Mental Health Depression MEGA Thread - DepressionTalk + Over 100 Links of Info

[Link_S]

Just to clarify, you are having chronic issues because of the family problems, not the reverse... an underlying genetic disorder causing your current "symptoms"?

Yeah the stress/curiosity/quality at the time led me into drugs culture years back when i was a kid, and i've been using various substances constantly since and i'm now using stims (ocasion) amd Valium (perscibbed/pwn stock for comdowns) and dont see or even want(apart from the knock on effect it has esp on my mum) myself using drugs, i'm a responsible persom and i know the risks

First I just want to tell ya, it's good that things are turning optimistic for you, however I just would keep in mind it would be mood swings (I don't know if you're prone to them) and if you do get them, you just may be feeling better at the moment because you're higher up on the scale right now, and that could fall (I'm only telling you this so you are aware that it can happen). But if you're not usually moody, even if you change moods every couple days, weeks, months, whatever, I would then keep a look out.

It's good you are taking responsibility for what's going on in your life, but remember that there can always be more done to better your life, no point in stopping to pause while things are going better for you.

And no problem, if you ever need any help or information about anything, just PM or AIM me.

-dp

Aye your right there, my moods go up and down to insane extremes already a bit down but been on a bender so its to be expected. I prefer drug induced bad days , keep it on a level with reasoning behind it (sorry im mephed now so i may be talking shite). Jobs interesting enough though so i'll just plod by a day at a time :D

Was honest with my mum today and told her about my use since she's allowing me houseroom, i think she freaked at the word heroin but i soon calmed her down, only the 3rd time i'd done ever (3rd being last week) (i stay away addicive personality). She said she preferred to know and for me to e honest esp as she swab tested me this morning when i was asleep after a hell of a party and cme back positive for most things except weed oddly enough. She hasnt really mentioned it though i think shes in a bit of shock and doesent really know what to do, theres nothing she can do and its all my fucking fault. FDASKFSMKSDFFMSDF

Havnt heard a word about it from my dad yet either, maybe it just must have clocked when i moved out before. Still, stick on my brave face and the only way is forward, jusy hoped i havnt put more pressure on my mums shoulders, but she said not knowing what i was on or what to do if i od'd ect was much worse
Wish it was a relief telling her, but nothing feels and different. Anyway, meph, ket and no work tomorrow a great combination

 

[Lifeonthepharm]

Yeah the stress/curiosity/quality at the time led me into drugs culture years back when i was a kid, and i've been using various substances constantly since and i'm now using stims (ocasion) amd Valium (perscibbed/pwn stock for comdowns) and dont see or even want(apart from the knock on effect it has esp on my mum) myself using drugs, i'm a responsible persom and i know the risks

My apologies, I seem to have a deficit in the comprehension department over here. Not the first

I'm stuck, grieving cant stand sobriety have no motivation and feel like topping myself. I won't though, there's too much to life.

Don't I know that feeling! I can't stand sobriety or even taking (solely) prescribed medications.

In your case however, you have specific things in your life that are contributing to the grieving, motivation, and so on.

DP mentioned as a starting point to seek some form of counselor. Have you had any formal counseling/psych/medication/therapy/rehab in the past? Or, are we talking about a solo mission with predominantly self-medication....

 

[Link_S]

Done CBT in the past when i used to have anxiety issues which was effective (well not compared to Valium) but i don't have any issues with it now. saw a drugs therapist years ago who was useless probably cause i just lied..Been seeing a drugs councellor for about a month which is helpful, after getting to know him and him me he recommended seeing a mental health nurse and introduced me try and get it all the issues straight in my head i think

Seeing them both tomorrow actually, hopefully won't take anything tomorrow morning so i'll test sobriety again , and maybe think it through with a straight mind i dunno mephs clouding my thoughts lol

 

[dilated_pupils]

Bleh, my depression has gotten worse, 20mg of paroxetine doesn't seem to handle it anymore. Although it might be some minor drining within past few days(can of beer and some brandy for last 2 or 3 evenings).

So far I've tried heckload of different antidepressants.
Fluoxetine: burning feeling in throat, not much effect on depression.
Escitalopram: first drug I tried, made me laugh in unusual situations, can't remember much more about it.
Duloxetine: expensive junk, didn't have any significant effect what so ever.

