Mental Health Depression MEGA Thread - DepressionTalk + Over 100 Links of Info

[dilated_pupils]

I don't even know where to start with all my baggage right now... I just can't seem to find a path and stick to it, I feel like I'm doomed to continue thrashing through the brush instead of walking on the dirt road...

Not to mention once again I got loured in by a women, only to find she was just using me... this is now what, the 5th, no wait 6th girl in a row that has completely fucked me over. Ever since I broke up with my ex all I have had is horrible luck. There's other things I'm depressed about too, I feel bad because I haven't been around on the forums the last couple weeks, but it was mainly because I was either busy, depressed laying in bed, or out drinking (since I just turned 21). In fact the last time I signed in was on my birthday (the 10th) and I feel like I missed so much, looks like I missed my chance to be a mod again too It's all good though.

-dp

 

[Mjäll]

I don't even know where to start with all my baggage right now... I just can't seem to find a path and stick to it, I feel like I'm doomed to continue thrashing through the brush instead of walking on the dirt road...

Not to mention once again I got loured in by a women, only to find she was just using me... this is now what, the 5th, no wait 6th girl in a row that has completely fucked me over. Ever since I broke up with my ex all I have had is horrible luck. There's other things I'm depressed about too, I feel bad because I haven't been around on the forums the last couple weeks, but it was mainly because I was either busy, depressed laying in bed, or out drinking (since I just turned 21). In fact the last time I signed in was on my birthday (the 10th) and I feel like I missed so much, looks like I missed my chance to be a mod again too It's all good though.

-dp

Sadness

Over here it's all "wait, was that that and this this? am i i when i am being i here or just when i am not being you? can i stand not being perfect? can i stand having to define myself against others? do i accept my role as a social animal? i need to spiral down but something's holding me back. i want to get my life going straight but my will is not my want. i am pouring out of myself" kind of SHIT.

I've just started seeing how important it is to step out of myself but I am very uncomfortable in the thought of having to float away (relax) because it doesn't come naturally for me anymore. I am stressed out chronically, but I don't do a shit worthwhile. I am so so busy but I'm not doing anything but restraining myself through different axises. Has anyone of you been here? What the fuck am I supposed to do?

(I am even bugged out when sleeping)

 

[dilated_pupils]

Sadness

Over here it's all "wait, was that that and this this? am i i when i am being i here or just when i am not being you? can i stand not being perfect? can i stand having to define myself against others? do i accept my role as a social animal? i need to spiral down but something's holding me back. i want to get my life going straight but my will is not my want. i am pouring out of myself" kind of SHIT.

I've just started seeing how important it is to step out of myself but I am very uncomfortable in the thought of having to float away (relax) because it doesn't come naturally for me anymore. I am stressed out chronically, but I don't do a shit worthwhile. I am so so busy but I'm not doing anything but restraining myself through different axises. Has anyone of you been here? What the fuck am I supposed to do?

(I am even bugged out when sleeping)

What you're supposed to do is try and try again. Find the will power to succeed in everything you do, and hopefully, you will get where you need to be. I know exactly what you're talking about though, it's hard to look at yourself in other perspectives, especially when you're constantly judging yourself, it isn't easy.

-dp

 

[Mjäll]

What you're supposed to do is try and try again. Find the will power to succeed in everything you do, and hopefully, you will get where you need to be. I know exactly what you're talking about though, it's hard to look at yourself in other perspectives, especially when you're constantly judging yourself, it isn't easy.

-dp

Thanks for taking your time.

Perhaps you know what I'm talking about but what I say is not what I feel. I've got a hard time expressing myself when it matters.

I hope I will find the courage and power to put some effort into something soon.

 

[dilated_pupils]

^^Well I don't have trouble expressing myself but my major issue is I don't take my own advice, and damn do I give good advice. If I took all the advice I gave out, I'd be in a much better place than I am now.

-dp

 

[ocean]

^If you know this about yourself, learn from it-
You won't do any growing if you ignore what you know is best for you.......ya know?
You will just keep running in the same circles.....

 

[Mjäll]

^^Well I don't have trouble expressing myself but my major issue is I don't take my own advice, and damn do I give good advice. If I took all the advice I gave out, I'd be in a much better place than I am now.

-dp

Haha I can see myself in there. I'm sort of a good "pep-talker" but all that is useless to me because of my deranged nihilistic thought patterns. %)

ocean: Yes... It's just that it takes so much energy to change, even for the better.

 

[Link_S]

I'm stuck, grieving cant stand sobriety have no motivation and feel like topping myself. I won't though, there's too much to life.

Sorry. /vent

 

[dilated_pupils]

^If you know this about yourself, learn from it-
You won't do any growing if you ignore what you know is best for you.......ya know?
You will just keep running in the same circles.....

