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Cocaine doing coke alone

jessepinkman779 said:
My dealer has asked me to store some for him at my house. I said no. I'm honestly starting to think he wants me to OD. If I had boxes of that around me I'd be dead in a week or so. Plus I don't fancy prison, or worse getting robbed and owing him. Obviously I can't mention money but the yellow stuff is a wallet breaker. Well, in my case a loan breaker. Only place I've seen yellow stuff is in Brazil. I'm sending a tiny sample to be tested because I'm genuinely interested in the purity. There is coke going around the UK that's 80+ purity it's been on the news and we'd because people have been dying from it and that stuff is white.

My dealer is either really looking after me or has done secret grudge against me and wants me to OD. Tbh he has warned me about the strength and told me to go easy even with half a gram. I might bash it myself. Definitely sending a sample to be tested just out of curiosity as regards how pure it is. All my dealer said is no one anywhere near our area has got this quality. See what I mean, he's either sorting me out or wants me dead. But, I don't have to have it so it's on me. Every time I tell him I'm trying to stop he magically pulls some of the good good out the bag, but it's never still had a yellow tint.
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Is that still the same dealer you've been mentioning a lot before? That childhood ''friend''? I use quotes here because an actual friend wouldn't do that. Especially with him knowing you have been trying to stop for a while now and how deeply addicted you are, and then proposing you to ''store'' some at your place? Sorry but that right there is just so awful to me :barf: You already had lots of difficulty not hitting him up to buy some when you said you wouldn't, while he knew that. And now you made great progress and having someone else manage your funds, he wants to store a ''dealer's amount'' amount of coke directly at your place, just you alone with that big stash. He's setting you up for failure, that was clearly a trap to get you to relapse, that's absolutely on par with his track record. You need to remove that person from you life completely.

Don't take it personally, this isn't against you, I just can't stand that kind of vile behaviour. We haven't met irl but I care weirdly a lot about you, and I feel it in my blood when such things are happening to the people I'm rooting for :heart7:
 
iwish said:
I started reading this thread and it was very engaging. I read til page 7 or so then skipped to the end. I'm glad you're still heading in a positive direction JP.
One thing I don't see being discussed unless I missed it is why you are an addict? Is there childhood trauma you need to deal with? Until you work through that and reprogram your brain you'll never heal. It's possible but the odds are low hence the low recovery rate. It's like a self destruct button deep inside.
I think if you stopped cold turkey it'd take at least 6 months for your brain to start to recover and feel normal. The best thing is to get as fit and healthy as possible first.
Teach your body to release endorphins. Put your number 1 priority each day to work out, sweat and get stronger. I would highly recommend carnivore diet plus fruit. You can feel as good as you do high while sober but it takes a lot of time.
Recovery can only happen through other people. Do you have any good influences to lean on?
Is your current dealer still your childhood friend or someone else? They sound really awful for you.
If I was you id try to do Ibogaine therapy if you have the money? I think it's good for any addiction or just opiates?
Edit: just checked and Ibogaine can stop coke addiction. Do it if you can!!!
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I do have childhood trauma issues. I have Borderline personality disorder. So, I'm hoping to work through said issues with the psychotherapist. I'm back to using my main dealer now, but a friend of mine holds it for me and gives me half a gram a day. Hopefully the psychotherapist can help me get to the bottom of my childhood issues. I'm guessing it's going to be a long road to walk, but possibly the most important thing I've ever done.
 
Passable_rock said:
Is that still the same dealer you've been mentioning a lot before? That childhood ''friend''? I use quotes here because an actual friend wouldn't do that. Especially with him knowing you have been trying to stop for a while now and how deeply addicted you are, and then proposing you to ''store'' some at your place? Sorry but that right there is just so awful to me :barf: You already had lots of difficulty not hitting him up to buy some when you said you wouldn't, while he knew that. And now you made great progress and having someone else manage your funds, he wants to store a ''dealer's amount'' amount of coke directly at your place, just you alone with that big stash. He's setting you up for failure, that was clearly a trap to get you to relapse, that's absolutely on par with his track record. You need to remove that person from you life completely.