I wonder if there is anything good out there? So far only paroxetine worked fine, about a year or so...

I'm not particulary interested in additional drugs such as rivotril, xanax or diazepam. During depressive times I might take bit too much and end up doing stupid things.

My diagnose is plain old depression what has diagnosed 5 years ago, but could been with me for 13 years.

Have you tried seeing another doctor? Maybe you have, maybe you haven't, but I'm sure another opinion would be much better for you. I was thought to just have depression and for years I was living in a life of hell because I was getting SSRI's while in reality I had bipolar and SSRI's are known to make bipolar worse... luckily I got a new diagnoses and am now doing a lot better. I hope you can find the right medication(s), it took me over 20 different med combo's til I found the correct ones, so hang in there!

-dp

 

[sushii]

^ Although drug companies would prefer people to believe that antidepressants are drugs that can (and should) be taken for life, many people find their effectiveness diminishes over time. Usually years rather than months though, so if you find your medications stop working after a brief period that would be a little more unusual....

 

[malakaix]

I figured i would add this to this mega thread rather then start a new one.

I don't really know what just happened with me, hoping others can give some insight. I went down to the shopping center earlier today and as i entered i was overwhelmed by a feeling of sensory overload.. all the people, different sounds and conversations, noise's, actions, smells.. a major feeling of nervousness/anxiety came over me, it felt like i was trying to process far to much information at once..

I felt my heart rate increase and body temperature rise, i had to actually leave in order to calm myself down. This has never happened before.. and im usually someone who is pretty calm and relaxed.. im so struck by this, because i haven't taken any drugs in 2months+ and up untill that moment i've felt fine.

Sometimes i think my mental health is permanently fucked. I stopped using drugs (particularly psychedelics) 2 months ago because i was suffering depersonalization and derealization.. and now this happens.

 

[RedLeader]

^ Was it more the people or the flashy inanimate objects that intimidated you more do you think?

 

[malakaix]

I would say probably more-so the people then anything else. But my sense's just felt unusually tuned in to 'everything' and overwhelmed me to the point of causing some anxiety or fear, i felt like if i had to to confront anyone during that period.. i would of panicked, which is so unlike me..

 

[RedLeader]

I get moments like that. Do you think it was due to feeling negatively about yourself and your self-image, or simply just a confusion about humanity in general?

 

[malakaix]

Yeah i think it could of been a mix of the two. Strange considering as i left work (early morning shift) and went home.. i felt fantastic about myself and co-workers, got home.. had something to eat, relaxed a bit.. then went to the shops and the complete opposite of what i had just been feeling happened.

I'm gonna hope it was just an unusual one-off situation that sparked it, since its never happened before.. if it happens again and becomes more frequent i'll definitely try find a source as to whats triggering it.

 

[RedLeader]

Ya, hopefully it's just a one-time incident for you. Perhaps(?) something subconsciously triggered you to feel that way? Maybe you saw someone who reminded you of someone else, or saw something in one of the stores which pulled at your memories? This is especially likely if you felt good while on your way to the shops. If you work tomorrow, I hope you're able to feel fine there again.

If you're really close with your co-workers, perhaps even bring it up. Not to downplay it at all, but nearly everybody feels shy and overwhelmed at times. But most are afraid to be open about it, and instead put on a happy face. In disguise, such a topic could be a way to get even closer to your coworkers, who seem to already contribute a lot of positivity to your life.

 

[dilated_pupils]

RedLeader hit it right on the nose - trying and find out what triggered this reaction you had and if you can do so it will help you prevent it from happening again.

thb, it sounds like you have an odd panic attack that you either never had before, or it was different from others you've experienced. And this is coming from someone with a long history of anxiety/depression issues so I know what I'm talking about, but then again I wasn't in your shoes when it happened so I can't be 100 percent positive about anything. Good luck though bro.

-dp

 

[dilated_pupils]

I just wanted to say I am doing so much better with my bipolar now, ever since I researched for a new medicine to try, and was given some advice to try lamictal from a fellow bluelighter, and it has completely changed me back into what is the closest I think I will get to feeling 'normal'. I am so happy with the results. I do not think of suicide AT ALL anymore, and on top of that, I haven't felt depressed at all (except for one night) since I started this medication. Anyway, just wanted to share this with you all, maybe it will give some hope that the right meds are out there, you just need to keep at it and not give up.

