☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

[pharmakos]

i've been really struggling with opiates lately, for the first time in my life. they control my chemo side effects so well (chills/stomach issues) but taking them daily is still just replacing one problem with another. and i tend to go over board and take more than i need to.

it mainly started when i was in the hospital and they started giving me IV dilauid for pain =/

this current stretch, its been 9 days straight of opiates. well, up til today... took none today. got out of the hospital on saturday and i've been using norco to manage/ramp down since then.

my doctor is suspicious of me =/ would really suck if i get cut off completely. i just am not sure what to do, they help so much.

i've got half a kilo of kratom in my closet but no way should i be taking that much plant matter on a chemo belly.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

I've been struggling with daily O-DSMT use the past month since the new year myself, only got clean a few days ago now. It's not the best opioid but it does what it's meant to. I had no choice in getting clean because of my impending drug test, but boy do I crave it still. It didn't help quitting pot only a few days before.

Hang in there pharmakos. The current climate is horrible for people who genuinely need opioids to treat their conditions. My heart goes out to you

 

[Tranced]

i've been really struggling with opiates lately, for the first time in my life. they control my chemo side effects so well (chills/stomach issues) but taking them daily is still just replacing one problem with another. and i tend to go over board and take more than i need to.

it mainly started when i was in the hospital and they started giving me IV dilauid for pain =/

this current stretch, its been 9 days straight of opiates. well, up til today... took none today. got out of the hospital on saturday and i've been using norco to manage/ramp down since then.

my doctor is suspicious of me =/ would really suck if i get cut off completely. i just am not sure what to do, they help so much.

i've got half a kilo of kratom in my closet but no way should i be taking that much plant matter on a chemo belly.

Pharmakos, first off, big love to you.

I have a question which I thought that you might be able to help with, and basically I was just wondering what your thoughts are on cannabis being a viable treatment method for cancer? I've heard the claims posted all over the internet, but I just don't know enough about it (and read a lot of contrary information) to really have much of an opinion on it one way or the other. Is it something that you have any experience with?

Again, big love.

Anyway seriously I might still be wilder if I didn't feel so physically fucked sometimes. Not sure if I am more damaged, more sensitive or just not active enough... maybe it's not just being wild but really 'terminal' like me when I had a period when I really ate enough MDMA to die from, let alone the other drugs.
It's probably a good thing that I am wisening up my act, for my own sake even later on.

My stomach and duodenum feel raw and I don't like the hypertension / paraesthesia etc type shit from the dex I take. There's more that I am taking as a sign that my body is budging a bit compared to what it was used to, but I can also just not tolerate much. Actually makes me think with some frequency that I will unavoidably be some opiate addict and or end it prematurely when I get old enough.

Do you mean physically fucked from opiates, or some other factor (or that you just don't know)? Either way, I can relate to your words. I've been suffering from something akin to chronic fatigue syndrome these past few years and I've just been so fucking physically (and ergo mentally) drained. I appear to be experiencing some slight respite (which I'm trying to use to become more active), but after three months of bi-weekly therapy which ended, it's really got me thinking how much of it is actually physical, biological, or a kind of self sustaining cycle of the two. And obviously the realisation that it might be rooted in some kind of habits/deep-seated anxiety just prevents another challenge.

Very nice album! Good work.

Glad you're doing well. Being free of addictive substances is great, really glad to hear you're past the opiates. I'll also say, eliminating news-watching and social media helped me a lot too. That shit is corrosive.

Yes, social media and news-watching really are toxic. It's just a a kind of socially sanctioned addiction really... but one which readily disposes you to toxic ways of thinking and gives you no real reward. I've cut them out of my life and feel a lot better for it. The hours that I've spent mindlessly scrolling for fuck knows what probably numbers the thousands. Actually, as I typed that my brain just made the connection with what I just said (mindlessly scrolling/social media) and your endevours in the world of ibogaine (i.e searching for the objects or whatever they were to put in your jar). The metaphor that ibogaine showed you definitely seems applicable to social media.

Hmmm, the past few sentences have just helped me decipher a bluelight themed dream that I had last night.

 

[pharmakos]

^well, i did do the "rick simpson oil" thing through this last chemo round. at the very least, it helped immensely with the side-effects from chemo... nausea, lack of appetite, physical fatigue, weakness, soreness, etc etc etc... but as far as whether or not it can cure cancer? i don't know. and even tho i just did my 60 grams / 90 days of rick simpson oil, i also did chemotherapy, so if i am in remission we have no way of telling which of the two did it.

i think its definitely possible that cannabis oil can do it, tho. i started my oil regimen a week before my chemo and it already felt like perhaps my retroperitoneal lymph tumor was shrinking. the pain subsided a lot.

