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Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

Elgoucho9, Trust me I know that feeling. my dad died August 12 of this year. He fell down about 20 feet away from me and cracked his skull open that led to a chain of events that killed him. He was in bad shape medically and mentally before this. My little sister died of a drug overdose november of 2016 of a perscription drug overdose. She was epileptic and had other medical problems. She was a bit dark and wrote alot and it was ruled a suicide( I disagree) She took a lot of benzos because just about every other med for her condition either didn't work or had nearly killed her. My mother died of complications of cirrhosis of the liver, probably from acetaminophen mostly from meds that had contained it, but not the main drug. Kind of like those codeine pills they sell OTC in the UK. I hear people who abuse them without, somehow removing the acetaminophen or, I forget but they call it, something different, it begins with a p,
had it for pain and such and then she began drinking late in life, she died november 2015. She had all sorts of painful medical problems
Those 2 deaths destroyed my dad but he was strong emotionally. In May he put a living trust together to help me, he had a host of medical problems, and going senile. He wanted to die, which made it easier on me. When he did. My mom and sister were miserable also. One small dysfunctional family. We should have been wealthy, but at least I have a house, a decent newer car and some money, that I hope will last till I die from cirrhosis. I was given a year to live without a liver transplant, that was almost 8 years ago. My pancreas gives me problems. I have to force myself to eat. I didn't want to drive everyday for 6 months to piss into a cup, to make sure I wasn't drinking before they would put me on the organ donor list. Driving to Detroit everyday without a handgun carry permit, I decided I rather die. My mom died then things went bad for me and soon after her death I spent about 3 weeks in the hospital. It was just before I turned 40. For most of time I had a private room which was nice. My writing is a bit scattered, it is early for me and the pills haven't kicked in. They are not recreational, but some could be, and lately I have been fighting the urge to misuse them.
My parents and I didn't have a hugh age gap 20 and 21 years. My sister was 29 when she died. My mom and sister were found dead in the house I sit alone in everyday, most of the day. I have errands and stuff to do.
Trust me, I know the pain, my little sister was my best and only friend and only sibling. My parents could be cold, but I got along better before they died. My mom was sort of my drinking buddy for a while. At home in front of the Television. We were a miserable family with few friends, other than my sisters friends online. She could not tolerate the sunlight, no she wasn't a ginger or someone who couldn't get a tan. I use to joke that she was a vampire. She had issues that were not her fault that kept her from a normal life. She was very smart, until her first big grand Mal seizure. She wasn't stupid, but not nearly as sharp as she once was. She had all sorts of issues and my parents supported both of us. They knew I was a disfunctional drunk, however I could control when I drank, so I could be useful to them. I've always been sort of an anti social loner. Now that I am truly alone, I miss them.
No family anywhere close. Michigan alone is probably over half the size of the UK. I never know what to call your country, one person got mad when I said England, and I think another said the UK is more than just Britian. Or vice versa They are right, of course.
I hope you will not let our strong political differences be a problem. That ain't what this thread is for. Yes, I know that you know that.
I had friends when I was younger, but none who were very close ever died, except my sister.
You are working out, that is really good. Me, I use to work out when I was younger
I am too sad and depressed to do much of anything. It is ok for a man to cry, about the death of someone they cared about. I saw the pictures of your friend, he seemed to look like a happy, really nice guy. I hate to admit this but reading what you said, and seeing his picture actually made my a few tears come out, even though I have never met him or know anything other than what you wrote. Yea it is sad when an old person you care about dies, but when they are young it is tragic.
 
elgoucho9 said:
Well it gets better my rents just had a massive go at me for using pregablin. Despite me explaining it helps with the pain from my chest and back. And i haven't upset anybody or been a dick like i previously have been on say benzos or crack.

Ahh man everything today is just too much. Part of me is considering just going homeless. I'll have enough money to fuck off once my car is sold anyway. It's probably worth about 9-10k, easily enough to start a new life.

Fucking life is just never easy.
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Starting anew can sometimes be exactly what's required (sometimes not ofc, many variables) and you'll have the funds to make it comfortable.
 