Don't take it personally, this isn't against you, I just can't stand that kind of vile behaviour. We haven't met irl but I care weirdly a lot about you, and I feel it in my blood when such things are happening to the people I'm rooting for :heart7:
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Thank you. My dealer just popped round and just messaged me saying come outside. I went out and he just wanted to show me his new car. Then, he said do you want anything. As I said above: I've been having half a gram a day, but when I just saw my dealer and he asked if I wanted anything I said, yes a baller please.
 
I've not been on a cocaine anonymous meeting for about a week either. The meetings just seem to make my cravings worse. I have met some very nice people who have overcome cocaine addiction so I think I just need to put more effort into the meetings. The meetings are on zoom so I haven't got any excuse not to attend. I lost a very close friend last week, he bought coke laced with fentanyl and it killed him. That knocked me about a bit, but it's also made me think how easily I could go. I used to get his coke off my dealer saying it was for me, but since dropping to half a gram a day I told him I couldn't get it anymore. So I feel partly responsible for his death, but he had been pushing the boundaries for years mixing uppers and downers, hardly sleeping or eating. Still, he's a massive loss to me. I felt he was the only friend I had who truly understood me. And, if I ever did want to session with someone he was available 24/7. He's left a 6 year old daughter and his partner. He was worth a lot of money so they will never have to worry about that, but like me, I'm certain they'd rather have him back. He was 48 years old. They found midazolom in his system too though so only he and god knows what he'd mixed all together. I've only seen midazolom once before and that's when another friend was terminally ill with cancer they've gave him that most days I'm assuming to help him cope psychologicaly because he absolutely fell to bits when he was diagnosed like most people would. He had back ache for 3 weeks, went and got it checked out because he also had MS sand 3 days later got told he'd got 18 months to live. He was dead 4 weeks later at the age of 50. Anyway, his widow gave me some amps of midazolom but I binned them after reading about that medication. The insomnia medication from what I read. I've lost 4 friends in as many years. There's 2 of us left out of that group. I'm trying but need to try harder and my other friend is clean aside from weed. I mean it's fucking Monday and I'm having a baller just because my dealer came to show me his new car. On one hand he sells to me because he doesn't want me buying dangerous contaminated coke, but on the other hand we've been friends since childhood. I just can't work out if we're still friends, or if he just enjoys having me on the hook. He certainly doesn't need my custom. He hasn't ever sold me dodgy coke though and I do trust him in that regard. Plus, anywhere I am he'll drop to me and at any time. I've said before but the minimum order off him is 4 and a half ounce. So he's either doing me smaller amounts because he genuinely doesn't want me buying bad coke. Or, he's enjoying the control. I can't work him out because when I see him we chat about life in general once he's passed me my coke. And we can be chatting for a while. He obviously trusts me with information regarding his business, but asking me to store stuff for him was cheeky to say the least. I'd have snorted loads of it, or got robbed and had to repay it. My other friend who only smokes weed said your dealer stopped being your friend when he started selling you an ounce per week you just can't see it, but everyone else can.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
I've not been on a cocaine anonymous meeting for about a week either. The meetings just seem to make my cravings worse. I have met some very nice people who have overcome cocaine addiction so I think I just need to put more effort into the meetings. The meetings are on zoom so I haven't got any excuse not to attend. I lost a very close friend last week, he bought coke laced with fentanyl and it killed him. That knocked me about a bit, but it's also made me think how easily I could go. I used to get his coke off my dealer saying it was for me, but since dropping to half a gram a day I told him I couldn't get it anymore. So I feel partly responsible for his death, but he had been pushing the boundaries for years mixing uppers and downers, hardly sleeping or eating. Still, he's a massive loss to me. I felt he was the only friend I had who truly understood me. And, if I ever did want to session with someone he was available 24/7. He's left a 6 year old daughter and his partner. He was worth a lot of money so they will never have to worry about that, but like me, I'm certain they'd rather have him back. He was 48 years old. They found midazolom in his system too though so only he and god knows what he'd mixed all together. I've only seen midazolom once before and that's when another friend was terminally ill with cancer they've gave him that most days I'm assuming to help him cope psychologicaly because he absolutely fell to bits when he was diagnosed like most people would. He had back ache for 3 weeks, went and got it checked out because he also had MS sand 3 days later got told he'd got 18 months to live. He was dead 4 weeks later at the age of 50. Anyway, his widow gave me some amps of midazolom but I binned them after reading about that medication. The insomnia medication from what I read. I've lost 4 friends in as many years. There's 2 of us left out of that group. I'm trying but need to try harder and my other friend is clean aside from weed. I mean it's fucking Monday and I'm having a baller just because my dealer came to show me his new car. On one hand he sells to me because he doesn't want me buying dangerous contaminated coke, but on the other hand we've been friends since childhood. I just can't work out if we're still friends, or if he just enjoys having me on the hook. He certainly doesn't need my custom. He hasn't ever sold me dodgy coke though and I do trust him in that regard. Plus, anywhere I am he'll drop to me and at any time. I've said before but the minimum order off him is 4 and a half ounce. So he's either doing me smaller amounts because he genuinely doesn't want me buying bad coke. Or, he's enjoying the control. I can't work him out because when I see him we chat about life in general once he's passed me my coke. And we can be chatting for a while. He obviously trusts me with information regarding his business, but asking me to store stuff for him was cheeky to say the least. I'd have snorted loads of it, or got robbed and had to repay it. My other friend who only smokes weed said your dealer stopped being your friend when he started selling you an ounce per week you just can't see it, but everyone else can.
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Unfortunately there are no real friends in that particular business, especially when money becomes tight ,money lending causes issues without drugs but with them makes it 10x worse ,I know this is not an issue to you ,but lots of coke dealers use paying customers to lay on those that can't pay for a week
It a viscous cycle
 
