First of all, thank you very much to Foreigner for posting this meticulous and detailed account of attempting a responsible, science-backed ketamine regimen to counter depression.
It's one of the most ironic things in the world that I find myself on this board. I have literally never taken an illicit/illegal or recreational drug in my life. There are various reasons, but the biggest was that they would almost all interfere with my prescribed medication for...wait for it...depression. I've been on various anti-depressants since age 19. I'm now in my 40s. After my last major depression, which ended only recently and lasted 18 months (the worst it has ever been; I honestly don't know how I survived that), I am now on high doses of and SNRI an SNDRI and cloneazapam. My hands shake constantly, as they have for almost two years now. I don't even remember what it's like to have a normal sex drive, orgasm ability, saliva in my mouth, not to be dizzy... the list of common and horrid side effects is pretty endless. Additionally, though these drugs did treat the worst of the MDD, some still remains and it's a fight every day to motivate myself for most activities.
I have read extensively about the ketamine and ketamine-relative trials which are ongoing and believe that this drug would be of great help. I tried unsuccessfully to find anyone who treats patients with it. California has a few but I live far from there. Sure, they'll risk complete and permanent loss of all memory prescribing ECT (pretty happily, actually), but use ketamine in low doses? Apparently, that's madness. As you might guess, I really can't stand psychiatrists and psychiatry strikes me as the medical discipline with the bloodiest history by far, which is saying something. This posting actually came up from a search engine once I decided I'd try to do it myself. And am I glad I found it.
Since I am an "illicit" drug newbie, I was wondering if Foreigner could help me with a few questions I had re: the Regimen. I, too, have a science background, but I'm probably too nervous to calculate properly. Having the 1 gram of ketamine in powder form, how much saline solution did you use to dilute that gram into 0.5 mg (if that was the dose for hourly IM injection) solution? How much alcohol did you use for preservation/antibacterial? I agree that your idea of IM (or IV for that matter) delivery of the medication is superior to nasal absorption--and far easier to gauge dosage. Although finding hypodermics in that number is going to be a trick.
On the days that you injected hourly, was that 24 hours daily or just the hours you were not sleeping? (sorry if that's a dumb question). Do you think 8-10 injections, one given per hour of course, would be effective if it is not 24? Do you think that I would have approximately the same reactions given that my body mass is probably lower than yours (I'm 58.5 kg) or should I titrate down in dosage? Also, for "maintenance" dosage (I know yours is 12 mg/week), do you think mine would be similar, given my body mass? I'm really new to self-administering anything so I really need some hand-holding as far as dosages are concerned.
Also, how do you know when to use the maintenance injection again? Do you have certain behavioral signs you wait for, or is it just a more vague, "down" feeling?
I have very little fear of addiction to ketamine. Ironically, psychedelics have always scared the crap out of me. My brain, from a young age, gave me so many problems on its own, I never ever wanted to give it free rein. I still don't. Ketamine and all hallucinogens scare me, but this is, of course, not at hallucinogenic dose and acts quite differently on the brain at low dose. Also, I've been on addicting drugs before (Xanax, etc) that I kicked on my own with no problem because I just got sick of them. I got open-mouthed reactions from psychiatrists on that. Ha! I may have chronic depression with astounding spikes (like you), but my will is strong.
I so want to try this regimen to see if I can possibly achieve real remission (and perhaps save myself from the next MDD episode--they are getting longer and more severe, which terrifies me). I told myself this last time that I would do anything to make sure this doesn't happen again and I will. I just want to live without depression. And on as few drugs as possible. Again, it's ironic. I know a lot of people on here love drugs--and I can certainly see why. So many of them really do sound fun. But they have always scared me far more than enticed me. I knew most were addictive and would make my depression worse or cause me to eventually die. My ideal is to live on as few drugs as possible for as long as possible. 12 mg of ketamine per week? That's a walk in the park compared to the huge doses of "legal, legitimate" ADs I'm on right now. And the chance to not always be tired, dry-mouthed and dizzy? What freedom.
Big Pharma is going to sit on this for awhile. From the clinical studies, this stuff works better than any SSRI, TCA or hybrid they've ever used--and it works immediately for many. That spells death to ALL the other ADs out there. I'm sure you know how many billions of $$ of revenue that is yearly for those creatures--imagine the hold-up it will get at the FDA. But it's unconscionable. So, hell yes I'll do a supposedly "illegal" thing. Anyone should. My life and yours are worth more than money for some soulless corporation. If they won't bring us the treatment, we'll make it ourselves.
Thank you so much, once again, for posting this incredibly valuable data, Foreigner. And best of luck to you!
