You're really in to her though ay?
I really fucking empathise with that Sam. You want her too much though I reckon. Until you stop wanting people, in that kind of way, they are just a bit too out of reach. Then when you give up reaching they suddenly start firing after you like you're some kind of demi god or somethink.
Nah, there's none of that here.
Don't forget we've not been together for over a year now and our relationship was very dysfunctional 'experiment' gone wrong, and that's disregarding my boozing, manic phases and eventual breakdown. Though thank you for reading.
I'd almost forgotten about that very-personal rant, but it was kinda 'cleansing', at the risk of coming over all new age.
Like I said, it's all about the future now. She'll be part of that future, but will no longer play the central role she's played, both as girlfriend and unpaid semi-carer. Which was a role that was unsustainable and was threatening to ruin the bond I hope we'll always have.
She's done a lot for me, yeah, but as a girlfriend she was totally rubbish. Or at least very incompatible emotionally, sexually and otherwise. Brought out the worst in me and reinforced a lot of negativity and self-doubt too.
Incapable of self-criticism and all-too-capable of being self-centred beyond belief. Everybody has their flaws of course, but I need someone who'll help me rebuild my confidence and sense of direction, not chip away at it. Not that she did so consciously (at least not the whole time), but the fact remains she did.
No amount of 'talking it through' (as if!) would ever get the message across. Any criticism was an attempt at 'manipulation', and that was just the tip of the iceberg - the iciest iceberg I think I've I've ever hit.
The love of my life she certainly wasn't. The most troublesome one, maybe. I blame the excessive proportion of Nordic genes, I do.
Anyway, we're going all deep-personal again and none of it is all that relevant to my snoo. The sentiment's appreciated by the way, but from now on there's no looking back. Feels good.