Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

[Vaya]

onemoretime, welcome to Bluelight and The Dark Side!

This is most certainly a great place to discuss your health issues and other related issues... I'm sorry you're in so much pain If you have specific questions about it, or want to reach out to others here, we have a great chronic pain management thread you may wish to check out and post in!

In the meantime, I'm going to merge this thread with our Introduce Yourself! v.2.0 thread as it is meant for introductions

Again, welcome to Bluelight. We're happy to have you here!
All the best,
~ Vaya

 

[iliketoast]

Greetings.

Lurked this site off and on for a number of years.. Im 24 now. never touched anything mind-altering til i was 16, when I got stoned in my friend's treehouse. I went off to boarding school and a year of university, where my most in-depth learning was "how to drink like an alcoholic." I came home and ended up at inpatient. I moved into a sober house, learned how to take care of myself, and remained sober for a little over a year. For the next few years, I smoked weed tough, drank here and there, but knew not to go back into the dark hole I'd just come out of.

I had a little phase with percocet/any pill I came across, but that faded and I didn't pursue it. Tried a couple other things because they were available, but nothing has ever come close to consuming me as much as drinking. Now I'm not so sure.

I smoked meth the first time over a year ago. I don't know how I managed to convince myself it would be ok. A long long time ago, I remember promising myself "Never do cocaine, heroin, or meth." Well...so much for that... still never experienced heroin. Now I have more reason that never is just fine.

I recently got out of a very unhealthy relationship, and am just getting back to the point I was at before I met the dude: employed, I live somewhere, and I'm in school. The only difference now is I've got speed on the brain more often than not. I'm functioning in daily life ok, but I know I'm right on the edge if I have to say it like that.

I have recently been allowing the idea of stepping back and staying clean to enter my brain and heart. I know I can quit, and I know I need to do it before I fuck up and have to start over AGAIN...I'm at that weird limbo point. I think having some kind of community might help. AA/NA can be my saving grace some days, but others it's a big fat trigger session. So. Here I am.

Love to all of you

 

[pattyn]

Hello all,

I've been a serious addict and abuser of all drugs known to man for most part of my life (23 now). Been clean for almost two years though but I just ordered a big amount of research chemicals so looks like it that my clean streak has almost come to an end. It's sad really, but I suffer from bipolar disorder and I'm too depressed to find support for my reasons to stay off drugs.

 

[Vaya]

Hello all,

I've been a serious addict and abuser of all drugs known to man for most part of my life (23 now). Been clean for almost two years though but I just ordered a big amount of research chemicals so looks like it that my clean streak has almost come to an end. It's sad really, but I suffer from bipolar disorder and I'm too depressed to find support for my reasons to stay off drugs.

pattyn
Let me first welcome you to The Dark Side!
If I may, I'd like to offer you a suggestion. Based on what you wrote and the fact that you're reaching out to us by announcing the imminent arrival of drugs to your house, I presume that you realize, to some extent, that accepting the drugs would be a derogatory - misguided, even - decision on your part!

You've opened up to us. Is there a chance.... at all... that you could open up to someone who's able to help you dispose of these drugs for the sake of your sanity and health?

 

[Get2Think]

Hi there everybody. I am Kooter, i might have posted already here, but an update is needed since my life continues to go in a downward spiral of despair and depression. I am now officially homeless. I finally got kicked out of Dad's place. Don't have a job so I cannot afford a residence. All other family will not help me at all, because who wants to help a junky who is just going to fuck it up. I am sneaking in my last friends parents garage at night do i have some type of shelter. I have been trying to find work ever since I got out of jail in April, minus the times that I went back to using heroin. You can't look for a job when you are too busy trying to hustle enough for that sack. I tried to be good when i got out but had really bad relationship problems with the woman i love more than life itself. Didn't really see a point in even living without her, let alone living sober. But that was months ago and i am on my way to try and get clean again. By the way, she is back in the picture. So i am now going to a methadone clinic, i see it as a way to quench my opiate desire and still be ok with my probation drug testing. I know methadone is not great, but hopefully now i can look for work and get my life started in the right direction. So i am going to have another shitty Christmas but at least this year i am not in jail. My family won't talk to me yet, but I guess baby steps. Hopefully I will eventually stay clean of opiates at least heroin for now, get a job, get the wife officially back, get respect from the family, stay law biding and get a new residence. I got some goals to shoot for and all i can say, is wish me luck. Thanks. Sorry for the rant.

