Venting I just hate being sober

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Ok cool. I just didn't want to inadvertently do some kind of damage to someone... I know I'm... probably overthinking it. *shrug*

That's a nice trait though

And hey thanks, I thought it was moving. Sad. But... one fit well with the other. I appreciate the feedback. Like I said I didn't really make any of that stuff so I can't claim any kind of credit for it. But I like to pair things sometimes. I think lots of people do. Apparently that studio is the same studio that made some of The Witcher cinematics. They do very good work. (I made up a genre for that kind of music... "Sad Techno" ... I know, super creative lol. It was what I had to work with at the time. )

Actually some of my favorite songs I first heard in anime music videos. Fan made compilations, some of which are brilliant imo. Always liked to watch these... But never got to make one myself.
On another note I decided to taper again and not get anything new for now.. Let's see how long that lasts...

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

Same
I'm at a point now where I'll cold turkey both my anti-psychotics ahead of running out of drugs so that if I HAVE to be sober, at least I'll be psychotic...so effectively naturally not-sober because I much prefer to be delusional and hallucinating than face reality.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Same
I'm at a point now where I'll cold turkey both my anti-psychotics ahead of running out of drugs so that if I HAVE to be sober, at least I'll be psychotic...so effectively naturally not-sober because I much prefer to be delusional and hallucinating than face reality.

That's a damn hard statement... But as per the little I know about you, you're in a pretty damn tight situation at least health wise... So is it the physical pain you can't face or something else as well?

 

[Deleted member 81238]

There's always Fridays.

 

[Uden]

That's a nice trait though

Ah hey. All I can do is try.

But never got to make one myself.

There is always, tomorrow, for dreams to come true... (Corny. But I laughed.)

On another note I decided to taper again and not get anything new for now.. Let's see how long that lasts...

Well I hope it works out for you. There are definitely times I wish I had never touched drugs at all. I have some good memories, but I wonder what type of person I'd be if I hadn't ever gone down that road. C'est la vie I suppose.
I sincerely wish you the best in that endeavor.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Ah hey. All I can do is try.

There is always, tomorrow, for dreams to come true... (Corny. But I laughed.)

Well I hope it works out for you. There are definitely times I wish I had never touched drugs at all. I have some good memories, but I wonder what type of person I'd be if I hadn't ever gone down that road. C'est la vie I suppose.
I sincerely wish you the best in that endeavor.

Hey! You had a very good timing fr - I was preparing an order . Didn't get to reply but I was thinking about what to reply -
And I still didn't order anything. So thanks a lot for that.
I underestimated the tapering stuff big time. It's so hard to watch the stash melt away and I admit it's scaring... Up to now I never did much of a taper but used the time when we were at my parents place and I had little to do for just withdrawing cold or maximum taking a small dose sometimes. Now I can't stay in bed and have to always be at least fairly present... Which is a whole different level of challenge and on top I believe that my current habit is also a bit more serious...
I practically spent the last week stumbling from WD to high after all, tried to stop cold twice and just couldn't bear it... Feels like the whole effort actually made the WD worse..
And it took me a while to believe that I need to really know my minimal functioning dose. I never cared about that so today is the first day I believe I'm pretty much at the minimum I need, I'm still getting WD symptoms between the doses.. and that's way more than I thought I'd need ...
I've been sick so often lately and it was all but a waste ... Anyway I really hope I can finish this before I run out.

 

[Uden]

Hey! You had a very good timing fr - I was preparing an order . Didn't get to reply but I was thinking about what to reply -
And I still didn't order anything. So thanks a lot for that.

Well I'm glad I could help, if I'm not misunderstanding that.

I underestimated the tapering stuff big time. It's so hard to watch the stash melt away and I admit it's scaring...

I've tried it a lot too over the years. Failed all the time. I think it's too late for me. In reality it's never too late, it's just my mindset isn't the greatest. I'm prepared to gtfo of here, if you know what I mean. I wouldn't wish that on anyone or anything like that. It's just me, my life etc. 45 years of being a failure and having no real future to think about or look forward to, etc. I think for most people where there's a will, there's a way, and you seem like you've got a lot to look forward to so I'd say it's doable. (not at all trying to sound like I'm minimizing your struggles, because I'm not. It's just my take on who you are, and what you've got going for you.) From what I understand tapering isn't going to get rid of the WD entirely, it's just to make it bearable for as long as you can go (and the smallest amount of the stuff possible, obviously.) and then get off the stuff. I mean you've got to think realistically, what is the minimum dose you can do before it becomes a laughable amount, 2-3 grains of the stuff is kinda "wtf am I doing?" territory, as far as I'm concerned lol. I mean if it helps, it helps and I can't bash it. Just thinking from what my own perspective would be.

