Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
rio how you doing? how you coping with lockdown?
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Recovery My cliché recovery journal
- Thread starter Rio Fantastic
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Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
Hey guys. I had a pretty bad relapse 11 days ago that lasted 7 days, which is my longest lapse since last November. Usually I run out of cash well before I get to a week, but I had some money come through which I burnt through on heroin and crack. The lockdown being announced and my work being closed and the temptation of the money and my own mood swings all came together at a bad time and triggered my lapse. I was so irresponsible during the week - entirely discounted the lockdown, am lucky I didn't get the disease and I just hope I haven't been an asymptomatic carrier spreading it around. I'm getting my act back together now - it will be day 5 tomorrow, and am taking the lockdown seriously. On Sunday when I woke up sober I felt fucking brutal - absolutely awful. I took 2mg subutex and it barely even touched the sides. I scraped together the last of my money and managed to get together another £50, spent that and wasn't even super high, just not suffering anymore. Thankfully that seemed to work as a kind of step down, so Monday wasn't so bad. These past few days haven't been good, but today I could have used really easily - my friend messaged me to tell me he has £200 and wanted to know if I was up for a blow-out, and even though part of me really wanted to, I declined, and I'm proud of myself for that.
Going to make the most of the rest of this lockdown rather than using it as an excuse to use. I'm going to use the next week or two to stabilize clean, then if it looks like the lockdown will be going on (as I imagine it will be) I'm going to use the time of no work or obligations to try and get off subutex. Meanwhile I'm just trying to fill the void and enjoying coming back to sobriety and feeling some joy in life again - I have a long way to go, but I am happy the initial couple days are done.
Yuba, it's great you're willing to pay your employees out your savings. Many employers wouldn't be so kind. I hate the tories too and though I think they bungled the start of the crisis, at least they're taking some positive steps now, so as you said credit where credit's due. How've you been?
How's your lockdown going chinup?
Rio brother good to hear from you fuck it in these weird times shit can happen . You have had your relapse its done now get back at it you have to bruv one day it will click and you will find a way to get through.I can not be to judgemental i fucked up today got on the pregabs but ill stop it today the pregabs give me bad wd no way im going through that. I got some real good mushrooms being posted to a mates house from the states gonna have a good night on them . Its this fucking lockdown the boredom makes me want to use so bad spend a day smoking some gear listen to music seems so tempting but it will snowball so have to just push through. Rio you got to get it in your head we will always be tempted to use the brown is in our bones and mind . Today i have been so tempted so bad i want some gear but i have got to 8 at night and still not called any on im just hoping that in the next few hours i can control the cravings . I think getting on the pregabs today has broke my guard . Im gonna wrap one up and just fight the cravings hoping the money i took out wont be spent on gear a nice hit of crack seems a good idea . I not in a good place today my mind thinking call on a escort get some crack brown and just fuck . Sorry bro im rambling
Sorry about that rio its 4 in the morning i had a bad day yesterday but i not fucking use i just done loasds of pregabs and fell asleep.Rio i had a mad one yesterday had it all planned got money out talked myself into a relapse had convinced myself i deserve a treat but something in me knew it a bad idea and that something kept me clean yesterday . Can be done bro today a new day i keep going had some naughty things planned yesterday . Its weird rio what in us makes us risk it all for that rush that rush from a hit . I love my wife she is my soul mate we been together since we 15 for me she is my life but that devil in me also like to get smashed and have a night with a women who means nothing to me just a drug-fueled sex session. My wife would not take another affair of mine but i was ready to risk it all . What a life while i did heroin it controlled my cheating stopped it dead . I get of the gear and that cheating temptation comes back i been taking money out last few days had it planned . I could have lied rio said it all good but rio this a life long battle we have that thing in us makes us risk it all. I know im rambling thats the pregabs but what im trying to say is we have to control our urges so what you relapsed but you snapped out of it it was only a week this time but you still snapped out of it. Get some comfort meds and get of the subs maybe because you still use subs that keeps you mentally connected to gear and if you break that link to gear it might mentally help to keep you clean.This may sound like im typing shit while fucked on pregabs but just try to get of subs i got a couple of strips of 300 mg pregabs that helps me detox up to you bruv can be done comfortably then you be totally clean .
