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If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

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i really fucking give up. i'm so sad and i hate my life and i hate myself and i just want to cry myself into that eternal sleep
 
I could edit my last post, but I think the fact I am posting again shows how desperate I am.


I really just want to die right now. I really, really, really, really, really do. I completely give up and I just don't want to deal with any of the shit I deal with.
 
^ If it's any consolation, you aren't alone. I've been feeling the same over the past few days. I get so many of these suicidal episodes, but they always pass and things do get better. It's hard, but I'm trying to keep reminding myself of that.
 
^^ That's exactly right hun, and the same goes for you too kc. Life goes in cycles, and when we're so far down that we can't imagine getting back up, we need to remember that we have been happy and we will be happy again. Everyone in this thread is so young, there is so much time to make things better. Giving up now is not an option. You just keep on trying until something clicks and you succeed.

J&H, I am SO glad to hear you made it through, and thank you so much for letting us know that you're okay <3
 
mrjackjones said:
Can you expand on that, SI?
Click to expand...

I'm just stressed the fuck out. Every time things seem to be coming together, something shitty happens and it all falls apart, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I want so badly just to get my head on straight and go after what I want in life, but I feel like there's always something in my way. It makes me want to just give up on everything.
 
Stoned Immaculate said:
I'm just stressed the fuck out. Every time things seem to be coming together, something shitty happens and it all falls apart, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I want so badly just to get my head on straight and go after what I want in life, but I feel like there's always something in my way. It makes me want to just give up on everything.
Click to expand...

Don't give up, this past week in the Rubber Ramada gave me some insight. I don't want to be depressed anymore, and there is no reason why I should have to go through life feeling like shit most of the time. I'm doing a partial hospital program now monday through friday from 8-2 with all sorts of groups that are personalized for my problem. I also found out about DBSA (depression bipolar support alliance), and I intend to start going. I'm not sure if they have groups like that in your area, but its worth looking into if you want to meet with people that are going through the same things you are and sit in on lectures then break up into groups. Sometimes the coping mechanisms you learn can help you greatly in feeling better. You can take what you will from this message, it might not be what you're looking for but I just figured I would share what I'm doing to try to help myself get better. I hope things start working out for you and good luck, and be happy :)
 
I'd miss you kc, if you left. So, I'd rather you stick around. K?

That goes for all you guys. I think about random bluelighters at strange times. How has their path lead to this? Are they feeling better? Can they truly improve their situation? Do they want to?

I ponder all of you and your lives. Stick around.

This is a bit off-topic, but I just started reading nick hornby's "a long way down" (he wrote "high fidelity"). It's about 4 people who randomly meet while they're all attemping suicide on some infamous roof in London on NYE. It's funny, in an odd way.

So, this is rambling. I dunno if anyone can decipher a point...I guess that's why I'd make a lousy tds mod! =D
 
Thinking about it again. I really DON'T want to appear in court next week. I DON'T need extra shit added into my life :(
 
panic in paradise said:
damn man, i can honestly say youve been in my thoughts...

i dont know you from adam, but you seem like the type we need more of on our planet.

i hope this is something you disturbingly enough needed to get go through, you made it, w/o any complications, i take it?!? that is amazing enough.

please share your thoughts here, i value them, and any negativity, is good to take out, or let out in a manner such as this. our family, and loved ones can only take so much, if they do listen, and somethings you may not want to say to a psych, but man, i hope the next time such thoughts/feelings become overwhelming enough, you contact some help.
Click to expand...

I appreciate the thoughts man, and thankfully there weren't any effects from the attempt. The meds job was basically to shut down my heart, but its been regular.
 
Sweet P,

Please do not let the law play you like that. There is no reason for it. Your charges are not that serious, and legal issues only last so long. You are a kind person with a great mind. You can do a lot of good with your life if you try.
 
^ Thanks Jack. I'm feeling a bit more rational about it today. It's just the waiting and unknowing that's getting to me. Will the judge be lenient? Or will they throw the book at me? I guess I'll find out soon enough.
 
MecalitoBandito,

I know what suicidal ideation is like. It is a comforting type of sorrow. If you can be rational about it, however, and think about your family and what you stand to lose from life, it is difficult to follow through with such plans. Think about it, and what power you have to improve your situation.
 
Although, to be honest, I really wouldn't mind hurting my family as they've done nothing but lie and stab me in the back.

I doubt many of my "friends" would ever realize I was gone.
 
mrjackjones said:
Are you looking at time, Sweet P?
Click to expand...

No, thankfully. But I'll lose my driver's license, get a massive fine that will take forever to pay off, get community service (I'm a total recluse which will make it hard), or be possibly put on supervision where I'm forced to attend treatment and have random piss tests (if I get this, I'll breach it pretty quickly. I'm not pissing in a cup for anyone - I find it demeaning).
 
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