another bit of an update from me.
so
pregab tolerance has again sky rocketed, going on another break, last time it was 1 month, I'm going to go for longer this time, however having read about things the other GABA drugs I take is clearly contributing to pregab tolerance - started at 300mg and now 600-900mg always
combined with diazapam which has moved from 10mg up to 30mg, thankfully I've restrained this combo to just once per week so don't feel like it's out of hand just yet BUT clear sign that I need to stop.
I've been
hitting Soma way too hard, what has been 1000mg every 2-3 days has more recently become 2000-3000mg, this has got to a point where I'm getting mild rebound anxiety the day after a binge - thank fuck it's
mild rebound anxiety, I'm able to tough it out with a few nootropics.
I've got to admit that it's scared me, fuck only knows how bad benzo withdrawal must be but I have no desire to fucking find out.
So I'm actively now reducing my soma usage as well, max dose will be 1000mg in 1 sitting and no more coupled with 10mg diaz, I'm going to move this to 3-4 days between uses with a view to it becoming once per week and then once per fortnight.
Alcohol is a problem again and I need to stop drinking - my plan is exercise because the more I exercise the less I want to drink, I'm currently exercising almost daily, mainly a walk, but the odd run, and for the 1st time in a long time I went out on my bike in the sunshine, it was bloody glorious, really made me feel good.
I'm using
cannabis daily and suspect it might be contributing to anxiety too.
The background to all this is a lot of personal & heavy emotional shit, stress and anxiety. Right now I'm pretty much sat in a room just coping with life, trying to come to terms with a lot of stuff, on the right side of a mental breakdown but space I'm able to give myself is just what I need to sort my head out, again I'm lucky it's the right side because if it were a bit further the other way then I'd be doing a lot more drugs than I currently am. I'm also so very lucky that I have a close and very supportive family around me, lots of people don't have this, without it I'd be screwed.
1 big bit of advice I would like to put out there that's really helping me understand things - I keep a log of everything I take, amounts, notes, issues etc, it allows me a realistic and honest view of what is really going on, especially dosage and frequency, no where to hide from yourself this way.
I've stayed off coke, GBL, phenibut, and Xanax for over a month, 2 months for some, and have reduce ketamine & methedrone usage down recently as well.
major goal here is to become a weekend warrior, though I've very much considered the "fuck it" route and giving myself over to the chaos as well.
Thought I would add in a relevant quote from
@BadBoy377 from another thread which pretty much nails things on the head, thanks
@BadBoy377 just the advice I needed and know you're trying to look out for me when you say what you do
You and me both, mate.
I did the same, like somehow slowly alternating substances will allow us to escape unscathed from the long term effects of regular substance use. Definitely won't leave a frayed rubber band of emotions where the cracks show when you stretch it too far from pulling in all different directions at once... Will it?
I read about this years ago. On here. From another user doing exactly the same thing. They termed it "The Superhabit" where eventually you just end up with ill effects from everything you've been using. Generally it's just a case of put it all down, slowly, bit by bit. Then see where you are, take stock and move on with your life. Or just fuck everything up big style with extra helpings of mental and possibly physical pain/discomfort.
Been there can confirm it's no fun.
Start with the booze and things will get easier and you'll feel better.
All the best.
Why am I posting this? to share the reality.
I don't think I'm in too deep yet, but I'm teetering on the edge of what could be a pretty destructive path, I can see it, I'm aware, I know the risk and the consequences, people keep telling me & warning me, yet none of that is enough to stop me.
the old phrase "fuck around and find out" springs to mind - listen to the warning signs placebonaut you dumb fuck