Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
Okay so i didnt use YET today. But had to have help from a dab.
It's the only way i can tolerate food most of the time. Depression is horrible too.
I am losing weight but have a gut. Too weak to work out or anything. I just keep walking the dogs.
Maybe diabetes from too much sugar.
Hopefully blackouts are gone from xanax.
They could help if i had to sleep off a weekend maybe. If i didnt get the cluster headache. Someday the risk will outweigh the benifits.
I don't remember posts. It's terrible but have long term but struggle with the present.
I still have to work. And go to a job.
Now I have to find good food because i got an appetite from high potency thc. Right.
Keep fighting the good fight Hylight. You got this!! And thanks for your words of encouragement too - it means a lot.
@chinup Thank you so much. My life quality has improved so dramatically. I feel like I'm finally living again. I truly was suffering before. I tried my best to grin and bear it and put on a brave face but the truth is that I was miserable. I really feel like as if I'm finally awakening after a long, twisted nightmare. I just never felt right opiod free. im almost afraid that those 20+ years of hardcore addiction to multiple drugs may have done some irreparable damage and I don't look forward to having to ever stop methadone but at this point in time Im trying to not look too far down the road....one foot in front of the other.
I really know how you feel with the drinking. It's always been so difficult for me to live a completely sober life but occasional use always opens the door and before long I'm using more than I'd like and it starts to become a problem. Iv also always been stuck in a damned if I do, damned if I don't conundrum with substances. I'm never happy either way. Life is difficult and those evening breaks are so nice to look forward too but the substance always starts to take over and become a destructive force. When I'm using I always think that if I stop and get sober my life will straighten out and then I'll be happy but then when I'm on the sober wagon I'm always left feeling incomplete and unhappy as well. The truth is that I'm never completely happy or satisfied. I've wrestled with it my whole life.
I think being at home and unable to drink as often as much will be a positive in your life, while giving you time to assess your situation. I hope everything works out for you dear.
@Hylight You're in my thoughts.... Sending you![]()
I'm really glad that your life is getting better. Dude, if you need to take methadone to stop your life from imploding from other substances, then take that methadone and don't even think twice. I'm on 2mg of subutex, but I still consider that "clean" compared to shooting up speedballs every day. It's about harm reduction, and you're right that when we go completely drug-free the depression & cravings can be brutal. What's the longest you've done entirely abstinent from everything?? I just ask because I convinced myself when I did 7 months that I'd never feel totally normal again and used that thought to justify a relapse. It wasn't till afterwards I read PAWs can come & go for up to 2 years that I realized I'd jumped the gun in assuming my brain had finished healing - it hadn't, and being honest with myself I wasn't permanently depressed or struggling with cravings, it was intermittent and came and went the entire time. Sure, the lows could be really fucking low, but it was more than balanced out by how much better my life was overall. I felt like a completely different guy to how I do when I'm using or even how I feel now with just under a week under my belt. Take the methadone for as long as you have to, but let's not write ourselves off as being irredeemably fucked without drugs - our brains have an amazing capacity to heal, and opiates aren't even neurotoxic!