-dp

 

[Lifeonthepharm]

I just wanted to say I am doing so much better with my bipolar now, ever since I researched for a new medicine to try, and was given some advice to try lamictal from a fellow bluelighter, and it has completely changed me back into what is the closest I think I will get to feeling 'normal'. I am so happy with the results. I do not think of suicide AT ALL anymore, and on top of that, I haven't felt depressed at all (except for one night) since I started this medication. Anyway, just wanted to share this with you all, maybe it will give some hope that the right meds are out there, you just need to keep at it and not give up.

-dp

Glad to hear you are feeling normal again. Have you stopped taking the Nortriptyline?

 

[Lifeonthepharm]

Bleh, my depression has gotten worse, 20mg of paroxetine doesn't seem to handle it anymore.

I wonder if there is anything good out there? So far only paroxetine worked fine, about a year or so...

Are you able to get the dose increased to 40mg? I know people that were able to keep the paxil going for a few more years by increasing the dose. All of them had weight changes, but still successful for a long time.

There are lots of good things you can try. This is where it gets a bit tricky and personalized. It sounds like the escitalopram may be more promising now that you have experienced substantial relief from the paroxetine, maybe you can give that another shot.

Even if you get the paroxetine out of your body for 2 weeks by trying something else, it should bring back the effectiveness of the paroxetine.

 

[Ryan1411]

Wow. I don't know if I can take it anymore.
I used to feel like a million bucks.
It feels so unreal to have such low self-esteem.
And what is it? My body image. God I'm so lame.
I can't get over my fucking stretch marks and other skin imperfections that I can't get rid of. To dwell over it all day, everyday, would that be considered body dysmorphic disorder? I'm going to lose my mind. I'm just so paranoid that it'll scare the ladies away. And my little virgin self has this extreme emptiness that a girl could fill. I guess when you don't feel confident in your ability to get what you really want, it causes an extreme sense of hopelessness. I hope one day I will get over my body image, but I don't know how. Honestly I feel as if my actual problem isn't as bad as I make it out to be, but the fact that I keep tormenting myself--it just keeps building and building upon itself to the point where I just feeling like shit in general.

 

[dilated_pupils]

Sorry for my absence I was in jail but I'm back and will be posting again in this thread trying to help others while trying to help myself as well. Let's keep this thread going so people can get the support they need from fellow bluelighters!

Glad to hear you are feeling normal again. Have you stopped taking the Nortriptyline?

Before going to jail I told my doctor I wanted to quit the nortriptyline, and he told me that while in jail I should cut my dose in half, which I did for the past month, and now I am free from taking it. So now I am on just the lamictal, suboxone, klonopin, and adderall. Slowly, but surely, I am getting off the meds I do not need to survive. Hopefully sooner than later I will be quitting suboxone, the klonopin however I will more than likely stay on the rest of my life (unless I find a way to take power over my GED, and sometimes occurring panic attacks). So I think I'm doing good medication wise, my list is not long anymore and I'm feeling better than ever (for the most part). I still have my days, but my depression is very manageable now, my biggest issue now is my OCD which has been killing me. I don't know if it's because of the lamictal or not, but it has seemed to get worse since I started taking it (but it could be coincidental). Only time will tell.

Wow. I don't know if I can take it anymore.
I used to feel like a million bucks.
It feels so unreal to have such low self-esteem.
And what is it? My body image. God I'm so lame.
I can't get over my fucking stretch marks and other skin imperfections that I can't get rid of. To dwell over it all day, everyday, would that be considered body dysmorphic disorder? I'm going to lose my mind. I'm just so paranoid that it'll scare the ladies away. And my little virgin self has this extreme emptiness that a girl could fill. I guess when you don't feel confident in your ability to get what you really want, it causes an extreme sense of hopelessness. I hope one day I will get over my body image, but I don't know how. Honestly I feel as if my actual problem isn't as bad as I make it out to be, but the fact that I keep tormenting myself--it just keeps building and building upon itself to the point where I just feeling like shit in general.