Kooter just from reading your post I can see that you are a very intelligent and thoughtful individual. Your trapped in a cycle, like you said it's a downward spiral where you have all this time on your hands, a opiate habbit, a lot of deep love emotions, and your life has become unmanagable. The good news is your going to be a success story, your going to be free from drug addiction WHENEVER you decide you want to be. Tired of the chaos? Tired of being broke? Tired of loosing everything around you? Stop getting high. Can't stop getting high? Then get on Suboxone for a few months and go to AA and start building a foundation in your life that is solid and can't be broken. 1st) Look for a place to live thats more stable 2nd) get cleaned up and try to find work, or maybe get on unemployment or something 3) talk to your family and seer if you can make a deal with your Dad that if you stay sober you will be able to stay there.

Bro I feel for you, I had to go through so much misery because I just couldn't stay sober. Until finally the agony and punishment got so bad that I cried out to God and asked him to save me from myself and my horrendous addictions. Well guess what, he did. But theres a price, I must share this newfound hope with others struggling with addiction and tell them that there is victory over addiction. You can beat drug addiction with the help of other people, but if you will ask for Jesus help, you will get supernatural assistance which is really what keeps people sober in programs like AA/NA "we found that a higher power greater than ourselves was doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." Dude, you can't do this alone. I know, because I couldn't either.

The house always wins, there is no good ending, your life is going to be unmanagable and filled with suffering until you give up the hard drugs. I know right now it's probley a terrifying thought of having to live life on lifes terms without that sweet reward of opiates or whatever. But you know what you get in return? LASTING peace and satisfaction. You get your health, your self-esteem & confidence, you get positive attention from your family and girls. You get the world back and go from being a down and out hopeless junky to BEING SOMEBODY. A winner, a free man, someone who has a unique opportunity to reach out and help other people deep in their addictions. God can use you in so many amazing ways my friend, when you get fed up (if you get fed up) of life and want another way no matter the cost. Reach out to God, he will meet you half way always. God bless you and may he keep you safe until your ready to come to him.

 

[herbavore]

Greetings.

Lurked this site off and on for a number of years.. Im 24 now. never touched anything mind-altering til i was 16, when I got stoned in my friend's treehouse. I went off to boarding school and a year of university, where my most in-depth learning was "how to drink like an alcoholic." I came home and ended up at inpatient. I moved into a sober house, learned how to take care of myself, and remained sober for a little over a year. For the next few years, I smoked weed tough, drank here and there, but knew not to go back into the dark hole I'd just come out of.

I had a little phase with percocet/any pill I came across, but that faded and I didn't pursue it. Tried a couple other things because they were available, but nothing has ever come close to consuming me as much as drinking. Now I'm not so sure.

I smoked meth the first time over a year ago. I don't know how I managed to convince myself it would be ok. A long long time ago, I remember promising myself "Never do cocaine, heroin, or meth." Well...so much for that... still never experienced heroin. Now I have more reason that never is just fine.

I recently got out of a very unhealthy relationship, and am just getting back to the point I was at before I met the dude: employed, I live somewhere, and I'm in school. The only difference now is I've got speed on the brain more often than not. I'm functioning in daily life ok, but I know I'm right on the edge if I have to say it like that.

I have recently been allowing the idea of stepping back and staying clean to enter my brain and heart. I know I can quit, and I know I need to do it before I fuck up and have to start over AGAIN...I'm at that weird limbo point. I think having some kind of community might help. AA/NA can be my saving grace some days, but others it's a big fat trigger session. So. Here I am.

Love to all of you

I think that you will find this community to be a great enhancement to your AA?NA community. This place can be triggering, too, despite our best efforts. The way I see it is that a community of drug users (former or current) is going to be beneficial because it is a community where people truly understand addiction without blaming, but the flip side is they are also prone to the same vulnerabilities so that can be hard. The best thing about both AA and TDS is that people will be real and honest with you and at the same time you will experience empathy at a depth not normally found.