 

[Bagseed]

Rick Simpson oil is CBD only, right? My sister told me that a colleague where she does research found that CBD in a petridish with some live cells will kill off the cells, allthough she didn't know at which concentrations and which types of cells they worked with.

But killing cells is how anti cancer drugs work...

Last day of lab tomorrow, finally. resolution of the two enantiomers of BINOL takes a long ass time

 

[pharmakos]

no rick simpson oil is full spectrum extract

and yeah induced apoptotic cell death is exactly how cancer drugs work, and most of them are lethal at doses not a whole lot larger than their chemotherapy doses. the hope with most of them is that they kill the cancer before they kill you. the dream with cannabis based therapy is that it will only kill the cancer and no amount could kill you.

 

[Xorkoth]

I've been suffering from something akin to chronic fatigue syndrome these past few years and I've just been so fucking physically (and ergo mentally) drained. I appear to be experiencing some slight respite (which I'm trying to use to become more active), but after three months of bi-weekly therapy which ended, it's really got me thinking how much of it is actually physical, biological, or a kind of self sustaining cycle of the two. And obviously the realisation that it might be rooted in some kind of habits/deep-seated anxiety just prevents another challenge.

My girlfriend I think is suffering the same. My belief is that it's a combination of several factors... she has GERD or some similar gastric issues, intense acid reflux and inflammation, so it makes it hard to eat well and causes a lot of stress. She also is unhappy with her direction in life, she can't figure out what she wants to do, which I think is very predominantly a product of her PTSD from her childhood. And then there's the fallout from PTSD itself. I believe that it's the result of long-term, chronic stress, rather than some inborn property of her physiology.

 

[Bella Figura]

re: opiate dreams, they used to be a constant for me when I was still in the midst of dependancy. Any time I had stressors in life they'd pop up as an insidious reminder of 'member berries, we'll fix everything for you'.

Thankfully through years of trying to learn healthier coping mechanisms, those dreams are long gone. Occasionally I'll have some random nightmare I'm at an airport with a ton of drugs on me but that's about it :D

 

[Xorkoth]

It's been almost 3 years since I touched an opiate, but I still have the dreams. Although they only serve to further reinforce that I have no desire to ever go there again, since it's never a good-feeling thing in my dreams, I don't get effects or anything, I just feel regret and/or shame and when I wake up I'm like, whew, glad that was just a dream, fuck opiates.

 

[Just A Guy]

I guess I haven't been missing out, then. Always curious, but never acted on my curiosity. (regarding opiates) -- I mean I've thrown some opium on some nugs and enjoyed it (mostly for the flavor) -- and went through a nice supply of tramadol while I was getting off a stim binge last year, but that's about the extent of it.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

My friend and I had a long conversation at the pub last night about the things we love in life and what we should truly pursue for livings. He's working as a cop but he misses being a stoner and of course, chicks who smoke wouldn't wana date a cop. He loves the exciting shit like kicking in doors and stopping domestic violence, detaining amusing drunks, you know, the stuff they put on "Cops" tv shows hahah, but he hadn't realized just how mundane and boring being a cop really is. He spends 8 hours out of a 10 hour shift writing reports and driving around hunting speeders and other silly crap that makes a man numb and fat.

He had a breakthrough in self-realization of which I was very on board with; he loves food and doesn't care to be wealthy, and he wants to open up a delivery/fusion style restaurant that would essentially sell weird stoner foods and wholistic foods based upon asian, italian and eastern european styles. We would need to map out a business model, find out costs, where we would get supply, and of course, would both need to save up some cushion money and get more credit to get a loan for it, but I think it sounds like a fantastic idea, and we would work for ourselves and set our own expectations.

As I was typing that out I got a call from a banking/payment firm which somehow got my resume, which pitched me some info about themselves and asked if I'd like to come in and learn more; they said the pay was very high but based upon pitching the products to various clients, i.e. sales. It sounded interesting and I might setup an appointment to learn more next week after I do more research about the company.

And then at 2:15pm today I'm having my interview with an insurance company to see if they want me for their claims department. I'm a bit light headed honestly all of a sudden things are really looking up and employment seems like a very likely reality in the coming month. On top of that my friend sent me a link to a job posted by the BSA for a head fund-raising/coordination position that pays decent with great benefits, and being an Eagle Scout and fairly sociable these days, I think I'd be a good fit for that too. The world is my oyster and I didn't even realize it

 

[TheAppleCore]

Last night's acid trip brought quite a few realizations to the forefront again [...]

Are those things you really want to do, or are they things you think you should want to do? I don't mean that in an insulting fashion; I only ask because I easily confuse the two myself!

Anyway, those sound like solid plans. I know you can do it if you put your mind to it, CG!

The 20s are intense, when you figure everything out with much difficulty. In the thirties you start to just know who you are and be comfortable and confident in that.

