The beginning of My Journey. Psychedelic Therapy Expirement (Please only Advise if you have Experience)

[Jabberwocky]

To be brief I refuse to end up like my dad, and commit suicide from not accepting and treating my depression. That being said I have been “diagnosed bipolar type 2”. Given a plethora of anti psychs and visited the child’s unit 2 times. One for a suicide attempt at 13 although idk if that was me I was under the guidance of a doctor feeding me farms from ambien to Valium to major tranqs and attention seeking or an actual attempt. The second was from a medication eval brought on by my mom. She was very absent during my life due to her own problems so I’m not sure she had the right to tell me my moods wasn’t right. But that’s another story she’s still my mother I’m not going shit talk. For 10+ years everything has been fine, as far as being able see hope enough to get myself out of depression but I self medicate, I tried detox realized it was a sham (in my opinion) I’m not a doctor and this is one shitheads journey to help himself. If you need help please seek professionals before you seek the Internet or before listening to me. Long story short I’ve done a lot of research into psychedelics and tried them numerous times. Each time though I’ve overdone them in an unstressful situation without a stable home or stable life really. I’m talking half ounces at a time of psilocybin and numerous street psychedelics labeled LSD whether it was legit acid or not I’m not sure But I did have a pretty solid contact in 2009. Since died RIP UNNAMED. Anyways I’m not saying much but I can undertake trials of my own of legit psilocybin. I will ask fellow cosmonauts to refrain from dosing suggestions and only present facts with credible sources. My first question as this will be happening over the holidays I’m not sure when is should I maintain my regiment of daily vitamins.
I take :

1500mg tyrosine as needed but generally 3x daily

Garden of Life Men’s 1 a day although I just started back.

nordic naturals ultimate omega

And 5htp Plus + featuring :
200mg 5htp
Vitamin B6 @10mg
L Tryptophan 20mg
(SAMe) 50mg

none of my vitamins feature trashy fillers that I can tell

as far as illicit
Marijuana: 2-3 g a day although sometimes I can keep it to 1

prescribed
Klonopin (Roche Brand) K cut only 10 tabs 1mg as needed although I’m separating 5mg out for a trip killer

my plan is to have a decent every 6 months or 3 ( I’m not sure dosage yet still need research)

and microdose in between

(if I find this too much mentally for me I’ll learn from the experience and cancel our tripping followed by a plan b)
(Plan B would be microdosing only) with breaks in between to revisit and reform another plan. I hope my fellow cosmologists will sympathize help guide me by factual evidence in which I hope to see better more positive direction in life then eating oxy all day and wasting away

I would also be applying all experience to my art, I make music for those unaware and I find it to be very therapeutic and one of the only ways to keep myself sober. I don’t wanna die young or tragically. What’s done is done in my past but I wanna be happy without the help of man made chemicals anymore. I’m giving this to nature God and myself. I hope you guys the best
Love - funeral Update as progress is achieved.

 

[imagination.of.extremity]

@FuneralFather I wish you the best, and please keep us updated.
Proud of you for taking initiative with your mental health.
Sounds like you've had a complex journey with your mental health/doctors.

Just to clarify: you plan to fully trip on psilocybin every 3-6 months, and microdose in between?

I don't have much experience with psychedelics, but I've always preferred to microdose LSD.
It's enough to give me a head change. Sorry I can't offer much advice, but I'll be following the thread.
Curious to see what dosing schedule you come up with.

Besides taming your depression, do you have any other goals you're trying to achieve?

 

[Hylight]

Are you on sound cloud and insta ?

 

[imagination.of.extremity]

Are you on sound cloud and insta ?

^^that's the real question tho

 

[Jabberwocky]

@FuneralFather I wish you the best, and please keep us updated.
Proud of you for taking initiative with your mental health.
Sounds like you've had a complex journey with your mental health/doctors.

Just to clarify: you plan to fully trip on psilocybin every 3-6 months, and microdose in between?

I don't have much experience with psychedelics, but I've always preferred to microdose LSD.
It's enough to give me a head change. Sorry I can't offer much advice, but I'll be following the thread.
Curious to see what dosing schedule you come up with.

Besides taming your depression, do you have any other goals you're trying to achieve?

