Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[Jnowhere]

I suppose getting drunk can give a person 'beer muscles', if that is your definition of being empowered.

 

[Frog Dreams]

Do you really thank that's what I'm saying or are you just continuing to mock me?

If it's the latter, you should examine what is driving that need.

I'm not mocking you.

...

My recovery goes beyond drugs. Getting sober didn't fix my problems. I replaced drug addiction with other addictions.

In the end, the only thing that really helped me was fixing my core.

 

[elgoucho9]

You are mocking @Jnowhere . And he is speaking complete sense.

To be brutally honest you are mocking everyone in this thread. Cos you don't really want to be clean. So what are you doing in a recovery thread?

 

[Frog Dreams]

Quote one sentence in which I have mocked anyone.

I have already answered your question.

 

[elgoucho9]

You admit you don't want to be clean. So what are you doing in a recovery thread? End of.

I'm done even replying to you. I have my own shit going on the last few days and i am genuinely struggling to keep it together. Replying to you is not helping, so sorry but i am putting you on ignore, because replying to you and this whole debate is derailing the thread. I wish you nothing but the best in your recovery, but please mate if you are an alcoholic who has had problems, leave the booze alone and move on is the best solution. I know it's hard. God bless and i hope things get better for you. Like i say despite our heated debate, i wish you nothing but the best. Just where my head is at i cannot continue this conversation. Sorry mate.

 

[Frog Dreams]

Good luck. No need to be sorry.

Perhaps if the other people I'm triggering also block me, then I can continue to post about my recovery in a recovery thread.

If any of you are threatened by what I have to say (for whatever reason) I encourage you to do so. I am not threatened. I am secure in my beliefs. I don't care.

 

[elgoucho9]

Appologies for the double post but this is a recovery thread and i am struggling.

The last couple of days mark the anniversary of both my uncles death, and one of my very close friends who died taking methadone and xanax.

This all happened a couple of years ago but i went to bed holding back the tears. And it was my first thought when i woke up, again i am holding back the tears. Trying my very best to keep it together but i feel like my head has just gone into complete melt down.

I have took 1200mg pregablin last night which is 2-3x my normal dose. I have fallen into taking it daily since i quit weed and the anniversary of their deaths.

I woke up this morning drowsy. Had some coffee. Looked at my phone and my mate is messaging me about our friend Ben who died, the one with the methadone and xanax OD. I almost burst inti tears but refuse to cry, i am strong not weak. But my whole heart hurts just thinking about it. There's tears in my eyes typing this. The kid was like a little brother to me. I wish i could have done more for him.

On top of that i found out i have swelling in the bottom wall of my heart from an ultrasound. And an irregular heart beat. Also a sauna made me feel severe pain, as in thought i was going to die. And any kind of sugary treat makes me feel dodgy. All of these are signs of a problem. So now it's back to the cardiologist. Told some of my family who completely dismissed me. Thank god for my father, who has been there for me through thick and thin, even when i was an addict he supported me.

I have been using pregablin, probably too much of it. As i woke up fully dressed after a 1200mg dose last night before bed. But i am proper struggling to take all this in. The anniversary of my dead uncle, and my dead friend, god bless Ben and i hope he is up there having a party.

I feel like with my health, if it comes to it i will be up there with all the people i have lost having a party. Maybe there is life beyond death.

I am sorry for posting all this. But there is nobody i can really talk to about it all.

Also anyone in this thread who is struggling. I understand how that feels trust me. And whether we agree or not, i wish you nothing but the best. God bless anyone who is suffering. But trust me to get where you want to be, you have to go through some shit and experience the pain to get there. I hope everyone in this thread achieves the recovery they want and gets to enjoy life rather than suffering through addiction. It isn't easy but if someone like me can do it then so can everyone else. We will all get there. Keep the belief alive.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Big hugs to everyone that’s going through a hard time
*I'm having a kinda hard time too but still trying my best

 

[elgoucho9]

Big hugs to everyone that’s going through a hard time
*I'm having a kinda hard time too but still trying my best

If you need to talk mate i am only a PM away. Trust me there is nothing i don't understand and no judgement here. Although i also understand if you don't want to talk about it. Love mate. I hope you are OK ❤

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

If you need to talk mate i am only a PM away. Trust me there is nothing i don't understand and no judgement here. Although i also understand if you don't want to talk about it. Love mate. I hope you are OK ❤

Thank you so much
I’m a survivor (well trying to be if that makes any sense) of some really crazy shit. I have really bad PTSD & been having night terrors & flashbacks a lot lately.
Sometimes I try to talk about what I’ve been through or dealing with but a lot of times I just freeze up.
Big hug to you amigo, thank you for caring

 

[thatmf]

Appologies for the double post but this is a recovery thread and i am struggling.

