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If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

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^ Yeah, but I'm very stubborn when it comes to personal principles. I'd tell the probation officer to take the cup and shove it, without even thinking. Trouble is, that will probably land me in prison. And being a transsexual, prison is the worst place I could go.
 
best advice that i can give is to solve each problem at a distinct point in time; try not to group them. for me, i've yet to follow this sort of logic, but i think i will. ocd has me thinking of at least 100 at once, no easy matter! i hope all of you get well, especially sweet p.

i was finally able to find a job, so much of my stress has been relieved -- but not my urge to drink... this will definitely take some time :(.....withdrawal will be a bitch
 
I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm over my little episode.

I really hope everyone on this board is keeping themselves safe (espec. Sweet P, stay strong).

Impossible though it may seem now, pain does end. I hope yours does soon.
 
if a person were to have a stay in rehab for 1 month, how much would it cost with insurance... i've been talking with my mom for the past day and was curious... idk if i can beat alc. alone... withdrawal and cravings and resumed consumption are almost always accompanied by suicide ideation...
 
There is a HUGE point to staying alive hun. What you're going through now won't last forever. Things will change and you will be happy again, and you'll look back on this time of your life as just a distant memory. But you have to actually stick around to be able to do that. You're so young, there is so much time and opportunity for change. Please stay <3
 
Well I've always read this thread to realize that I'm not alone in going through mental illness, but I had to finally post the way I'm feeling for once. 3 days ago, I quit a job that I was making 350 $ a day at, got in my car and drove twelve hrs to the hospital. After waiting 5 hours to see a shrink(who never showed), I gave up, and went and bought a canister of disposable helium to make what they call an 'exit bag'. I had the bag on my head, and was breathing deep, but didn't pass out, and after what felt like forever (but was less than 30 secs), pulled the bag off my head.
So I'm still alive, but it feels really pointless to be. It's like, if I screwed up suicide the one time I really tried, what are the chances I'm going to succeed at all the other areas of life, I constantly fail at. So now I'm three months away from thirty yrs old, living at home again, with no money, no job, just waiting on the system to find me a counsellor, when the only 'counselling I could get before, was a support group made up of 40 yr old women, who were unhappy because their lives were unfulfilling.
In the last 13 years I've travelled, been a ski bum, worked in some of the most beautiful paces in Canada, made money, gone to school, quit using drugs, and have been miserable pretty much the whole time. 'Suicidal ideation' has been what my whole life was based on, and now I'm starting all over AGAIN, from rock bottom; I'm just older now, and the idea of spending years in therapy, to maybe be happy one day, or maybe not seems pretty futile.
But I couldn't kill myself, so there must be something in me that wants to keep on going. It just doesn't feel like it.
Probably better suited for a blog...whatever...
 
^^ You've come to the right thread <3

I am really glad to hear that you chose to take the bag off your head. You might think of it as "failing" to commit suicide, but I think that took a lot of courage to make the choice to stop trying to kill yourself.
When was the last time you had therapy? I really hope you can get assigned a new counsellor soon, it sounds like you would benefit from it. I know you said that years of therapy seems to not have helped but therapy is definitely an on-going thing, sometimes for one's entire life. You've just got to keep at it until you come to a point of equlibrium.

Lastly, I am appalled to hear that the hospital psych never showed up. That is so disappointing and just goes to show how low a priority mental health is in the grand scheme of the health system. Terrible.

Good luck powdakilla, please feel free to post in here whenever you need to, or you can PM one of us moderators if you need to talk to someone one-on-one. There's always one of us not too far away :) <3
 
