The beginning of My Journey. Psychedelic Therapy Expirement (Please only Advise if you have Experience)

[Jabberwocky]

Log update: I’m still scared to undertake this goal, I’ve experienced it before so I know what to expect but I’ve abused the substance every single time, sorta like how I abuse everything. Perhaps it’s the early morning weed, or the kratom causing anxiety. Marijuana is a very hit and miss drug I either smoke enough that I’m sober or I don’t smoke and the moment I do I question every choice I’ve ever made and the worse possibility starts in my head. I don’t intend to profit from these or force them on anything but still I feel guilt. I feel like when I have them I’m guilty cause others define it. I suppose I don’t face anything uncommon to those involved with psychs. But I feel ashamed that I’m 2020 Atleast in my neck of the woods it’s still very frowned on. The idea, and to think most of these substance occur both naturally and in our brains makes me sick. I’m thinking good thoughts. It could be practice anxiety helping me learn to control my thoughts and keep them in a positive direction. I have so much to be thankful for, but I’m so selfish I haven’t helped anyone in months and I’m not here to boast about it but I felt good when I volunteered I felt happy when I helped others. But now I feel like a POS that gets high all day, and on the track I was on I stopped making music and just kept numbing myself. The come up anxiety ofweed as it first hits and coming up anxiety psychedelics will always be synonymous Atleast to me.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Dude that sucks you can walk into any liquor store in my area and buy Golden Grain or Everclear (95% alch), its great to make hashish from old weed trim and stems and shake.

Use to here, but 2 years ago 151 became the highest thing they can sell. I live on the border of states I’m sure I can find some but I’d prefer sprityus as I hear it’s the strongest legal alcohol on the market at something like 198

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

Use to here, but 2 years ago 151 became the highest thing they can sell. I live on the border of states I’m sure I can find some but I’d prefer sprityus as I hear it’s the strongest legal alcohol on the market at something like 198

I mean we had some other weird laws about alcohol in Georgia until pretty recently. Like you couldn't even buy beer or wine on Sunday until they changed the law 7 or 8 years ago, and even then they make you wait until 12:30 pm, "after church" lol

 

[Jabberwocky]

I mean we had some other weird laws about alcohol in Georgia until pretty recently. Like you couldn't even buy beer or wine on Sunday until they changed the law 7 or 8 years ago, and even then they make you wait until 12:30 pm, "after church" lol

South Carolina is like that as well, let the church goers get out and get their KFC and go home and be gluttonous while watching the game. Like it prevents drunk driving then, any drunk I’ve know always has a “no shake stash”

 

[Jabberwocky]

Update #2 log :
Warning Content May Offend If your not up for openness on talks about religion please skip this post ️ I feel as if the guilt has been ingrained into me. I now see for me it is impossible to not involve religion into this. That’s a motivating factor to me go develop my connection with God and Jesus. But at the same time my guilt is also coming from the fact your told everything is a sin especially use of drugs,


example of “The Church”
Hate gay people
Judge everyone
Claim everyone is going to Hell
Refuse to love
Put 20 dollars in the plate
And you’ve been forgiven and have the right to play God for another week

I’m sorry to get this outta the way
My Jesus loves you if your gay straight black blue orange whatever the fuck you are or wanna be
My Jesus Knows what ima do before it’s been done so there’s no point of hiding it
I don’t believe a God that loves everyone and connects everything together sits on a throne and condescends his creation all day
I’ve prayed and fasted over this decision I just wish the brainwashing of my youth would calm down so I can finally make a decision about my health/religion/creativity the way I want to. The way I want my music to sound my God to be, and choosing the meds I want without fear of my freedom being lost but it’s worth the risk. It’s worth the risk to never been another zombie dead to the world.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Still not ingested. Pertinent info

golden teachers

dose: undecided

as of 12/1 I’m not sure about taking them. I keep doing research guided by the classics, but I wonder if dmt is what I need as opposed to this. To give a brief background as I’m off the Percocet and coffee and have some energy and time