SeeMeNoWiHiDE
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2020
- Messages
- 29
You know I was doing really good for myself (4 months and only used once, compared to 12 years of almost daily if not 4-3 days a week)Then this corona virus hits and I get stuck at home for 2 weeks by myself no contact with anyone besides a phone. Now I’m the kind of person who needs to keep really busy and not a routine has to be different everyday, well I can only watch so much Netflix/movies
Well I think you know what happened next.
I’m not the best at being “social “ I’ve never been able to really connect with people like everyone else can. I can have a conversation but I struggle to get on that personal level but I don’t know why I can’t do it,
And I truly want to be done with it, it’s ju the easiest time killer with these ideas
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
ah rio, suspected you'd lapsed again. well done for resisting going for a blow out with your mate. lol part of me felt a pang of jealousy. i had loads of using mates who always had a big score just around the corner, so they could justify leaching off you, it never came. thats how i ended up mostly on my own. if i didn't let anyone leach off me i could make enough money to mostly use continuously and that's all i cared about. the most hilarious thing about those leeches is they would always have a go at me if i shared with anyone else, cos whoever i'd shared with was just a scrubber. lololol. or if they didn't have a go at me directly, they'd say i was too generous with my pipes. if i bought a 10 shot of light the entire thing would go on at once cos my tolerance was pretty high, and i always thought it was shitty to give yourself bigger pipes than what you give other people.
anyway, this time its gonna be a bit weird getting clean for you..... maybe the difference and the time of having to do nothing will enable you to gain some perspective around your life and think about what is important to you and how you can make that a bigger part of your life, so you really have somehting to lose by using.
lockdown is OK for me. i'm with my family so not on my own. i had two lapses before it started and the second scared the shit out of me cos it wasn't planned and i knew i didn't even want to, it was just automatic. i'm hoping this time at my parents will be long enough for my neural pathways to get to the point where i am able to walk past a homeless person without scoring again.
i've also found out that even at home, i have no fucking time. i'm working, then i go for a walk, then its nearly dinner time, then play a game or two with my family, then bed. i thought i'd be able to practise my bass more and stuff but not so far.
anyway, this time its gonna be a bit weird getting clean for you..... maybe the difference and the time of having to do nothing will enable you to gain some perspective around your life and think about what is important to you and how you can make that a bigger part of your life, so you really have somehting to lose by using.
lockdown is OK for me. i'm with my family so not on my own. i had two lapses before it started and the second scared the shit out of me cos it wasn't planned and i knew i didn't even want to, it was just automatic. i'm hoping this time at my parents will be long enough for my neural pathways to get to the point where i am able to walk past a homeless person without scoring again.
i've also found out that even at home, i have no fucking time. i'm working, then i go for a walk, then its nearly dinner time, then play a game or two with my family, then bed. i thought i'd be able to practise my bass more and stuff but not so far.
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
Thanks for the kind words, man. I totally agree with you about subutex. I can't get my hands on pregabs but I can get gabapentin and if I'm lucky might be able to get some diazapam as well. This is the best time to do it - no obligations that I need to be not in WD for, all the time in the world to focus on it, not even places to go since everywhere is closed. I think now is the time. I'm going to spend another week or so getting stable on my 2mg, then cut it down over a week or two. I'm not too worried about the physical - every time so far I've quit subutex the physical has been minor if not non-existent - but I am scared of the mental after I'm off the subutex. Last time I did this was two years ago, and when I was totally opioid-free my mood swings went crazy. Like literally euphoric one minute, dancing, singing, full of life, then a few hours later I wanted to kill myself. It was a rollercoaster, but what better time to do it than now?? I think you hit the nail on the head with the subutex connecting me to my addiction.
How long have you been off H now? Do the pregabs often give you cravings? I find if I get drunk or get high on gabapentin for no reason then I immediately want heroin/crack. Well done for resisting temptation mate - I don't think I've ever been so far into planning a lapse and managed to pull it back, so good on you!
Thanks chinup! Yeah, this friend is honestly a junkie's dream. He always has money but he's really really selective about who he spends time with - like me, he hates most other junkies, so I'm the only one he uses with and he always wants company when he's high. He is definitely the exception among all the other users I know - he's actually generous and not out to rip me off. Leech is a perfect word to describe 95% of the long-term users I've met. The perspective I hope is what I gain from this lockdown. It's a double-edged sword - on the one hand, no distractions like gym or seeing friends or work means more time to get bored and potentially have cravings, but it's also a new perspective to step outside of your routine and see your life clearly.
