Mental Health Depression MEGA Thread - DepressionTalk + Over 100 Links of Info

[paranoid android]

^^^ Well your dad is better then my dad anyway. I think my dad thinks that mental illness is a myth and he certainly does not understand it that is for fuckin sure. Or he thinks that anyone classified as having a mental illness is either nut's or lazy or both. He thinks of me as abit of both i do believe.

When my mom told him that i had bipolar disorder he said whats that? and my mom said it's manic-depression to which my dad replied "oh you mean he's nut's then? Real intelligent and enlightened guy my dad is i tell ya 8) . I just laugh at him now because it's sad to be so stupid and ignorant like that cunt is.

My mom atleast try's to understand it. She sometimes gets pissed and calls me lazy if i don't clean up the dishes or whatever because im too depressed to get up outta bed and i havent even made any dishes since i havent eaten anything in days. But atleast in her saner moments she tries to understand it. Often if i try and explain how im feeling it ends up in a fight so i really don't bother anymore. It is simply not worth the fucking hassle of it all.

I just want a place of my own so i can be left alone by these people.

 

[dtta]

^^^ PA I don't have anything particularly interesting or insightful to say cuz it's like 0230 and I'm braindead, but just wanted to say I read your post and it's cool. (My Dad was total and utter fuckwit as well, and surely contributed to the kindling and severity of my bpd.) Anyway, I guess I'm just trying to say I hear ya, and to hang in there k.

 

[dilated_pupils]

I just want a place of my own so i can be left alone by these people.

God it's sad... I just want the same thing. I want to be able to lay around all day and wallow in my self despair when I feel like it (which is pretty much every day now a days). But saying that makes me feel ridiculously bad about myself... I'm so damn lonely it's not even funny. My 21st birthday is this coming month and I had plans to go to Atlantic City with my friends, and pretty much everyone bailed out on me so now I don't know if I'm even doing anything at all. It sucks to say the least. I don't know who is a real friend anymore, so I have basically just stopped bothering to try to understand who is...

-dp

 

[ocean]

PA- I know we have discussed the dad thing- and I am right there with ya My only advice is to think long and hard about what you want, where you want to be and a way to get there. Put in all your ideas, write them down, a list and pros and cons of different ideas and work through it all until you have a plan of action........and then follow through. It will be alot of hard work, but you CAN make it happen. You are a resourceful guy with alot of willpower. It make take time, but you can so do it!!

DP- Are you taking your meds? I have noticed you going up and down alot lately... is it situational or do you think there may need to be an adjustment to your medication? Have you been seeing your therapist? Has he/she noticed your cycling?
My life really started at 21- Don't get discouraged! Things will work out and you will find happiness again soon! Be strong and keep writing out your feelings.....its helpful to have something to look at to see how you handled a mood or situation and how you can change it to do it better or how you have improved- Its good

 

[bang that shit]

Ha, damn both parents with psych backgrounds, must be tough. However I bet it's nice that they know what you're going through, rather than not fully understanding what it's like to have real mental issues.

-dp

Its not easy, there is a good and bad.... the thing is they overdue it.

My dad is always like "lets try [insert random medication i probably dont need, and have never heard of]" im just like ughhhhh. I enjoy the suggestions... but not everyday.....


but haha i agree with what all you guys are saying. I NEED to get out of my parents house... 6 days till back to college..... freedom

 

[zephyr]

Im having a real bad dive in my mood and am beginning to disassociate from reality. Have been reliving some traumatic events as am probably going to be in the position that similar things could happen again.

I have had to face reality of how dumb I have been in getting into past relationships and feel worthless.

I am going to take a seroquel and sleep it off.

I cant make any decisions right now.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Zeph, good choice. I've pushed myself to process things at times that it came to no good. I've learned sometimes the best thing is to take my meds and go to bed also.

 

[dilated_pupils]

DP- Are you taking your meds? I have noticed you going up and down alot lately... is it situational or do you think there may need to be an adjustment to your medication? Have you been seeing your therapist? Has he/she noticed your cycling?
My life really started at 21- Don't get discouraged! Things will work out and you will find happiness again soon! Be strong and keep writing out your feelings.....its helpful to have something to look at to see how you handled a mood or situation and how you can change it to do it better or how you have improved- Its good

The thing is I am doing a lot better bipolar wise, at least I feel like it. Definitely not so suicidal anymore which is a big plus. I have been cycling a bit, but it just feels like regular depression, and not bipolar (if that makes any sense). And yeah I'll definitely keep writing everything out it helps a lot.

Its not easy, there is a good and bad.... the thing is they overdue it.

My dad is always like "lets try [insert random medication i probably dont need, and have never heard of]" im just like ughhhhh. I enjoy the suggestions... but not everyday.....


but haha i agree with what all you guys are saying. I NEED to get out of my parents house... 6 days till back to college..... freedom

Yeah I can see how it could be a plus and a negative... But at least you're getting out of the house soon. I can't go back to college this semester because I'm supposed to be going to jail sometime soon but I don't know when yet so I may end up missing two semesters. Ahh well...

