The clinic is holding my take home hostage till I comply with there group meeting requirements. So I tell my counselor fuck the take homes I'm gonna start smoking weed again because I don't want to do group. I said it with my heavy sarcasm tone which my counselor doesn't get. He have me a nice speech on how I exhibit typical addict behavior. I agreed with him and said I'll let you I'm on a secret I am an addict. I laughed he didn't. I realize that I should not joke about drugs with a drug counselor. I offerd to pay extra every month to get out of group but then he said I shouldn't go around bribing people. So looks like I'll go to group tomorrow fucking clinic rules.
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NSADD Moderators: tryptakid
General Methadone Discussion v. Why the Hell Not?
- Thread starter brutus
- Start date
MMT
Bluelighter
Don't be surprised if they start testing you more because of that weed comment,sarcarsm or not.That weed and bribery talk will get you in trouble if he wants to be a dick about it.They might even fuck w/ your TH's too,more call backs etc.My best advice when it comes to clinics is to never tell them anything negative about yourself to anyone EVER.They will always use it against you,just like the cops will.And remember,they are mandated reporter's so if you got a kid in the house(which they shouldn't know anyways) your pot joking could get DSS/CPS knocking at your door.I'm not trying to scare you but you gotta fly under their radar if you want a smooth ride.And even that's not guaranteed. Never let em see you sweat.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
Yeah you gotta put up with some shit sometimes. How often do you have to go to groups?
Yeah I hear what your saying. This ain't the first clinic I've been to over the years. It's been a long time and I just need to get back into the clinic game.
They want 2 per month minimum and that really ain't too bad. The bad part is I gotta get up at 4am to get to the meeting at 5am. It's the rules and I'll do it but I won't like it. Actually went today and maybe I'll make a few friends if I'm gonna go I'm gonna at least try to get something out of it.
I'm not one to really complain but I figured it would give us something to talk about here. Maybe others would chime in with there experiances.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
^^
Yeah 2 groups a month isn't bad, a lot of people in MA clinics have to go once a week. But, getting up at 4am sucks. You're an hour away from the clinic? That's far to commute everyday, especially that early.1/2 hour away I need a few minutes to collect myself in the morning. Really 15 min is good but I try to get up 1/2 hour before I leave. I'm a cash client if I was on a grant or medicaid then at least one group a week I would need. I'm thinking about looking into what my insurance requires. I know they won't pay for bupe because a co worker gets those and they are expensive. And No 2 groups a month is no big deal I made it out to be something it shouldn't. I'm a good boy and will follow the rules.
LSDiesel
Bluelighter
As I mentioned before, I had to go to group meetings once a week, and it was saturday morning at 9am or tuesday morning at 5:30am. I was going to the tuesday meetings for a while, but upon being on 65-70mg for months and months, I found that I couldn't make the tuesday meetings anymore. I actually was requiring ALOT more sleep when I really got that methadone built up in me. I would sleep anytime I was bored. If I had 10 minutes to kill, like waiting for the bus or something, I would be able to fall asleep at will right there on the bench. I would often go home after work, fuck around on bluelight/video games for an hour, then eat dinner, then watch some TV then pass out around 9.30-10pm, and then I would never be able to get out of bed before 7am, often closer to 8.30am. So the methadone was requiring me to sleep 9 hours at the minimum, and more like 10-11 hours to feel somewhat "normal".
So then, I had to go to saturday meetings. And Welderman, you're right, there is always SOMEONE there who has all the answers and usually monopolizes the group discussion. I remember that everyone in the group complained about everything, but I suppose that's the point of the meetings, to be able to vent and voice your complaints and stresses, but anytime anyone in the group complained about the clinic and the "rules", the counselor would always say
"Remember guys, you came to US! It's YOU who came to us because a little powder was kicking your ass so much that you came to US and said 'make it stop'"
We also had mostly all guy meetings, but it wasn't a requirement. Sometimes there was a girl or two in the meeting and she would say that she preferred to go to the guy meetings, so that was cool that the clinic allowed that. I was tempted to go to a mostly womens meeting, but I decided against it.
In the end, the clinic did help me somewhat, but the whole idea of "withholding medication" because of stupid technicalities or drug tests just utterly disgusted me. I still think it's cruel.
If you couldn't pay for your medication, they started you on "feetox" where it was a very fast taper until you got your money right. Like tapering down to zero within weeks.
Since I was sleeping so much and feeling kinda depressed, I started to experiment with other drugs and that meant no take homes which meant huge chunks of time were going towards the clinic getting dosed in the morning, the meetings, the drug tests. I felt like it was all so stupid. I was depressed so I took drugs. Since i took drugs, the clinic made my life more depressing so I took more drugs.
I wasn't happy because I missed all that time I used to have! I cherish the hours between 10pm and 2am, and often will blaze, chill on bluelight, it's like "my time", but then I felt the methadone and the clinic were robbing me of that time, so I made a decision to taper as quickly as a I could in Feb 2013 and get off the shit, I didn't care if I went back on heroin, because even though so much time was dedicated to scheming, plotting, scoring, driving, copping, etc at least I ENJOYED that. And on heroin, I actually need LESS sleep, which is why I think it is so addictive to me. Overtime, those extra hours being asleep (being depressed) or those extra hours being awake and enjoying yourself (being high) add up, and in the long run, it's like extra YEARS of time.
