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Septsober - The September gettn and stayn sober thread

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hey everyone :D

sorry I disappeared. I relapsed a week or so ago... just smoked it and it was only once, really not a big deal when you consider how I used to be, but I still didn't feel right about it. After that I pretty much realized that the problem was that I wasn't busy enough and I was stressing on unimportant things and since then I've just been busy as fuck trying to be productive haha. I'm looking for a job and trying to get back on my feet in general... gonna take a lot of work to fix what I broke, but it's doable in small steps. Nothing is impossible anymore :D

Things are going so much better than I ever imagined within my newfound career path as a producer/DJ too. The support from my friends and family is awesome and I've been getting a lot done and learning a lot... my bro's friend let me spin using his equipment at our other friend's lil kickback thing last week... and right now I'm doing a collab with one of the DJs in the collective and I have to say it's sounding fucking legit so far!! I'm pretty stoked on all this... it's amazing progress considering I've only been at it for a month or two. I recently made the decision to not drink or smoke weed as much anymore, so I've cut back on that... it just fucks with my ability to produce too much, and I feel like it's important for people in the EDM scene to advocate the music more than glorifying getting fucked up in order to enjoy it... which is just not necessary... especially now more than ever when so many deaths have been happening at festivals. Anyway I figured I can't set that example if I'm going to shows and getting wasted twice a week (sorry if that triggers anyone who's DOC is alcohol). Like I said I create better music when my head is clearer anyway which is what will ultimately matter in the long run <3

I figured out that I need to stay on my grind or I'll relapse. The days leading up to my choosing to smoke consisted of no creative output, low productivity in general, and slacking on exercise... also stressing myself the FUCK out over things that I now see as insignificant. Gotta stop doing that to myself lol.

So yeah, I've been reading the thread, just haven't had much time to post. Everyone seems to be doing pretty much awesome though which is good to see :) <3
 
^Your attitude is admirable, honey. I love how you're picking yourself up and starting again. Keep up the progress! <3 :)
 
Burt I love how you work through you life and recovery in such a success promoting way. You identify whats going on, then come up with ways to change your life for the positive.. and take the time to both clearly work through this in writing and then implement positive changes.. that is powerful stuff burt.=D

I'm doing ok.. got stung by a wasp yesterday mowing the damn lawn.. shit hurts and itches today.. making slow progress on the life changes... I'm going to try and pick up the momentum.. Hope you are a doing well today<3
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
1 year and a month from Alcohol. The rest of the stuff it's been years and I don't really keep track of it.
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You have been such an inspiration for me to get my act together. My dad almost bought some scotch today when we were out shopping (my drink is beer). But he changed his mind and said "Nope I don't really need it." I told him I'm really proud of him and wish I could be as strong.

When we got home, I finally admitted that I've really been struggling. I had read that baclofen might help with the cravings. So he renewed his prescription and agreed that I should give it a try. I've made up my mind that I'm fooling myself thinking I can be happy with one or two pints. I made 2 quarts of green tea mixed with earl grey and feeling better already! :)
 
@^ that sounds like your taking some really positive steps, fingers crossed baclofen can help to reduce the gaba cravings, im going to have some green tea now too im in love with it, positive vibes coming ur way t.cal !!~~

i havent smoked any pot yet which im happy with, ive bummed a couple of cigs which is a bit of a drag (couldnt resist), but my e-cig came in the mail today and i want to see if i can maintain cravings for nicotine with vapour exclusively because i honestly dont feel i have the will power to be abstinant atm
 
good_morning2.jpg
 
Good morning all. I'm still feeling a little stressed because of finances but I had a really important moment today. I woke up and my mind didn't immediately want to escape my situation. I mean escaping the feelings through use. I feel like maybe this might be conquerable or at least not so all consuming. I don't feel so adrift in a sea of misery. Maybe my situation isn't hopeless. I have isolated so much because I don't feel I have anything worthwhile within me. I think I might actually be a good person and the lies my ex told can no longer hurt me in such a significant way.

I guess my soul is finally ready to accept that this new low is manageable and it might not be so bad. I may not have to pennies to rub together but this may be my higher powers way of teaching me an important lesson in my recovery. I've been so concerned with making enough money to live that I have overlooked the biggest part of recovery....just living.

Thank you all for your support. Reading this thread gives me hope. I have been abstinent for so long without truly being sober.
 
T. Calderone said:
You have been such an inspiration for me to get my act together. My dad almost bought some scotch today when we were out shopping (my drink is beer). But he changed his mind and said "Nope I don't really need it." I told him I'm really proud of him and wish I could be as strong.

When we got home, I finally admitted that I've really been struggling. I had read that baclofen might help with the cravings. So he renewed his prescription and agreed that I should give it a try. I've made up my mind that I'm fooling myself thinking I can be happy with one or two pints. I made 2 quarts of green tea mixed with earl grey and feeling better already! :)
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Thanks I did not realize I'm an inspiration to you but I'm glad you realize you have issues with alcohol addiction and are working on them. Good luck.

At the end of the day when I am falling asleep even if I have had a really bad day I tell myself that at least I did not drink at all today and that today has been successful, and not that bad.
 
^ Just did! Yay =D

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So September is a pretty hard month for me opiate wise. Everything about this month brings back so many memories- I first started using opiates this month. The smell of autumn, the leaves changing....just everything reminds me of how my life used to be. But that's how I need to remember it. That's how my life used to be- its not like that anymore. No longer am I a slave to the needle, opiates are MY bitch- not the other way around. I know I can get through this month okay, but it still makes me a little down and depressed. I'm stronger than what I was 2.5 years ago, and I'm going to prove that to myself. This will be my first "clean September" before I became a slave to my own fucked up desires and cravings. I can do this. I will do this.
 
