I took 65mg MAL and 150ug of Al-Lad. Fucking intense!!! I was also awake for 36+ hours. 14hr strong and at least as hr of distinctive afterglow. I took 1g of phenibut witht the mal and was popping edibles the whole time. I don't know when or how much of the edibles. The edibles helped add color (literally and figuratively) and flesh things out. I don't know what the phenibut did or didn't, it makes tyrptamines feel dreamier and it intensifies acid and dissociatives. I think the body energy was so strong that it might of just nullified the p-but. I can't be certain.
I took 65mg MAL 11:30pm.
First alerts 12:00am. Very faint stoned feeling with mild stomach tension.
It's nearly 1:30am and I definitely feel it. Not very visual at all but I do feel this warm energetic glowy earthy feeling.
It's that time I drop 150ug Al-Lad blotter sublingual and leave it there for 45min.
2am, I'm getting restless and need to move. I decide to go for a walk.
About 10min into the walk I feel like a tiger on the prowl. My dog notices something in some bushes and I just notice myself literally growling and snarling and jumping in between it and dog. I take a breath after I heard it jump and remind myself we're fine and then I laughed quite a bit about it. The mal was peaking when I started the walk and about halfway through I started feeling more and stronger surges and things began to glow which was the al-lad peaking.
As I keep walking these incredibly strong waves of euphoria and primal energy and instinct start coursing through me. The air on my skin is electric and every sense is highly sensitive and tuned in. I feel like an animal connected to the Earth. Lights are really bright and there's a lot of color saturation. Everything had this electric pastel glow to it. Not much waving and the path was very clear. With some tryptamines things can get so wavy I can barely walk but not at all here. There aren't really much in the way of thoughts at this point. I have to let out growls and snarls and moans and small roars. My whole body is highly activated and I feel ready to pounce. Chest puffed out and haunches kept slightly back ready to spring. In my head I notice what's happening but I can barely do anything about it, I just have to let the waves take over, then get a break, then another wave washes over me. I felt like I was a lot at that moment but at the same time not too much. I never feel okay about showing feeling really strong emotions and I felt okay doing that.
About 2:45am I finally get back home. Thank god it was real late and I didn't come across anybody on the walk, I may or may not have been able to keep my shit together. At this point the energy is still incredibly strong but it's not all body and instinct centered it starts to hit the heart more and more as time passes.
3:45am. Introspection begins to occur here. I won't call it negative, I will call it extremely challenging. It went dark into rumination, resentment. and loneliness. Then I begin to feel heart opening which was familiar from tryptamines but with way more physical energy and intensity. Then when another wave hit me I would lose my thoughts and I at times even be taken to the ground with a combination of hurt, sadness, euphoria, aggression, sexual energy and loneliness. As far as what I was actually doing on the floor I would mostly just growl, snarl, whimper, cry, and cry out. And this cycle went on for many hours. It was both physical release and catharsis. Something about the combination of euphoria, body energy, and heart opening from the drugs let the flood gates open and with mindfulness and grounding techniques I've learned over the years I could let those already softened blocks come down some more. I've learned a long time ago that fighting this kind kind of thing is a guarantee for a hellish trip and emotional troubles over the next several weeks (or even months). There's a reason newbs should start low. It takes some practice and experience to work with these type of peak experiences in a thoughtful and intentional manner.
The rest of the night and into the early and mid morning felt like this. It only started to let up sometime around mid morning. But it wasn't until 4am that I could sleep.
It was so intense I couldn't really follow any trip planner or listen to music or watch youtube or play with the pets like I usually do when I trip. I just had to let the waves pass through. There was a fair bit of body tension and a ton of jaw clenching. Way more than with mdma or 5-apb (the only two empathogens I've experienced unless you count 3-mmc).
I didn't ask myself why I felt these things, I didn't judge it I just let it pass through. A couple days later and I still notice less tension in my pelvis and stomach, my hips and back feel a little loser and my heart feels a little lighter and I find myself being a little more open with people. I'm still very much me, kind of a shy awkward urchin but I feel a little more okay about bringing and showing this awkward urchin into world and letting myself be seen and heard. I still find myself going through the protest and grief cycle after this and it seems I'm now going through integration and surrender in the days that follow. There might be a lot of time spend in integration. Usually just one trip doesn't hit me this hard it usually takes weekend after weekend after weekend before there's any kind of breakthrough.
God bless, have a beautiful day or night where ever or when ever you are in the world.