-dp

 

[dilated_pupils]

Anyone having trouble with their friends lately or ever actually? I am at the point I just sit inside all day because I don't want to bother with anyone anymore because I feel like they are all using me, if you knew my situation as well you'd understand more *cough* But anyway, lately it's really been hitting me how honestly people only ever call if they want something, think I can get something, or think I want something from them. No one ever calls and says "Yo you wanna chill watch a movie, or go play some ball bro?" Or anything like it. How come? Fucking assholes...

I feel as if I'm the only real person left within at least maybe a 100 mile radius of me in all directions. So sad...

-dp

 

[ocean]

^There have been quite a few threads on this subject- you should try a search in TDS....you'd be amazed at how many people can relate.
Hang in there!

 

[dilated_pupils]

^^Thanks ocean. I know I'll be fine in the long run, but going through this process is just a lot to handle and it completely sucks. People you think you knew after hanging out for years just turn out to be a prick or they just don't give a shit period.

-dp

 

[paranoid android]

Anyone having trouble with their friends lately or ever actually? I am at the point I just sit inside all day because I don't want to bother with anyone anymore because I feel like they are all using me, if you knew my situation as well you'd understand more *cough* But anyway, lately it's really been hitting me how honestly people only ever call if they want something, think I can get something, or think I want something from them. No one ever calls and says "Yo you wanna chill watch a movie, or go play some ball bro?" Or anything like it. How come? Fucking assholes...

I feel as if I'm the only real person left within at least maybe a 100 mile radius of me in all directions. So sad...

-dp

Pretty much my situation now. I got none of my old friends around and except for 1 person i wouldnt say i have a whole fucking friend in this province.

 

[gorgoroth]

^ I'm here

 

[dilated_pupils]

Pretty much my situation now. I got none of my old friends around and except for 1 person i wouldnt say i have a whole fucking friend in this province.

It's all good man... we're friends. I mean think about it really, the internet is used so rapidly now a days that online friendships are not uncommon at all. A while back it may have been odd, but now it's fine... But sucks you're going through the same shit as me. I miss being 16, driving my 5.0 v8 T-Bird w/ rear wheel drive going on blunt rides... letting all my friends draw on the roof of my car with a sharpe. I miss that car, I miss those friends... I miss all the women... Oh well.

-dp

 

[gorgoroth]

come up to newfoundland by hang out with me and PA.
In fact all of yee should come

 

[dilated_pupils]

I actually was talking to PA about moving in with him if he got the apartment he was trying to get with his girl-y friend. I was thinking of joining the military there and I needed to get a job and have a place to live, and that would have been sweet to have a place to stay in a new city and such. It costs so much to start a new life somewhere far away, especially in a new country. They say on the Canada website that you should bring 6 months/half year worth of spending cash, including rent money and food money. That's a lot of cash...

-dp

 

[dilated_pupils]

*bump*

I just wanted to give the thread a bump, and let out some emotions that I've been dealing with the past couple days...

To be honest, I've come to realize pretty recently that I suppress a very large amount of my emotions which makes complete sense since I am a very empathetic person, which enables me to help others greatly and understand their issues but at the same time I put aside my issues and allow myself to go without addressing the things I should be in my life.

So with this said, in a broad spectrum, looking at my life right now I feel pretty down and out. I'm turning 21 in 11 days and I am no where near where I wish (and really should be) I were in life. Yeah, I've been told that around this age people tend to have identity issues - and I can easily say I've had some problems in that area, but overall my bipolar and other mental illnesses I am battling with are my biggest priorities and they take over my life. I need to stop allowing this to happen.

On a day to day basis, I'm doing moderately good. My faith in a higher being has returned and is coming back fairly strong actually which I feel at peace with. But recently, actually two days ago, I spent maybe an hour and half give or take, writing a poem for one of my ex's who I've been talking to again for a while now and have been getting close once again. She has screwed me over a couple times, nothing major, and to be honest I deserve it I really hurt her and did her wrong in the past (in my defense I was very young and didn't understand the concept of being with one girl). However, ever since we've been talking I started out with apologizing and through out our getting closer over time again I have been trying to be more open with her and express how horrible I feel about what I did wrong. So anyway this amazing poem (one of my best pieces I've written in a long while) laid down everything perfectly and I thought she was going to go head over heals after reading it... Instead I get a phone call saying "You need to back the fuck off." Followed by an idiotic text her 'boyfriend' sent to me from her phone - which a week ago everything was fine between her and I, and there was nothing about a boyfriend, or even a guy in her life that she had told me about (she's done this before though). The difference this time though is that first off I'm completely done with her now because I'm not allowing someone to hurt me like this any longer, and secondly the things that were said in the text, and what she said to me on the phone really hurt. I ended up rolling that night so it left my mind, and I'm just now realizing the repercussions of it all and it's hurting me. She's the kind of girl that, other than her sheer stubbornness (which I am stubborn as well so...), could be someone who stays in my life for a while, maybe even a potential wife... she's so smart and beautiful and those two qualities, plus a genuinely nice demeanor, have made me stay in love with her since we dated years ago. At the bottom of this post I'm going to put a part of the poem that I wrote for her, which just backs up what I've been explaining and shows how much I truly care(d?) for her...