powdakilla said:
Well I've always read this thread to realize that I'm not alone in going through mental illness, but I had to finally post the way I'm feeling for once. 3 days ago, I quit a job that I was making 350 $ a day at, got in my car and drove twelve hrs to the hospital. After waiting 5 hours to see a shrink(who never showed), I gave up, and went and bought a canister of disposable helium to make what they call an 'exit bag'. I had the bag on my head, and was breathing deep, but didn't pass out, and after what felt like forever (but was less than 30 secs), pulled the bag off my head.
So I'm still alive, but it feels really pointless to be. It's like, if I screwed up suicide the one time I really tried, what are the chances I'm going to succeed at all the other areas of life, I constantly fail at. So now I'm three months away from thirty yrs old, living at home again, with no money, no job, just waiting on the system to find me a counsellor, when the only 'counselling I could get before, was a support group made up of 40 yr old women, who were unhappy because their lives were unfulfilling.
In the last 13 years I've travelled, been a ski bum, worked in some of the most beautiful paces in Canada, made money, gone to school, quit using drugs, and have been miserable pretty much the whole time. 'Suicidal ideation' has been what my whole life was based on, and now I'm starting all over AGAIN, from rock bottom; I'm just older now, and the idea of spending years in therapy, to maybe be happy one day, or maybe not seems pretty futile.
But I couldn't kill myself, so there must be something in me that wants to keep on going. It just doesn't feel like it.
Probably better suited for a blog...whatever...
Click to expand...
If you kill yourself you will never have the choice,the challenge or the reward of starting over again.I am 33 and from your story,we might as well be related.Life sucks for everybody-even the people who pretend it doesn't.But no where is it stated that life is SUPPOSED TO BE easy.If it were we would never grow.Think about the poor victims of the Holocaust,Rwanda,Katrina,9/11...so many more souls have it worse than we could ever imagine-not that I am down playing your pain.I would never do that.I do want to encourage you to fight on.You never know what joy awaits you right around the corner.Frederick Douglass said "Without struggle there is no progress."I have had many failed suicide attempts,but no more.Because when I look back I AM stronger,and a better person as well.You have friends here-strangers just waiting to meet you.I am one of those people.Let me,let us-the community help you.Love is the thing,my friend.Stay with us and we can help each other.Your life is precious,sometimes you just need to be reminded.
If I can help,listen,anything...then please don't hesitate.I am here to give back what others so selflessly gave to me.You can do it.
Remember,this too shall pass.

Much Peace and Love...................skillz<3

Edit:I suffer from several mental illnesses also.I promise,you can do this.
 
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N3ophye and skillz...Thank you for the kind and encouraging words. I guess the nice thing about a suicide attempt is that it takes a lot of motivation, and after failing there's none left to do any more self harm.
It's the waiting now that kills me...Waiting for appointments, waiting for new meds to work, and without the drive to go and do anything in between that would start healing any faster.. And although I wish I had succeeded, I didn't, so I guess carrying on is the only option at this point.
It's funny how you brought up people who are worse off, not just in other countries but right on our own streets and cities, When I see people with severe disabilities or watch the news, I feel like I have no right to feel this way, which only makes things worse (not that it's a choice), but you know, it feels like if there's people so much worse off who can suck it up, and I can't, then maybe I don't even deserve this amazing gift of life anyway. But that's for another time, because I'm still here, and even the two responses to what I wrote, are more feedback and support than I've had in many years from anyone.
Thank you both very much...
 
I started on a birth control pill today to help my symptoms of PMDD (Pre-Menstrual Disphoric Disorder), mainly the fact the the week before my period I want to kill myself. We'll see if it helps, but I don't have high hopes.

I started seeing a DBT therapist on Thursday and I am going to a new psychiatrist on the 20th. I may ask him to just take me off everything cause I really feel they do nothing.
 
^^ Okay hun, I was diagnosed with PMDD about 8 years ago, and I have been through a LOT with it. If you have any questions or just want to talk about it in general, PM me okay?

What pill have they put you on?? Most of them actually made my PMDD much MUCH worse, including the Nuva-ring, so please be careful. Yasmin has helped me, but I had to get passed a 2-month suicidal period when I first started taking it. Now it's been about 6 months and it's working perfectly, all symptoms of PMDD are mostly gone.
 
The doc put me on Loestrin 24. I just started it today. I asked about Yasmin, but she said she didnt like it, though she didn't give me a reason.
 
^^ Please please please just be really aware of any changes in your mentality in the next few months while you're settling in to the new pill okay? If you get worse or are having any suicidal thoughts, speak to your doctor about going off the pill IMMEDIATELY <3
 
Thought about checking out early again today. Good thing I gave myself time to think, or it would have been a one way ticket to the hospital, or at the very least another week at the Rubber Ramada.
 
^^ I'm really glad that you thought twice about it man. You're doing really well okay? I know you can get through anything, as you're proving to yourself and to us every day <3
 
^ I just found out today that my sister has an unplanned pregnancy, and that she had an abortion just two months ago. I don't know how much longer my mind can handle this roller coaster. I really hope she makes the right decision and realizes that right now isn't the best time for her to become a mother, as she's in a sober house and trying to kick OCs. But either way, I can't let things like that effect me to the point of suicide.
 
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