I’m not sure, I’m not sure if I have a mental illness or I like the lack of responsibility it affords me for myself. Along with other things I don’t care to discuss having “bipolar” has a bittersweet blessing. That being said I’m not so sure if I don’t have ptsd? From what I’m not sure.. I had a rough upbringing I guess but I lacked for nothing and to get on here and bitch like my life sucked it didn’t. It coulda been a whole lot worse but I live in a constant state of arousal meaning, I’m extremely paranoid over the smallest things I assume the worst. I lack positivity and unless I’m under some sort of drug stupor I lack confidence. I know the experience can suck/ or be the most beautiful thing I have ever experience. but I also know it will open up insight into things that I’m still not acknowledging whether that be forgiveness for myself for my own shortcomings to others or just generally not feeling like I’m worthy of anything but the worst. I’d like to achieve also a greater understanding of what my art (music ) means to me. What does it stand for? And maybe gain some understanding as to why I embrace the negative instead of making positive motivating music for others like me to listen to. I just tend to make things that’s going to allow whatever “fan” I may have to embrace negative habits I have. But it doesn’t matter I won’t gain any of these from this. I can have positive intention but the substance will guide me the way I need not want. I don’t see this as “ hey bro we got some shrooms let’s get a cabin and watch it snow” I see this as really my last option other then to continue on with destructive habits in order not to self destruct. I do hope I’m humbled, I deserve to be put to my size and understand that my wants aren’t the only thing that exist in this planet. And that my role and gaining true happiness relies as to me helping the world with the change I wanna see. I’d like to gain a spiritual understanding, I’m not trying to say I wanna see God. God and drugs are two different things to me. Although I don’t agree with the ideals of my ancestors I do agree they may be correct at a core. That being said I refuse to make this a religious/moral discussion anymore then already have and only contribute my findings so that maybe someone may find this post and either avoid it if they were seeking it for the wrong reasons, warn them of the consequences, and try to be as unbiased as possible even though I’m trying this with good hopes. To be honest I don’t know what I expect it could be escape, it could be understanding. Only my inner conscious the one my Ego masks knows. But I do have faith that it will guide me the way I need.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Are you on sound cloud and insta ?

Yeah I won’t list my Insta if you find it you find it. I did in a post on here but since deleted it. I don’t need to tie the two together at this point but my SoundCloud is SoundCloud.com/funeralfather I haven’t posted a song in a while as I been numb with oxycodone. But I’m trying to work on it and got some new things coming

 

[Hylight]

Yeah I won’t list my Insta if you find it you find it. I did in a post on here but since deleted it. I don’t need to tie the two together at this point but my SoundCloud is SoundCloud.com/funeralfather I haven’t posted a song in a while as I been numb with oxycodone. But I’m trying to work on it and got some new things coming

Awesome FF ❣
@FuneralFather

 

[Hylight]

🎙

 

[mr peabody]

Maybe have a look here :

DEPRESSION | +80 articles

Can psilocybin treat severe depression? by Barbara Geller, MD | NEJM Journal | 3 Nov 2017 Neuroimaging findings predicted response with this hallucinogen at post-treatment week 5 and correlated with decreased depressive symptoms and heightened mystic feelings. In 1970, the FDA categorized...

www.bluelight.org

Psychedelic Therapy | +80 articles

Psychedelic Therapy by Brian Anderson | University of Pennsylvania Psychedelic drugs are known to have profound psychological effects. Now being evaluated in clinical trials in the US as aids to psychotherapy, these substances are thought to help patients by inducing spiritual...

www.bluelight.org

SUICIDALITY | +40 articles

Cambridge Ketamine, the new suicide prevention weapon by Mark Shenefelt | Feb 24, 2019 Ketamine, with a long record as both a dependable surgery anesthetic and a notorious club and date-rape drug, has gained new life in northern Utah as a weapon against severe depression and thoughts of...

www.bluelight.org

 

[Jabberwocky]

🎙

One day hopefully I can achieve the sound I’m looking for it still ain’t there but that’s life. Thank you Hylight!!! You sir are a Rock️

 

[Jabberwocky]

Maybe have a look here :

DEPRESSION | +80 articles

Can psilocybin treat severe depression? by Barbara Geller, MD | NEJM Journal | 3 Nov 2017 Neuroimaging findings predicted response with this hallucinogen at post-treatment week 5 and correlated with decreased depressive symptoms and heightened mystic feelings. In 1970, the FDA categorized...

www.bluelight.org

Thank you Mr Peabody I certainly will.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Side Note : I also will be stacking I think my cubes with Paul Stamets Host Defense brand comprehensive immune support. I don’t take these regularly as I haven’t got the probiotics I think to balance my gut rejecting it. I made a post about that but most people said they were fine. Idk how I can eat ghost peppers but not mycelium. Mycelium is intriguing to me no matter the species. People should really see how much it does for us humans.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I’m sure LSD when synthesized by a legit chemist in lab settings, with great care is very safe to I just plan on going natural. From what I gather either psilocybin or psilocin is actually really chemically similar to dmt and superior as it active on an oral level. That and with a 4-6 hour time frame as opposed to 8-12 with a 24 hour glow from Lucy makes me favor Psilocybin. But I plan to stack.