^ Opiates do become attractive as colder weather sets in, perhaps it's the warm fuzzy blanket. Like you though I always remember to fast forward and play the whole tape, not just that warm fuzzy blanket part. Every day I've been off them has been new and different - like a heavy veil has been pulled back. New emotions, new experiences, new challenges, new successes - it all feels so new. Not to mention the amount of knowledge and interest and learning everything I can about what ever interests me is totally mind expanding. It's so impressive that the thought of going back out, so to speak, makes me sick.
 
ad lib said:
^ Just did! Yay =D

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So September is a pretty hard month for me opiate wise. Everything about this month brings back so many memories- I first started using opiates this month. The smell of autumn, the leaves changing....just everything reminds me of how my life used to be. But that's how I need to remember it. That's how my life used to be- its not like that anymore. No longer am I a slave to the needle, opiates are MY bitch- not the other way around. I know I can get through this month okay, but it still makes me a little down and depressed. I'm stronger than what I was 2.5 years ago, and I'm going to prove that to myself. This will be my first "clean September" before I became a slave to my own fucked up desires and cravings. I can do this. I will do this.
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Wow reading that oddly enough your triggers are my triggers as well. Since I used to live in the north PA and NJ the onset of chilled air is definitely a trigger for opiates for me as well. Winter is even worse than Fall because of the triggers involved. The coldness and never wanting to leave the house, going outside means either going to work or going to score.

Luckily Florida does not have those seasons--FL seasons are replaced with these season in this order Summer:Rain/Hurricane season, Fall: less rainy, humid, tolerable heat, Winter: Spring with extra cold nights and no rain, Fall: Spring with humidity.

Addy, you've made it this far just take it one day at a time. Try to suppliment your trigger times with something else. Possibly an evening walk, cooking dinner. (whenever your trigger time is try to occupy and replace it with something new).

Just remember if you relapse all of the 6 months you've worked to find happiness again will be stripped away. Even if it's minuscule happiness--it will be replaced with depression.

pinpoint, yes new experiences, new feelings.

Today is my 18th Day. Hard to believe I haven't touched an etizolam in 18 days. Though I am taking an equivalent benzo to taper I am still taking a dose lower than I was when I was taking etizolam. I've been able to suppress the feelings of anxiety enough to get through them which before I was unable to do. I feel freed and happy. Things are really working for me and I'm so thankful.
 
Relapsing never makes anything better or easier for me. Its not like I am then in a desirable place.. it just makes things so much worse.. I think it so amazing how I can forget so easily how wretched it gets; replace the truth with some absolutely concocted fantasy. I am taken with an illusion, made of little pieces, slivers of time, a peaceful instant, a split second of bliss, a good laugh, momentary slivers of hapiness, cut from great oceans of monotony and misery, and glued together by my mind, in an attempt to fool me into thinking I am missing out, that what I left behind is good and that I only had to give it up because it was too good. I think back to the time I looked around and realized that I was utterly lost, that there hadn't even been a sliver for me in a long time, and my souls had been pretty much extinguished..

I have come a long way all and I'm back in the trenches.. bags under the eyes are gone, tracks are gone, dirty sheets gone, jonesing for real gone, the withdrawal gone, money always to the dealer or the Dr's and the pharmacies gone.. nothing was more important then slipping away to use.. getting so bad that shit we may have thought why not take that route..It may have got so bad maybe we tried.. the fear is gone..

So messed how my mind turns that hell into something I could desire. Whispering like it was something that was so good, I had to stop doing it... in reality, after a bit, when I couldn't even pretend the magic was still there... it gets and stays awful.. I am happy I wrote this as I have been fantasizing a bit.. fall time is a strong trigger for me as well.. I have no delusion that where I just escaped from, is any place I want to go to ever again. In the immortal words of old burton "the giant mind fuck that is addcition" .. I literally watched people kill themselves and for what.. I mean really what the fuck for.. they just couldn't get out from under that illusion..

But then i've seen people fucking rise from the dead.. didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out and were in deep hot water as well.. a little seventy pound junkie, with tracks so bad the guards at county called her edward scissorhands, viens literally black from the poison.. went into withdrawal so bad that even the titanium hearted screws in the detox tank shook their head in pity.. now over ten years clean, beautiful son, BFA, nice admin job.. hits at least eight big shows a year.. san fran, chi town and out to denver in a bit.. she's not afraid and hits further.. so many amazing stories of getting clear.. rebuilding.. healing.




Your doing good Ad<3.. If I had to bet my last stack I would say you are almost there.. it really did push so hard at the very end I almost caved LITERALLY four days before those big group of opiat receptors shut down.. remember mine shut down in just under five months.. but yeah I hung my ass out good and got fully clean.. the opiate dr gave the the time period of 7 and a half months and they will shut down.. you will be amazed and you will be.. just remember when it pushes the hardest and you want to give up.. you probably right there.. and it got significantly easier for me at that point..

I post this quote allot because it hit home so hard when I read it and realized I had almost done just that.. after everything I had done and everything I had accomplished.. I almost gave up and returned to a place that held nothing positive for me any more.. I had used all the good magic up a long time ago.. there was nothing but the darkness I fled from when I had left so many months before..


Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Thomas A. Edison​
 
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