I don't blame my counselor, I blame the clinic rules and I blame myself also for fuckin around with other drugs. But when my counselor asked in group why I was fucking around with other drugs (including dope), I told him I was depressed and felt emotionally shitty most of the time. Physically I was OK, but very heavy all the time, always tired. I felt like a zombie on methadone. The counselors solution to my "relapse" on dope was to increase my methadone dosage, because he felt that 70mg wasn't holding me. I felt like it was "holding me" just fine, actually too much. I shot the dope even though I didn't even really feel it. It was all a mental thing, but I couldn't stop myself from doing it. The mental craving was so powerful. The needle fetish was definitely present.
I truly felt like, if I had take home privileges earlier I would've treated treatment a lot more seriously, because I felt like I was on too high of a dose for most of the time I was there, and I could've tapered on my own terms. If you want a dosage change, you have to get it approved by the doctor, which can take weeks. Everything has to be planned to a T at my clinic.
It baffled me how bureaucratic it all was. I know my body better than any of those fuckers, if I didn't feel right on that DAY, and I need a dosage adjustment, I need to make an appointment for a month down the road? WHAT?
Addicts have very little patience for certain things. If an addict doesn't feel "right", he will seek out a "fix". He won't have the patience to "make an appointment for 3 weeks away" to discuss it.
So, it took me until I believe June 2013 to get down to zero, tapering at 10mg every other week until 30mg, then by 5mg, then once I got to 15mg, I just stopped going. I was doing heroin pretty much the whole time. So much for treatment using that methadone clinic.
I really felt like I was wearing the liquid handcuffs.
Suboxone is what I'm on now. I can switch between dope and sub a lot more easily than with the methadone clinic always testing me and whatnot.Last edited:They were jacking a guy around today and he told us all about it in group. He was actually right and his counselor was on vacation or some shit. So the counselor doing our meeting got it straightened out. He didn't have to do that so that was cool. He told us if we ever had an issue and our counselor wasn't helping or wasn't there to ask to see him and he would do whatever he could. It's good to know that at least one counselor gives a shit. This ain't my first rodeo with 'done and I know when there is a problem don't yell at the lady that checks you in. 99% of the time she has no control over what the computer says. If you are nice to her then she will make sure you talk to the right people to get the issue resolved, and that was half of the dude this mornings problem. He was arguing with the front desk girl and being very rude. I don't blame her for not helping him.
As much of a pain in the ass it is going there I still don't spend as much time or money as I did on dope so for now it's worth it to me.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
Every day there is at least one douche bag at the clinic, causing a ruckus, yelling, freaking out over dumb shit. Methadone clinics don't exactly attract the greatest of people.
One time my old lady kept telling me I have been on it long enough. She nagged me for like a year I showed her after dropping down to like 30 or 40 I just went back to dope and pills. For some reason she was ok with that. Another time I dropped down to 20 then went to subs for a few years then started back eventually with pills and dope. You see she always has pain pills and I would ask her not to abuse them in front of me but she would. I should have done a long time ago what I have recently done and that is to kick her out of my life get back on methadone and see if I can straighten my shit up in a year or two. Then I'm gonna go walkabout around the USA. For the first time in manny many years I actually have a goal in life other then my next fix. I am gonna try like my life depends on it to do the things in life I always wanted but was too strung out or broke to do.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
^^
Sounds like a good plan, man. You only live once.^ I'm not sure if I'll be on the done or not. If I'm still on it I'll make it work somehow there are clinics everywhere. So I'll let you know when I get that far. After I'm stable for a few months I'm gonna start dropping down slowly.
Bill
Bluelight Crew
Man I can relate to the above post about 'done making you want to sleep fucking 18 hours and shit
It's a total comatose sleep too, dead to the world and no dreams and you don't wanna wake up, at all
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
^^
Yeah I know a lot of people on too high a dose, and they just sleep all day. Get dosed, sleep, wake up get dosed, sleep. Somewhere in there they deposit their government checks. Rinse repeat.
But I know that totally zonked, can't even keep my eyes open for another second, methadone can give you. If that's going on you're on too high a dose and need to come probably way down.LSDiesel, I was in your spot for the first 2 months on methadone. I was sleeping ALL day. I was just in a big nod. I had to keep upping my dose though because even though physically I was nodding, the cravings still weren't completely satisfied. Then I finally got up to 100mg and they were satisfied, so after another month of getting stabalised now I have built up the tolerance where the done doesn't effect me physically other than it relieves my cravings completely. So yeah, it took quite a while to get stabalised, but as strange as moving your dose up sounds, in my experience, your counselor was correct.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
^^
Yeah they want you on a dose high enough to block other opiates and fully take away your cravings. Clinics will keep upping you, even if you don't need a higher dose because you're physically fine with no withdrawals already, until you get to a maintenance dose which is usually around 85mg's and up.