My psychedelic use is very sporadic. The last time I consumed any type of psychedelic I believe would have to be close to 2011. I used them with reckless abandon in 2008-10 for the first times. LSD if that is what I truly bought, was incredible and my first trip. I didn’t feel it until I smoked a bowl and that’s when everything changed. Information from Erowid would indicate I did take LSD but as a 17 year old knowing what I know now about the black market. I would be more apt to say it was an analogue of something. But again I’m not sure how common LSD is to obtain legitimately for the average teen. I assume higher in my city as it’s basically a haven for the Grateful Deadies and casuals from surrounding areas. Also a college town, and at the point my contacts would’ve know some of those college kids. It wasn’t until 2009 until I think I truly obtained LSD from a blessed source who has since passed (man how did we go from smoking blunts to opiates sucking our souls out brother) -message to him I know he would approve of this research. Anyways for a year, I consumed it off and on never enough to experience ego death more sorta calm and fractal and very bonding with my partner at the time. That being said after I achieved some decent experiences I found myself seeking more and more akin to Terrence Mckennas Attitude although I doubt I’ll ever be as bold. I’ve consumed up to 10-14 grams. Supposedly a half ounce but as a teen no scale what I was given I accepted usually with no care other then I had gotten a substance back then. I didn’t treat it fondly at the time I occasionally experienced homelessness among legal trouble so setting wasn’t always ideal. Seedy crack hotels are a lot different then nature but that’s a story for my therapist. Short of that I’ve gotten shrooms a few times but it seems I overdone them, not to say I don’t wanna reach those plateaus I often worry about my “diagnosis” as bipolar and psychosis. I tend to feel at points it’s never going to end. Now I learn that that is common and just my ego, grasping for control. I’ve found some techniques ima try practicing. Such as deep breathing and prayer, some others may consider mediation and I’m not against it. But I find myself wondering what spirits may be attaching themselves. That’s my own spirituality that I wrestle with, believing in Christ which I said I’ll try to refrain from has me at odds about this. Knowing what I now know I don’t feel I can trust the “church” or the Bible in it’s entirety. Knowing that christianreligions began the fight against psychedelics, to keep an intermediary between you and Christ makes me extremely distrustful of the church. I’ll phrase it very simply for others since spirituality is what I’m sorta seeking to deepen with this
I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins. I believe in the Holy Trinity
That said I don’t believe God has the time to be half of what the church claims. Which I find to be full of hypocrisy and liars and nothing to what Christ said to be. Which is to love all even your enemies and stuff you don’t approve of. That being said I’m not drilling this thread without it. I’ll report what I feel and solemnly what I feel. Everyone is invited no matter what you believe and if this becomes a religion bashing post of any sorts I’ll will report you to the Mods.
I’m simply a guy who’s trying to find help for my addictions spirit and understanding of the world beyond the materialistic bullshit we do everyday. I wanna transgress I guess
Although I’m scared to abandoned this facade that I’ve created to family, friends even my close relationships. I’m scared to abandon myself which I know i have to do to get what I desire. Without a shadow of a doubt I know there’s more then meets the eyes
But that doesn’t define my intention just yet
I wanna go at this with caution, and I’m still looking at it very much as a drug I guess I think subconsciously, an escape. I need escape in which I solely am and not I solely am myself. Beyond love and what anyone can do for me on Earth. Within my research DMT is increasingly becoming interesting to me as set and setting are not important and the experience is internal from what I gathered. Perhaps mushrooms are a good reintroduction. In which I have an easy substance to ingest, and to tailor for what I want. Also, mushrooms seem idk I wouldn’t say softer but easier to a novice. Chaotic is not what I need right now, maybe it is but I’m not sure if I can handle intentionally putting myself in that. i digress. This post is very superficial to me now
I look at it and laugh at my attempts to remain “scientific”. I only hope with time I can give you guys and update as to when I plan to dose. But it’s still looking pretty far off. I have just began starting focusing on my breath and prayer. And I feel like if I induce this trip there’s no point in killing it with benzos if this got to the point where I know they can go. I need to learn to depend on myself to both gain control by releasing control and learning to understand who I truly am simultaneously. I will update as to that I hope everyone had a good holidays and will continue to have a good holiday season

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

Some people just dont gel with certain types of psychedelics, either in general or just at the point in their development they rest at.

