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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

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I'm getting hit with an extreme moroseness due to no daily drug intake. Yesterday I didn't do anything except see my girlfriend a bit, and went to bed at 8:30pm out of boredom... slept over 12 hours... Today was almost exactly the same but my girl and I saw Dr. Strange, better than your average super hero flick. Still bored and completely disinterested in all of the things I had planned to do this week during my trip Sunday night. I don't honestly know if I'll pull out of this until I return to cannabis use or some other abuse and that could be two or more months with this new job prospect. It's killing me. If I had any money I would just buy some fake piss and get back to my chillaxed ol' self but I really can't afford to right now.
 
Finally everything is working perfectly with my work, but now my emotional life is a complete turmoil.
Ha, what a rollercoaster this life is.

Having feelings is so weird. But I'm glad we do.

(Well, can't "be glad" without feelings so kind of a pointless remark).
 
Yeah being human is intense, but overall I like it. It's so cool to be able to realize we have feelings and what that means, instead of just going with it. Or being able to comprehend the craziness that is existence, a bunch of atoms interlocked together in such a way as to produce a self-aware, living, reproducing thing. Mostly empty space. Floating on a rock in the middle of infinity. To me that makes up for all the times it's fucked up to be human. Even though during those times it's so hard to see.

Cream Gravy? said:
I'm getting hit with an extreme moroseness due to no daily drug intake. Yesterday I didn't do anything except see my girlfriend a bit, and went to bed at 8:30pm out of boredom... slept over 12 hours... Today was almost exactly the same but my girl and I saw Dr. Strange, better than your average super hero flick. Still bored and completely disinterested in all of the things I had planned to do this week during my trip Sunday night. I don't honestly know if I'll pull out of this until I return to cannabis use or some other abuse and that could be two or more months with this new job prospect. It's killing me. If I had any money I would just buy some fake piss and get back to my chillaxed ol' self but I really can't afford to right now.
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Damn, that sucks man. But think about how good it will be to have the job (it sounds like it's important to you). A couple of months in the grand scheme isn't much. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. :)
 
Very important. It's the barrier between living as a bum with my parents and going off on my own with my girl to live a full wholesome life. I'll struggle through it, but boy does it make me want to be an alcoholic. If only alcohol wasn't such a shit drug; and of course, if I could afford alcohol, I could afford fake piss :X
 
Totally worth it then. But yeah that sucks. I had a pretty long period of time where not intoxicating myself (mostly opiates for me though) made life seem a lot shittier. It's a lot to do with circumstances... when you feel good about your life you don't need that as much. And you're taking a good step towards that it sounds like.
 
Solipsis said:
Oh no!! That means in a couple of years I will have to undo everything I did until I was five, shit!!

Xorkoth, maybe your way is to go - postpone that shit and start undoing everything when you are 80 ;)

Anyway seriously I might still be wilder if I didn't feel so physically fucked sometimes. Not sure if I am more damaged, more sensitive or just not active enough... maybe it's not just being wild but really 'terminal' like me when I had a period when I really ate enough MDMA to die from, let alone the other drugs.
It's probably a good thing that I am wisening up my act, for my own sake even later on.

My stomach and duodenum feel raw and I don't like the hypertension / paraesthesia etc type shit from the dex I take. There's more that I am taking as a sign that my body is budging a bit compared to what it was used to, but I can also just not tolerate much. Actually makes me think with some frequency that I will unavoidably be some opiate addict and or end it prematurely when I get old enough.
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Well, man -- I went through a period of serious anxiety and physical decline around 28 years old -- when my wife at the time was pregnant -- made several trips to the hospital for strange rashes on my chest, anxiety that would completely disable me and make me feel like my heart had stopped beating. MRI's showed abnormal "growths" on my brain, and I was diagnosed with premature aging. Regardless, ten years later and I was feeling great again, after a year of vigorous weight-training, good eating, and positive thinking. I hope you, Slip, find yourself feeling amazing again one day, because there is no doubt that you are an extremely intelligent and talented person. :)
 
Thank you, that is kind and reassuring.. very glad you recovered from that feeling great! I hope you still do..

