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The Suicide Support Thread

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Of course Plmar

Right now I am having panic and rage surge through me

And I am actively ignoring the suicidal thoughts

I am actively ignoring the urges to self harm

It's hard and I don't know if I will make it through the rest of todAy
 
^ I did earlier today

but then I cycled through mania and severe depression

and now I'm back at square 1; nothing out of normal :|

I really hate the mood swings but am glad they stopped
 
Hello everyone.
My heart goes out to all those who are in so much pain they are entertaining the idea of suicide.
Last year, I nearly died, no attempts, but very serious plans. First it was hanging, I even bought some special items for the procedure, then, I was not confident enough that it would kill me quick, so nexe, onto overdose plans. I had a cocktail and just needed one more drug to add to it, but then...although I am not religious, I am very sceptical of "physical only - we are our body" and wondered, if successful suicide stops my body working and kills it, what about that part of me that isn't my body. What if that part of me lingered on without a body? That's what stopped me. I have really bad anxiety and its crippling me. Its ruining my quality of life and although I have psychological drug dependencies and am on something or other most days of the week.
Hang in there everyone, they say adversity makes us stronger.
 
plmar said:
Never sought any treatment because I don't feel secure enough to tell anyone about this IRL, also I don't want to be put on SSRI's or whatever.

And I've felt like this way since I was a kid, idk. It's been all my life, there hasn't really been a point onwards where I suddenly started feeling like this.
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Dude there are lot more than SSRIs available, psychologist and all kinds of therapists than can really help. Ive had that same kind of attitude that there is nothing to be done, but its not true. There are professionals out there who can and are willing to help because thats what they do. Not just pills, plus many mental health people dont believe in them either.
 
I am one step closer to being done with this life

Today is such shit

I hope you all are happier than I am <3
 
plmar said:
Never sought any treatment because I don't feel secure enough to tell anyone about this IRL, also I don't want to be put on SSRI's or whatever.

And I've felt like this way since I was a kid, idk. It's been all my life, there hasn't really been a point onwards where I suddenly started feeling like this.

And thanks for that reply Cpt Heroin
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i feel the same way, i just don't feel comfortable telling anyone irl how i feel / i don't want to be put on meds

this is a free online cognitive behavioral therapy website that i go on from time to time, it's helped me a little bit. maybe you or someone else will benefit from this as well:

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
 
I am going to leave this earth. It is over. Forget it. I even have a plan.

My life is done. Please help. I need this to be over with. I promise that I am going nuts. I do not want to be this way.

I have no alcohol.

Help.

This is it. I've ruined my life. I don't deserve to be alive. Who cares? Why should I live?

I suppose the plan is to stab myself in the heart.

I'm sorry.
 
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I know that I'm going to die. I am not just saying that. I know what happens next.

Why shouldn't I die? Who cares?
 
As lonely as it can feel to think no one cares, I think life itself is separate from that. The struggle is to care for yourself so that whether you are surrounded by people that care or surrounded by people that don't care, you are solid within yourself. It is next to impossible to have true intimacy with anyone outside yourself if you do not love and respect yourself and your own life. People try anyway but the relationships falter and reach dead ends soon enough. Only when you do not need anyone else for your own self worth can you actually form the kind of relationships where people do deeply and sincerely care for the real you. The irony of these anonymous forums is that people often do show their authentic selves and so we do form caring relationships. I know that I care about you very deeply. I have faith that you will find a way to separate from your past, heal the wounds that bind you to alcohol and be free. I do have that faith. <3
 
herbavore said:
As lonely as it can feel to think no one cares, I think life itself is separate from that. The struggle is to care for yourself so that whether you are surrounded by people that care or surrounded by people that don't care, you are solid within yourself. It is next to impossible to have true intimacy with anyone outside yourself if you do not love and respect yourself and your own life. People try anyway but the relationships falter and reach dead ends soon enough. Only when you do not need anyone else for your own self worth can you actually form the kind of relationships where people do deeply and sincerely care for the real you. The irony of these anonymous forums is that people often do show their authentic selves and so we do form caring relationships. I know that I care about you very deeply. I have faith that you will find a way to separate from your past, heal the wounds that bind you to alcohol and be free. I do have that faith. <3
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Thank you. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I think your kindness has saved people's lives. I hope you know that. You're a good person.