The last couple of days mark the anniversary of both my uncles death, and one of my very close friends who died taking methadone and xanax.

This all happened a couple of years ago but i went to bed holding back the tears. And it was my first thought when i woke up, again i am holding back the tears. Trying my very best to keep it together but i feel like my head has just gone into complete melt down.

I have took 1200mg pregablin last night which is 2-3x my normal dose. I have fallen into taking it daily since i quit weed and the anniversary of their deaths.

I woke up this morning drowsy. Had some coffee. Looked at my phone and my mate is messaging me about our friend Ben who died, the one with the methadone and xanax OD. I almost burst inti tears but refuse to cry, i am strong not weak. But my whole heart hurts just thinking about it. There's tears in my eyes typing this. The kid was like a little brother to me. I wish i could have done more for him.

On top of that i found out i have swelling in the bottom wall of my heart from an ultrasound. And an irregular heart beat. Also a sauna made me feel severe pain, as in thought i was going to die. And any kind of sugary treat makes me feel dodgy. All of these are signs of a problem. So now it's back to the cardiologist. Told some of my family who completely dismissed me. Thank god for my father, who has been there for me through thick and thin, even when i was an addict he supported me.

I have been using pregablin, probably too much of it. As i woke up fully dressed after a 1200mg dose last night before bed. But i am proper struggling to take all this in. The anniversary of my dead uncle, and my dead friend, god bless Ben and i hope he is up there having a party.

I feel like with my health, if it comes to it i will be up there with all the people i have lost having a party. Maybe there is life beyond death.

I am sorry for posting all this. But there is nobody i can really talk to about it all.

Also anyone in this thread who is struggling. I understand how that feels trust me. And whether we agree or not, i wish you nothing but the best. God bless anyone who is suffering. But trust me to get where you want to be, you have to go through some shit and experience the pain to get there. I hope everyone in this thread achieves the recovery they want and gets to enjoy life rather than suffering through addiction. It isn't easy but if someone like me can do it then so can everyone else. We will all get there. Keep the belief alive.

Thank you for the wishes. I lost my closest friend almost 2 years ago and know how it feels to an extent. It gets easier sometimes but then grief can really knock you down, especially thinking of how you could have saved your friend etc. I like to think that good souls are still with us to some extent.

Anyway enough of my spiritual stuff, I hope you get on top of your health. Just a theory but taking higher doses of pregab could be bad for your heart (nothing to back it up, just a theory).

You'll get on top of it I'm sure! It takes balls to open up about this stuff as well

Edit: A quick google suggests a correlation between pregab and heart issues. But obviously rule out everything else. But I'd say the pregab is the potential culprit

 

[elgoucho9]

Well after 10 days no weed i caved in. Had 2 bowls and took double my dose of pregablin sp needless to say i'm spangled now. Also broke diet and ate some chocolates amd a vanilla milkshake.

Still its defo the preglin tbata fucked me up !

 

[Jnowhere]

The thing I never thought would happen, I am struggling to use my pills properly. I am not eating much and depressed. They work on an empty stomach much better, I always had a low dose, but now I crave more. This is how abuse happens. This sucks, but at least I haven't gone over board
I know my tolerance is up and they keep me from the very dark depression that has plagued me from my teenage years
Now I sit and wait and hope for a little break

 

[elgoucho9]

I probably wouldn"t have got so fucked up last night were it not the anniversay of my uncles death 2 days ago ans my friend who was like a little brother to me died thanks to methadone and xanax. I am really struggling. Tears in my eyes writing this the kid was my little bro, he even looked up to me. This is a large part of the reason i am so fucked up. I wish i could have been there for him. I cant see the screen for tears. I know it's not the what do you look like thread but here is a picture of me and him, one of the last times i saw him alive

Screenshot-20231007-091800-Facebook hosted at ImgBB

Image Screenshot-20231007-091800-Facebook hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

Heres him when he was at his prime being a menace

Screenshot-20231007-091637-Facebook hosted at ImgBB

Image Screenshot-20231007-091637-Facebook hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

Screenshot-20231007-091240-Facebook hosted at ImgBB

Image Screenshot-20231007-091240-Facebook hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

I am struggling to keep it together. I just feel like crying, that was my bro. Worse still in college when he was a kid i gave him his first valium. Later he got addicted to heroin, and used xanax alot. I wish i could have been there for him more. Sorry for writing this. I don't know where else i could put it. Certainly not with all the attention seekers on facebook and their false posts for likes. Makes me sick. They didn't know him like i did.
.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

