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Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

AngelsandFairiesarereal: I an sorry to read that; what is wrong, what are you withdrawing from?
 
So I learned that benzo's were bad for me but I am off THEM AND off of pain med's and I had to learn how to take a shower all over again because it hurt so bad to quit any kind of pain medication but I did.

And I can't take gabapentin it doesn't help. So no pain meds for me. But I do think I will ask for some pregabs of course at least I can use that once in a while if I have to.

My doctor said it's not going to get better ever. It just progresses somehow. I don't know it's all new to me so far.

He said my inflammation is better now that I have been taking methotrexate once a week every thursday. I had a blood test three month ago. I go back at the end of oct sometime.

I am so weak. I feel like i have the flu all of the time. Now I have some kind of cold or allergy maybe. I am tired all of the time. And it makes me depressed but I do get up and do things the basics.

Take my dog out and run errands. Ya da ya da. But I suffer and I am suffering so bad. And it hurts. And believe me. I used to work out at a gym. Ride a bike. Now my brain

hurts a lot too. I don't want to do simpleton things unless I have to. But yeah I am still living life so there is that.

But where I think I am doing better is that I can now cook clean and then go on to do a bit more. Without sitting down at all, at the same time. I used to not be able to even

cook so I would grab a bag of chips almonds or cheese.

Then I advanced to mac and cheese. I saw vids on the internet how others say they got back to normal after being treated for inflammatory diseases by changing to a different

lifestyle and learning to be healthy again. I mean some of them swear they do it and there are ways to get necessary nutrition with vitamins and minerals. @auto does it too. I

try to visualise what I can do and try to make plans of what I will be able to do and things I have to do. I mean there are successful results I am sure. But I have a severe

autoimmune condition now. I couldn't walk or get out of bed without severe pain. there was a time i couldn't move even cried and coulld have died it felt like.

But now I can with medication. I wanted to quit and not have to take anything for it. But it is

just too soon to tell how I can just get over feeling like shit all of the time.

I don't need games and manipulating. I keep trying to heal. I want to heal. I want to know if I still have paws or not or if it is just all of the above.

One thing I do notice is seeking and needing for comfort.

And it's all so strange to me. Whoa. Everybody gets sick with something it seems. lyme disease ect ect. Whatever. And at least others have the option of getting better.

And another sad weird thing is that sometimes when I feel extra bad or extra hurting and need energy to have to get some work finished what I do is. I take some

immodium and it gives me energy and I get pain relief and am able to feel so much better and am able to do a lot more. I mean I know it's not my imagination. It just helps so much.

Sad. I suffer. And I hurt. Too difficult to even try to explain it at times too.

But yahh I hurt in my own way too. And a lot.

Sry. Hi.
 
kiely said:
So I learned that benzo's were bad for me but I am off THEM AND off of pain med's and I had to learn how to take a shower all over again because it hurt so bad to quit any kind of pain medication but I did.

And I can't take gabapentin it doesn't help. So no pain meds for me. But I do think I will ask for some pregabs of course at least I can use that once in a while if I have to.

My doctor said it's not going to get better ever. It just progresses somehow. I don't know it's all new to me so far.

He said my inflammation is better now that I have been taking methotrexate once a week every thursday. I had a blood test three month ago. I go back at the end of oct sometime.

I am so weak. I feel like i have the flu all of the time. Now I have some kind of cold or allergy maybe. I am tired all of the time. And it makes me depressed but I do get up and do things the basics.

Take my dog out and run errands. Ya da ya da. But I suffer and I am suffering so bad. And it hurts. And believe me. I used to work out at a gym. Ride a bike. Now my brain

hurts a lot too. I don't want to do simpleton things unless I have to. But yeah I am still living life so there is that.

But where I think I am doing better is that I can now cook clean and then go on to do a bit more. Without sitting down at all, at the same time. I used to not be able to even

cook so I would grab a bag of chips almonds or cheese.

Then I advanced to mac and cheese. I saw vids on the internet how others say they got back to normal after being treated for inflammatory diseases by changing to a different

lifestyle and learning to be healthy again. I mean some of them swear they do it and there are ways to get necessary nutrition with vitamins and minerals. @auto does it too. I

try to visualise what I can do and try to make plans of what I will be able to do and things I have to do. I mean there are successful results I am sure. But I have a severe

autoimmune condition now. I couldn't walk or get out of bed without severe pain. there was a time i couldn't move even cried and coulld have died it felt like.

But now I can with medication. I wanted to quit and not have to take anything for it. But it is

just too soon to tell how I can just get over feeling like shit all of the time.

I don't need games and manipulating. I keep trying to heal. I want to heal. I want to know if I still have paws or not or if it is just all of the above.

One thing I do notice is seeking and needing for comfort.

And it's all so strange to me. Whoa. Everybody gets sick with something it seems. lyme disease ect ect. Whatever. And at least others have the option of getting better.

