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If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

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billyswifey said:
Can't think of one single person who would even care if I died right about now.
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I care, I care a LOT.
I know you're hurting from your friend's passing, and from your troubles at home, but please don't even consider ending it all over this. Tomorrow always brings new opportunities and surprises, it's ALWAYS worth waiting to see what tomorrow brings.
Where are you going to go tonight? Are you going back home soon? Please take care hun <3
 
The only people who'd care if I died are my parents - and even they're expecting me to commit suicide sometime. They said it themselves. None of my so-called friends would care, much less notice that I'm gone. And certainly nobody here would really care. You all say you do, but you don't know me. I'm just some anonymous poster. One of thousands.
 
Sweet P said:
The only people who'd care if I died are my parents - and even they're expecting me to commit suicide sometime. They said it themselves. None of my so-called friends would care, much less notice that I'm gone. And certainly nobody here would really care. You all say you do, but you don't know me. I'm just some anonymous poster. One of thousands.
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I had a fucking panic attack when you told me about your suicide plan before court. Like seriously, it was burnt into my mind.

Is it a matter of not wanting to live, wanting to die, or something else?
 
Sweet P said:
The only people who'd care if I died are my parents - and even they're expecting me to commit suicide sometime. They said it themselves. None of my so-called friends would care, much less notice that I'm gone. And certainly nobody here would really care. You all say you do, but you don't know me. I'm just some anonymous poster. One of thousands.
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Sweet P, that is just not true! I care a whole lot and all the others here that say the same thing are telling the TRUTH!!

You are not "some anonymous poster". You're an amazing, intelligent, attractive young woman with serious health issues. You are amazingly loved at this board and I mean that sincerely. <3

I know your parents would be devastated if you committed suicide and I think when they told you that they "expect it sometime" that they're trying to prepare themselves for the worst moment of their lives, the loss of their eldest daughter.

Please don't do it Sweet P. You are a gem, a one in a million gem that we cannot do without. <3
 
they instilled more hope, by bringing up more pain, which gives me more clues and options but i still was given the same option for pain relief... unless they, and my pcp can come up with a plan...

it may only be muscle relaxers for the chest pain, which clawed away 90% of my will to live, or what was diagnosed and told to follow up on in november!!!!! but, "nooo its not that hahaha"

Seronegative Spondyloarthropathies will be the keyword in my life now besides my wifes name now, not ankylosing spondolitiis.

the other options, suck, mean a lot, and could have a massive impact, and maybe by then some stupid little pills to help this mind keep its will with its body. id at least like something to gain back that 50lbs and go to physical therapy, or a gym rather, i can not break a certain weight, well i have once, but its very very difficult got me to gain weight.

im 6'6" 149lbs lost 45-50lbs in a month or so.

i was 6'4" and weighed 135 at one point, when i used cocaine and heroin all day. that was always disturbing to me...
 
I hate myself and i want to die. Im tired of drowing my sorrow in xanax, dphenhydramine and bud light. My depression has caused me to alienate myself from friends who did care about me, they prob. just think im ignoring them for no reason. My family thinks im happy and have a great life, so i dont want to tell them i was on a 10th story of a hotel balcony making a pro and con list for living.
 
so i guess where i was going with that is could someone on this thread who is familiar with these feelings please just talk to me, i dont want pitty, i just want help from someone who has been there. PLEASE!!!
 
well i know the slowing down the xanax would take away some sorrow, and help you make actual sense of more shit in your life.

which can suck even more, but things start to straighten themselves out once you start trying to. guaranteed.

whats really eating at you?

just, life in general?
 
I have a bunch of soma and i'm 50/50 on if I really want to OD or not.

I've honestly never been this close to making the decision.

I have a feeling I won't, but I really needed to recognize the feelings.
 
what youre doing is good.

if you feel a certain way, look at it for what it is, recognize it, and know then that you are in control. i have things i need to accept, atm, im not, or im not letting them control me.

as i did a few pages ago, i had to say out loud whats bothering me, and why, what the damn deal is, and be able to see it then. in my way. and the way most everyone who continues to post here, thats what its for, to help you see what going on inside you.

oddly, i say your doing the right thing.