Now I can't stay in bed and have to always be at least fairly present... Which is a whole different level of challenge

Man if you can manage that, you've really gone further than you think. I sleep as much as I possibly can. The waking world has lost it's luster. I think you're going down the right path. The trick, methinks, is to never give up on trying.

tried to stop cold twice and just couldn't bear it...

Yeah I'm right there with you on that lol. Though I've had a couple friends that went to jail and stopped in there, and said "It's not as bad as you think." My reply to that was less than positive... lol.

I've been sick so often lately and it was all but a waste

Well like I said above, tapering, at least from what I've heard and read (and gone through myself, I'm not sure if I was doing it wrong or something... and fuck if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I ever really put a whole lot of effort into it.), isn't going to get rid of the symptoms entirely. It's just meant to make it bearable. And it wasn't a waste at all, you tried. Just gotta get back up and try again. Part of the quitting process, at least for me, was actually wanting to quit. You have to get there first. Kind of hating the high, hating the drugs, being sincerely tired of the whole of the rigamarole and wanting to leave it behind. I'm not trying to imply anything about you by saying this, just that was my mindset the one time I left opiates behind. Quit for a year and a half and stupidly picked it back up with hydros lol. I'm an idiot. Just remember this, if you do get rid of it from your life... don't ever look back. Don't think to yourself "Well hey I can take one now and be good for a while." or "I can get high on this little amount, it'll be fine." because it's a snowball effect. You'll end up right back where you started. There is always a way out again, but it'll be just as hard the second time around, if not more so. And that's who I am. You may be different, don't let the things I say shape your ideas of what may or may not be possible. If you get injured in the future (just an example, I hope that doesn't happen. ) and need some kind of pain management and you know you can leave it behind afterward, don't let me take that possibility from you. Just keep what I said in mind, and be honest with yourself.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Well I'm glad I could help, if I'm not misunderstanding that.

No misunderstanding here.I needed the reminder

I've tried it a lot too over the years. Failed all the time. I think it's too late for me. In reality it's never too late, it's just my mindset isn't the greatest. I'm prepared to gtfo of here, if you know what I mean. I wouldn't wish that on anyone or anything like that. It's just me, my life etc. 45 years of being a failure and having no real future to think about or look forward to, etc.

The oldest ex junky I know used since very young and is scarred in many ways, but he found his place eventually: He's working at an animal shelter and said it's what he always wanted to do... Idk what place it might be for you, but I believe that everyone can find a place in life... One that makes sense for them...

I think for most people where there's a will, there's a way, and you seem like you've got a lot to look forward to so I'd say it's doable. (not at all trying to sound like I'm minimizing your struggles, because I'm not. It's just my take on who you are, and what you've got going for you.)

Thank you. Yes my family binds me and gives me some sense in life. My mindset is not the greatest either at this point though.
I don't really look forward to anything. It's just like: How can I get through this without losing my grip on all the stuff I have to take care of, or at least the most important things... And then I'm craving some sort of reward...And my idea of that is rather problematic

From what I understand tapering isn't going to get rid of the WD entirely, it's just to make it bearable for as long as you can go (and the smallest amount of the stuff possible, obviously.) and then get off the stuff. I mean you've got to think realistically, what is the minimum dose you can do before it becomes a laughable amount, 2-3 grains of the stuff is kinda "wtf am I doing?" territory, as far as I'm concerned lol. I mean if it helps, it helps and I can't bash it. Just thinking from what my own perspective would be.

That's probably the fastest way. Meanwhile I am planning for a loger taper. My starting point is a dose with almost no symptoms. Still then it's hard enough to resist urge for more...

Man if you can manage that, you've really gone further than you think. I sleep as much as I possibly can. The waking world has lost it's luster. I think you're going down the right path. The trick, methinks, is to never give up on trying.