Jnowhere said:
Elgoucho9, Trust me I know that feeling. my dad died August 12 of this year. He fell down about 20 feet away from me and cracked his skull open that led to a chain of events that killed him. He was in bad shape medically and mentally before this. My little sister died of a drug overdose november of 2016 of a perscription drug overdose. She was epileptic and had other medical problems. She was a bit dark and wrote alot and it was ruled a suicide( I disagree) She took a lot of benzos because just about every other med for her condition either didn't work or had nearly killed her. My mother died of complications of cirrhosis of the liver, probably from acetaminophen mostly from meds that had contained it, but not the main drug. Kind of like those codeine pills they sell OTC in the UK. I hear people who abuse them without, somehow removing the acetaminophen or, I forget but they call it, something different, it begins with a p,
had it for pain and such and then she began drinking late in life, she died november 2015. She had all sorts of painful medical problems
Click to expand...
Jnowhere said:
Those 2 deaths destroyed my dad but he was strong emotionally. In May he put a living trust together to help me, he had a host of medical problems, and going senile. He wanted to die, which made it easier on me. When he did. My mom and sister were miserable also. One small dysfunctional family. We should have been wealthy, but at least I have a house, a decent newer car and some money, that I hope will last till I die from cirrhosis. I was given a year to live without a liver transplant, that was almost 8 years ago. My pancreas gives me problems. I have to force myself to eat. I didn't want to drive everyday for 6 months to piss into a cup, to make sure I wasn't drinking before they would put me on the organ donor list. Driving to Detroit everyday without a handgun carry permit, I decided I rather die. My mom died then things went bad for me and soon after her death I spent about 3 weeks in the hospital. It was just before I turned 40. For most of time I had a private room which was nice. My writing is a bit scattered, it is early for me and the pills haven't kicked in. They are not recreational, but some could be, and lately I have been fighting the urge to misuse them.
Click to expand...
Jnowhere said:
My parents and I didn't have a hugh age gap 20 and 21 years. My sister was 29 when she died. My mom and sister were found dead in the house I sit alone in everyday, most of the day. I have errands and stuff to do.
Click to expand...
Jnowhere said:
Trust me, I know the pain, my little sister was my best and only friend and only sibling. My parents could be cold, but I got along better before they died. My mom was sort of my drinking buddy for a while. At home in front of the Television. We were a miserable family with few friends, other than my sisters friends online. She could not tolerate the sunlight, no she wasn't a ginger or someone who couldn't get a tan. I use to joke that she was a vampire. She had issues that were not her fault that kept her from a normal life. She was very smart, until her first big grand Mal seizure. She wasn't stupid, but not nearly as sharp as she once was. She had all sorts of issues and my parents supported both of us. They knew I was a disfunctional drunk, however I could control when I drank, so I could be useful to them. I've always been sort of an anti social loner. Now that I am truly alone, I miss them.

No family anywhere close. Michigan alone is probably over half the size of the UK. I never know what to call your country, one person got mad when I said England, and I think another said the UK is more than just Britian. Or vice versa They are right, of course.
Click to expand...
Jnowhere said:
I hope you will not let our strong political differences be a problem. That ain't what this thread is for. Yes, I know that you know that.

I had friends when I was younger, but none who were very close ever died, except my sister.
You are working out, that is really good. Me, I use to work out when I was younger
I am too sad and depressed to do much of anything. It is ok for a man to cry, about the death of someone they cared about. I saw the pictures of your friend, he seemed to look like a happy, really nice guy. I hate to admit this but reading what you said, and seeing his picture actually made my a few tears come out, even though I have never met him or know anything other than what you wrote. Yea it is sad when an old person you care about dies, but when they are young it is tragic.
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I remember reading your previous posts and intimate sharing. I love reading more of your posts again.


Thanks for the inspiration and the honor of your memories.

And being so humanistic and sharing your soul with this feed. It's nice to be able to feel your respects to your regards as well.


It brings me to depths and feelings in sharing and of my past memories of being born in Detroit that are still in my heart.


Thank you for expressing dignity and worth and the capacity for self-realization through this all. <3💔

Love for our missed memories can keep us blessed somehow.



The past cannot be changed

Opinions don't define your reality

Everyone's journey is different

Things always get better at times

Judgements are a confession of character

Overthinking will lead to sadness

Happiness is found within

Positive thoughts create positive things

Inspiring posts are contagious

Kindness is free

You will never fail if you do not stop trying 🌻

What goes around, comes around and your inspiring posts are so heartfelt and fine.
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Big hugs everyone 💜
* I would write more but my head kind of hurts but I appreciate all you guys here & your openness & strength 💜
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Ohhh Prayers. I just can pray when that happens. Oh no.