I know I need to learn from it - slowly I believe I am taking the needed steps to further myself in this screwed up thing we call 'life' which is surrounded by what is known to be a fucked up world... just my 2cents...

Haha I can see myself in there. I'm sort of a good "pep-talker" but all that is useless to me because of my deranged nihilistic thought patterns. %)

ocean: Yes... It's just that it takes so much energy to change, even for the better.

Yes it does require much energy to change. Imagine if someone invented a pill/tablet which gave you energy in certain targeted spots in the brain (which would require more knowledge about the brain before it would even be possible). You'd be able to use that extra energy to make yourself better oneself in whichever aspect it targets. Ahhh... will my dreams ever come true?

Probably not...

-dp

 

[Lifeonthepharm]

I'm stuck, grieving cant stand sobriety have no motivation and feel like topping myself. I won't though, there's too much to life.

Sorry. /vent

Is this something new? Or a long standing battle...

Yes it does require much energy to change. Imagine if someone invented a pill/tablet which gave you energy in certain targeted spots in the brain (which would require more knowledge about the brain before it would even be possible). You'd be able to use that extra energy to make yourself better oneself in whichever aspect it targets. Ahhh... will my dreams ever come true?

Probably not...

-dp

I'm very hopeful for technology to come through with a new generation or some sort. Did anyone catch the PBS documentary on epigenetics? I'm skeptical but hopeful something may come of that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm trying to make myself believe that pharma companies are ethical with good intentions, and the offensive aspects of this industry happen ONLY because of competition and the need to survive.

Does anyone think this is true? I'm feeling really paranoid about the industry in general atm.

 

[dilated_pupils]

I'm trying to make myself believe that pharma companies are ethical with good intentions, and the offensive aspects of this industry happen ONLY because of competition and the need to survive.

Does anyone think this is true? I'm feeling really paranoid about the industry in general atm.

To be completely honest, 'big pharma' (or just pharmaceuticals in general) are not what everyone believes them to be.

The actual scientists who are working hard, trying to better our lives are the good people (for the most part anyway, obviously there is some assholes).

However, I believe there is a cure for just about everything that there is. I'm sure there is an AIDS vaccine, and I have done a lot of reading about cancer vaccines and how there is some that can get rid of almost every kind of cancer there is. Why do we not know about them? Because big pharma will pay WHATEVER they have to for the patient and just throw it away afterwords.

We, as people, are worth more money sick than we are healthy. Money makes the world go round unfortunately, and a very small amount of people (just a handful or two) are in control of the entire world. They not only allow this shit to happen but are very aware of it all and entice these big pharmaceutical companies to keep on doing what they do best - which is making money off the sick. Think about it, on average lets say (I'm basing this off recent articles its just approx.) a cancer patient will pay anywhere from $250,000-$500,000+ to relieve themselves of as much of the cancer as they can. All the chemo and such hurts the body so much because it not only kills the cancer cells, but also the 'good' cells in the body which help make us healthy. There HAS to be other ways to cure cancer - and I have some proof here if you wish to watch the short video - It's called DCA, it's VERY cheap, but it does have some bad side effects. However it has completely killed off the cancer in animal testing (yes I know animals are not humans but it's definitely something worth trying!).

Watch the video on DCA here

It's sad that people are buying it offline (very cheap as well) and self administering the drug because they are not aware of the side effects, and they also tend to mix DCA with their other cancer medications which have even more harmful side effects. Hopefully someone patients this stuff quickly and starts testing ASAP so it can eventually (but unlikely...) be OKAYed by the FDA. But I'm very doubtful...

-dp

 

[Lifeonthepharm]

We, as people, are worth more money sick than we are healthy.
-dp

Ah yes. Not to mention that there are a finite amount of treatments and alternatives.

If a cure was put forth there would be a lot of unhappy people. I feel kind of stupid making remarks about them since I use their products, and don't have anything better to offer...

... but whenever I come across any "dirty" maneuvers, or shady court settlements, I wonder if I'm being setup purposefully for brain, heart, liver, or kidney problems via other drugs.

 

[Sundaytripper]

Can someone help me help someone??? Pleasee really need it now

Shes soooo down and depressed only time i ever see her laugh or smile
is with me. and even then after she leaves she still cant be happy, shes positive it doesn't exist. She also positive demons exist because she claims she knows
for a fact there inside her. she says she sits in front of the mirror for hours just staring at herself and hating herself. i do my best to comfort her, my best. its taken its own emotional toll on me, its all i can think about now. Today it was bad.