I'm doing pretty good now. I have a week clean today, and the contrast between how I felt a day after the week of using, which was honestly mentally and physically torturous, and how I feel waking up today with a clear head and energy is so huge that it's put temptation out my mind. My friend still has money and has asked if I want to get high today & yesterday, and I keep patiently explaining to him that I'm trying to get clean. I can't blame him for trying - I've often told him "today's the day, I'm really quitting this time" then a day or 2 later hit him up to get high, but I'm hoping that he soon gets the message and stops asking if I want to get high.
Quit cigarettes yesterday and got back on my vape, which I actually enjoy far more than cigarettes anyway - I love the taste and have had 0 cigarette cravings. Also went out for a run today while maintaining social distancing - my chest felt like it was going to explode, but I'm gonna build it up and get back in shape. Things are looking up.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
ha yeah he does sound like a junkies dream.... and therefore someone trying to get cleans nightmare. how on earth does he always have money?!? most grafts don't really pay off well. well not these days anyway. but yes, he is an exception. he won't want you to get clean if he enjoys using with you, so painful as it is, you need to cut him out if you want to give yourself as easy a ride as possible. i mean honestly has anyone you have used with ever wanted you to get clean? hell, on the topic of leeches again, i had people who never gave me anything suddenly become generous if i was htinking about quitting, cos if i quit they would no longer get free drugs off me. it always has an ulterior motive, even if he is more decent than most junkies.
i think its particularly important during this lockdown to structure your time. i have suggested to you before to just fill your time wall to wall. now that boredom is potentially gonna set in, i think it will be especially helpful to plan out what you're going to do. is there a project you can get stuck into?
well done on getting out for a run. and yeah not surprisd your lungs feel shite. since i quite smoking and my lungs have improved, i've realised even my relatively mild cig habit made me feel like i was running with a bad cold all the time. its something to motivate you.
i think its particularly important during this lockdown to structure your time. i have suggested to you before to just fill your time wall to wall. now that boredom is potentially gonna set in, i think it will be especially helpful to plan out what you're going to do. is there a project you can get stuck into?
well done on getting out for a run. and yeah not surprisd your lungs feel shite. since i quite smoking and my lungs have improved, i've realised even my relatively mild cig habit made me feel like i was running with a bad cold all the time. its something to motivate you.
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
oh my god, that generosity when you're about to quit thing - holy shit. I remember the stingiest fucking junkie I ever met offer me a free bag when I told him I'd just finished a heroin cold turkey. The selfishness is unbelievable.
My friend always has money because he is on the highest possible amount of benefits, doesn't have any rent or bills to pay, and gets a shitload of codeine, gabapentin, zopiclone and benzos that he's conned out of doctors, all of which he sells. He also sells weed on top of it, so he's never broke despite his sizable crack habit. Probably helps that he's not hooked on H, just crack, so if need be he can just stop using for a few days, which of course isn't really an option for heroin addicts because of the sickness.
I like the idea of a project! I guess I've been doing that unconsciously by spending a lot of this last week cleaning & organizing my whole flat, but that's going to all be done soon so I'll need something else. I think I'm going to start writing again - wish I hadn't sold all of my guitars! What have you been doing to keep busy??
I've had a pretty good day today. Yesterday I had some bad depression in the evening which came out of nowhere but I just sat with it and accepted it - the cravings/mood swings have yet to ramp up to the intensity that can lead me to lapse. I hope that the case rate & of course the deaths of corona stop ASAP, but I'd be quite happy for the lockdown itself to go on for another month. I think now that I'm sober and making the most of it this lockdown is really helping me get back on an even keel because I don't have obligations I have to deal with and so am forced to confront myself more, and it's really helping.
How you doing rio what you been iup to in this lock down. Its good you keeping active the buisier you stay the better. Im feeling good i only fuck up if i do any drug it makes me want to use again. This lockdown is making me want to use . Pregabs make me crave crack and i was not a big crackhead i only done it on weekends. For me crack the best drug i did that first fucking hit nearly floored me i felt so fucking good . Crack scared me i knew if not kept to weekends my family be out on street .