Perhaps you should try to find DMT or another short acting psychedelic to try out as that seems to have intuitively gained your interest

Mushrooms are a sometimes intense and sobering experience, with largely emotional/spiritual overtones. Might be a little too heavy and melancholic for someone with your mindset/temperament at this point in time. Being apprehensive isn't always meaningless. Sometimes your instinct is probably correct.

However mushrooms might be just what you need. I dunno. Only you can know.

For the record 10-14 grams of mushrooms is a very intense experience and I'm sure that was wild lmfao.

I think a lot of intelligent people over analyze psychedelic drugs these days, trying to be safe and smart, and then freak themselves out and just keep putting it off lol

I firmly believe that you'll know on some animal level when it's time to trip. Keep the materials on hand just in case, but don't force it, or shrug it off. Just let it happen.

Christianity incorporates some beautiful stories and themes into its mythos but to me its largely just that: mythology.

A lot of Christians are horribly adjusted individuals.

And a lot of them are perfectly nice and well adjusted folks.

Has nothing to do with being christian and everything to do with proper socialization.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Some people just dont gel with certain types of psychedelics, either in general or just at the point in their development they rest at.

Perhaps you should try to find DMT or another short acting psychedelic to try out as that seems to have intuitively gained your interest

Mushrooms are a sometimes intense and sobering experience, with largely emotional/spiritual overtones. Might be a little too heavy and melancholic for someone with your mindset/temperament at this point in time. Being apprehensive isn't always meaningless. Sometimes your instinct is probably correct.

However mushrooms might be just what you need. I dunno. Only you can know.

For the record 10-14 grams of mushrooms is a very intense experience and I'm sure that was wild lmfao.

I think a lot of intelligent people over analyze psychedelic drugs these days, trying to be safe and smart, and then freak themselves out and just keep putting it off lol

I firmly believe that you'll know on some animal level when it's time to trip. Keep the materials on hand just in case, but don't force it, or shrug it off. Just let it happen.

Christianity incorporates some beautiful stories and themes into its mythos but to me its largely just that: mythology.

A lot of Christians are horribly adjusted individuals.

And a lot of them are perfectly nice and well adjusted folks.

Has nothing to do with being christian and everything to do with proper socialization.

I don’t think if I wasn’t destined I would of ever obtained mushrooms to be honest. My inner self is drilling the point home though of having ways to ground myself, I suppose that’s what I learned in overdoing it is that it’s very possible to do, and when your in that state you need to find ways to keep your core but shed the shell. Often times like a bandaid or a shot I’ll have to agree dreading it is worse off, I think I’m in a better place. Well I know I am neurologically then I was when I used them last. Although I still have addictions and I think inner pain I run from, I generally have learned thus far how to maintain myself If bipolar is my true diagnosis and not ptsd or just plane loneliness. I’m not here to trash my past I believe it’s that way for a reason but there’s numerous things I think could of attributed to the “diagnosis”. That being said DMT looks appealing for its shortness but I learned that in that 10 minutes infinity awaits. Atleast I feel like with caps that it’s of the earth. I don’t gotta gotta find it or do anything to it with MAOI not only that but mycelium is totally interesting to me and I think can heal a lot of things I do know that I’ll probably stagger my way up to find what I want. Starting at .25 g I’ll go up by quarters of a gram until I find what I desire. But this whole process in of itself has been life changing and made me look at life different even without the experience. So I believe despite my selfish fear things are going as they should

 

[Jabberwocky]