She said she doesnt know what shes doing anymore.. and that she doesnt want to feel like this anymore. then i got a text "i just have to make the pain go away, i cant do this anymore." i get ahold of her to make sure shes not gunna do anything stupid. i try to assure her everything's going to be ok but idk how effective it is. She decides to go to bed which gives me relief knowing shes not just dwelling on her depression. Idk what to do im worried for her and i tryed
to get her to see a psychologist, i even dropped acid with her and it was good and great but after it seems to have had no effect on the depression. i just dont know what to do anymore!!! fuck my life. why do i have to love this girl i cant help

 

[Link_S]

Is this something new? Or a long standing battle...

one of the rarest genetic illnesses (GSS its called, motor neurones but 100x worse doubt theres any info on the net it effects 3 families in the world) which has claimed many lives in my family, most recently my aunt last week.. at least she's at peace now. when i look around at the younger generation of people i love and wonder who may have it or not (50/50 chance) it messes me up a bit sometimes, we're a close family. Been battling it for years mainly on my mum and other aunts shoulders who i think have got lucky and are clear of it but have had to care for their ill sisters and mother for the last 20 years or so until they cannot move speak or communicate on control themselves in any way... i guess you can imagine a bit. Still taking them round the parks in their wheelchairs, giving the best quality of life the ill ones could have in the circumstances. I'm so fucking proud of them for that

I dunno i just keep thinking 'whats next, who's next'. For the moment nobody has the symptoms. Feeling much better actually compared to a few days ago. Though the thought of my little cousin just starting high school and another cousin starting 6th form having just lost their mum.. it must be horrible for them

Guess its all just weighing me down a bit, nothing we can all do but soldier on and take the bad times with the good, as we all have our time

 

[dilated_pupils]

Can someone help me help someone??? Pleasee really need it now

First off, you shouldn't be giving someone acid (or any psychedelic) that is experiencing any type of psychosis related illness. This girl that you 'love' obviously needs some professional help. She believes she has demons inside of her which allow her to believe they are real? I mean common man, that is ridiculous, but understandable if it's someone with a mental illness, which is obviously apparent.

Did this girl have any issues while growing up that you know of? Even if you don't know of any she may be holding back, and possibly has not told anyone about some sort of abuse she may have encountered as a child.

Your best bet is to get this girl to sign a voluntary 302 (at least that's what it's called in Pennsylvania) which means you will spend 72hrs (after 72hrs you can leave as long as you're not a threat to yourself or anyone else) being monitored and checked out mentally by a psychologist/psychiatrist. I suggest looking for a place for her to check into ASAP before these delusions she is having eat away at her completely and drive her to hurt herself. She can also be admitted to the hospital, and a social worker will review her and if she see's fit they can send her to a psych ward. If you have too, you can be the person who fills out the paperwork (assuming you're both over 18) that get's her into the hospital psych ward (or at least I believe so, it really depends where you live and the laws in your area).

Anyway I hope you can work things out, if you have any more questions you can PM/AIM me and I'll try and give you more information.

one of the rarest genetic illnesses (GSS its called, motor neurones but 100x worse doubt theres any info on the net it effects 3 families in the world) which has claimed many lives in my family, most recently my aunt last week.. at least she's at peace now. when i look around at the younger generation of people i love and wonder who may have it or not (50/50 chance) it messes me up a bit sometimes, we're a close family. Been battling it for years mainly on my mum and other aunts shoulders who i think have got lucky and are clear of it but have had to care for their ill sisters and mother for the last 20 years or so until they cannot move speak or communicate on control themselves in any way... i guess you can imagine a bit. Still taking them round the parks in their wheelchairs, giving the best quality of life the ill ones could have in the circumstances. I'm so fucking proud of them for that

I dunno i just keep thinking 'whats next, who's next'. For the moment nobody has the symptoms. Feeling much better actually compared to a few days ago. Though the thought of my little cousin just starting high school and another cousin starting 6th form having just lost their mum.. it must be horrible for them

Guess its all just weighing me down a bit, nothing we can all do but soldier on and take the bad times with the good, as we all have our time

I'm sorry for the tough situation you are in, but you sound like a strong person and your best bet is to keep your mood up as well as you can and continue to be there for your family and friends. I wish you the best of luck you sound like a great person who has put up with a lot in their life - good job

-dp

 

[Link_S]

^Thanks for your kind words but after being strong for so long i'm starting to crumble on the inside. My parents are uneducated about drugs and now my aunties dead and my mum knows i'm 'an addict' (benzos and psychologically to some others), she only knows about the benzos though) she feels like its more than she can handle, and i can't blame her at all, I just can't imagine my life without them. I know what i am doing and is as safe as one can be but the thought of her lying awake at night while im out and about is almost more than i can handle