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
Hey man, I'm doing OK, just a bit wound up at the moment cos this prick at my local petrol station made a big deal of the fact that I went there trying to buy bread and had to part pay with card and part with cash. I know it made it slightly more difficult for him (although it only took him like 10 seconds to put it through) but I got annoyed and tried to explain my work has been closed and I'm broke. He smirked and told me that it's hardly worth it for them to put it through and made me feel like a prick for going there trying to buy bread. Last fucking time I'll ever go there. I've been feeling good recently but then little things like that can set me off - I shouldn't have had to explain myself to some random asshole. Fuck him.
I've been going running recently in the sun which has been really nice and just trying to fill the day with reading, watching the Sopranos, browsing the internet, talking to some of my friends from work. My mood is definitely getting better overall but still a little volatile as my total over-reaction today shows. What have you been doing to keep busy??
Early in recovery bruv emotions are always fucked it does settle i would have told the prick to shove its bread up his arse . Running is good any exercise is im doing my yoga and bag work once in morning wakes me up. Im doing good bruv sopranos my favorite show try the wire aswell both great shows. Will be truthfull im not coping to well with lockdown if i had drugs i would have loved it but sober it just keeps me focused on gear . I smoke weed all day long nap wake up then repeat . Its my birthday today and the first or second birthday in years with no crack or brown .
I watched this documentry told about aids called Silverlake the view from here its about aids really good . Tommorow i have my shrooms and am planning a zeppathon all led zeppelin albums back to back so looking forward to these shrooms coming i tracking parcel anything to take the edge of comedown
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
Happy birthday yuba! You been enjoying this weather? & I hope you have a good experience with shrooms. I'l have to check out The Wire - it's been recommended to me a bunch of times, finally got the time to do it now.
Having a good day today, did an online SMART meeting this morning which was better than I expected and will be checking in with some people I know from SMART in a couple of hours. Had mild mood swings today but nothing I can't handle, and the 21 degrees sunshine makes it hard to feel too bad for long!
Having a good day today, did an online SMART meeting this morning which was better than I expected and will be checking in with some people I know from SMART in a couple of hours. Had mild mood swings today but nothing I can't handle, and the 21 degrees sunshine makes it hard to feel too bad for long!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Hey! glad you've been doing some online meetings, i think at this stage it will be useful to you. i feel like a hypocrite though cos i absolutely cba, like the meeting i have service at, i'm still doing the online version, but theres loads of people who can never be bothered to turn up in person now attending and i'm finding it hard to give a shit. i liked that meeting cos i find strangers difficult and it was small and i knew everyone.
that makes sense about how your friend has money. though i honestly don't understand how anyone can have any sort of crack habit and not have it escalate into being able to smoke an 8th every 8 hours. no way could i have stopped using for a few days if i needed to, i'd just have done more desperate things for money and given some of the absolutely horrific things i did, that is saying something.
have you started your writing project? i've been doing my job. but not have the long weekend, done a bit of freelance work cos i need money, gonna read loads, go for a run, practise my bass, play games with my family. that wholesome shit that actually turns out to be fun if you're not distracted by drugs the whole time.
do wish the sun would come back out though.
that makes sense about how your friend has money. though i honestly don't understand how anyone can have any sort of crack habit and not have it escalate into being able to smoke an 8th every 8 hours. no way could i have stopped using for a few days if i needed to, i'd just have done more desperate things for money and given some of the absolutely horrific things i did, that is saying something.
have you started your writing project? i've been doing my job. but not have the long weekend, done a bit of freelance work cos i need money, gonna read loads, go for a run, practise my bass, play games with my family. that wholesome shit that actually turns out to be fun if you're not distracted by drugs the whole time.
do wish the sun would come back out though.
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
Haven't started writing yet, but I've set a day to begin - next Wednesday when I should be adjusted from my subutex reduction. I have a word document full of fragments of ideas that I've had knocked around in my mind for a while, but I've not been setting myself too many daily goals for the time being, just some basics like running and meditation until Easter/subutex reduction is over. I totally relate about your interests coming back to life when your mind clears - I've been reading and listening to a lot of new music and I'm getting to the point where I'm actually enjoying things again rather than just enduring days without drugs punctuated with cravings and distractions!
