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BL/TDS Self-Harm Support: Thread 4

^It's not stupid at all! You've got to listen to yourself and go by feel--if it feels like the right time to start a thread, you will. If not, no worries.<3
 
Pill, I was in the same boat for 3 years of my life. Have you tried counselling or therapy? Perhaps CBT- it shows promise of helping those with anxiety disorders, and I know for one it did for me. I had 6 months clean under my belt, relapsed, but still going strong and my anxiety is no where near as crippling as it was before I started therapy.
 
I've gone to inpatient rehab twice and got out the next day twice. It's not for me. Therapy seems so pointless, I mean I always get the feeling these people tell me stuff I already know that won't ever help. I also have a really hard time opening up to people. I can't even talk about it to my best friend, let alone a stranger. Also, they always seem so clueless, I doubt most of them really are but.. It seems that way to me. I also can't get over the feeling I get when I talk to therapists that they see me as a fuckup loser junkie and are just there doing their 9-5 and don't really give a fuck. CBT has been discussed once by a therapist I've gone to, but I didn't stick around long enough to get any real idea of what it's like. But if it helped you I'm sure there's more to it than I thought at the time.

I mean I can stay clean if I set my mind to it, but I'm extremely miserable when I am.. I've been clean more than not this past year and I've been miserable for pretty much the entire time that I was.

On a brighter note; the w/ds were pretty bad last night but right now I'm feeling like the worst is over. That's good atleast. ;)
 
I've been cut free for over 2 months. But maaaaaaaan do I crave it. Every. Single. Day.

It's hard. I have some terrible scars on my arms that make me feel terrible. Terrible enough to want to do it again. How fucked up?
 
^I know how it can be a struggle every day and still struggle with the same thoughts often. I just try to wait it out and the feelings do go away. Another thing you can do is write about your feelings. I find it extremely helpful for me to write on paper when I'm having negative thoughts and then just rip it up afterwards and let the thoughts go with it. It's kind of ritualistic and might sound corny but it works for me.

I think it's important to think about what has kept you from cutting over these past couple months and to be able to know what it is that works for you.
 
I've started cutting again for the first time in a very long while. I feel like my whole body's shutting down, everythng is just going wrong. I don't know what to do.
 
^Pagey, honey. I think you should probably get yourself to the A&E soon. There is absolutely no need for you to feel guilty about taking care of yourself or keep up the charade (and possibly hurt yourself more) by getting the help you need. I love you and want you to be safe. <3
 
I'm planning on going in the morning. I don't think I can take care of myself anymore. Thank you so much for all your help spork, it really, really means a lot.
 
Was angry earlier, hit the wall with full force expecting pain in my hand to dimish pain everywhere else. Hand won, wall lost. Now I have to repair this, sigh. Well at least I didn't punch a hole in someone elses wall this time. I think I could use some anger management somtimes.

I have to laugh about it though, the world has seemed to be working against me for a long time, if I want something to happen, the total opposite of that is usually whats waiting for me. I've failed at many things, but failing to hurt myself when I wanted to, I have to see the funny thing in this. Things never go to plan rofl

So I guess it worked better than imagined, even though I now have a hole the size of a fist in the wall, it was worth it cause it made me smile.
 
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haven't cut in nearly a decade. time to break the ice (or skin in this case). I'm sorry people. but I got to.
 
Serotonin101 said:
haven't cut in nearly a decade. time to break the ice (or skin in this case). I'm sorry people. but I got to.
Click to expand...
Never understood the behavior really, tried but it has offered me no relief. I will sometimes hurt myself but more as a release of anger than anything else. I don't think it helps with anything really. Guess I should be glad. My ex girlriend used to cut herself alot, it looked horrible :/

Hope it provides you with some relief from whatever, I would use other (not better though) methods of dealing with my desperation.

Edit: thinking about it, maybe stabbing myself 40 times with a needle in desperation to find a vein that works when I know it won't happen could be compared.
 
Serotonin101 said:
haven't cut in nearly a decade. time to break the ice (or skin in this case). I'm sorry people. but I got to.
Click to expand...

