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Septsober - The September gettn and stayn sober thread

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I realized after I responded that I didn't comment on your near death experience. I am so happy you made it through okay. <3 This is a wonderful thread I've found. There is always someone there to respond to you. I've noticed a post doesn't go un-responded..even if people are busy someone makes it a point to respond and give support. :) It's a lovely place. I'm glad you choose to bring us into your world. As one we can allow our mind to wander/feeling alone and become weak but as many we are strong and can defeat our minds addictive thoughts. I think reaching out for support or even giving it helps even in the most minuscule amount at helping us stay/get clean.

Thank you for your love and support. IOP went well tonight I spoke for 20 minutes about my story and we worked out everything that led to my overdose. I need to stay away from my using friends. Period. One day at a time. <3
 
Today was half really amazing and half really horrible.

I hate California. I hate heroin. I hate people. But I love them all at the same time. Fuck.

I will make it through tonight without relapsing tho at least... and tomorrow :) If there's one thing I learned from this last time relapsing, it's that a heroin comedown will make all of your newfound non-junkie problems 100x more unbearable... no thanks.

Goodnight.
 
I hope speaking out helped you <3
And yes, stay away from using friends as much as possible!
I love my friends, but sometimes you just have to take a step back.
<3
 
As soon as I sobered up and got off the junk I quickly realized that all my so-called friends were nothing more than acquaintances that happened to share a single common interest - getting high. These relationships were built on a foundation of a synthetic feeling and thus when that feeling wore off (ergo, I got sober) the foundation crumbled along with the relationship that was built on top of it. Of course this is very metaphorical but I think it's a decent way to illustrate it.
 
22 days today. woke up in tons of pain from my ribs and ear....

about to go to the doctor to get antibiotics for my ear. I am sure they are gonna offer me something for the pain and im gonna have to be strong and just say no i guess...

i guess its good that i can say no to temptation and just deal with the pain... or maybe im just lying to myself and say its nice because i have no other choice if I want to have a real life again outside of doin dope and bars.

gahh
 
As soon as I sobered up and got off the junk I quickly realized that all my so-called friends were nothing more than acquaintances that happened to share a single common interest - getting high. These relationships were built on a foundation of a synthetic feeling and thus when that feeling wore off (ergo, I got sober) the foundation crumbled along with the relationship that was built on top of it. Of course this is very metaphorical but I think it's a decent way to illustrate it.

I noticed the same thing back in 2002/2003 when I was using methamphetamine. What started as genuine friendships (before chems) became relationships of convenience and access to more chems. But that's part of the drug culture.

Amazingly, I'm going to hit 30 days on Sunday!

But, boy is September going fast, or what?

Keep up with the strength and determination, friends -- the best life has to offer is already inside you.
 
Coming up on 8 months clean on september 18th. Getting ready to move back to Toronto (where I'm from). Looking for work back home, got the halfway I'm going to stay at lined up, as well as some sober supports, etc. It's going to be a real test not seeing old people especially the girl I dated and ran with for 3 years but, I'm confident I won't and just need to dive into the fellowship back home and surround myself with people in recovery. Two of my roommates at the halfway I'm at relapsed which was a bit of a test, one was shooting dilaudid and the other crack and dilaudid so I'm glad I avoided temptation and stayed strong amidst the chaos. For the most part things are good, have been running more frequently and families excited to see me when I return home. So I'm really looking forward to getting back :)
 
Sounds good and very positive, Iman :) You have a nice plan.
I know you have the strength to continue making a change.
Stay tuned in and let us know how things are going for you!!
 
Sorry I haven't been around lately. I'm going to be cutting back my bluelight use. I think I just need to take a step away. I'll get to that later.

On August 29th, I relapsed after 2 months of sobriety. I had a 1 month half assed stint shortly before those 2 months as well. This was a planned relapse. I was doing well for a while, moving on with my life, focusing on my recovery, and avoiding all situations with booze. I got cocky. I started to surround myself with the same people, places, and things even though I knew it wasn't going to make me any better. I saw my friends drinking and thought, "They can control it, why can't I?" Silly thoughts. I began to fantasize about how good drinking would make me feel. Finally, combining this with the easiest time to relapse ever, I did.

Feeling alone also makes me want to relapse more which is tough because I'm an introvert. Not the socially awkward kind, just the kind who likes spending time alone. I was feeling really alone that week.

It might have been the biggest let down I could imagine. There was nothing in that deep dark hole but misery. I drank on the Thursday a decent amount, but didn't overdo it because I was in a social situation. I was planning to overdo it on saturday but thursday just kind of conveniently came up. Friday, I had other commitments and had to force through the day. Friday was horrible. The anxiety was unbelievable, the obsession.. it's all I thought about. All I could think about was alcohol. There was NOTHING else in my mind. I'm sure you all know the feeling, but in my sobriety, I had forgotten how nice it was to not be stuck in that hole. Sure I was depressed, tired, etc but rather than think about drinking every 20 seconds, it was every 1 second. There was nothing else in existence. The only thing in my mind was booze and how I was going to get my next drink as soon as possible. It was an incredibly long and painful day.

Then came Saturday. I was expecting the greatest day ever. I had a shit ton of booze and weed, I was going to have a great day. To make it short, I didn't. I'm still in awe at how the drugs manipulate your brain. I took a decent amount to start the day and it was ok. I didn't really feel any better. I was still depressed, I was still bored. I just felt like I was melting and felt basically brain dead. I thought, "Ok well this is ok, the solution is to drink/smoke more. I remember how I used to feel and it used to be so good." I couldn't control myself. The compulsion was insane. I remember the compulsion. I NEVER want to feel like that again. I blacked out basically the entire day just sitting in my house watching tv and consuming more and more and more and more until I woke up at 2 pm the next day. I wrote down some thoughts as I was drinking and they were basically, "This sucks, the urge to consume is unbelievable, I'm not even having fun, I'm not euphoric, I'm still depressed, my anxiety is through the fucking roof from the weed, and my addict brain is telling me that more drugs will make me feel better. Please don't bring me back here." More drugs and more alcohol will never make me feel artificially happy ever again. Like I said before, there is nothing there for me but misery.