Man I know exactly how you feel, and I promise you that you can get over it (because I have!). I am really short, only 5'5, which had bothered me for a long time, but once I got over the fact that I can't control my height I had no problem getting over it completely. And obviously this boosted my confidence, in fact my ex-girlfriend was like 3-4 inches taller than me (and she wasn't the first girl I've been with who was taller than me). Truly, a girl who is worth keeping around is one who loves you for who you are. I also still have pimples every now and again that make me feel a bit self conscious... what am I saying, a bit? It makes me very self conscious. But, after trying every possible acne treatment I have finally found some stuff that works, but doesn't take it away completely, so I still have to deal with breakouts (which I get from sweating from my suboxone unfortunately). Also, I have some minor scarring from the pimples I have had, but I've noticed it's going away slowly but surely, and once my insurance kicks back in in December I am planning on seeing a dermatologist so I can get rid of the scarring for good (hopefully). I'm still young so my skin is still able to heal well.

You need to get over the issues you have with your self image, and realize you are who you are, and if someone can't love you for who you are, then they aren't worth your time. I mean, a person you fall for isn't going to be flawless, and they are going to expect you to love them for who they are, so look at it like that. It goes both ways... just boost your self esteem by doing what you can to make the things you like about yourself shine out and be more prominent. Good luck!

-dp

 

[Colmes]

When my relationship with my ex fiancee ended, and I started my new college (happened at the same time) my depression/anxiety came back 5 fold - I already was depression/anxiety prone and was on an SSRI/benzo. I have my ups and downs, I think I finally have found a medication to help me, it is not perfect, but it helps, beggars cant be choosers. I was diagnosed with adult adhd (just turned 24) which is pretty shitty and debilitating. Cant do schoolwork for shit, hopefully vyvanse tolerance stays down, the comedowns dont drive me off the meds ect.

The mind can be a scary place, and such a beautiful one, its like a light-switch how fast mental stability can crumble.

 

[dilated_pupils]

The mind can be a scary place, and such a beautiful one, its like a light-switch how fast mental stability can crumble.

Very true. Once you figure out some things for yourself, you will be able to control a lot more of your consciousness. Don't be afraid to delve into the abyss!

It can be scary, but it is possible to make things better for yourself, in fact being self aware is the best way to help yourself, and it is also the first step into making a better life for yourself.

I'm glad you found a medication that is helping you for the most part, maybe a supplemental medication is needed for you? You may want to do some research on some other medications, bluelight has plenty of information and so does google If you need any advice, don't hesitate to ask.

-dp

 

[paranoid android]

Wow. I don't know if I can take it anymore.
I used to feel like a million bucks.
It feels so unreal to have such low self-esteem.
And what is it? My body image. God I'm so lame.
I can't get over my fucking stretch marks and other skin imperfections that I can't get rid of. To dwell over it all day, everyday, would that be considered body dysmorphic disorder? I'm going to lose my mind. I'm just so paranoid that it'll scare the ladies away. And my little virgin self has this extreme emptiness that a girl could fill. I guess when you don't feel confident in your ability to get what you really want, it causes an extreme sense of hopelessness. I hope one day I will get over my body image, but I don't know how. Honestly I feel as if my actual problem isn't as bad as I make it out to be, but the fact that I keep tormenting myself--it just keeps building and building upon itself to the point where I just feeling like shit in general.

Alot of people have the same problem as you do about body image. When i was younger i used to worry about how i looked alot and i didnt have much self confidence at all. I used to get acne mostly on my back and chest but when i would get a breakout on my face id usually avoid school like the fucking plague. No kidding i was that nervous about it. After my acne kinda went away i was still worried about the scars on my chest and back from it but i began to slowly realize that girls rarely care much about that. I used to be nervous about taking my shirt off in front of a chick for fuck sakes! Thankfully i got over all that nonsense.

As for stretch marks i have those on my upper arms in the arm pit area because i hit the weights big time a few years ago when i gave up smoking and drinking and i bulked up pretty fast. They are still fairly visable but really who is going to notice that. Also some creams may help reduce stretch marks but im not totally sure on that.

I know that you might not believe me but women arent going to turn you away because you don't look like some perfect guy out of a magazine or something. Most women would rather a guy that is actually nice, treats them right and is just cool to be around then some twat with a 6 pack who is always looking at himself in the mirror. Ive known a few girls that like that type but they are few and far between atleast in my experience. They are also a huge fucking drag to be around .

So in short don't worry about scaring the women off man.