You went through a rough time a while ago? I saw pictures of you looking happy but also found some things you said concerning.. Is happiness trumping that? (I apologize for using the T-word)
 
Hey PD folk, just checking in after a hiatus from a lot of past patterns, including computers/social media/Internet. 'Fuck Addiction 2017' is off to a great start. Sobriety is a hell of a drug! I feel like I am in the 'pink cloud' stage at this point, 6 weeks after quitting a 2 and a half-year affair with suboxone maintenance, a month since using any dissociative, and 2 weeks since a 3-day heroin relapse. Honestly I feel fantastic. I had 2 other meds adjusted a couple weeks ago, switched from Pregabalin to Gabapentin which was more of a bitch than I hoped it would be, but I'm stable on it now after the dose has been adjusted. The goal was not to be prescribed any meds that are controlled substances, so that's done. I also stopped taking seroquel after trying it for 3 weeks. It did help me sleep through WD/PAWS but I'm not trying to fuck with antipsychotics unless I'm actually psychotic.

I don't know how long I will sit it out before doing any more psychedelic or dissociative research, another month at least, but what I do know is that I'm not returning back to opiates for any reason other than serious acute pain. This is my 3rd time trying to stay off suboxone, and Ill be damned if this time isn't a charm. Stability is a precious thing. I do have to watch out for some things that trigger depression or self-sabotaging behavior, like 'the T word', so that eliminates being able to watch the news for maybe the next 4 years, and that's also why social media is going to be taking a back seat. I might actually be really productive this year!

Did I share my new album of music with y'all yet? Http://vostek.bandcamp.com/album/geometridae
 
this body
this body holding me
be my reminder here that i am not alone in
this body
this body holding me
feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion
 
Hey vortech, good to see you back. I have a lot to tell you :) But maybe it should wait for later. So much has happened dissociative-research wise and IRL too.
 
vortech said:
Hey PD folk, just checking in after a hiatus from a lot of past patterns, including computers/social media/Internet. 'Fuck Addiction 2017' is off to a great start. Sobriety is a hell of a drug! I feel like I am in the 'pink cloud' stage at this point, 6 weeks after quitting a 2 and a half-year affair with suboxone maintenance, a month since using any dissociative, and 2 weeks since a 3-day heroin relapse. Honestly I feel fantastic. I had 2 other meds adjusted a couple weeks ago, switched from Pregabalin to Gabapentin which was more of a bitch than I hoped it would be, but I'm stable on it now after the dose has been adjusted. The goal was not to be prescribed any meds that are controlled substances, so that's done. I also stopped taking seroquel after trying it for 3 weeks. It did help me sleep through WD/PAWS but I'm not trying to fuck with antipsychotics unless I'm actually psychotic.

I don't know how long I will sit it out before doing any more psychedelic or dissociative research, another month at least, but what I do know is that I'm not returning back to opiates for any reason other than serious acute pain. This is my 3rd time trying to stay off suboxone, and Ill be damned if this time isn't a charm. Stability is a precious thing. I do have to watch out for some things that trigger depression or self-sabotaging behavior, like 'the T word', so that eliminates being able to watch the news for maybe the next 4 years, and that's also why social media is going to be taking a back seat. I might actually be really productive this year!

Did I share my new album of music with y'all yet? Http://vostek.bandcamp.com/album/geometridae
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Very nice album! Good work. :)

Glad you're doing well. Being free of addictive substances is great, really glad to hear you're past the opiates. I'll also say, eliminating news-watching and social media helped me a lot too. That shit is corrosive.

pharmakos said:
this body
this body holding me
be my reminder here that i am not alone in
this body
this body holding me
feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion
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<3
 
pharmakos said:
this body
this body holding me
be my reminder here that i am not alone in
this body
this body holding me
feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion
Click to expand...


I actually listened to this song during my very first acid trip. Was pretty intense. Some tears were shed.
 
Solipsis said:
Thank you, that is kind and reassuring.. very glad you recovered from that feeling great! I hope you still do..

