would you ever pay for sex?

[Jabberwocky]

On use of the derogatory word ‘whore’ to describe women, especially sex workers, my main problem is that several BL members are self-admitted former sex workers.

These members make enormously valuable contributions to BL. To demean sex workers in a totalising way is, in my opinion, demeaning and alienating to our fellow members. It is no different to referring to all black people as ‘niggers’.

I don’t have any issue with someone denigrating an individual sex worker because of her behaviour to them. I’ve certainly met a couple who were truly despicable people myself. It’s just the blanket generalising that shits me.

 

[JessFR]

On use of the derogatory word ‘whore’ to describe women, especially sex workers, my main problem is that several BL members are self-admitted former sex workers.

These members make enormously valuable contributions to BL. To demean sex workers in a totalising way is, in my opinion, demeaning and alienating to our fellow members. It is no different to referring to all black people as ‘niggers’.

I don’t have any issue with someone denigrating an individual sex worker because of her behaviour to them. I’ve certainly met a couple who were truly despicable people myself. It’s just the blanket generalising that shits me.

Yep, this really isn't rocket science.

If you're on a drug forum, you can expect that there will be current and former sex workers of various kinds. If you show disrespect to sex workers or act like you barely consider them people, don't be surprised if you make quite a few enemies.

It ain't even just sex workers (love that he thinks this is apparently a politically correct label rather than just....what it's called). There's plenty of non sex workers who aren't assholes who will get pissed off too.

So yea, you act like an asshole, expect people to treat you like one.

 

[Deleted member 521610]

living in a country where this is legal i have no problem with it most escorts i enjoy talking to and spending time with but also going to brothels you really see the dark side of humanity the bouncers the owner are fucking extremely dodgy and give me bad vibes.

Though some strippers have tried to rob or fleece me i honestly just felt sorry for them because they are in this dredge of society so some bad stuff would of happened in their life and the drug addictions like meth and other things is very powerful so i understand where they coming from but the thing is if those ones did not try fleece me i would of probably ended up spending lots more money on them but that is karma.

A big issue is human trafficking in these line of work alot of strippers and escorts i met where from international countries Uk, brazil, Canada asia. Idk how they got here since sex worker is illegal for immigrants aswell to avoid this problem and makes me wonder what is going on behind the scenes at these places.

I have even seen women pimping out other women men pimping women out it was just a viscous circle but its better prostitution is legal to at least give these women a safer place to work at than the streets.

Most of their clients are usually drug lords who sell meth man in the lobby of these places you meet some really fucked up older guys who are deep in the drug business.

 

[JessFR]

I mostly hate prostitution. But yeah, it pretty much has to be legal for harm reduction reasons.

 

[Nipper76]

Where i work in Africa, prostitution is pretty normal and commonplace, in fact the girls earn a ton of cash compared to people with normal jobs as wealthy expats lavish gifts, holidays etc. Marriage is also often the result and people actually live happily ever after. But the girls don't take drugs or drink, they are doing it for a better life, which is a considerable difference.

 

[JessFR]

Where i work in Africa, prostitution is pretty normal and commonplace, in fact the girls earn a ton of cash compared to people with normal jobs as wealthy expats lavish gifts, holidays etc. Marriage is also often the result and people actually live happily ever after. But the girls don't take drugs or drink, they are doing it for a better life, which is a considerable difference.

Compared to normal jobs like what?

I don't think most prostitutes are in it for the money. I think most are in it cause they have no other worthwhile alternatives.

People turn to prostitution when they're either desperate, or the other opportunities are shit. Not many people just wanna be prostitutes.

 

[Jabberwocky]

What's worse option than prostituting? I can't seem to find one.
There's always alternatives.

to support a drug habit (i.e. me when i was unemployable and was spending £500-1000 every day) realistic options to get as much money as fast as you need it are few and far between and tend to involve victims other than the person who needs the money.

the vast vast majority of people who sell their bodies have a history of sexual abuse which contributes to their ability to numb themselves to what they are doing. if sex workers had been treated with respect and compassion in the first place rather than victimised, then chances are they wouldn't have ended up in the situation that lead them to sex work. people like you are just a continuation of abuse.

 

[TheInvisibleStoner]

Never cash for sex.

You pay other ways, though. A girl will always want something from you. Just like you want the sex. Occasionally it evolves into something better and you won't be paying as much.

 

[Jabberwocky]

even if it weren't morally indefensible, its just not realistic.

the number of people who's houses you can get a grands worth of stuff out of and places where you can unload are limited and take scoping out. there's no way you can make a grand a day robbing people. fraud probably but when i was addicted to crack i didn't have the internet or a computer, nor the intellectual capacity to do anything complicated, so its just a non starter.

 

[Jabberwocky]

even if it weren't morally indefensible, its just not realistic.

the number of people who's houses you can get a grands worth of stuff out of and places where you can unload are limited and take scoping out. there's no way you can make a grand a day robbing people. fraud probably but when i was addicted to crack i didn't have the internet or a computer, nor the intellectual capacity to do anything complicated, so its just a non starter.

Depends on the habit and area you are.
I know people who steal shitloads of clothes and are pretty fucking good at it, steal at 1/3rd the price and you can even make an order. They make a lot money, but they're the professionals.
I know people who steal just beer or long drinks and sell them and get dope for the day.