Thanks again - and I honestly hope you don't give up as well

Yeah I'm right there with you on that lol. Though I've had a couple friends that went to jail and stopped in there, and said "It's not as bad as you think." My reply to that was less than positive... lol.

Well like I said above, tapering, at least from what I've heard and read (and gone through myself, I'm not sure if I was doing it wrong or something... and fuck if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I ever really put a whole lot of effort into it.), isn't going to get rid of the symptoms entirely. It's just meant to make it bearable. And it wasn't a waste at all, you tried. Just gotta get back up and try again. Part of the quitting process, at least for me, was actually wanting to quit. You have to get there first. Kind of hating the high, hating the drugs, being sincerely tired of the whole of the rigamarole and wanting to leave it behind. I'm not trying to imply anything about you by saying this, just that was my mindset the one time I left opiates behind. Quit for a year and a half

Right. I'm still not very convinced of my own determination .. It's easy to be fed up with all the hassle around, the mistakes I made and the damage done shames me... But I don't think I can ever hate the high

and stupidly picked it back up with hydros lol. I'm an idiot. Just remember this, if you do get rid of it from your life... don't ever look back. Don't think to yourself "Well hey I can take one now and be good for a while." or "I can get high on this little amount, it'll be fine." because it's a snowball effect. You'll end up right back where you started. There is always a way out again, but it'll be just as hard the second time around, if not more so.

I get that.... Atm I can absolutely imagine that to happen...

And that's who I am. You may be different, don't let the things I say shape your ideas of what may or may not be possible. If you get injured in the future (just an example, I hope that doesn't happen. ) and need some kind of pain management and you know you can leave it behind afterward, don't let me take that possibility from you. Just keep what I said in mind, and be honest with yourself.

Yep I will remember that for sure

Just in case you try again: Apparently reducing the dose by 10% every week is the best bet... I hate the time that it's going to take, but after a very fast WD I might still not be ready to give up on it permanently... I can imagine that it's giving the brain enough time to really readjust... For me giving up on the high is the main obstacle, that's what I believe...

PLease take care of yourself!

 

[washingtonbound]

Same
I'm at a point now where I'll cold turkey both my anti-psychotics ahead of running out of drugs so that if I HAVE to be sober, at least I'll be psychotic...so effectively naturally not-sober because I much prefer to be delusional and hallucinating than face reality.

I wanted to comment on this. Right now I’m going on 2 years without any psychotic episode, which is a big deal since one used to occur every few months. So technically I’m doing better, but I have to say, regular life, without the psychosis and drugs, feels rather anhedonic to me. I suppose that’s also because I don’t have any career or something that adds purpose to my life, but regardless, it is just bland beyond belief. Wake up with nasty morning anxiety, drink a coffee, it wears off in an hour, eat, do nothing, eat, sleep. I’ve been collecting unemployment for a while since having psychosis, and the days just feel like a waste.

Anyway, I know what you mean about the escapism of a psychotic state. Not being in that state of mind for a while reminds you what led to drugs in the first place.

 

[Asclepius]

Jesus Christ! That is phenomenal - have you ordered, have your loved ones given you acknowledgement of that fact (have you told them-harvest trustworthy confidents) ...you are doing life, amazingly! Watch your diet, cut out carbs & ultra processed food until you need.

Much respect brother, seriously think you are unaware of how much, how far & how strong you are! ( Please share it with your loved ones, if they are trustworthy - you need it)

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Jesus Christ! That is phenomenal - have you ordered,

Why thank you! (Though I don't believe I deserve that yet ). So far no order aside black seed oil and dph for a little assistance (50 mg/day of the latter, not more)

have your loved ones given you acknowledgement of that fact (have you told them-harvest trustworthy confidents)

No, so far only one of my sons knows that I vape (nicotine) cause he caught me
And then there's my husband who found some syringes in the waste bin and stole one of my vapes after I foolishly told him that I use drugs . He's gone for half a year now and we don't talk, but he'll soon be back for the kids...

...you are doing life, amazingly! Watch your diet, cut out carbs & ultra processed food until you need.

Thanks again - I try... And often fail, especially when it comes to sweets, but I usually at least cook myself and ready made things are rare - aside the sweets..