💜🕊️

8rkq00T.jpg
 
Thank you for. The kind words. I just got the mail, no bills or anything important. My dad who made a decent living use to give money, not hugh amounts to a number of charities and they must have given his name to a large number of other charities and around this time of year it starts. So much junk mail and small gifts, calendars, personalized address stickers, daily planners, pins, all sorts of Christmas and other cards, nickels, dimes, maps of Isreal, socks( I am not kidding I two pairs last week, refrigerator magnets, weird worthless coins, and the list goes on. He gave like $50 to $200 dollars to a handful of Christian and non Christian charities, and it seems every charity out their, thinks he was a piggy bank. He only gave to reputable charities. There are so many, many got his name and address and we were flooded by so many scam charities and some reputable ones as well. I think my dad once gave some money to a reputable Native American charity, and then you should you see all stuff, this one that was labeled a scam sent us. He would check them out and so many that are and aren't reputable, just flooded us with letters asking for money and many we never heard of sending so much stuff. It is ridiculous but what can you do. I wonder when they will stop. They send you free gifts hoping for money. So many of the ones that I checked out that were a scam, sent the most stuff. I have to stop thinking about the past and start to get my life together somehow, and start living normally. I am grateful for all the support from people here.
 
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day 4 clean, hopping off the wagon again. struggling to maintain around day 10 or so, and by the that time my sleep is sorta back but going into town is far too triggering.

i’m doing well, just having coffee at 3am, withdrawals aren’t too bad since i’ve got kratom, some gabapentin & didn’t go on a huge bender.

cheers xo
 
somehow made it out the house with my mum, reupped on my kratom & sitting in the parking lot while she thrifts. i would go in and shop but i look and feel like death. i love thrifting so much :((

got some endorphins going listening to music and getting out the house. which is nice.

easy xo
 
tokayeahok said:
somehow made it out the house with my mum, reupped on my kratom & sitting in the parking lot while she thrifts. i would go in and shop but i look and feel like death. i love thrifting so much :((

got some endorphins going listening to music and getting out the house. which is nice.

easy xo
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Awe sorry that you get weak like that. Been there do that.

But it is so real because I get out and try like that too. But I don't have that strength but I do have that stamina or something.

But I did notice I have improved some with certain physical exertions \. Sucks. And have to work on lists like priorities. I wish.

I'm holdin my own hanging in there though. But my brain feels like a cramp sometimes. At least it's not my heart anymore.

Anyway I am still really weak and I am working on my brain. I mean I have to. I will.

Take care, enjoy yer day.
 
But yes, my headaches are a sign. I have to get up and get out more. I'm sure.
😁😎🌻

I do have a really bad allergy or fighting a cold or something. Maybe got better.

I used nasal spray once. It was really bad. In my head. Aches and hurts.

And it is allergy season they say. I say too.
 
kiely said:
But yes, my headaches are a sign. I have to get up and get out more. I'm sure.
😁😎🌻

I do have a really bad allergy or fighting a cold or something. Maybe got better.

I used nasal spray once. It was really bad. In my head. Aches and hurts.

And it is allergy season they say. I say too.
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good to hear you’re decently okay despite your cold/allergies 🥺
 
Yes, I pray a lot to help me through healing. It helps when I am so down. Really.
I have to pray about my priorities. And getting strength for doing my chores.

I am a little afraid about the chores though. lol.

The little simple things just hurt so much sometimes.

tokayeahok said:
good to hear you’re decently okay despite your cold/allergies 🥺
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Good to hear you !!!! ❤️‍🔥
 
kiely said:
Yes, I pray a lot to help me through healing. It helps when I am so down. Really.
I have to pray about my priorities. And getting strength for doing my chores.

I am a little afraid about the chores though. lol.

The little simple things just hurt so much sometimes.



Good to hear you !!!! ❤️‍🔥
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funnily enough so this thrift store we went to was like faith based yeah? they help recovering people and have a whole other program that the thrift money helps support. anyways i sat in the car the whole time, i am only 5 days clean so i’m not feeling the best, but she had some girl come pray over me. i’m not religious but that was sweet of her. i struggle with religion intrinsically, moreso just don’t think there is anything but that’s beside the point 😅
 
tokayeahok said:
funnily enough so this thrift store we went to was like faith based yeah? they help recovering people and have a whole other program that the thrift money helps support. anyways i sat in the car the whole time, i am only 5 days clean so i’m not feeling the best, but she had some girl come pray over me. i’m not religious but that was sweet of her. i struggle with religion intrinsically, moreso just don’t think there is anything but that’s beside the point 😅
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Sweet !! <3

I'm going to go try to pray somehow. . . . . I'm tellin ya . . oh my head.

Love that though. I get it. ;););) 🕊️

Omg I'm so laughing now. 😁

he heee

more Prayers. Yeah !!!

You have the best stories ever !
 
. . . anyway I'm glad and we at least try. that was so kind though. lools.

I mean I do pray. I have to pray to do some chores now.
 
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