Jump into the social threads and let us get to know you!

 

[pattyn]

pattyn
Let me first welcome you to The Dark Side!
If I may, I'd like to offer you a suggestion. Based on what you wrote and the fact that you're reaching out to us by announcing the imminent arrival of drugs to your house, I presume that you realize, to some extent, that accepting the drugs would be a derogatory - misguided, even - decision on your part!

You've opened up to us. Is there a chance.... at all... that you could open up to someone who's able to help you dispose of these drugs for the sake of your sanity and health?

It would certainly be a bad decision to use and I'm having serious doubts as I don't want to be a junkie again. I can't contact anyone about the drugs so I need to be in a positive/strong mood on the arrival. It's all very confusing as it looks like I already have crossed a line, like I've gone too far without even having used yet. I don't know what to do and what I can do when they arrive. Will I be strong enough or not, that's the question. Nobody can help me though. I've talked about it to my psychologist and she can't help me either. the idea of using again is in my head and it's damn hard to get it out.

 

[Pill2Chill]

Hi, TDS my name's Pieter, I'm 21.
Been addicted to various substances since I was 15. First weed, then amphetamines, then benzodiazepines, then oxy. Right now I'm at a point where I strongly feel the need for tramadol, benzos and tilidine. (Or oxy, but I've managed to get that out of my head through tramadol..) I've finally cut out weed a year ago. (I smoke rarely now) and amphetamines are also a thing of the past.

Atm, I take benzos every so often, but every time I get them I start taking them in excess.. My goal is to use them responsibly as I have crippling anxiety. But I also have a problem with opiate dependency (psychological mainly, and it won't go away!!) and I have no idea how to deal with that..

PTC

 

[Serotonin101]

welcome all to TDS! its been a minute since I greeted all of you. been busy with na and personal things (none bad). welcome ptc! I've seen you around the other parts of BL and I think I remember some of your wall-of-text posts you made when on amps lol. good to see some familiar faces here. I just celebrated a year clean so to all those getting clean it can be done. I was in an awful predicament of possible prison, homelessness, and a huge heroin addiction. welcome to all of you to the TDS family

 

[PeachyPalace]

Hello my name is Andrea. I decided to make an account here after meeting one of the moderators, Phil, through my friend who is an avid bluelighter. As far as vices go, I've tried and fallen in love with many drugs. Right now my drug of choice is heroin via insufflation. I don't do it every day, but when I do do it, I do a lot. I love it. It loves me. I'm not looking for advice or anything, just saying hi.

 

[PlurPsyed]

Welcome dre dre

 

[Vaya]

It would certainly be a bad decision to use and I'm having serious doubts as I don't want to be a junkie again. I can't contact anyone about the drugs so I need to be in a positive/strong mood on the arrival. It's all very confusing as it looks like I already have crossed a line, like I've gone too far without even having used yet. I don't know what to do and what I can do when they arrive. Will I be strong enough or not, that's the question. Nobody can help me though. I've talked about it to my psychologist and she can't help me either. the idea of using again is in my head and it's damn hard to get it out.

If you feel comfortable doing so, please PM me to talk about that mind set you refer to. I'm here to listen.
You can do this, my friend.
You can.

 

[herbavore]

Hello my name is Andrea. I decided to make an account here after meeting one of the moderators, Phil, through my friend who is an avid bluelighter. As far as vices go, I've tried and fallen in love with many drugs. Right now my drug of choice is heroin via insufflation. I don't do it every day, but when I do do it, I do a lot. I love it. It loves me. I'm not looking for advice or anything, just saying hi.

Hi, PeachyPalace. Welcome to Bluelight. Since TDS is a forum specifically for emotional support around addiction, psychological hardships and mental illness, this may not be the forum you are looking for at this time in your life. When heroin stops loving you (and it will) TDS may be where you want to come. there are lots of social forums on Bluelight. Make yourself at home and again, sincerely, welcome!