I probably wouldn"t have got so fucked up last night were it not the anniversay of my uncles death 2 days ago ans my friend who was like a little brother to me died thanks to methadone and xanax. I am really struggling. Tears in my eyes writing this the kid was my little bro, he even looked up to me. This is a large part of the reason i am so fucked up. I wish i could have been there for him. I cant see the screen for tears. I know it's not the what do you look like thread but here is a picture of me and him, one of the last times i saw him alive

Screenshot-20231007-091800-Facebook hosted at ImgBB

Image Screenshot-20231007-091800-Facebook hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

Heres him when he was at his prime being a menace

Screenshot-20231007-091637-Facebook hosted at ImgBB

Image Screenshot-20231007-091637-Facebook hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

Screenshot-20231007-091240-Facebook hosted at ImgBB

Image Screenshot-20231007-091240-Facebook hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

I am struggling to keep it together. I just feel like crying, that was my bro. Worse still in college when he was a kid i gave him his first valium. Later he got addicted to heroin, and used xanax alot. I wish i could have been there for him more. Sorry for writing this. I don't know where else i could put it. Certainly not with all the attention seekers on facebook and their false posts for likes. Makes me sick. They didn't know him like i did.
.

You don’t need to be sorry at all, write whatever you need to. I looked at the pictures he looked like a nice guy, even the little doggy in his lap seemed to love him.
I can relate, I had a really good friend that passed a while ago & we were like sisters & a lot of different times it hits me. Her birthday was September 5th & that date always hits me
Please feel free to write whatever you need to okay
Many blessings to you

 

[elgoucho9]

You don’t need to be sorry at all, write whatever you need to. I looked at the pictures he looked like a nice guy, even the little doggy in his lap seemed to love him.
I can relate, I had a really good friend that passed a while ago & we were like sisters & a lot of different times it hits me. Her birthday was September 5th & that date always hits me
Please feel free to write whatever you need to okay
Many blessings to you

I feel an empty feeling in my stomach. Trying my best not to cry. The hurt i feel is worse than any physical pain, i feel like i have to beat it out of myself with exercise.

I've done 20k on the spinning bike. Just about to train shoulders then hit the punch bag. I'm still sore from yesterday but believe me that bag is getting it. I have so much hurt and anger to take out.

Already had 2 cups black coffee and 600mg pregablin.

I feel like i just need space from everyone today. I mean family wise. God bless BL, where i can vent here and people will help me with their kind words. My family would not understand. I wrote them a letter yesterday about how i was feeling and even admitted i was using pregablin to keep me sane and my mood ok, and also my pain from whatever the swelling is in my chest. They never even spoke or had a conversation about it.

Thank you so much for the kind words and showing concern. Likewise if you ever feeling down trust i am only a PM away. God bless.

 

[elgoucho9]

Well it gets better my rents just had a massive go at me for using pregablin. Despite me explaining it helps with the pain from my chest and back. And i haven't upset anybody or been a dick like i previously have been on say benzos or crack.

Ahh man everything today is just too much. Part of me is considering just going homeless. I'll have enough money to fuck off once my car is sold anyway. It's probably worth about 9-10k, easily enough to start a new life.

Fucking life is just never easy.

 

[CaptnRon]

Well it gets better my rents just had a massive go at me for using pregablin. Despite me explaining it helps with the pain from my chest and back. And i haven't upset anybody or been a dick like i previously have been on say benzos or crack.

Ahh man everything today is just too much. Part of me is considering just going homeless. I'll have enough money to fuck off once my car is sold anyway. It's probably worth about 9-10k, easily enough to start a new life.

Fucking life is just never easy.

I’m sorry for everything you’re going through. Life is fucking tough and sometimes it feels impossible to just try to eke out an existence in this world.
I’ve struggled through a lot of bullshit in my life. But the one constant is knowing that one day, things will get better. Especially when I make the conscious decision to not be a raging junkie every morning.
Try to stay positive, the sun always shines after the storm.

Stay good and I hope you find what you need to be happy
Always, fair winds and following seas

 

[kiely]

 

[kiely]

The Motto here is . . .

Strength . . .

Strength that doesn't come from what you can do.

But the strength from overcoming the things you thought you couldn't.


********************************************************************************************

The rain, it raineth everyday. Upon the just and the unjust fella, But more upon the just because, The unjust has the just's umbrella.


Don't let it rain fall on all of the hard work and priority of Sobriety.


Please try not to be artificially happy. Welcome success from a new perspective. And learn that you can whenever possible.

*********************************************************************************

Don't let all or anything bring us down from our Recovery ..

We can . . . We do . . .


Keep the Strength.


Always. You know you can. When you know that you can. And I am sincerely serious.