lost weekend said:
Unfortunately there are no real friends in that particular business, especially when money becomes tight ,money lending causes issues without drugs but with them makes it 10x worse ,I know this is not an issue to you ,but lots of coke dealers use paying customers to lay on those that can't pay for a week
It a viscous cycle
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At the moment it is me. My family have full access to my money so everything I have off my dealer is on a bill/tab. So I'm actually in debt for coke at the moment. My family will use my money for things like the psychotherapist, but not for coke. I don't know how deep I'm in debt yet, but he knows I'm good for it when I can access my money. He knows he'll get his money at some point so he isn't bothered. Although he has asked for a few favours that I'm definitely not doing. I'd rather go to my family and say this debt needs paying asap or I'm on the hook to clear my bill in other ways. He's asked me to accompany him on a pick up, I said I'm just a customer and I want to keep it that way. I don't want the people he deals with knowing I exist. I have been before but that was people I already knew. I think he's actually loving me having no cash in fully dependant on him. It's my own money I do t come from a family with money. I come from nothing, rock bottom. I just did okay for myself and I'm comfortable. But, I had nothing growing up, or indeed in my 20's.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
At the moment it is me. My family have full access to my money so everything I have off my dealer is on a bill/tab. So I'm actually in debt for coke at the moment. My family will use my money for things like the psychotherapist, but not for coke. I don't know how deep I'm in debt yet, but he knows I'm good for it when I can access my money. He knows he'll get his money at some point so he isn't bothered. Although he has asked for a few favours that I'm definitely not doing. I'd rather go to my family and say this debt needs paying asap or I'm on the hook to clear my bill in other ways. He's asked me to accompany him on a pick up, I said I'm just a customer and I want to keep it that way. I don't want the people he deals with knowing I exist. I have been before but that was people I already knew. I think he's actually loving me having no cash in fully dependant on him. It's my own money I do t come from a family with money. I come from nothing, rock bottom. I just did okay for myself and I'm comfortable. But, I had nothing growing up, or indeed in my 20's.
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Me to ,I'm fortunate to be in a position that my wife supported me,but she still dosnt know full story ,I tell my Councillor things I would never tell my wife which is good
I know or knew folk that were strictly cash only cos they had used up everything they had and would drive around with no mot or tax because any cash they got would be spent on one thing only
Your right ,that's when they start getting involved in 24hrs pick up and drop off to drunks at 3 am just to get the scrapings from whats left on worktop
It's a terrible thing to see
 