<3
 
I would hate for this to be my first post, but I thought I would just comment on this thread. I regularly read bluelight, but have never registered until now. I don't want to force my problems on anyone else, yet I feel as though I have no resort other than communicating with others. I've been drinking (in order to become drunk) for the past two years everyday and now my family thinks I've gone literally insane. I'm having to see a university psychiatrist twice a week in order to just attend uni since I was arrested on campus..... Set to grad. in a few weeks...Idk; I feel completely helpless....
 
your not.

its okay to feel that, sure its expected, but you need to recognize why. it sounds like you know that if you started stopping the drinky, a lot would change. i definitely know what it feels like to be dependent on alcohol, all it wants is to be feed, at your expense and everyone around you. the knowledge of this all occurring, wanting out, but, not taking the right steps or even knowing them, can really compound everything, to the bottle even further.

that cycle has to stop, you need to know what it is doing to yourself. do you blow a lot off of what people have to say about you drinking... or being drunk? if so, write them all down, write a pros and cons list about your feelings, and understandings of how alcohol is affecting your life. look at them closely, dont stop to think while writing.

put the list in a drawer for a week or several days, then go back to it, and slowly think about what you are thinking... take in each thought and analyze it in a sense from your current perspective, the one you had while writing, and a 3rd persons... what would you say, in all honestly to some one else in your shoes, at that or any further moments.

we set ourselves up for relapse a good while before the event - alkys are maybe the most manipulative of all the addicts, we manipulate ourselves to no end, we can also manipulate our minds out of cravings as well. we alkys are goddamned stubborn, to no end, we can be stubborn enough to fight this.

my last days of drinking where mayhem, and at the tail end of a 3 month psychosis/agoraphobia lapse, along with 6-10mgs+ of klonopin, my consumption rate was inexcusable, complete dead on sub-conscience self destruction and utter addiction.

i fought it and gawked at any mention of any positive effects that may come with quitting, or just how i really really needed to stop. i wish i would of listened!!! i love and adore wine and cognac, i will swish and spit it if its good enough, but it hasnt entered my body other then in food for over a year.

life makes more sense, the realities are amazingly crushing here, but im able to accept them, deal with them, make sense of them, because i want to, and know i need to much much more then i need to drink.

jeez, um i hope some of that made sense, sincerely.
take care... and i promise, it gets easier and easier everyday.
<3 :) <3
 
I can understand the mayhem part. The past few weeks have been absolute chaos. My doctor prescribed me venlafaxine a little over a month ago. My sense of control seems to have vanished....idk... If a day goes by without drinking, I'm in utter despair. I know I should stop and I WANT to stop, but find myself incapable of doing it... I can only express how I truly feel once intoxicated...which has resulted in my family thinking I'm insane....with cops being called to see if I'm about to harm myself... Can't stop thinking of doing it to myself anyway. Thank you for replying, PiPar.
 
If I'm away for a week or two it will be because I'm sectioned in the psych hospital.
 
Foolish enough, I did end up trying to end it the night of my last post. I took 3g of desipramine and 20mg of clonazopam. It got me 3 nights in the ICU and about a week in the psych ward. I got the care I really needed. They changed my medications and I have a bit of a different perspective on life (even though this was attempt no. 2). I would like to apologize to the people I've corresponded with here on TDS for even making that post, and ultimately following through. I'm just trying to get things on an even keel and taking steps to living a healthy normal life.
 
damn man, i can honestly say youve been in my thoughts...

i dont know you from adam, but you seem like the type we need more of on our planet.

i hope this is something you disturbingly enough needed to get go through, you made it, w/o any complications, i take it?!? that is amazing enough.

please share your thoughts here, i value them, and any negativity, is good to take out, or let out in a manner such as this. our family, and loved ones can only take so much, if they do listen, and somethings you may not want to say to a psych, but man, i hope the next time such thoughts/feelings become overwhelming enough, you contact some help.
 
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