Anyway sorry about the long post about stupid drama but I wanted to explain it somewhere and I thought this thread would be best rather than go make a new one (although I may in sex love and relationships).

Part of the poem...

...I could keep on displaying my feelings, emotions, everything, it all.
But when I get no return, it's kind of hard to deal with.
I've kept up long enough, can't you see this?
Even when you don't listen, or talk to me at times,
I'm still at home with you on my mind.
God, I can't tell you how much it would mean, to just have you in my life.
I'm begging you, please don't be blind, open your eyes and just see,
That I know I screwed up, and that I need to be forgiven.
I know, I know, It should have never happened to begin with.
All those horrible nights, you spent crying and upset,
With everything that's happened in my life, that's my biggest regret.

One last memory to leave you with,
Don't you remember I was your first kiss?
Right in my yard, it happened years ago,
And to this very day, I'm not ready to let it go.
So I hope everything I've said has covered the bases,
Baby girl, you are my oasis, that I need on a daily basis.
And with all my efforts I'll continue to chase this...

-dp

 

[Lifeonthepharm]

Anyone having trouble with their friends lately or ever actually? I am at the point I just sit inside all day because I don't want to bother with anyone anymore because I feel like they are all using me
-dp

Ya I get that a lot too. I think that on a fundamental level everyone is using everyone else for one reason or another.

To be honest, I've come to realize pretty recently that I suppress a very large amount of my emotions which makes complete sense since I am a very empathetic person, which enables me to help others greatly and understand their issues but at the same time I put aside my issues and allow myself to go without addressing the things I should be in my life.

So with this said, in a broad spectrum, looking at my life right now I feel pretty down and out. I'm turning 21 in 11 days and I am no where near where I wish (and really should be) I were in life. Yeah, I've been told that around this age people tend to have identity issues - and I can easily say I've had some problems in that area, but overall my bipolar and other mental illnesses I am battling with are my biggest priorities and they take over my life. I need to stop allowing this to happen.

I stumbled across a diary that was written when I was that age. It's very similar to what you are saying. Now I'm 32 and don't really feel any different. There's still that void I can't fill, still feel like nothing accomplished and not sure which direction to go in, and really miss the girls.

However, ever since we've been talking I started out with apologizing and through out our getting closer over time again I have been trying to be more open with her and express how horrible I feel about what I did wrong. So anyway this amazing poem (one of my best pieces I've written in a long while) laid down everything perfectly and I thought she was going to go head over heals after reading it... Instead I get a phone call saying "You need to back the fuck off."

Ouch. One thing I've noticed about girls is they say things that will throw you wayyy off course. I was not surprised in the least at her reaction. Also they always have a boyfriend whenever they feel like being left alone. They also lose boyfriends real fast when something they truly desire comes along.

which just backs up what I've been explaining and shows how much I truly care(d?) for her...

I bet she'd be way more interested in you if she was wondering why you don't give a crap about her, but everyone else does. IMO from what I observe anyway.

Good luck with the jail thing. I'm scared to death of going there... although I heard you can learn some nifty things there.

----------------------

I seem to be sinking further and further. I thought I was getting better, but as soon as I start to it always seems that something happens to deter it. I'm scared and don't know how long I can keep doing this.

I hate when I get that feeling. I hope to eventually be more accepting of bad situations, and not so thrilled by good situations. Strike some sort of BALANCE!

Something cyclical about it all though. Hang in there, you can keep doing it until you reach an acceptable state.

----------------

Ive had a return to the suicidal mixed state mania type of depression i used to get. I havent had it in ages now months i guess but it feels longer. Id have been happy never to have it again.

Pissed off at everything, feeling utterly hopeless, feeling that everything is fucked and always will be so why fuckin bother so why not fuckin kill myself? Also the feelings to cut are back pretty damn bad.

I don't want to feel like this and im not real sure what brought it on. I always start to feel this way around fall atleast abit though because it's a reminder of what i didnt do with this year and how another one will pass without having accomplished anything.

Even getting high only helps a little, talking to people really doesent help and i only don't notice it when im too fucked to think bout much.

Sounds pretty shitty dude. I've been without a comp for a while... how are you making out now?

 

[paranoid android]

Sounds pretty shitty dude. I've been without a comp for a while... how are you making out now?

Ive been pretty depressed this past week thats for sure. Im on the major depression side of it no real mixed state feelings. Been sleeping alot, not eating and not really doing anything.

 

[bang that shit]

Ive been pretty depressed this past week thats for sure. Im on the major depression side of it no real mixed state feelings. Been sleeping alot, not eating and not really doing anything.

yea same.... just boredom.... depression.... not eating much


i could really go for some drugs of any sort