Would your advice be @FuckinAcidMan to go slow? I have golden teachers enough to do whatever I want. Microdose for a few months 4 days on 3 off, I have enough for low and high doses but I’m just wondering would you return to it as a novice or go along with the confidence that I’ve already had this substance, and that most likely even if it’s bad I’ll be fine in the long run I just worry about psychosis, the mythos and the fact that it seems everyone has a “friend in a mental institution that thinks he’s an Orange” what I’m saying is I’m fine where I’m at. I’m on a path to death sadly but we all are and if an addiction is what I carry I accept that risk vs reward but psychedelics are a totally different fucked up. I just wanna know the risk I run I don’t have schizophrenia in my family I don’t hear or see anything that’s not that and I generally have a good grasp on reality. I do have some grandiose ideas but I attribute that to never letting ones self stop dreaming. Even at my highest dose I just thought I was Kurt Cobain, saw myself as him and really though anything I thought would come to fruition. Hard to explain but the only negatives I ever felt is that I won’t return to baseline and that’s what I’m feeling now

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

Forget the exact number and weight.

Just look at your shrooms.

Find one or two caps that look friendly. Eat em.

If you wanna get more high eat more.

Shrooms are way more forgiving regarding redosing than LSD or Mescaline,


I find nibbling little mushroom caps over an hour or two

Or, sipping on psilocybin tea,

to be much more relaxed and less "mind shattering" than gobbling down your whole dose at once

Pretend you are a witch-doctor bro, just feel it out, clearly you're nervous and there is no shame in it, so start slow!

Your worries about mental illness are totally valid but likely also over represented because of decades of negative media spin

Think of it it like having a few beers, no one knows the exact number of beers it'll take if they're a casual drinker just having a good time, so they sip and feel it out.

Intuition motherfucker, you gotta build it and strengthen it.

I'd neeeeever recommend anyone eat the amount of shrooms you did before .

Unecessarily large doses are dumb if you aren't a hard headed bastard

Avoid smoking a lot of cannabis, the synergy between weed and psychs is profound.

Unless you feel like you're digging it and wanna hit the booster so to speak lol

 

[SunriseChampion]

I'm with @FuckinAcidMan on this one. Forget measuring out exact quantities.

I always just eye my dosing and how much I make my tea with unless I'm doing experiments and then I weigh it properly "for science!"....but that's not what you're doing.

Golden Teachers are perfect for what you're attempting, I reckon. Decently mellow if you start easy and slow.

Just eye a smaller mushroom or two, make a cup of tea or, for more ease-of-use, a whole pot after grinding them up and go from there. You can always yam another wee cap and stem an hour or two later.


But, yo, @FuckinAcidMan ...that beer analogy....it really speaks to me.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Just, @FuneralFather don't keep yamming mushrooms once you start like I keep downing pints after I start those or it'll get extreme real quick.

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

I'm with @FuckinAcidMan on this one. Forget measuring out exact quantities.

I always just eye my dosing and how much I make my tea with unless I'm doing experiments and then I weigh it properly "for science!"....but that's not what you're doing.

Golden Teachers are perfect for what you're attempting, I reckon. Decently mellow if you start easy and slow.

Just eye a smaller mushroom or two, make a cup of tea or, for more ease-of-use, a whole pot after grinding them up and go from there. You can always yam another wee cap and stem an hour or two later.


But, yo, @FuckinAcidMan ...that beer analogy....it really speaks to me.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Just, @FuneralFather don't keep yamming mushrooms once you start like I keep downing pints after I start those or it'll get extreme real quick.

I think youd be fun to drink with bro!

You probably would just have to go easy onme like I'm 15 and can't drink for shit, gimme 4 pints and I'm feeling well into drunk lmfao

Drinking is so weird, and very very rooted in culture

Was always more of an uppers guy at heart, dont get me wrong I love depressants I just cant handle crazy amounts like some of yall! The amount of opiates people take blows my mind too.


But yeah the doses of shrooms I see recommended by people who just trip all the time are absurd

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'm with @FuckinAcidMan on this one. Forget measuring out exact quantities.