lost weekend said:
Me to ,I'm fortunate to be in a position that my wife supported me,but she still dosnt know full story ,I tell my Councillor things I would never tell my wife which is good
I know or knew folk that were strictly cash only cos they had used up everything they had and would drive around with no mot or tax because any cash they got would be spent on one thing only
Your right ,that's when they start getting involved in 24hrs pick up and drop off to drunks at 3 am just to get the scrapings from whats left on worktop
It's a terrible thing to see
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It's terrible just thinking about it isn't it. My dealer bought another very expensive car today and all I thought was how much pain paid for it.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
At the moment it is me. My family have full access to my money so everything I have off my dealer is on a bill/tab. So I'm actually in debt for coke at the moment. My family will use my money for things like the psychotherapist, but not for coke. I don't know how deep I'm in debt yet, but he knows I'm good for it when I can access my money. He knows he'll get his money at some point so he isn't bothered. Although he has asked for a few favours that I'm definitely not doing. I'd rather go to my family and say this debt needs paying asap or I'm on the hook to clear my bill in other ways. He's asked me to accompany him on a pick up, I said I'm just a customer and I want to keep it that way. I don't want the people he deals with knowing I exist. I have been before but that was people I already knew. I think he's actually loving me having no cash in fully dependant on him. It's my own money I do t come from a family with money. I come from nothing, rock bottom. I just did okay for myself and I'm comfortable. But, I had nothing growing up, or indeed in my 20's.
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Regardless of your dealer's ''true intentions'', You really need to let him go for good. I know you technically have the money, but someone else is in control of that for now, what if bad luck hits you? Being in debt to a coke dealer puts you in an even more vulnerable position than you were before. You said he already asked you for favours because of it, it's a very slippery slope, this right here has me worried for you. It's just this for now, but what will come next? He definitely enjoyed the control he had over you, and now he has even more, please stop doing this. You need to accept the fact that he is not good for you. Even if we forget his motives or if he's a real friend or not, it's just about the worse kind of person to be around you right now.

If you're that worried about having the same fate as your friend that had his coke cut/tainted with fent, just go buy a test kit, several different kinds even. Get a way to properly test you stuff asap, then cut that person out of your life.

Please :heart7:
 
jessepinkman779 said:
I think I know this deep down I just won't accept it.
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It's an awful drug ,the worst part is how it changes your personality into "look at me ,listen to me ,I have something important to say that everyone will be so interested in " 3 or 4 people with that mind set late at night sitting in a room dosnt make for interesting conversation lol
 
Nice little easter egg.

The capsule is in fact clobenzorex and it does technically contain two hydrochloride moieies (sort of) so 'phenyldihydrobenzorex' isn't technically correct but is quite possibly how someone with at least some knowledge of chemistry might try to describe it. I would give an O-level student 3 out of 5 as they note the two benzene rings, the benzylic moiety and what might appear to be two hydrogen-chlorine bonds.

I would credit them with having made an informed guess because effort was made to overcome gaps in their knowledge.

I suppose one might term it a farce-à-clef in that the script, set and acting all conjoin to make it a fantastic scene, BUT the author went that extra mile to nod to those few people who would recognize the capsule and understand that Danny the Dealer is playing with Withnail's expectations... since it seems he was their drug dealer, he of all people would KNOW the pair were about to crash so implying that he was offering a powerful sedative was to lure Withnail.

The joke of course being that it's a STIMULANT so rewind the clip and it opens with I (Bruce Robinson) talking about how chronic stimulant abuse strips away a person's nervous system until the inevibable crash.

FYI I was on nodding terms with a small group of Gabber fans from Leiden University. They all consumed far, far to many illicit amphetamine-type stimulants. But their idea of a joke was if one of them fell asleep the others would use a fine brush to paint a layer of their 'whizz-de-jour' onto the lips of their slumbering companion. Then scream... Think about it, when startled awake, if a person feels something is on their lips, the instinct is to abstract whatever it is using the tongue. I think it a very similar and very cruel trick. I mention it just to show that such things really do happen.

Worse still, if they judged (speed freaks being renowned for judgment) a member was consuming to much of their yaba they would spike them with acid! For fun!!
 
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