]
cancel it and get the Blue ray for £9 here
too late brother ill check out the region 2 versionnot as good but looking forward to it
]STEP 1. IT IS BEST TO HAVE SOME VISUAL TO JERK OFF TO. IN MY CASE, I
USE PORNOGRAPHY. A DEAD ANIMAL SUCH AS A VOLE OR A RACCOON WILL ALSO
WORK (THOUGH ONE SHOULD AVOID SKUNKS DUE TO THEIR LEAKINESS), BUT I
HIGHLY RECOMMEND THE USAGE OF HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY. YOUR NEARBY
WALDENBOOKS OR STROUDS WILL CONTAIN VAST AMOUNTS OF THIS MATERIAL
AVAILABLE SIMPLY FOR THE TAKING. FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS TUTORIAL WE
WILL SHALL USE YOUR STANDARD LEG-SPREADING WHORE:
\2 /\~/\ 6/
\\ )aa \\//
\\(= //
/\(`;' )/\
//\`\==/'/\\
_/! \____/ !\_ SC
STEP 2. FIND SOMETHING TO BEAT OFF WITH. HERE AN ANIMAL CORPSE WILL
ALSO SUFFICE, BUT WE FIND THAT A GOOD SET OF MITTS OR INDUSTRIAL
GLOVES WILL WORK WELL. AVOID ANYTHING WITH ASBESTOS. BE SURE TO AVOID
CUTTING YOUR OWN THROAT OR KILLING A SCHOOLBUS FULL OF NUNS WHILE
PERFORMING THIS MANEUVER. ALSO AVOID HAMMERS AS THEY MAKE SMASHY
SMASHY.
___ ___
/HHH\ /HHH\
|XXXXX| _ |XXXXX|
|HHHHH|/H) (H\|HHHHH|
\XXXXX/X/ \XXXXXXX/
||||||' `|||||| RR
STEP 3. NOW JERK IT. JERK IT YOU FUCKING WHORE. JERK IT LIKE YOU'RE A
RUSSIAN PROSTITUTE WHO HAS TO REALLY WORK FOR EVERY RUBLE YOU EARN. AS
WE LACK A GOOD FACE SPURTING ASCII ART WE WILL INSTEAD USE THIS
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY ELEPHANT:
_ ,--.
;c),. o}`
`._,=, `.
/ , `.
`/L`. )~
ejm /_/\_\
STEP 4. FINALLY, BLOW YOUR SWEET LOAD YOU DUMB BITCH. IT IS IMPORTANT
THAT YOU PREPARE IN ADVANCE (STEP 0) BY CHOOSING AN ADEQUATE
RECEPTACLE FOR YOUR SPURT, CALLED THE JERKNAP. THIS JERKNAP IS VITALLY
IMPORTANT TO THE SUCCESS OF YOUR ENDEAVOR: IF YOU CHOOSE THE WRONG
THEN YOUR SEED WILL BE WASTED FOR ALL TIME AND YOU WILL GO STRAIGHT TO
HELL (THE BAD HELL, NOT THE ONE WITH THE PROSTITUTES). ANY GARMENT
WILL SUFFICE, ALTHOUGH FEMININE FRILLY THINGS ARE HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
IN ORDER TO HELP YOU FORGET THAT YOU'RE ALL ALONE. FOR THE SAKE OF
ARGUMENT WE WILL SHOW AN ASSORTMENT OF QUEER SHIT:
___ ___
/| |/|\| |\
/_| ' |.` |_\
| |. |
| |. |
|___|.__| RR
=+===
/ |. \
| |. |
| |. |
| |. |
|_/_\___| RR
,==c==.
|_/|\_|
| '|` |
| | |
| | |
|__|__| RR
STEP 5. NOW THAT YOU'VE JERKED IT BUT GOOD, THE HAZE OF ENDORPHINS AND
SLEEPY EYES WILL PREVENT THE CRUSHING PRESSURES OF DEPRESSION FROM
KILLING YOURSELF FOR ANOTHER THREE TO SIX HOURS. BUY A FALAFEL OR
SOMETHING.
STEP 6. REPEAT.