I always just eye my dosing and how much I make my tea with unless I'm doing experiments and then I weigh it properly "for science!"....but that's not what you're doing.

Golden Teachers are perfect for what you're attempting, I reckon. Decently mellow if you start easy and slow.

Just eye a smaller mushroom or two, make a cup of tea or, for more ease-of-use, a whole pot after grinding them up and go from there. You can always yam another wee cap and stem an hour or two later.


But, yo, @FuckinAcidMan ...that beer analogy....it really speaks to me.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Just, @FuneralFather don't keep yamming mushrooms once you start like I keep downing pints after I start those or it'll get extreme real quick.

Oh I learned my lesson on that one with whatever the fuck I ate (amount wise) as a teen lol. It never got scary scary. But it did bend me to a point that I only thing is the tip of the iceberg. I would say it brought be to the point of ego death but I doubt it. Cause I kept having “if I think it will happen” I’m still waiting on the ps3 I thought I could materialize with my thoughts. I’m researching ego death and dmt. Perhaps I have picked the wrong psychedelic I’m not sure, dmt seems to be what everyone keeps talking about in all the research I’m doing but that which is on YouTube I doubt is very insightful past superficial info. I must be wearing the idea thin with my significant other as it’s to a point where I’m told either take them or don’t. Analytical nature doesn’t serve me well I don’t ever take the plunge and when I do I doubt I can relinquish control enough to breakthrough on anything I guess my goal is to love the world more I generally look at it and society with disdain and embarrassment we are so simple as humans. I guess I’m trying to transcend and reach a point past that without actual death.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think youd be fun to drink with bro!

You probably would just have to go easy onme like I'm 15 and can't drink for shit, gimme 4 pints and I'm feeling well into drunk lmfao

Drinking is so weird, and very very rooted in culture

Was always more of an uppers guy at heart, dont get me wrong I love depressants I just cant handle crazy amounts like some of yall! The amount of opiates people take blows my mind too.


But yeah the doses of shrooms I see recommended by people who just trip all the time are absurd

Lol I remember 3.5 being a staple I thought you had to have to reach the bare minimums. Now i see recommended dose is 1-2.5 for GT’s lol

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

Lol I remember 3.5 being a staple I thought you had to have to reach the bare minimums. Now i see recommended dose is 1-2.5 for GT’s lol

Dude these bad boys are getting strong. Just like weed in the early 2000s.

Discard the minimum doses you thought you knew lol.

Unless you're getting old school cubes grown by someone new or just someone who isn't seeking to maximize potency.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Dude these bad boys are getting strong. Just like weed in the early 2000s.

Discard the minimum doses you thought you knew lol.

Unless you're getting old school cubes grown by someone new or just someone who isn't seeking to maximize potency.

I’ll message you lol anyone else free fell to dm

 

[SunriseChampion]

I mean 1g is enough for some decent introspection in my experience. 5g is just a fucking ride and a half before the serious introspection kicks in. Is it necessary to go that high? I don't think so.

In fact, I recommend low dose (not microdose) mushrooms to all the people in my life when they're experiencing fucky emotional/spiritual states of being.

 

[SunriseChampion]

I think youd be fun to drink with bro!

I am defo a fun drunk. None of that violence/emotional nonsense. Just a laugh and a good time.

You probably would just have to go easy onme like I'm 15 and can't drink for shit, gimme 4 pints and I'm feeling well into drunk lmfao

Drinking is so weird, and very very rooted in culture

Was always more of an uppers guy at heart, dont get me wrong I love depressants I just cant handle crazy amounts like some of yall! The amount of opiates people take blows my mind too.

I used to love stimulants but 8 months of meth put me off that for good. Have never done any downers....and alcohol ain't one. A single pint might make me sleepy after a long day at work but by the third pint, I may as well have done a line of meth for how easily I'll be able to sleep.

Next time you're in Toronto.

Just have to pace yourself so you can last the 16 hours or whatever we create.