You went through a rough time a while ago? I saw pictures of you looking happy but also found some things you said concerning.. Is happiness trumping that? (I apologize for using the T-word)
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Yeah, it was back in my Florida days. Noticed the ol' metabolism was slowing down, and perhaps I was experiencing a bit of what they call "sympathy weight" from my ex-wife's pregnancy. Was living in Florida at the time (I loved it there and want to move back one day) and it was before insurance premiums went up up up with the "Affordable" Care Act, so my plan actually covered my wife and I for real tests, like the MRI I was recommended to get. Although I said "10 years later and..." I was actually feeling much better before that. Seemed like once I'd found something new to focus all of my energies on (my new-born daughter) my physical/mental woes went away. States of mind are easy to manipulate for me, so I can feel alone and hopeless if I want to, (I could right now, since I'm currently unemployed and the "new" job is dragging their knuckles on getting things going,) or I can feel capable and confident, like I'm forcing myself to feel right now. hehehehe Coffee is heavenly.
 
Just A Guy said:
hehehehe Coffee is heavenly.
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Here here

I had a very sexual dream last night that involved one of my girlfriend's old roommates who I always had a crush on. When I knew her, she was always flirtatious and very touchy feely; for some reason it didn't bother my gf but sometimes I could tell she knew how much this girl turned me on. I spent a good deal of time with her and conversations always flowed freely with her. She took amphetamines for ADD and I get the feeling that amps make most anyone hyper-sexual even if they don't realize it. Anyways, in the dream her and I were having an affair of sorts, and we kept moving further and further towards intercourse, till finally we ended up doing it; but barely after my entry, she suddenly had a burst of emotion and insisted it was wrong, what would Mrs. Gravy think? I was really butt-hurt because in the dream I didn't give a single fuck what Mrs. Gravy would think and tried to continue but she pushed me off her; I then slipped into the next dream which was much more of a nightmare and involved a catacomb full of the living dead under this creepy west Texas type ranch house.

Boy do I miss that girl. I had one of her old coffee mugs she left behind when she moved, and it was my favorite not only because it reminded me of her, but also because it had a beautifully painted Sunflower on it, which also happened to be the inspiration for naming my pet ball python. I broke it a year or two ago when washing it... I'll never forgive myself for doing so. Perhaps it was nature telling me to let go of her. I'm not certain, but boy do I miss her... even if I could never have been with her.
 
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lol ^^ love the connectedness of all your stories. Ah, objects, their places on our timelines, and the power they sometimes hold! I used to place such gravity upon particular items possessed through the years, especially ones I'd kept close during my S. Korea days, and even moreso those since lost... but finally understanding that life is too important to live in the past, and must be lived in the present -- or at least I needed to stop obsessing. lol

My favorite coffee cup is a rather large mug that portrays a replica of Van Gogh's Starry Night. After having gone through some photo albums with my girlfriend several years ago, and pointing out an old mug that I had just loved and missed so much since it had disappeared, she surprised me one anniversary with a new one. lol
 
Maybe Mrs CG will get you her old roommate for an anniversary one day, since she can't replace a unique coffee mug?
 
Xorkoth said:
Maybe Mrs CG will get you her old roommate for an anniversary one day, since she can't replace a unique coffee mug?
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That'll be the day 8) would be the best anniversary present ever!

She got me a mug with flowers on it for Christmas after I broke that one, but it never quite compared and the flowers aren't as stark and present, more of a water-color look. It can never be replaced, I've searched everywhere for one that was remotely similar, looked at hundreds of mugs... but alas, none can compare.
 
I sometimes have opiate-using dreams still, even though I don't struggle with it at all in my waking life. 2 nights ago I had one, and last night I did too. But last night I actually thought to myself in the dream, after I took some kratom, later in the day (in the dream), "Oh shit, I can't believe I took kratom, and this time it wasn't a dream!". But it was a dream. That's a first for me.
 
Weird. My dream was all too real also, I'm still feeling bummed out that I'll likely never see that girl again. My sex related dreams have been feeling so real lately that I wish I could just live in my mind at times. I mean real life sex is great and all too, but my mind gets to wander to some really exciting places sometimes that I'll never see in my waking life.
 
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