Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

[foolsgold]

I'm sorry to hear you are in this place. I wanted this a few months ago for myself, to just not wake up.. I'm still here and might stick around now... my thinking is changing. It can change for you perhaps, other options are available besides the fentanyl.

thank you and glad you're changing your thinking but i can't see it changing for me i am finished just don't want to walk out on charlie like this like so many others have done in the past but ive nothing left inside me wanting to be here any more

 

[gr33n3y3z]

Hey Hood thanks for popping back into TDS, this is where it's at to get shit off your chest ya know. Hell I remember this is where I meet you was on TDS forum... then you ventured to words big props on the 'first two' threads-love em

Anytime PM me man.

Gr33n3y3z

 

[Erikmen]

If you dont treat Hep c keep an eye on it.
Its progression can change quick.
Alcohol and hep c is like gas to fire.
I beat hep c back in 08/ 09
Thankfully ( looking on bright side) i had type 2 genotype which is one of the "easiest" types to clear. Six months of treatment with pegylated interferon and RNA inhibitor.
Had my last follow up test this year.
5 plus years PCR still undectable (if you dont know a little about Hep C thats huge)
Doctor says 99.99 percent cured. I can deal with those odds.

The treatment side effects sucked. But with out a doubt doable.
Strangely after few weeks you get used to feeling run down from treatment. When you come off treatment its like a constant high for a litle while.
They've came long way with treatment now.
Honestly imo treatment was a breeze compared to MD wds.
( MD survivors will understand)
But pain is all too relative.
Ive had my fair share. People who say addicts are weak have no clue.
Being healthy is my new drug.
Starting slow with this new addiction.
The doses seem to last longer.

True, all true..

 

[foolsgold]

head doctors in the morning and as normal i can't sleep thinking about getting my next set of mind wreaking substances just the same old bullshit round and round i go what next to take to fuck my brain in or to see if i can push it just enough to end all this bollocks

 

[Smoky]

thank you and glad you're changing your thinking but i can't see it changing for me i am finished just don't want to walk out on charlie like this like so many others have done in the past but ive nothing left inside me wanting to be here any more

I couldn't either, but it did.. when nothing was left something happened, a shift of sorts that told me everything will be okay no matter what. I've been listening, as crazy as it sounds to the person way down deep inside me that just might care enough to try again, so I am. I guess my point is no matter what you are worth it, and loved. Don't give up

 

[foolsgold]

I couldn't either, but it did.. when nothing was left something happened, a shift of sorts that told me everything will be okay no matter what. I've been listening, as crazy as it sounds to the person way down deep inside me that just might care enough to try again, so I am. I guess my point is no matter what you are worth it, and loved. Don't give up

thank you

right well what's the point in being open with your doctors when it just screws you over when it comes to getting any kind of medication totally flat refuse to give me a single thing because of my substance abuse making me even more lost as what to do all i want now is to score and fuck this all off once and for all second i mention my suicidal thoughts that was that changed the subject complete waste of time and energy

 

[Smoky]

I do understand that. My doctor won't prescribe me anything addictive due to my history, but is open to other medications. So sorry to hear this..
They want the best, have to follow the no harm patient laws, but should be open to other ways of helping you…
I would get a good psychiatrist… Maybe you have one already, but my primary was useless ime. Didn't know much about drugs or interactions.

 

[DrinksWithEvil]

If you dont treat Hep c keep an eye on it.
Its progression can change quick.
Alcohol and hep c is like gas to fire.
I beat hep c back in 08/ 09
Thankfully ( looking on bright side) i had type 2 genotype which is one of the "easiest" types to clear. Six months of treatment with pegylated interferon and RNA inhibitor.
Had my last follow up test this year.
5 plus years PCR still undectable (if you dont know a little about Hep C thats huge)
Doctor says 99.99 percent cured. I can deal with those odds.

The treatment side effects sucked. But with out a doubt doable.
Strangely after few weeks you get used to feeling run down from treatment. When you come off treatment its like a constant high for a litle while.
They've came long way with treatment now.
Honestly imo treatment was a breeze compared to MD wds.
( MD survivors will understand)
But pain is all too relative.
Ive had my fair share. People who say addicts are weak have no clue.
Being healthy is my new drug.
Starting slow with this new addiction.
The doses seem to last longer.

That's good to know thx man ya I'm a bad alchy and have dts shakes etc and I'm on methadone so I'm kinda fucked to say the least

Luckily I'm 27 i take milk thistle but I need to really cut back or even quit drinking but I need to cut back first

 

[Erikmen]

I do understand that. My doctor won't prescribe me anything addictive due to my history, but is open to other medications. So sorry to hear this..
They want the best, have to follow the no harm patient laws, but should be open to other ways of helping you…
I would get a good psychiatrist… Maybe you have one already, but my primary was useless ime. Didn't know much about drugs or interactions.

I never really know if having a doctor that you only prescribe certain meds to you is a good thing.
I totally understand the no harm but have also been really disappointed to them when I really needed something for pain.
The meds they prescribe don´t usually work. I have had some moments where I really tried to follow everything by the book, so to speak.
And for that period it seemed okay. But sometimes you have to change routine because you change yourself..
I´m worried if I would have to go through a surgery and be limited to use medications for pain.
Oh well..