I've had a pretty good day so far. I feel a little bad because I have a close friend who I haven't hung out with for ages and I need to stop blowing him off. I find it difficult after relapses since I know that my close friends all are aware that I dropped off the map because of using so I feel a pressure to go and prove that I am sober & doing well, but then I put it off because I know with people like him I'm also going to have to go through a mini lecture about how I need to stop taking drugs etc - I know it's only because he cares, but it's not like he'll tell me anything I don't already know. I've been using the lockdown as an excuse to not go see him but with the weather as it is I know I could go and see him (he lives like 5 doors down from me) and just sit in his garden abiding by the distancing rules.
I'm making a vow with myself that I'm actually going to speak to him tomorrow so that I can't put it off anymore. Tomorrow, no matter how I feel, I'm going to talk to him and break the ice. I wish I could skip past the part where I have to go and apologize and hear him tell me that I should try harder to stay sober and about how my family called him upset when I dropped off the radar etc etc and just flash forward to the part where that's all out the way and I'm just hanging out with him, but unfortunately that's not how it works!
I'm doing another online SMART meeting tonight, but it's not a public-access one but just a zoom chat with the members of one of the groups I used to attend. It sounds that that would be more up your alley chinup rather than being in one with a bunch of strangers - maybe you can co-ordinate a smaller one for the members that you're closer to? It's beautiful out and I really want to be outside doing something, but I've already been out running this morning and it's not like with the situation as it is I can co-ordinate something social, but I've been appreciating the sun anyway!
Hope everyone is doing well.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
hey rio!
i'm glad you're feeling able to enjoy things rather than just looking for distractions. thats really important. you also get to see what you've been missing, and it helps to reframe using from 'feels nice ' to 'gets in the way of lifes pleasures and makes me miserable' which is really important for defeating ego fatigue (when willpower runs out, which inevitably happens).
did you manage to link up with your friend? stuff like that is awful. like honestly i have been basically blanking the only two decent friends i had down in norwich ever since i got out of rehab 18 months now lol. because i feel so humiliated. one of them i used to borrow cash from all the time. last time i saw him before rehab i remember meeting him in a pub for dinner, going outside 'for a cig' but actually getting drugs delivered. then kept disappearing to the loo for a pipe. he insisted on paying for dinner cos i'd lost my job so was broke. i smoked at least £50 crack just while i was in the pub with him. i have literally no idea to this day if he ever caught on to my constant need to borrow money, he seems so naive its possible i got away with it. anyway, it pains me to think about, so i've just done the cowardly thing and either ignored his messages or sent short, non commital replies.
did you manage to get outside doing something? i'm lucky i'm at my parents with a garden, so i can just read and stuff outside.
the womens meeting actually is a private zoom call, but cos we have this whatsapp group that loads of people who never go to the meeting are in, they have all started coming. if i could be arsed i would set my own up. but its probably against the NA principles or some bollocks.
i'm glad you're feeling able to enjoy things rather than just looking for distractions. thats really important. you also get to see what you've been missing, and it helps to reframe using from 'feels nice ' to 'gets in the way of lifes pleasures and makes me miserable' which is really important for defeating ego fatigue (when willpower runs out, which inevitably happens).
did you manage to link up with your friend? stuff like that is awful. like honestly i have been basically blanking the only two decent friends i had down in norwich ever since i got out of rehab 18 months now lol. because i feel so humiliated. one of them i used to borrow cash from all the time. last time i saw him before rehab i remember meeting him in a pub for dinner, going outside 'for a cig' but actually getting drugs delivered. then kept disappearing to the loo for a pipe. he insisted on paying for dinner cos i'd lost my job so was broke. i smoked at least £50 crack just while i was in the pub with him. i have literally no idea to this day if he ever caught on to my constant need to borrow money, he seems so naive its possible i got away with it. anyway, it pains me to think about, so i've just done the cowardly thing and either ignored his messages or sent short, non commital replies.
did you manage to get outside doing something? i'm lucky i'm at my parents with a garden, so i can just read and stuff outside.
the womens meeting actually is a private zoom call, but cos we have this whatsapp group that loads of people who never go to the meeting are in, they have all started coming. if i could be arsed i would set my own up. but its probably against the NA principles or some bollocks.