That's what my dad told me, too.

 

[Xorkoth]

I guess I haven't been missing out, then. Always curious, but never acted on my curiosity. (regarding opiates) -- I mean I've thrown some opium on some nugs and enjoyed it (mostly for the flavor) -- and went through a nice supply of tramadol while I was getting off a stim binge last year, but that's about the extent of it.

Yeah for addictive personalities opiates are the last thing you need to be messing with. Really soul-crushing, at least it was for me. A very insidious addiction.

My friend and I had a long conversation at the pub last night about the things we love in life and what we should truly pursue for livings. He's working as a cop but he misses being a stoner and of course, chicks who smoke wouldn't wana date a cop. He loves the exciting shit like kicking in doors and stopping domestic violence, detaining amusing drunks, you know, the stuff they put on "Cops" tv shows hahah, but he hadn't realized just how mundane and boring being a cop really is. He spends 8 hours out of a 10 hour shift writing reports and driving around hunting speeders and other silly crap that makes a man numb and fat.

He had a breakthrough in self-realization of which I was very on board with; he loves food and doesn't care to be wealthy, and he wants to open up a delivery/fusion style restaurant that would essentially sell weird stoner foods and wholistic foods based upon asian, italian and eastern european styles. We would need to map out a business model, find out costs, where we would get supply, and of course, would both need to save up some cushion money and get more credit to get a loan for it, but I think it sounds like a fantastic idea, and we would work for ourselves and set our own expectations.

As I was typing that out I got a call from a banking/payment firm which somehow got my resume, which pitched me some info about themselves and asked if I'd like to come in and learn more; they said the pay was very high but based upon pitching the products to various clients, i.e. sales. It sounded interesting and I might setup an appointment to learn more next week after I do more research about the company.

And then at 2:15pm today I'm having my interview with an insurance company to see if they want me for their claims department. I'm a bit light headed honestly all of a sudden things are really looking up and employment seems like a very likely reality in the coming month. On top of that my friend sent me a link to a job posted by the BSA for a head fund-raising/coordination position that pays decent with great benefits, and being an Eagle Scout and fairly sociable these days, I think I'd be a good fit for that too. The world is my oyster and I didn't even realize it

Hell yeah man! That's fucking awesome.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Hmmm... just had the insurance company interview and honestly, it does not sound up my alley. There's a high likelihood if they do give me an offer, I'll reject it. High stress, odd hours, on the phone all day, very little room for advancement and highly competitive... I'm not a robot, nor do I possesses qualities that would be giving to such a position. So that sucks

I'm going to pursue this BSA position because honestly it sounds like exactly what I'm looking for. I love non-profits but never thought I'd find a position that paid decent.

Are those things you really want to do, or are they things you think you should want to do? I don't mean that in an insulting fashion; I only ask because I easily confuse the two myself!

Anyway, those sound like solid plans. I know you can do it if you put your mind to it, CG

Well I had a long response but BL deleted it. To summarize, I'm not giving up video games any time soon, acid just has a tendency to make them seem silly and juvenile, which I always end up retracting after a few days lol. I also truly want to learn a stringed instrument; I used to play trombone but hated it, but stringed instruments can play chords on their own and that is a major difference. Probably won't pick up much reading tho, too many hobbies as is.

 

[TheAppleCore]

I'm not giving up video games any time soon, acid just has a tendency to make them seem silly and juvenile, which I always end up retracting after a few days lol.

I'm really grateful for having video games as a hobby. I really think they are instrumental in training me to be focused and motivated.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

It just bothers me that the rewards they give aren't physical and tangible. I have a really awesome high DPS Science build in STO and yet I have nothing IRL to show for it; and worse, what if the game goes bankrupt? Then all that time is invested for nothing.

 

[pharmakos]

Hmmm... just had the insurance company interview and honestly, it does not sound up my alley. There's a high likelihood if they do give me an offer, I'll reject it. High stress, odd hours, on the phone all day, very little room for advancement and highly competitive... I'm not a robot, nor do I possesses qualities that would be giving to such a position. So that sucks

I'm going to pursue this BSA position because honestly it sounds like exactly what I'm looking for. I love non-profits but never thought I'd find a position that paid decent.

dude, good for you for recognizing that more money isn't worth less happiness.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Ugh. My ball python is refusing feed again. I'm not sure I can be her owner any more, I am going to ask my girlfriend to take her in. She never eats if I feed her but she does when my girlfriend feeds her.

 

[Vediog]

Time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted.

 

[TheAppleCore]

Time you enjoyed wasting was not wasted.

Truth.

We enjoy the things we enjoy for a reason, I think. All of your positive (and negative) experiences and memories help to strengthen your character. That may not be tangible, but it's a lasting reward, and it's worth far more than some trophy, or money, or other material prize.