And another sad weird thing is that sometimes when I feel extra bad or extra hurting and need energy to have to get some work finished what I do is. I take some

immodium and it gives me energy and I get pain relief and am able to feel so much better and am able to do a lot more. I mean I know it's not my imagination. It just helps so much.

Sad. I suffer. And I hurt. Too difficult to even try to explain it at times too.

But yahh I hurt in my own way too. And a lot.

Sry. Hi.
Click to expand...
I believe someday you will find the peace that you seek <3

It's out there, keep up your search
 
Day 1, no alcohol.

I tested positive for COVID while staying with my 70+ year old parents. The t-line on my RAT went black immediately, indicating a massive viral load.

In order to not infect my parents, I left early in the morning with my 5 year old daughter. On the way home, I stopped at a drive in bottle shop for a beer. I lost my wallet while drunk about four weeks ago. I'm convinced it's somewhere in the house... Anyway, I only had about twenty dollars (cash) for petrol and beer.

Do I risk infecting the people in the bottle shop with a really bad case of COVID for one beer? I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I justified it. When I got there, the bottle shop was closed. I was confused. Why the fuck is it closed? Then I realized that it was 8:30 in the morning. Who buys beer at that time other than an alcoholic?

I have a bottle of bourbon in the car but no coke. So, I stop at 7-11. I wear a mask. I tell the woman to disinfect the coins I give her because I have COVID. I am really sick by the time I get home.

First thing I do is pour myself a big glass of bourbon and coke... Within two hours, I've polished off half a bottle (350ml) of Jim Beam.

I can't breathe. I don't associate this with the alcohol, at all.

I call the registered nurse service and describe my symptoms. Chest pain. Difficulty breathing. Dizziness. Weakness. Fatigue.

They tell me to go to the Emergency Department.

I ignore their advice and decide, instead to have two tabs of acid and 2 grams of (very potent) shrooms.

Somehow, I manage to seriously injure my left arm. I then mistake the injury as a precursor to heart attack. I am genuinely concerned, for the first time in my life, that I'm going to die. It takes me many hours to realize that it is a muscle sprain. When I stand up, I feel like I'm going to pass out. The virus feels like a hard drug. Like I'm on ketamine or something.

I am alone in the house. My wife and daughter are isolating at my in-laws. I consider calling the ambulance many times. I don't want to go to sleep, in case I die.

I watch Beau is Afraid. Best film I've ever seen.

Eventually, I overcome my fear and lean into the virus. Without the fear, there is only the drug-like effects of COVID. I relax into it. My brain feels like it's floating in a cloud inside my head. This state lends itself to meditation.

Sickness. Pain. Discomfort. Anger. I lean into them.

I feel them; I accept them: they take me deeper.

This is the 5th round of COVID I've had. (It's an occupational hazard.) It's also by far the worst round of COVID and by far the sickest I've ever been in my life.

I always try to learn something from every situation. I like life to balance. The worse the situation is, the more I need to learn.

This round of COVID has convinced me to stop drinking alcohol again. I took a year off from July 2022-July 2023. Time to start another year.

It's a good thing I got COVID. Otherwise, I would still be drinking.

Fair trade.
 
kiely said:
So I learned that benzo's were bad for me but I am off THEM AND off of pain med's and I had to learn how to take a shower all over again because it hurt so bad to quit any kind of pain medication but I did.

And I can't take gabapentin it doesn't help. So no pain meds for me. But I do think I will ask for some pregabs of course at least I can use that once in a while if I have to.

My doctor said it's not going to get better ever. It just progresses somehow. I don't know it's all new to me so far.

He said my inflammation is better now that I have been taking methotrexate once a week every thursday. I had a blood test three month ago. I go back at the end of oct sometime.

I am so weak. I feel like i have the flu all of the time. Now I have some kind of cold or allergy maybe. I am tired all of the time. And it makes me depressed but I do get up and do things the basics.

Take my dog out and run errands. Ya da ya da. But I suffer and I am suffering so bad. And it hurts. And believe me. I used to work out at a gym. Ride a bike. Now my brain

hurts a lot too. I don't want to do simpleton things unless I have to. But yeah I am still living life so there is that.

But where I think I am doing better is that I can now cook clean and then go on to do a bit more. Without sitting down at all, at the same time. I used to not be able to even

cook so I would grab a bag of chips almonds or cheese.

Then I advanced to mac and cheese. I saw vids on the internet how others say they got back to normal after being treated for inflammatory diseases by changing to a different

lifestyle and learning to be healthy again. I mean some of them swear they do it and there are ways to get necessary nutrition with vitamins and minerals. @auto does it too. I

try to visualise what I can do and try to make plans of what I will be able to do and things I have to do. I mean there are successful results I am sure. But I have a severe

autoimmune condition now. I couldn't walk or get out of bed without severe pain. there was a time i couldn't move even cried and coulld have died it felt like.

But now I can with medication. I wanted to quit and not have to take anything for it. But it is

just too soon to tell how I can just get over feeling like shit all of the time.

I don't need games and manipulating. I keep trying to heal. I want to heal. I want to know if I still have paws or not or if it is just all of the above.

