@knock
thanks that place is for weirdos
im an irish citizen
nomore of tht talk im fine
your employers seem like they've been fairly okay with things and been pretty supportive, no?
By agreeing to seek help, you'll at least have acknowledged to them you have a bit of an issue (which you recognise), and they'll probably be really supportive if you decide (or need) to take time off in the future etc.
Is the thought of explaining your situation to a doctor/attending rehab, that bad it makes you want to 'check out'? ... if so, why?
It might be a legitimate way of getting time away from your job and maybe cutting down on the stims that you admit are causing you problems functioning?
It at least gives you a little breather to take stock of shit and gives you some space to think about getting back on the right track, no?
I don't know you that well, but from what I've observed so far, it seems like officially observing you have a problem is a huge deal for you, and you are concerned about how that's viewed (both socially and with work) ... is that right? Cause I can totally identify with that, I had to go through a similar thing once (at work), and I avoided acknowledging things for a fucking long time. It was like a fall from grace or something. It took months before I could fully acknowledge I had a problem to my employers. [edit] and tbh, I don't think I ever did really acknowledge the truth with them. In retrospect I was only able to acknowledge I couldn't cope many years later, after I'd handed in my notice. I really genuinely wish I was able to do it before I left tho.
Eh, if you want me to STFU and take it to PMs, I will

... You probably want to just zone out and forget about stuffs for now. (totally understandable)