When it comes to me, I simply don't want to be the way that I am. I would rather be okay. I want this to be over. And perhaps someday I will be okay. Who knows? All I can think is, please help me. I do not know why people are the way they are. I don't understand. This is me being honest. I don't get it. We are living in this terrible world. Nothing makes sense.

Nothing makes sense.

But I have destroyed my life. I know that. My life is gone. My brain is gone. My liver is ruined. I did this to myself. I ruined it. I know for sure that it is over. I can barely know the time of day anymore. I don't want to be like this.
 
I feel like I am wasting away. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I am completely alone. I've done four bags today but missed them all because my veins are totally Fucked. I am beyound depressed, full of morbid melancholy.I relapsed in October. I found out I was pregnant in early September and the asshole I was living with left. I was clean at the time, and had been for more than a year. I just didn't feel like I could raise a baby on my own, and I opted out. The guilt is eating me inside and out. One night, lonely and contemplated ending my life, I went to a bar and picked up a random dude, thinking sex would give e some release. The next morning after he left I found a bag on my floor that he had dropped. In it was four bags of h, eight of coke, and some capsules of what I think was meth. This was totally insane...You can't find h here, I live in a small southern town. The devil laughed, and my journey back into this dark hell of addiction began yet again. I feel like I am being punished for my choice. I've been trying to figure out a way to kill myself that doesn't look like suicide. Some kind of accident. I feel like I don't deserve to live, I destroyed life. I wish I could go back and choose differently. As I can't, I wish I could fade away. I just don't know if I can survive my guilt, my shame. My life is full of horror and terror now.
 
Try not to beat yourself up for the relapse

I relapsed last July

Quit again that same October

Now I am 2 and a Half months clean again

Just forgive yourself. You deserve it <3
 
Thanks Smoky

I am feeling awful

But I wrote a lot today and that helped

I talked with some friends and that helped too

Stay strong everyone <3
 
I suppose I should simply put an end to my life. My thought has been putting a knife through my heart. What value do I have in this world? Absolutely none.

I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to bother anybody on here. Thoughts often lead to sad emotions. A person can be tricked by this dynamic. Or maybe I'm just tricking myself by thinking that I'm tricked. All I know is that I hate myself, to the worst extent possible.

Am I the only person going through this? I know I must be crazy to think this way; that the species that we are, is evolving in the worst way. I don't want it to be that way. And I'm not one to think that my problems must be everybody else's problems. Am I making any sense?
 
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You are not alone and no you are not the only one who thinks like that. I can't claim to have a solution but I know what its like to wake up every morning thinking today its over. We all have different problems some can tolerate more pain than others. We have our own in our own pit of personal hell is what I want to say. It sounds really cheesy but we need to stand on each others shoulders till we get to the edge of the pit. The ones that can climb out have to pull the ones at the bottom of the pit out. We owe it them. They helped us out. Trying hard for Blahman Capt H and Dizzy to find something positive to say that will help but its really hard when you don't know people. Please just try to hang in there. I have a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia which was known as the Suicide Disease cos its so painful. I feel like I am in a terrible dark place often. Its people who come here and leave comments bring a little light for people like me. Hugs for anyone who reads this and is suffering
 
Squashy, that is a very heartfelt post and true IME. People come to this sub-forum in so many different kinds of pain. The loneliness within one's own pain is a whole other layer to it. While we can truly never share the experience of another person's pain, the experience of reaching out of ours to someone other than ourselves serves to help us both. I know that there are a couple of people here with the same condition you have and the descriptions of it are horrendous. I had a condition that bears no semblance to TN except that it was nerve pain. Acupuncture did nothing to cure it but gave me relief lasting for hours and sometimes two days after each session. Have you tried acupuncture at all?<3
 
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