( Please share it with your loved ones, if they are trustworthy - you need it)

It's true I would definitely feel better if I could be open about it... But I want neither my kids nor my parents to carry that load.
And I don't have the guts to tell the few friends I have IRL...

 

[The_Selecter]

It's true I would definitely feel better if I could be open about it... But I want neither my kids nor my parents to carry that load.
And I don't have the guts to tell the few friends I have IRL...

I stumbled upon this thread and I think I read a few of your other posts on others

I'm in a similar situation right now where I feel the need to open up about my drug use but feel that the people in my life aren't the ones I want to open up to because they would probably overreact. Especially my family doesn't need another member to worry about and that is exactly what they would do even if for now I feel I'm fine and in control of my habit

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

I stumbled upon this thread and I think I read a few of your other posts on others

I'm in a similar situation right now where I feel the need to open up about my drug use but feel that the people in my life aren't the ones I want to open up to because they would probably overreact. Especially my family doesn't need another member to worry about and that is exactly what they would do even if for now I feel I'm fine and in control of my habit

Hey, and yes that's it. Though things are not that fine for me and I didn't like where it was going lately .. Hope you can stay in control and won't get in trouble because of your use.

 

[Uden]

The oldest ex junky I know used since very young and is scarred in many ways, but he found his place eventually: He's working at an animal shelter and said it's what he always wanted to do...

I'm super glad for him. It's good when people find a spot in this world, especially when they're helping others. I really think that if people have any purpose here, it is as custodians of the earth and it's denizens. I haven't given up on existing altogether, just on existing here. I am excited, in a way, to know what comes next. Fearful as well, I am human after all. But I really do believe that this place is not the end, because of some things that have happened to me over the course of my life—things I've seen, felt, etc.

I don't really look forward to anything.

Nature man. I don't know if you have an affinity for nature, but if you look past the obvious downsides to life, nature is really nice. You live in Germany? I'm not sure if I am remembering that correctly, but if I am, MAN am I jealous. Always wanted to travel, see the world. You've got some really nice places to see over there. And you live in the "old world." A lot of knowledge to be gained over there, esoteric, cultural, hereditary, etc. In and outside of your country, there is just quite a lot of history to be learned and experienced on that side of the world. For me that kind of stuff is bittersweet, I love it all, but at the same time, in my mind I've always felt more at home in times I can't recall ever having existed. I don't know why. I don't really know if I believe in past lives or anything like that... but when I think of certain times in the past it's like I can almost feel the ground beneath my feet, smell the air, feel the way it would have felt back then. Who knows? I surely don't.

Still then it's hard enough to resist urge for more...

Yes, yes it is. One thing you've got to keep in mind is, once that part of your life is over, there's going to be a void. You have to fill your time with something else, fill the void. It's really important.

and I honestly hope you don't give up as well

Ah, I won't entirely, but in some ways it's too late. I already have. Like I said I definitely look forward to things, just not normal things lol. I feel really at home in my dreams. Connected in ways I've never felt here. Even my nightmares, including the ones I've woken up screaming, crying, in a sweat from, there is still a sense of loss when I awaken, of exhilaration. Some of my nightmares I definitely don't want to return to, and in the moment all I want is out... but when I wake up I feel a sense of loss anyway. Dreams are weird. *shrug* It's strange, I never really had nightmares throughout my late teens, twenties, and thirties. Those started coming sometime after I turned 40.

Right. I'm still not very convinced of my own determination

I think that's normal. It was for me. The one time I quit though, I knew I had had enough. (I was on pills back then, hadn't ever touched H or Fent or anything like those things, and I can definitely say it was easier to quit while on pills.) I even quit smoking cigarettes and weed. Never thought I'd be able to quit cigs. I had tried a million times by then. Rarely ever made it a whole day. I stupidly picked that up again though, the cigs. I had to quit the weed. It was giving me anxiety attacks. Smoked the herb for something like 25 years... and suddenly it just started happening one day. I tried to power through it but it just got worse and worse.

Atm I can absolutely imagine that to happen...

Definitely go with your instinct on that.

I can imagine that it's giving the brain enough time to really readjust... For me giving up on the high is the main obstacle, that's what I believe...

I quoted this to say the same thing about filling the void. It's a super important part of recovery. If you don't, there's a good chance you're going to have a bit of downtime to wrestle with, and your mind will wander back to what you just left behind.