 

[methamaniac]

That's good to know thx man ya I'm a bad alchy and have dts shakes etc and I'm on methadone so I'm kinda fucked to say the least

Luckily I'm 27 i take milk thistle but I need to really cut back or even quit drinking but I need to cut back first

shit man,
I feel for ya. I used to work in a liquor store when I was younger. I'll never forget the poor people that would come into the store (usually after a weekend) trying their best to control their incredible shakes. I would watch them get into their vehicle and take those first few sips, and I would watch their shaking stop.
Sometimes I believe it takes a lot more than will power to beat a disease like that.
Wish you the best. Cutting down should help.

 

[foolsgold]

I do understand that. My doctor won't prescribe me anything addictive due to my history, but is open to other medications. So sorry to hear this..
They want the best, have to follow the no harm patient laws, but should be open to other ways of helping you…
I would get a good psychiatrist… Maybe you have one already, but my primary was useless ime. Didn't know much about drugs or interactions.

what he the guy i saw is a nurse not a doctor totally different from what i was told i was getting so he cant do shit really its been nearly a year drugs worker is shit her boss told her to make sure i get nothing doctor has given me vals once because i had to deal with the police and mirtazapine at the start which i refused after the first batch as they left me like a zombie so screwed myself there should of stuck with them then maybe i would have something different now

its just frustrating as hell at the minute the is no chance of even looking at stopping using as its all thats keeping me level even though its causing me other problems mentally as well

 

[Corazon]

grrr i am disabled and frustrated about everything, including family life

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Something pissed me off

And I just want to hurt myself because I am going to be frustrated, angry, and dejected feeling until I do

I don't get how people can let go of things like this

Hopefully I can learn to let this go without hurting myself

 

[Smoky]

what he the guy i saw is a nurse not a doctor totally different from what i was told i was getting so he cant do shit really its been nearly a year drugs worker is shit her boss told her to make sure i get nothing doctor has given me vals once because i had to deal with the police and mirtazapine at the start which i refused after the first batch as they left me like a zombie so screwed myself there should of stuck with them then maybe i would have something different now

its just frustrating as hell at the minute the is no chance of even looking at stopping using as its all thats keeping me level even though its causing me other problems mentally as well

Yes, the using kept me falsely level for a long time.. I hear you… What I loved was also killing me mentally.
I would seriously advocate for a new doctor. I was passed off to a nurse practitioner when I got covered california. I called them right up and complained… Now have an internist… that works with me.
I've used Mirtazapine. I know what you mean, I felt that until my system adjusted, but it depends on the individual… Don't give up… Maybe call and ask if you can give it a go again, and request a psychiatrist…

 

[Erikmen]

Yes, the using kept me falsely level for a long time.. I hear you… What I loved was also killing me mentally.
I would seriously advocate for a new doctor. I was passed off to a nurse practitioner when I got covered california. I called them right up and complained… Now have an internist… that works with me.
I've used Mirtazapine. I know what you mean, I felt that until my system adjusted, but it depends on the individual… Don't give up… Maybe call and ask if you can give it a go again, and request a psychiatrist…

Hello SmokyC.
Sorry to keep bugging you..
Mitarzapine is an antidepressant also known by Remeron.
I don´t understand the problem you are going through.
Can I help you in any way?
Best,
E

 

[Erikmen]

Something pissed me off

And I just want to hurt myself because I am going to be frustrated, angry, and dejected feeling until I do

I don't get how people can let go of things like this

Hopefully I can learn to let this go without hurting myself

Hey CH,
How are you today?
Are you feeling better. Why do you want to hurt yourself? Is that because of your thoughts?
Keep me posted please
Thanks,
Erik

 

[Smoky]

Hi Erik
Yes, I know it is. I've taken it before. I have not noticed that you are bugging me.
Thank you,

 

[Erikmen]

Thanks Smoky, I truly hope I´m not.
I´ve been treated for depression and it worked, although I had problems with gaining weight but solved.
The thing is about methadone. The doctor says I need to use it for years as this was the only way I really got clean.
And very near to what i call normal life. It´s as normal as it can be.
Is that something wrong with this treatment that I am missing?
I´m safe when using lower doses of methadone. Meaning too close to have a normal life.
The cost benefit has been balanced. And unfortunately the benefits are too much greater...
Most people seem to disagree, do you know why?
Erik

 

[garbagegutz]

Hopefully I can learn to let this go without hurting myself

heres hoping then....

 

[sadkid]

ha...........ha.............ha GBSAUYREDGFUAFDVYHWFSRIKFRDWSFYDGzgxUAFZCFHVXHAXTXCYAGFSODegEO'QDFGAF4E....... HA jus cramming my fingers onto the keyboard nothing insane here FDSLIUFWE.TKFGV846Ymn;.MBV.CA, im going crazy can someone talk to me just for the sake of talking? bwxerrh ip......ha......Ha.......HA iM GoInG InSaNe.....HA......HA.......HA......... I hAvE PrObLeMs....ha