so my first question to the community and sorry @mr peabody i ask this before reading said link. Should I be using 5htp before my experience ive got maybe a week or so before Santa arrives (he’s arriving earlier for me this year guys sorry ) ? Or does that truly only help with after to replenish serotonin. I’m taking it with fairly good results with now brand @ 200 mg of strictly 5htp but I’ve never tried this new one. I’ve been off 5htp for about a month and a half now with only small doses in between.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Also, and sorry for multipost. You see the racing brain I deal with this is after .5mg klonopin I’m prescribed 1 but I must save for trip killers in case of emergency there’s no way I’m going to hospital in a pandemic.
but currently watching Roland Griffith’s research @ a 2016 keynote you can source on YouTube but I’m not trying to give people a cookbook to destruction
But he says that during the study adverse reactions are more prevalent in cannabis users would it be noteworthy as well to take a month or so tolerance break from marijuana I use in conjunction with cbd , but cbd is sporadic I get really high all day long I also have picked up delta 8 thc so pretty much all 3 as well throughout the day now, would it be wise to reset all cannabinoids ?

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

Play around with different ways of taking the mushrooms.

Eating them whole, making tea, crushing/grinding and filling capsule, incorporating into meals etc

One or two you prefer will become apparent and that will make incorporating the ritual into your regular rhythms easier and more organic

Depression sucks, good luck to you and your personal experimentation

 

[Anonymous Dissident]

Psilocybin catalyzed one of the biggest shifts in perspective on my life and how destructive the way I was living was, not only to me, but all the people I was dealing cocaine to as well. I was basically forced, at the basest level of consciousness, to bear witness that I was killing myself and many people who deserved better from life.

It was one of the most challenging (I dont consider this a "bad" trip in the sense that most would) trips of my life, but the change it lead me to have me in a better place. Hell, in my mid twenties, I didn't expect to see 30, let alone 38. I just knew the coke would kill me, I was borderline suicidal at that point, I had resigned myself to that early in my cocaine career. I could never have seen the life I have now as even a possibility then

I hope they can be as much of a catalyst for positive change for you too, you deserve it ❤

 

[pupnik]

I think it is a lot of focus on external details, and this alarming factor "Marijuana: 2-3 g a day" which is enough to stop most chronic pain.

to see and make changes in your own psychological profile, I think you need to cut that out, but is this the right time to make such changes???
COVID say no, stay the course and slowly improve the setting so you can begin more earnestly to get back in touch with the inner you(after covid) and make your world more fresh and healing - probably with mini-doses and micro-doses. Big doses are not what you need.

From a distance big doses can look like opportunities to win the psychedelic lottery.

I would avoid turning life into a lottery.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Psilocybin catalyzed one of the biggest shifts in perspective on my life and how destructive the way I was living was, not only to me, but all the people I was dealing cocaine to as well. I was basically forced, at the basest level of consciousness, to bear witness that I was killing myself and many people who deserved better from life.

It was one of the most challenging (I dont consider this a "bad" trip in the sense that most would) trips of my life, but the change it lead me to have me in a better place. Hell, in my mid twenties, I didn't expect to see 30, let alone 38. I just knew the coke would kill me, I was borderline suicidal at that point, I had resigned myself to that early in my cocaine career. I could never have seen the life I have now as even a possibility then

I hope they can be as much of a catalyst for positive change for you too, you deserve it ❤

Things like this give me hope, I’m no where near that level although I do have my affinity for cocaine ima user, I could truly only sell enough that I could make mine free. But I have been living destroying myself for years. The hate for myself and the world around me, not really anyone in general just the subset of subservient robots we have in this world and the outdated policy makers that we give power to destroy us. That’s another topic though I make no politics or religion out of this unless that is my experience when I do take them. I’m simply doing this in hopes I can address the things I wan out of it. I’ve been researching that intention has a lot to do with the outcome. So I’m practicing right now keeping myself in a good headspace taking notes that I can refer to if things get a little scary and just coming into it knowing I’m not doing this to get fucked up im doing this to learn I think that has a lot to do with it. Thank you for responding. I’m glad to hear such a positive story and I hope you’ll continue on the path you deserve happiness.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Play around with different ways of taking the mushrooms.

Eating them whole, making tea, crushing/grinding and filling capsule, incorporating into meals etc

One or two you prefer will become apparent and that will make incorporating the ritual into your regular rhythms easier and more organic

Depression sucks, good luck to you and your personal experimentation

Yeah, currently just getting my collection going. I feel like Hunter Thompson right now “when one builds a collection he tends to push it as far as he can”. I plan on eating some for the organic experience and learning to make pre measured capsules as I feel as if that will cut down on shelf space but along with that. Teas, something called blue juice by making a tincture. I’m wondering if I can find some 190 proof locally or I’ll have to source spirytus from foreign sources. They don’t like selling the hard shit in my state anymore :/

 

[FuckinAcidMan]

Dude that sucks you can walk into any liquor store in my area and buy Golden Grain or Everclear (95% alch), its great to make hashish from old weed trim and stems and shake.