PLease take care of yourself!

I try. I'm not super good at that part of life. But I do try. I hope you do as well. You seem like a decent person, a good person, and the world is in sore need of those right now.

 

[Uden]

I'm in a similar situation right now where I feel the need to open up about my drug use but feel that the people in my life aren't the ones I want to open up to because they would probably overreact. Especially my family...

Man I am not trying to butt in, stick my nose in where it doesn't belong, but I was open and honest with my family about it from the get-go, because I trusted them. And it worked out for a while. All it took was me bringing a "friend" (They weren't my friend, unfortunately. That tends to happen quite a bit for some reason in that crowd.) around for a cookout my family was having, and that person got really fucked up and almost OD'd. My mom and sister got scared because they knew I was on (some of) the same stuff, and it was HELL for me after that for six years. I hadn't done anything different that day from any other day. I went through the whole shebang after that, the interventions, the "tough love," my sister tried paying me to leave at one point. I lost everything. Multiple vehicles. All of my possessions. Even all of my clothing at one point. She had backed me into a corner after helping me ramp up my addiction for years and pulling the rug out from under me in one day. It SUCKED. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

My point is, just be careful who you let in. Be ready to give it up for real if you do, because it might come to that. Not at all trying to scare you about letting people in, just trying to be real about it. I hope you don't mind my reply.

 

[cycloprop]

chief keef mention

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

I'm super glad for him. It's good when people find a spot in this world, especially when they're helping others. I really think that if people have any purpose here, it is as custodians of the earth and it's denizens.

That looks like a beautiful attitude to me

I haven't given up on existing altogether, just on existing here. I am excited, in a way, to know what comes next. Fearful as well, I am human after all. But I really do believe that this place is not the end, because of some things that have happened to me over the course of my life—things I've seen, felt, etc.

I agree on the last part. Life didn't make sense to me to begin with if it was all only about this life alone .. Though the first part still feels sad.. I get you. It's what I also felt often - aside the definite part. I'm still scared of death...

Nature man. I don't know if you have an affinity for nature, but if you look past the obvious downsides to life, nature is really nice. You live in Germany? I'm not sure if I am remembering that correctly, but if I am, MAN am I jealous. Always wanted to travel, see the world. You've got some really nice places to see over there. And you live in the "old world." A lot of knowledge to be gained over there, esoteric, cultural, hereditary, etc. In and outside of your country, there is just quite a lot of history to be learned and experienced on that side of the world.

You're right. There is a whole world to see and get to know out there... But it's not like I'm free to travel as I wish. Or let's say I lack the energy to organize much of traveling with the kids... I'm sometimes feeling really sorry for them because of that. My parents used to travel quite often with us...

For me that kind of stuff is bittersweet, I love it all, but at the same time, in my mind I've always felt more at home in times I can't recall ever having existed. I don't know why. I don't really know if I believe in past lives or anything like that... but when I think of certain times in the past it's like I can almost feel the ground beneath my feet, smell the air, feel the way it would have felt back then. Who knows? I surely don't.

Interesting... I'm pretty sure I had several past lives. I fantasized a lot about them... But who knows what a next life would bring? It could be heaven or hell even if you were reborn as a human in the same country... I hope this doesn't come off rude but there's a Buddhist quote that fascinated me a lot when I was young, I still have it pasted on one of my oldest folders: "People are often taking death too lightly and think: 'Who cares, death comes to everyone after all. It's natural, so it's going to be alright.' That's a nice theory - until you die." ( taken from "Life in relation to death" by Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche )

Yes, yes it is. One thing you've got to keep in mind is, once that part of your life is over, there's going to be a void. You have to fill your time with something else, fill the void. It's really important.

That's right... I keep slipping back into the habit and causing myself more pain .. But I can already clearly make out the improvement of my state since I'm trying to stick to a regular schedule - it's not very strict and I still fail at keeping my limit, but I'm sometimes feeling way more sober on my small constant dose than I did when staying sober before... Tbh I was under real pressure to clean up my act at work and I knew I couldn't do that the way I was two weeks ago... So that was probably necessary for me to start changing my ways... And being regular makes a huge difference...