 

[hthr007]

So many new people! I love it

TDS is an amazing forum. It's honestly saved my life and also changed it. I hope you're all able to feel the same comfort, love, and support that I do. My PM box is always open if anyone wants to chat about issues that they feel may be too personal to publicly post. I genuinely care about all of my BL friends.

I look forward to talking to you all!

 

[Karebear13]

hey there after roaming around today i decided to join...im 27..im a hydrocodone addict (even tho i have a running perscription for them) i dont know if i can even use the term addict b/c i feel b/c im bipolar 2 when im in a deep depression if i take some pain killers i can come out of the depression..my shrink thinks im nutts.. im 16 days in to a seperation of being together for 13 years and married for 4 years which is really bringing me down...cheating involved lots of emotional abuse.. and i just feel a mess..

i have a past history of 2 suicide attempts an a 2 week stay in a treatment center.. which really helped i feel...but was all stemmed to my son to be ex husband and his cheating and ect..

im glad i came across the group..life is pretty crappy right now..

 

[Chrispilly]

Im gettin a 30 day taper off 90 mg a day of methadone. What should I expect. I'm new to this site so your input would be great. Thanks

 

[herbavore]

Hi Karebear and Chrispilly. Welcome to both of you.

Chrispilly you may want to start a thread here in TDS for support even more than just general information about what to expect physically--you can just title it something akin to what you said, i.e. "30 Day taper off methadone. What should I expect?". Other Drugs or even Basic Drug Discussion might be good forums to check out as well.

Karebear--I'm sorry to hear about the wy your relationship ended--that is some pretty painful stuff. Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist that you like working with?

 

[Wafflestomp]

Hello all. I don't post much on BL but read a lot. I'm trying to kick a fairly serious ( by my estimation) opiate habit. I've used on and of for the better part of the last 19 years. I'm really having a hard time. Not really sure why I'm even posting this. Guess I'm just sending a kite out into the ether in hopes that maybe someone knows what I'm going thru or maybe someone needs to hear that someone else is also struggling.

My story is probably not that different from most of yours. The more time I spend around addicts attempting to recover the more others stories resonate with my own.

I'm 36 and have been a heavy user since 17. I have had some periods of brief abstinence but its definitely been more time on than off. I am attempting to kick again after a 2 month long run after a little over a year clean. I go to NA meetings pretty much daily and have been , in the past, able to find some peace and solutions through this. Right now though things seem really dark. If it wasn't for my kids I would probably just prefer that the drugs finished me off. But I do have kids so I am fighting like hell for every minute I can get clean right now. I know that it eventually gets better but it's hard to see past right this minute and the misery I have brought on myself and my family once again.

Good to have another outlet here I suppose. I will continue to post in forums here and hopefully it will read as a steady trek up and out of this hole. Thanks for having me.

 

[Pill2Chill]

welcome all to TDS! its been a minute since I greeted all of you. been busy with na and personal things (none bad). welcome ptc! I've seen you around the other parts of BL and I think I remember some of your wall-of-text posts you made when on amps lol. good to see some familiar faces here. I just celebrated a year clean so to all those getting clean it can be done. I was in an awful predicament of possible prison, homelessness, and a huge heroin addiction. welcome to all of you to the TDS family

Thanks serotonin, yeah I've seen your posts around DC aswell. Congrats on the 1 year that's a huge achievement!!! And it's actually giving me some hope. Not very much though if I'm honest and I'm sure it'll fade soon, but some. I'm in a bad place right now. I've been this deep before, deeper even, but that doesn't mean I'm not feeling like absolute garbage.

Anyway this isn't the proper thread, so I'll say it again, thanks for the welcome!

 

[herbavore]

I will continue to post in forums here and hopefully it will read as a steady trek up and out of this hole. Thanks for having me.

I will be hoping for the same thing for you.

Good for you for trying again. I have seen so many people here in TDS achieve sobriety and one of the things that always comes across in the beginning is that fierce desire. You have that. One of the best things you can do is to celebrate the positives in your life and work on creating more. Don't waste your time or energy focusing on what you perceive as failures or weakness, etc--that only leads to undermining the strength you are trying to build in yourself to get the monkey off your back.