Why? I don't think it is a good idea, Sero. Can you distract yourself while the feeling/urge passes? I'm here if you want to speak. (((<3))) May I make a suggestion that I have no idea whether or not will be helpful? Go look at your picture in the TDS photo thread and look at your handsome and healthy physical self. Ask yourself why you would choose to harm or punish that body?
 
I cut a lot over the week-end and I my whole arm's been killing me non-stop since yesterday, I think I really fucked up but I really don't want to have to go back to the hospital and show them this...fuck I dunno what to do
I also realized I barely even get any satisfaction from it anymore because it doesn't hurt enough, and I just want to find a way for it to hurt more
 
I need to stop being so angry, I don't always mean to hurt myself but I do when I punch another hole in the wall or smash some glass with my fist. My hand is cut to hell and hurts alot. I don't know what to do about this really, I am always angry, it takes so little this days to send off the edge. I haven't been so angry since I was a kid... I had these issues under control, now they are back when I am off the drugs.

Pagey said:
I cut a lot over the week-end and I my whole arm's been killing me non-stop since yesterday, I think I really fucked up but I really don't want to have to go back to the hospital and show them this...fuck I dunno what to do
I also realized I barely even get any satisfaction from it anymore because it doesn't hurt enough, and I just want to find a way for it to hurt more
Click to expand...

Don't... One of the girls that were in treatment with my girlfriend cut herself alot. She eventually cut off a large chunk of flesh from her arm, it looked horrendous. I cringe at seeing that in my head.
 
I'm craving SO fucking bad. It's making me want to revert to old ways and cut again.
 
^Keep fighting it, hun. You can get through this. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. <3
 
Toz said:
I need to stop being so angry, I don't always mean to hurt myself but I do when I punch another hole in the wall or smash some glass with my fist. My hand is cut to hell and hurts alot. I don't know what to do about this really, I am always angry, it takes so little this days to send off the edge. I haven't been so angry since I was a kid... I had these issues under control, now they are back when I am off the drugs.
Click to expand...

Here's some healthy ways to let out anger/aggression without injuring walls or your hand. All of these are highly recommended by myself:

1) play first person shooter games like Counter Strike

2) go for a jog or a long walk until you are completely physically exhausted

3) make or listen to very loud and noisy music, harsh noise walls are probably the best for meditating away from being angry

4) get a lot of exercise at the gym; a punching bag might be a good investment if you tend to punch holes in walls compulsively or quickly without much thought. This way you can punch something over and over again, without damaging your hand or the walls. :)

5) find other enjoyable hobbies/activities you can do to keep your mind active with positive thoughts. It'll help fill the time left now that you aren't using drugs anymore (and congratulations on that! :))

On top of all of this, take some time every day to take pride in how far you've come and how hard you've worked to get to this point in your life. :)
 
I'm new to posting but I've been specifically reading the dark side for much of the day and I'm feeling ecstatic. The support offered here and the stories, I love it.

Minutes before I clicked this thread I was actually taking care of my scars.
Most of my scars are on my thighs. They're bad. Reluctantly... I have to admit that I havent had sex in a long time because of this. My most vulnerable marks are across my wrist so even through summer, you'll rarely catch me in short sleeves. I am free from cutting for nearly a year now, and what I have been doing now is wetting the scarred area and then applying baking soda and rubbing vigorously for about a minute to remove scar tissue and smooth out the surface. After I dry off I smooth on olive oil and this has been working well for me. Surely there are a million home remedies but I'm finding this 10x better than expensive scar gel.

I want to wish everyone the best. I feel that I have something to offer in this department... a lot of songs came out of my emotions when I swapped writing in for self-harm and might even look to start or join a band. Writing is a great tool, man. If you haven't given it a shot as a coping skill, I highly recommend it
 
^Thank you for posting here. Writing does help me as well or doing anything to keep my hands busy. Self-harm thoughts usually come to me when I'm feeling idle so I recognize that and try to stay busy to keep the thoughts at bay. As for scarring, I've had a lot of luck with Bio-Oil. I might have to try your method though as it would be less expensive. I hope you stick around here, I think you'll have a wealth of information and help to offer this community. Welcome! <3 :)

C.H, that's a great list. Thank you for posting it! :)
 
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