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Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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Why is it everyone else gets to die but me, ... angers me beyond belief.
I always die in my dreams, but never for real..
 
Smoky said:
Yes, the using kept me falsely level for a long time.. I hear you… What I loved was also killing me mentally.
I would seriously advocate for a new doctor. I was passed off to a nurse practitioner when I got covered california. I called them right up and complained… Now have an internist… that works with me.
I've used Mirtazapine. I know what you mean, I felt that until my system adjusted, but it depends on the individual… Don't give up… Maybe call and ask if you can give it a go again, and request a psychiatrist…
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thank you as always :)
 
Erikmen said:
Hey CH,
How are you today?
Are you feeling better. Why do you want to hurt yourself? Is that because of your thoughts?
Keep me posted please
Thanks,
Erik
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A little less pissed off but just as sad

Yes, the thoughts are a big part of it
 
Just feel like getting a bag of brown cos i think im going mental without it....fuck this sobriety crap
 
Erikmen said:
:)Thanks Smoky, I truly hope I´m not.
I´ve been treated for depression and it worked, although I had problems with gaining weight but solved.
The thing is about methadone. The doctor says I need to use it for years as this was the only way I really got clean.
And very near to what i call normal life. It´s as normal as it can be.
Is that something wrong with this treatment that I am missing?
I´m safe when using lower doses of methadone. Meaning too close to have a normal life.
The cost benefit has been balanced. And unfortunately the benefits are too much greater...
Most people seem to disagree, do you know why?
Erik
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Hi Erik,
It seems like methadone is working for you right now, from what you mention. Are you considering tapering it … from what most people are saying to you? Who is saying this? You feel it's unfortunate about the benefits you are receiving from mmt?
It's truly up to you, whatever works for you is the bottom line. Some as you say do have negative side effects. I'm glad you are not experiencing that.
Smoky :)
 
Smoky said:
Hi Erik,
It seems like methadone is working for you right now, from what you mention. Are you considering tapering it … from what most people are saying to you? Who is saying this? You feel it's unfortunate about the benefits you are receiving from mmt?
It's truly up to you, whatever works for you is the bottom line. Some as you say do have negative side effects. I'm glad you are not experiencing that.
Smoky :)
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Thanks Smoky..
I guess I needed to hear that from someone trustworthy who really knows what some of us have to go through.
My doctor trust me and has been handling the medication to me to organize and control. That took few years though.
I take them as prescribed, precisely month after month. Nothing else.
I have my family and work to worry about and to keep me busy all the time. As I travel frequently I have to be very conscious about my choice.
Sometimes this choice I made makes me feel too heavy reason for which I believe I get so tired sometimes.
Again, thanks a lot for your help and support!!:)
 
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yet again i slipped and ordered stupid amounts of chemicals which will lead to me to a worse place but how the fuck am i meant to get through these next two weeks any other way

simply can't win one way or the other
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I am very depressed

I can't seem to do anything right
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Hey CH,
You will!
What is the thing you think you could do to improve this situation?
Anti depressants are not an option but I don´t understand why a therapy wouldn´t work.
There are great psychologists well equipped to handle your issues I am sure.
Why don´t you try that?
What have you not done right?
 
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CH,
Writing... can be very healing... takes the power out of the pain ... out of the brain and onto paper... This actualy makes room for new thoughts to arise ... as the former ones are on paper not occupying so much space in the mind. You are so creative with words as is.
Not that you don't do this already, just a thought and what helped me.
 
Smokey,- I've just read this thread, consistently you have such kind words & great advice. Kudos to you!
CH,- I feel for you man! Pls don't hurt yourself, it's probably the last thing you wanna do, but can you exercise? Get outta the house & just run, & keep running. Or walk...
Sadkid,- talk to us, let it all out! Or pm me.
❤️.

I'm in a shitload of pain, & addicted to oxy. Trying to come up with a plan and note the important days in my diary that I'll need my oxy, especially leading up to Christmas and the school holidays for sweet child of mine.The days I need to be functioning and on the ball. Participating in life.