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
How's it going chinup??
I actually did talk to my friend on Facebook - decided against actually going to see him since he already has his girlfriend staying with him and since he lives in a shared building I figure it's more responsible that I just talk to him virtually. I had to really force myself to even just do that - yesterday was a really trying day for some reason. I had zero energy, despite getting plenty of sleep the night before, and I was so fatigued that I had to stop myself falling asleep throughout the day. I don't think it was purely physical, since it was accompanied by a really low mood. I managed to avoid having any overt cravings by going over some quotes I've collected for sobriety inspiration and watching some Youtube recovery channels, and I'm really glad I got through it because I feel SO much better today. The difference is so dramatic, and it's yet another reminder for me that when I feel bad it never lasts long.
I went for a run this morning in the sun. I am increasing the amount I go each time and I think I finally broke through to the "Runners high" today - when I stopped running I just had this immediate wave of relief and contentment coursing through me, like a much much milder version of H. I really enjoyed it - it took quite a lot of running to get there, but to get a natural buzz (and no comedown! :D) was awesome - going to try and get there again tomorrow.
I relate about wanting to avoid your friends, especially given those circumstances. He must not have been a drug addict if he didn't notice you smoking that much crack while you were with him, right? If you're doing the whole NA thing then I imagine you're going to have to talk to him at some point and admit it all and make an amend, right? If not then is there anything stopping you from just being friendly with them and not talking about how you were before until you're ready? To be honest though, I think most people in rehab end up drifting apart afterwards, no matter how close you get when you're in there. When I came out of rehab and moved in with the people from there, we all thought we'd be in touch forever, but when a few weeks later we had all gone through the ringer of addiction our friendships seemed a lot less solid!
Happy Easter!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Hey. I'm glad you got through a shitty day. each time you get through should increase your confidence that you can do this. though also that can be annoying cos it gives you less of an excuse to use each time.
I am glad you talked to your friend on facebook, and yeah it probably is more responsible if he's in a shared building. i hope he responded positively to you, though remember you can only control what you do, and once you've tried, you have to accept the response on the other side. try and stay in contact at least. i guess now is a good time to, at least virtually, stay in touch with all the people who aren't negative influences in your life, given that we actually have time to do so, plus plenty of contemplation time. ha though i'm not taking my own advice really, i've actually been on my phone way less, apparently i mostly use it when i'm out.
and no my friend absolutely was not a drug addict and i think he genuinely believed that i was having some sort of breakdown. which is what i put having lost my job down to, and looking like absolute shit was down to me suffering post viral fatigue. i was always late, or would cancel at last minute. i'm susprised i could hold a coherent conversation with an intellectual equal tbh. lol that sounds way up myself but most of the users i hung out with weren't really able to talk about anything but using or grafting and didn't come across as very bright at all, whereas this guy i knew through work related stuff.
its my last day off work today. i'm pretty gutted. honestly no where near the point of boredom yet. i used to save all my holiday days for getting out of england ideally, so i'm not used to just having time off at home, and its quite nice. very chill. though today i gotta clean my room and promised to cook for my family.
I am glad you talked to your friend on facebook, and yeah it probably is more responsible if he's in a shared building. i hope he responded positively to you, though remember you can only control what you do, and once you've tried, you have to accept the response on the other side. try and stay in contact at least. i guess now is a good time to, at least virtually, stay in touch with all the people who aren't negative influences in your life, given that we actually have time to do so, plus plenty of contemplation time. ha though i'm not taking my own advice really, i've actually been on my phone way less, apparently i mostly use it when i'm out.
and no my friend absolutely was not a drug addict and i think he genuinely believed that i was having some sort of breakdown. which is what i put having lost my job down to, and looking like absolute shit was down to me suffering post viral fatigue. i was always late, or would cancel at last minute. i'm susprised i could hold a coherent conversation with an intellectual equal tbh. lol that sounds way up myself but most of the users i hung out with weren't really able to talk about anything but using or grafting and didn't come across as very bright at all, whereas this guy i knew through work related stuff.
its my last day off work today. i'm pretty gutted. honestly no where near the point of boredom yet. i used to save all my holiday days for getting out of england ideally, so i'm not used to just having time off at home, and its quite nice. very chill. though today i gotta clean my room and promised to cook for my family.