I couldn't control myself and went off on another binge last night shortly after posting. I wouldn't call it an addiction yet, but I've never had so much trouble controlling my intake with any substance before and it freaks me out.

Luckily last night two old friends came to the rescue, one who talked me down over skype and just generally tried to send some positive vibes, and another who was kind enough to take my mephedrone and methylone and lock them away (not by force, I asked if he could, as you said, easier said than done to stop if they're within easy reach). Doubt I'll be touching those for a long while. Today is just as shitty as all the other days, but just getting out and at least having some contact with them (and knowing some people still care) and seeing family really helps, havn't cut today despite feeling pretty awful.

I have a psych appointment next week, things will most definitely be discussed then, and things are starting to look up at least now that I won't have any drugs in the vicinity to make the situation worse and constantly nag at the back of my head. Thanks for the help and understanding, hopefully I'm on the tail end of this rough patch. :)
 
anyone who's self harming can PM me to talk. I have military paramedic training, and with it, psychological emergency training, and I can even call you if you want to talk or need advice regarding wound care/treatment/a walk though on sterile dressing and wound closure.

I'm not as scary or mean as I come off, I swear.
 
I tried burning and cutting myself before. I did it because people who cut told me that it felt amazing. Well, why the fuck not, I thought. I did it, and felt nothing. Now, I just have terrible scars. I try keeping them hidden, but eventually, people see them. Not very fun to explain that story to people. It would have been a hell of a lot better if I never did it. I'm also lucky I didn't like it, since I know it's very addictive.
 
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