One thing I do notice is seeking and needing for comfort.

And it's all so strange to me. Whoa. Everybody gets sick with something it seems. lyme disease ect ect. Whatever. And at least others have the option of getting better.

And another sad weird thing is that sometimes when I feel extra bad or extra hurting and need energy to have to get some work finished what I do is. I take some

immodium and it gives me energy and I get pain relief and am able to feel so much better and am able to do a lot more. I mean I know it's not my imagination. It just helps so much.

Sad. I suffer. And I hurt. Too difficult to even try to explain it at times too.

But yahh I hurt in my own way too. And a lot.

Sry. Hi.
Click to expand...
it’ll get better in time, takes a long time for those endorphins to learn how to naturally reputake again :(
 
a bit too tired to write this but feel id check in. 4am, alone at home. stoned a bit on some indica i had tucked away for a few months, helping the mental ache of opiate withdrawal. i don’t smoke that often either, maybe once every two months lmao
 
tokayeahok said:
a bit too tired to write this but feel id check in. 4am, alone at home. stoned a bit on some indica i had tucked away for a few months, helping the mental ache of opiate withdrawal. i don’t smoke that often either, maybe once every two months lmao
Click to expand...

I feel ya. I was up a few hours earlier than my normal wake up schedule. Cannabis helped me immensely when I was going through acute withdrawal. It was my only source of relief.
I’m a daily smoker, and besides the bad memories from when I was actively using, it helps me walk the line.

Stay good
Always, fair winds and following seas
 
Now because we are aware from being growed arse people. We know that we need to work on ourselves to be better and to treat people around us better to be able to live a

better life. If you choose to go to therapy for yourself you have to want this change to be the best that you can be in your own abilities.

And also know that therapy does not mean you are weak. Being vulnerable does not make you weak. Sure your feelings make you feel alpha or superior but if you feel

different like you don't fit into society and people don't understand you. Go to therapy. You will be talking with someone. Allow it. Give it a chance. Seek it out.

No one asked to go through abuse. Whatever we go through in growing up it doesn't give us an excuse to be a horrible adult.To exhibit horrible toxic arse behavior.

Give yourself some grace but also the responsibility falls onto yourself to change your behaviors. To be a better person. To be safe. To take care of yourself. For your family,

for your friends. The world ! That's on you !! Sooner or later you have to stop blaming people for who you are to take responsibility for who you are. You can blame people for

who you are. You get to the point where you are not who you are anymore. You are the way you are. You can blame . But who you are right now and how you got there doesn't

mean that you have to be a bad person. You have to blame more effectively and to blame. . . by putting the power into being a better person. A way that can help you.

Noone really asks to be born into the situation that they are in.

You have to want to change and not be in the same old rut that you are always in and get too comfortable with it all. A good therapist can point this out and help you in this direction.

You have to want to change and put that power into being a better person. And that choice to be.

There's too much going on in this world to be weak anymore. Empowerment is therapy. And smiles.

Just an encouragement for the self empowerment in us all or for your own personal challenges.
 
To kiely: hard for me to know to say, other than I hope and pray you can find comfort somehow. I have taken my meds and I feel fine for a while, then reality hits me. I will feel good for a while weak from hunger and pass out. The oxycodone and gabapentin help me, but throw in Valium and I can't stay awake. I can't say I know what you are through but I pray you get relief. I take what you can't, and then I can eat, if I can stay awake. It is sad to read this.
My keyboard is driving me insane
I have to figure out what is wrong with my k
Ey board on phone.
I have cirrhosis of the liver and pancreas problems, just fixed my keyboard problem sort of
Why can't you take benzos or pain meds?
Wow , so sorry to hear that, I might shoot my self if I didn't have them. Then again I have become a slave to them
 
I am finally off morphine but I don't want to get addicted to gabapentin
I am a slave to 💊 I hate it and I am scared that my tolerance is going up and I can't eat or function without them
To many things to do and no energy or motivation, or will to do anything any more.
 
Jnowhere said:
To kiely: hard for me to know to say, other than I hope and pray you can find comfort somehow. I have taken my meds and I feel fine for a while, then reality hits me. I will feel good for a while weak from hunger and pass out. The oxycodone and gabapentin help me, but throw in Valium and I can't stay awake. I can't say I know what you are through but I pray you get relief. I take what you can't, and then I can eat, if I can stay awake. It is sad to read this.
My keyboard is driving me insane
I have to figure out what is wrong with my k
Ey board on phone.
I have cirrhosis of the liver and pancreas problems, just fixed my keyboard problem sort of
Why can't you take benzos or pain meds?
Wow , so sorry to hear that, I might shoot my self if I didn't have them. Then again I have become a slave to them
Click to expand...
Oh you are suffering so much. I don't know weather to hit the sad or heart. This is so awful. Can you get a doctors appt. and tell them and maybe vitamins and juice. I am glad that you get prescribed. Maybe try to ration them if you can. You probably should. I'm in pain too. It's creepy.
Okay, stay safe. <3<3<3
 
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