 

[Jabberwocky]

where i lived security guards would actively prevent me from going into shops with expensive stuff or follow me around, even shops i'd never been in cos i just looked like i ad a bad drug problem. i've known people who steal to order too, they did not make as much money as me and went to prison whereas i did not.

 

[Jabberwocky]

where i lived security guards would actively prevent me from going into shops with expensive stuff or follow me around, even shops i'd never been in cos i just looked like i ad a bad drug problem. i've known people who steal to order too, they did not make as much money as me and went to prison whereas i did not.

So you live in greatest city on Earth?
English, it is? Right?

 

[JessFR]

where i lived security guards would actively prevent me from going into shops with expensive stuff or follow me around, even shops i'd never been in cos i just looked like i ad a bad drug problem. i've known people who steal to order too, they did not make as much money as me and went to prison whereas i did not.

Which is the other factor here. If you look like you're homeless, or a junkie, or both, and are a female younger than maybe late 40s or something. There are guys who will repeatedly solicit you for sex or sexual favors anyway.

Sooner or later one will come along and do it right when you're at your most desperate.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i moved cities when i got clean but yes england.

just use your brain for one second- sya you steal £100 pair of jeans and get £30 for it. to support any sort of habit worth stealing for you need to do that 3 times a day. you are not making a grand a day doing that. and even if you rotate shops it will get super risky very quick.

anyway, i have enjoyed this illuminating chat and am now going for a run. i just wish i had spoken to DMW before i got addicted to drugs so he could have told me not to. it must be nice to have the privilege of thinking life is so simple.

if anyone in this thread does pay for sex: treat sex workers with respect. do not attempt anything that hasn't been pre agreed. they are people in a hard situation and deserve compassion.

 

[Kingtizer]

would you ever pay for any sexual act?
and why?
and what would you think if you had found out someone you cared about had?

I would if i had to, but at the way things go it would probably be me that would get paid. See nothing wrong with it though and if i needed a specific fantasy fulfilled and ny partner is unwilling then absolutely

 

[wudbutcher]

It’s not really like or dislike. I’m not that invested in you. I just note you have a really savage kind of sociopathy cum misogyny in the way you express yourself here.

You are totally free to present yourself as a bit of a narcissistic cunt if you want so long as it’s within the BLUA. It’s not that uncommon here really and I support BL as a judgement free zone.

Everyone judges At.; and while some do it fairly eloquently, this is not a judgement free zone.
LOTW, sounds as if you’ve paid dearly old boy, with your opinion of women in general, as well as your overinflated sense of self. Wonder what your longest relationship has been, really.
In response to the stripper gal, though you may be making bank, you’ve paid too. Don’t have to tell you how or with what.
Sex is a drug.
Used outside it’s intended purpose/ RDA, it will always require more/ different ( read as twisted) to obtain desired results, and have lasting/ permanent consequences.

 

[wudbutcher]

A man pays up front, then over time as his opinion of women and personal boundaries erode. Wife has a headache? No problem, I’ll go hit a corner. Fast forward, he fails to nurture wife’s emotional needs and self esteem ( surprise fellas, that’s the real g spot if ya wanna keep one worth having), then wife seeks that elsewhere. Rather than see your part, you file her away as whorish. If you prefer the easy transaction for sex over time and effort of a real relationship, you’ve simply come to terms with rent vs ownership.
As to women, turning to prostitution boils down to childhood abuse ( which can lead to drug addiction, precipitating need for big fast money) or insufficient schooling/ skill set to make the $ to a said level. Either way they pay for their situation in a reduced/ skewed opinion of men, and a personal lack of self respect.

 

[wudbutcher]

And this is exactly why I think you're a douchebag. Because if you think that's better, it means you don't give a fuck about other people and only care for yourself.

EDIT: actually there's another possibility. That you say this shit cause you want people to see you as an asshole for some reason. Like that you hate yourself and want other people to hate you too. I've known people like that. People who hate themselves and wanna prove that they deserve to be hated by treating people like shit so they get treated horribly back as they feel they deserve.

Wait, judgement free unless you’re a mod? I respond to a drunk Don Juan’s unprovoked attacks the other day, get ALL my shit deleted. This is some double standard bullshit!!

 

[JessFR]

Wait, judgement free unless you’re a mod? I respond to a drunk Don Juan’s unprovoked attacks the other day, get ALL my shit deleted. This is some double standard bullshit!!

I don't know the incident you're referring to. But I don't recall there being any rule that says we're not allowed to dislike each other and express it provided it doesn't stay into outright attacks.

For instance saying "I don't like you and here are the reasons" is likely to be OK while saying "you're a cunt weasel cause you suck dickbag" probably isn't.

Additionally your posts getting deleted can happen for various reasons that may not be because you've broken any rules. It depends on the context and again I'm not aware of the situation you're referencing.

EDIT: so I just checked your recent posts and found your deleted posts... It was right next to my deleted posts. Mine gone deleted with yours. So I'd hardly call it a double standard. Looks like it was just off topic.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Never cash for sex.

You pay other ways, though. A girl will always want something from you. Just like you want the sex. Occasionally it evolves into something better and you won't be paying as much.

Well adjusted people don’t pay. They reciprocate in multiple ways leading to an enriched life for both of them.

The way you express this makes it sound like most M/ F relationships are entirely devoid of emotional content.