I'm prescribed an amount most would envy, & I do need it for pain, but it's just so tempting to keep taking more. Then I run out.obv. Lyrica helps so much for Wd's, but I don't function at all! As in, Nothing gets done. So I need to be extremely prepared... Stockpile frozen meals & clean the house, get children's DVDs in etc. I'm going to have to exercise extreme self control & try my very hardest to not chew through my oxy at this present time. I plan to save what I have & the days I don't have anything on or we really don't need to go anywhere I'll rely on Lyrica & Diaz to get through, and just keep my oxy for when I really have to be present & functioning.

I'm really getting in over my head with this drug. I don't even go as far as the mailbox without it. In weak moments I've felt that I should talk to my doctor, but I'm not that stupid. I'll have pain for the rest of my life, unless a miracle happens. & I need opiates to move.

M'k, that's it for now, sure I'll need to get more out soon ❤️

Rtp
 
Hey CH, i felt the same way and ended up picking up a bag. its helped chill me out for now. im trying to use just once a week to keep withdrawals away and it does help with my depressing, boring, sleepless and anxiety ridden life

Until I get a good job, go back to college or have a kid with my gf I dont think ill be able to kick heroin for good. My life is just way too boring, excruciatingly long, empty, hopeless and depressing for me to kick heroin for good at this stage in my life. Hopefully things pick up and life deals me a good hand in the future but I dont hold much hope in that...life is just one big never ending struggle.

Im pretty certain being on 20mg of paxil per day since 2006 has fucked up my head for good cos I was never this depressed before I started on them. And trying to get off paxil is damn near impossibe for me...ive tried quitting numerous times but the withdrawal symtoms were worse than getting off illegal drugs like heroin and methadone.
Damn fucking doctors taking pay from big pharma to get ppl on anti-ds, benzos and painkillers are basically drug dealers in suits. Nothing but scum, fucking up countless peoples brains and lives
 
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Fuck it, fuck life, fuck the fake people.

I'm burning with anger inside and I'm ready to combust.

Fuck drugs, oh wait I love drugs, I need more to stay numb.

I love drugs, I hate life and I'm angry.
 
i want to slit my wrist right now but whats the fucking point of that i'll just end up with more scars to hid when yet again it fails and no i don't go for the attention style little chicken scratches just my veins are so fucked it wont work wish i got the fucking fent now

ive got to get the fuck on with this one way or the other
 
methamaniac said:
shit man,
I feel for ya. I used to work in a liquor store when I was younger. I'll never forget the poor people that would come into the store (usually after a weekend) trying their best to control their incredible shakes. I would watch them get into their vehicle and take those first few sips, and I would watch their shaking stop.
Sometimes I believe it takes a lot more than will power to beat a disease like that.
Wish you the best. Cutting down should help.
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fuck man I'm scared

So so scared :(
 
DwE, when I look at your picture in the photo thread, I know you can beat this thing. Don't let fatalism direct your thoughts. Fatalism is like a drug--it delivers a brief and temporary release from fear. Your fear is real, it's directing you to listen and to act. You always have three choices with fear: you can live with it by constantly pushing it down, you can run from it or you can make it your teacher and learn from it. I look at that picture and hope with all my heart that you find a way to part ways with alcohol. Sincerely.


And in my petty world......We just had a huge two day storm and my art studio flooded....AGAIN. I'm getting too old for this shit.
 
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herbavore said:
DwE, when I look at your picture in the photo thread, I know you can beat this thing. Don't let fatalism direct your thoughts. Fatalism is like a drug--it delivers a brief and temporary release from fear. Your fear is real, it's directing you to listen and to act. You always have three choices with fear: you can live with it by constantly pushing it down, you can run from it or you can make it your teacher and learn from it. I look at that picture and hope with all my heart that you find a way to part ways with alcohol. Sincerely.


And in my petty world......We just had a huge two day storm and my art studio flooded....AGAIN. I'm getting too old for this shit.
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Awesome advice, and very sorry to hear of the storm. Hope all is well.
 
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