Chapter II: The Abyss is Eternal !

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BK38 said:
I think getting a hobby would be helpful for you. Something in which you create something or something physical like archery. I think it might help to center you. Being constantly focused on sex and order or whatever is not good for you. It's good you're trying to reach out for help though ♥
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what would center me is BENZODIAZEPINES

papa needs a big bottle of big big pills
 
I'm not CONSTANTLY focused on sex

sometimes i focus on the will to live and the lackthereof, and think of all the places i could die away from the scourge of mankind



[HUMS TUNE ENDLESSLY TO SELF]

what i should do, what i really should do, and i might very well do this

is stay up all night

keep drinking ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER ALCOHOL IS THE CLEANSER

and then drink a lot of coffee

and gtfo my reality for a while

and try to feel OK about being "ME" because it SUCKS... FUCKING... BALLS and you guys have no idea
 
real talk, sometimes i think i am more bipolar and then i get ptsd flashes and i'm like OK GO BACK TO MOOD SWINGS FFS NO MORE FLASHBACKS PLS [eternal tears of a sad dad]

to be fair i just feel like SHIT right now

you wear your ruins well please run away with me to hell
blow out the candles on all of my frankensteins
at least my death wish will come true

giphy.gif
 
Captain.Heroin said:
real talk, sometimes i think i am more bipolar and then i get ptsd flashes and i'm like OK GO BACK TO MOOD SWINGS FFS NO MORE FLASHBACKS PLS [eternal tears of a sad dad]

to be fair i just feel like SHIT right now

you wear your ruins well please run away with me to hell
blow out the candles on all of my frankensteins
at least my death wish will come true

giphy.gif
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Don't you think you kind of relish or kind of linger in that angst? I dunno, maybe you need meds, I'm no doctor. I also have a PTSD diagnosis, so we have that in common. Have you ever tried to get a diagnosis? Maybe you'll get some benzos out of it. Sorry you're feeling down though. Have been a little low myself of late.
 
BK38 said:
Don't you think you kind of relish or kind of linger in that angst? I dunno, maybe you need meds, I'm no doctor. I also have a PTSD diagnosis, so we have that in common. Have you ever tried to get a diagnosis? Maybe you'll get some benzos out of it. Sorry you're feeling down though. Have been a little low myself of late.
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YES I NEED MEDS omg are you serious

no I don't relish in angst, i have good days and i'm trying to think about how to engineer one tomorrow because it takes work when your every day starting point is pretty low

psychiatrists laughed and said yes you have ptsd i dunno if that counts but phd's laughed at me

like my suffering is funny because it probably is

i hope someone is getting a kick out of this
 
Captain.Heroin said:
YES I NEED MEDS omg are you serious

no I don't relish in angst, i have good days and i'm trying to think about how to engineer one tomorrow because it takes work when your every day starting point is pretty low

psychiatrists laughed and said yes you have ptsd i dunno if that counts but phd's laughed at me

like my suffering is funny because it probably is

i hope someone is getting a kick out of this
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That's fucked up that the shrinks laughed at you. I can't think of many things worse when you're struggling with mental illness. I wasn't being accusatory about "relishing in the angst," I was just throwing it out there to see if it's something that you might do subconsciously. I sometimes kind of punish myself and don't allow myself help/to heal because my self-worth gets so low and I don't feel deserving of it. If they gave you a PTSD diagnosis formally, like I have, if you're having trouble, they should give you meds. I haven't been triggered and had an attack like that where I go into flight or fight for about 4 years now, but I have had nightmares on occasion that I've needed hypnotic benzos for. Sorry you're having a rough go and yes, it does take conscious effort to engineer a good day sometimes.
 
JoEhJoEh said:
thanks, just out of bed and come back from the land of dreams :)
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i need sleep without nightmares

i swear i can't do anything fun until IT STOPS, it seems to dictate the mood of my whole day

and i know how to MEDICATE my way out of nightmares but the nation state has abandoned me [woe is me]

i hope your sleep was refreshing and awesome :)
 
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