OK I try to stay outta TDS but i gotta come here for the proper thread to post this in. I need vent lately i've been doing it talking to myself out loud, gotta stop that and you'll find out why if you continue reading.
I may be making anyone who can hear me including the family i live with crazy which im not.
I was diagnosed with a few disorders a while ago and I thought it would make life easier if i just said "ok your write im crazy, nuts fucking batshit insane".
Thought it would give me a easy way through life, plus get the "good" meds.
So now a decade later i got kicked outta my psychiatrists practice and now doctors part of the care plan i have through the local hospital and affiliated practices (no insurance, free appts, discounted RX's etc) and none of the others doctors will see me for some reason.
Its ok though cuz i seriously dont have the issues diagnosed.
Glad to be off the meds i thought would be the "good" ones cuz they suck.
Now that i milked it for so long and everyone knows about it it is almost impossible to convince anyone im not "crazy".
I guess it will just take some time to prove (i hope).
If i cant, cuz now that i tell them im fine they seem to act like they think im worse than i was and it makes me realize i never should have acted like i was.
Didn't know shit about the diagnosis' so looked em up online and studied them.
Was kinda like a script of how to act and i practiced and i guess was good at acting.
Then i went to jail one time and because of the diagnosis' i got in the medical block with the people who really had problems, more studying mostly of how they acted.
Then got out and was even better at it i guess.
Im done rambling now but the point is it was a bad decision PERIOD, i regret it.
I guess i just needed to vent cuz people on here are open minded unlike the people im surrounded by.
I dont need advice, im just frustrated and talking out loud to myself might make me look like the diagnosis' are true, which they're not.
Plus im trying to be a nicer person to people, especially my family who i have been an asshole to for the longest time and i shouldn't have been cuz if it wasnt for them i donno where the fuck i would be in life.
Unfortunately im not good at being nice to anyone, and im practicing as i go.
No one is used to me ever being nice so they might think its unlike me which it kinda is but im trying my best to change for the best, but when im frustrated for various reason i tend to revert back to asshole. Then i go in my room think that its not worth it to try to change, but i ultimately decide to keep trying.
Whatever im sick of typing and there is my vent for the day.
/rant "vent".
-HOOD