Sunday I was sober but I was only awake about 6 hours. I slept the rest. I felt awful to say the least.

I have not consumed a mind altering substance since that day. I have never felt so strong and so happy in my recovery. I have never imagined I could be this happy without drugs. I saw the reality vs the fantasy for what it truly was, and it was miserable. Since then, I've been even more adamant in my "out of sight, out of mind" policy. Even being back here, typing this up, reading the forums is triggering for me. I haven't been at a social gathering with alcohol. I feel SO GOOD. Like, SO GOOD. I am HAPPY. What is this shit.. I don't even know what going on some days.. but it's true. I haven't been this genuinely happy in years. My cravings are heavily diminished and I find myself going for long periods of time without thinking about using. The addict brain still talks a bit, but barely. Not nearly as much. The "need" is still there sometimes, but the "want" is only around 1% of the time.


I found that regulated healthy eating (food cravings are a joke now. I eat well and I eat small meals every 2-3 hours), sleeping well, regulating my caffeine intake, and exercising often have significantly reduced my depression. All 4 have been equally important. I didn't realize how much caffeine and my diet affected my mood.

I confessed to my girlfriend shortly after I relapsed. She was very upset. We have since made up. All is well.

I know there are going to be challenges ahead in the days/weeks/months/years to come and in those days I'm probably going to need Bluelight/AA. But right now my outlook is bright and I am happy. I don't know what happened but basically after that relapse my life has changed. I'm not advocating anyone to relapse and I certainly hope that you don't make the decision to based on my post. I think I just needed to see the fantasy vs reality as NSA tried to convince me of beforehand. Or maybe it is because I'm living in a new city (the girlfriend moved here with me) as of September 2nd with a new job and a new life ahead of me.

For once, I can say, "I can do this" and actually believe myself.
 
Nice work Gen12 :).. There is such a big difference from trying to abstain and not wanting to use=D



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And the world has spun once again all:)
 
As soon as I sobered up and got off the junk I quickly realized that all my so-called friends were nothing more than acquaintances that happened to share a single common interest - getting high. These relationships were built on a foundation of a synthetic feeling and thus when that feeling wore off (ergo, I got sober) the foundation crumbled along with the relationship that was built on top of it. Of course this is very metaphorical but I think it's a decent way to illustrate it.

This is relevant to the so-called friends thing and if the people you are using with are really friends (and then talk about some other stuff, experience, etc):

I thought I'd poke my head in this section even though I'm using something that some of you might even laugh at me for, none the less, sober is sober. I've really been trying to slow down my cannabis consumption. I was smoking every single day for almost a year with about a month break crammed in there somewhere. My friend (real friend, maybe?) who I frequently smoked with moved to Jersey (I live in Ontario) to work. Me, him and his girlfriend would smoke all the time. Once he left, his girlfriend still wants to hang out because she doesn't have many friends but in all honesty, I don't know what I'd do with her. All we ever did was smoke, I'd say 90-95% of our relationship, I was high. She asks me to chill often, but I don't want to smoke, I have no other common interests so since my buddy is gone I have no reason to hang out with her. I'm worried when my buddy comes back from Jersey it will be the same way, we were pretty good child hood friends, didn't talk for a long time but now I'm 19, he's 20 and again, all we did now a days was smoke together but we don't have a ton in common. I'm unsure if our rekindled friendship was actually real or just synthetic, like you said. Even though the substance I am using is pretty much as soft as it gets, I share your feeling %100

Since he left I stopped buying pot altogether but have smoked a couple times with another friend, funny thing is with this other friend, we started our relationship with pot but are completely cool with hanging sober which is a nice treat. Might seem silly talking about cannabis but I needed to slow down, and a mind altering substance is a mind altering substance period. I was pouring way too much money into it. I've made a good effort to connect with other friends who don't smoke at all or only do so once every few months, this has helped me with cutting back drastically and I have regained normal appetite and sleep functions. Anyone who says cannabis has no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever either never smoked for a very extended period of time or never tried to quit, the appetite and sleep issues are real. I didn't really think anything of it until it I was witnessing it first hand. I didn't want to eat, I was barely hungry, my stomach would eventually get upset but still, very little hunger, sleep was drastically effected as well. Almost reminded me of my school days where ADHD meds were shoved down my throat, but not as painful. Mental addictions can be fairly powerful things as well especially if you work them into a routine. I would smoke every night before bed, without it, I simply couldn't fall asleep until 3-4am and I work at 8am, that missing hole in my routine made it feel like I was missing something important, and you get so damn used to falling asleep high, being sober you barely feel like you have the desire. After about a week most of this stupid shit went away and my appetite on week 2 is pretty much back to normal. I just felt like sharing this second bit because most of the "friends" who are open to talking about pot aren't going to want to hear about me slowing down drastically.

/babble

For those of you using harder drugs, stay strong, IT IS worth being sober. Once you are sober for long enough you realize all the little and big real things you missed out on.
 
Been clean from aphetamines in all shapes, forms and derivates %) for almost 2 months now.. Ain't so bad, focusing on work, and cleaning the house obsessively instead of using, when the urges come.
 
^Good work! :) It can be difficult to find some way of distracting yourself when craving. I'm glad you found something that works for you!
 
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