Ah, I won't entirely, but in some ways it's too late. I already have. Like I said I definitely look forward to things, just not normal things lol. I feel really at home in my dreams. Connected in ways I've never felt here. Even my nightmares, including the ones I've woken up screaming, crying, in a sweat from, there is still a sense of loss when I awaken, of exhilaration. Some of my nightmares I definitely don't want to return to, and in the moment all I want is out... but when I wake up I feel a sense of loss anyway. Dreams are weird. *shrug* It's strange, I never really had nightmares throughout my late teens, twenties, and thirties. Those started coming sometime after I turned 40.

I see. And I remember a song line saying "Dreams are my reality"... In dreams we can be alive where we can't when we're awake. They're another world where we can be whole/ourselves in a lot more ways than in daily life. ...

I think that's normal. It was for me. The one time I quit though, I knew I had had enough. (I was on pills back then, hadn't ever touched H or Fent or anything like those things, and I can definitely say it was easier to quit while on pills.)

Agreed.. imo the only way to taper from H if you can't stop cold is to use a substitute first. I wouldn't be able to taper with H...

I even quit smoking cigarettes and weed. Never thought I'd be able to quit cigs. I had tried a million times by then. Rarely ever made it a whole day. I stupidly picked that up again though, the cigs. I had to quit the weed. It was giving me anxiety attacks. Smoked the herb for something like 25 years... and suddenly it just started happening one day. I tried to power through it but it just got worse and worse.

I've heard that several times about weed now. Looks like you can only have so much in a lifetime..I luckily never had a smoking habit, but I'm all in for the vapes... It's gonna be the minor priority in getting clean, as in the next step after quitting opioids...

I quoted this to say the same thing about filling the void. It's a super important part of recovery. If you don't, there's a good chance you're going to have a bit of downtime to wrestle with, and your mind will wander back to what you just left behind.

Yep... It's happening just now...

I try. I'm not super good at that part of life. But I do try. I hope you do as well.

I try, not too good at it either, but I try again and again..

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

Man I am not trying to butt in, stick my nose in where it doesn't belong, but I was open and honest with my family about it from the get-go, because I trusted them. And it worked out for a while. All it took was me bringing a "friend" (They weren't my friend, unfortunately. That tends to happen quite a bit for some reason in that crowd.) around for a cookout my family was having, and that person got really fucked up and almost OD'd. My mom and sister got scared because they knew I was on (some of) the same stuff, and it was HELL for me after that for six years. I hadn't done anything different that day from any other day. I went through the whole shebang after that, the interventions, the "tough love," my sister tried paying me to leave at one point. I lost everything. Multiple vehicles. All of my possessions. Even all of my clothing at one point. She had backed me into a corner after helping me ramp up my addiction for years and pulling the rug out from under me in one day. It SUCKED. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

My point is, just be careful who you let in. Be ready to give it up for real if you do, because it might come to that. Not at all trying to scare you about letting people in, just trying to be real about it. I hope you don't mind my reply.

May I ask how it finally stopped after those six years? How are you and your sister getting along now?

The war on drugs within a family... Definitely sucks badly... For those who didn't tell their parents, there's also a sense of betrayal playing in. A deep disappointment you get to feel when it comes out after all. It hurts worse than any WD ever did for me. So whatever you do, hide or tell, it can always turn on you, or you stay lucky for a while. It's a ticking time bomb as long as you're an addict, and especially if you're slipping in deeper...

 

[The_Selecter]

The physical withdrawal was so much easier to handle than the psychological or mental state I'm in now after not taking any opiates for two days

I guess I wasn't on them long enough or on high enough doses to be really physically addicted or maybe it's easier the first time. It wasn't much worse than COVID. But when I recovered from that I felt relief. Now all I feel is that there is no joy in life anymore

Will that pass?

 

[Robi]

The physical withdrawal was so much easier to handle than the psychological or mental state I'm in now after not taking any opiates for two days

I guess I wasn't on them long enough or on high enough doses to be really physically addicted or maybe it's easier the first time. It wasn't much worse than COVID. But when I recovered from that I felt relief. Now all I feel is that there is no joy in life anymore

Will that pass?

I can relate, few months of the blahs after abusing opioids but yes this will pass ,you have to find things that are joyful too,it was easy to feel euphoria on drugs but yes for sure you will feel happier