 

[SunriseChampion]

Oh I learned my lesson on that one with whatever the fuck I ate (amount wise) as a teen lol. It never got scary scary. But it did bend me to a point that I only thing is the tip of the iceberg. I would say it brought be to the point of ego death but I doubt it. Cause I kept having “if I think it will happen” I’m still waiting on the ps3 I thought I could materialize with my thoughts. I’m researching ego death and dmt. Perhaps I have picked the wrong psychedelic I’m not sure, dmt seems to be what everyone keeps talking about in all the research I’m doing but that which is on YouTube I doubt is very insightful past superficial info. I must be wearing the idea thin with my significant other as it’s to a point where I’m told either take them or don’t. Analytical nature doesn’t serve me well I don’t ever take the plunge and when I do I doubt I can relinquish control enough to breakthrough on anything I guess my goal is to love the world more I generally look at it and society with disdain and embarrassment we are so simple as humans. I guess I’m trying to transcend and reach a point past that without actual death.

I can't say I've experienced "ego death" as such. Even the 7g mushroom trip I had didn't include such. Just the world around me sort of ceased to exist and time stopped, but that's just normal, no?

I was still fully me. I'm a stubborn bastard. Hard to kill, I guess. Like a cockroach.

I'm also probably the wrong person to ask about these things.

I did use mushrooms (and MDMA) to overcome serious self-worth and depression issues in the past but have moved on from that and have always (even then) been quite the hedonist.

That's not to say I don't respect the fungus, I just don't use it as a personal development/healing aid any more. I think it's given me all it can and I appreciate that.

Everything now is just a laugh. I can't take it all seriously anymore....including deep mushroom trips. There is still some awe and all that, but I'm laughing at the cosmos more than being humbled by them.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I can't say I've experienced "ego death" as such. Even the 7g mushroom trip I had didn't include such. Just the world around me sort of ceased to exist and time stopped, but that's just normal, no?

I was still fully me. I'm a stubborn bastard. Hard to kill, I guess. Like a cockroach.

I'm also probably the wrong person to ask about these things.

I did use mushrooms (and MDMA) to overcome serious self-worth and depression issues in the past but have moved on from that and have always (even then) been quite the hedonist.

That's not to say I don't respect the fungus, I just don't use it as a personal development/healing aid any more. I think it's given me all it can and I appreciate that.

Everything now is just a laugh. I can't take it all seriously anymore....including deep mushroom trips. There is still some awe and all that, but I'm laughing at the cosmos more than being humbled by them.

I wonder if DMT would be of service to you from what I been gathering I’m at the lowest level. That’s not to say I can’t take it further. But I keep seeing people like Terence McKenna talk about it I was mentioning it acid maybe we should make this a group chat. But that with dmt you actually reach inward instead of outward being influenced. I don’t know what I want though parts of me wants to laugh at the cosmos like you said. But parts of me want to go as far as Terence McKenna says when he equates it to the lesser lights in buddhism before the 42 days of death I could be wrong about the amount of days of death I’m not that exposed to Buddhism but to take it to a point where he says once you go past it there may not be any coming back. To where I’m reach what some may call the realm of the dead to be both witness and observer of my dead soul. I suppose I’m dark at a core and that’s what worries me that my core isn’t like others that’s not to say I lack empathy or I’m psycho I just look at the world from a point as if I’m already dead. Hence the name the music. Although I don’t wanna die I’m worried that once I open my mind it will be more then I can handle. I don’t articulate that well online given grammar and how I’m typing I don’t see the point but at a core I do believe I possess higher then average intellect and can operate at speeds no one else can. But it does interest me even if all I do is research and puss out. It’s nice to know that at any point I can experience that escape if I wanted to. This might sound dark and illogical but I wonder if not giving a suicidal person a high dose of DMT wouldn’t be a bad idea obviously in clinical settings this shouldn’t be done on the street. But if someone wants to die, and experience that then these tools could possibly facilitate that without losing a life. Idk I like psychology and pharmacology so anything that combines both I’m interested and generate so many ideas about.