I lie to her to try and alleviate her worries and am on a valium taper which she knows of (relapsed a few times ect ect), but i'm considering coming clean and telling her about everything, show her that i have done my research and am relatively safe (of course theres always a risk with drugs) and then maybe she'll be able to understand better. This could backfire though and just make her more anxious and worried which is the last thing i want to do

Also yes i have moved out before but that was at a particularly bad time, stayed in a hostel for a few months but got arrested a few months later for possession with intent, charges dropped the other day as it was only a bit of meph
Maybe honesty is the best way to go, it seems it morally but even so she's so strong and has dealt with all this keeping her wonderful personality if this tipped her over the edge i'd never forgive myself. When i moved out she was so worried about me all the time she got perscribed beta blockers for anxiety and stress (like they'd help at all, they tried it with me at first for panic attacks a few years back). I think after all these years she's stuck in the roll of a carer but this time i'm a patient that she can't look after because i'm my own person. She just wants me to be safe ya'know? and for osmeone uneducated at all in drugs '1 spliff=schizophrenia' ect, responsible drug use im not sure if its an option in her eyes

Yes i know some of its down to my drug use and if i felt i could stop, i honestly would. But i can't, not at the moment. I don't know why. At least i'm staying away from opiates though-my silver lining because that would be my downfall, my use is under control and i never steal or the likes at all (for drugs if you guys were wondering where that one fitted in)

So i really don't know what to do, you guys seems really nice and i'd love to have some opinions (with reasons if poss) to help me work this out (to tell her or keep her i nthe dark, i dont know her sisters just died for fucks sake :'(, her twin 9 years afo and her eldest sister 3-4 years ago)
This should be her time off now nobody is ill but in her eyes i'm killing her, and doing that is killing me

Sorry for the typo's ect, thanks for reading

 

[dilated_pupils]

^^If you can find the time try and find some free counseling for your drug problems. Or, if you have insurance see what doctors are available to you in your area. If you can see some sort of counselor/doctor I would start seeing them first before you tell your mom about everything (which I think may be a good idea so you have someone on your side trying to help you out). By waiting until you went and got help, you will seem more responsible and this will make things look much better on your part, however you should also try to get your mother to educate herself, or you can help her yourself, on the subject of drugs/medications. This way she will know what she is dealing with when it not only comes to you, but also your family.

Good luck.

-dp

 

[Link_S]

Thanks, i think I'll just see how it goes, having drug counseling and other help but generally they agree my use is under control - they're not supposed to give me direct advice on what to and not to do though so asking them is pointless, i can only take advice from 'em.
I also just got a job ('self employed mechanic') so i'm occupied most of the time, things are definitely looking up and as long as i'm not stupid with my use there's no need for my mum to worry, i'm an adult and though being arrested was a shock for her the charges have been dropped and slowly she'll learn to relax. 2 weeks and i'm tapered off diaz completely anyway, i dont even feel what i'm on now its just nice to know its there yaknow?

Problem with educating people about drugs is there's too much propaganda and bullshit out there to even consider using most places are learning tools, everywhere emphasises the dangers rather than the unlikeliness of these dangers happening (OH MY GOD HES GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK FROM E)

We're gradually coming to terms with her death and not being a carer, was looking through some old photo albums the other day with my mum from when we (me and my cousins) were all kids with all my cousins and aunts, made me cry (in a good way if you know what i mean) . Its much harder for her than anyone else, but we'll gradually adjust and the only way is forward. Its amazing how fast pessimistic can change to optimistic, thanks for your kind & helpful words DP and i wish anyone else having a hard time all the best, theres always a way forward

 

[Lifeonthepharm]

So i really don't know what to do, you guys seems really nice and i'd love to have some opinions (with reasons if poss) to help me work this out

Just to clarify, you are having chronic issues because of the family problems, not the reverse... an underlying genetic disorder causing your current "symptoms"?

 

[dilated_pupils]

Its amazing how fast pessimistic can change to optimistic, thanks for your kind & helpful words DP and i wish anyone else having a hard time all the best, theres always a way forward

First I just want to tell ya, it's good that things are turning optimistic for you, however I just would keep in mind it would be mood swings (I don't know if you're prone to them) and if you do get them, you just may be feeling better at the moment because you're higher up on the scale right now, and that could fall (I'm only telling you this so you are aware that it can happen). But if you're not usually moody, even if you change moods every couple days, weeks, months, whatever, I would then keep a look out.

It's good you are taking responsibility for what's going on in your life, but remember that there can always be more done to better your life, no point in stopping to pause while things are going better for you.

And no problem, if you ever need any help or information about anything, just PM or AIM me.

-dp