• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

Status
Not open for further replies.
Lol I was walking in the bad part of where I live.... She's like why do you always pick this road to walk? I'm like its not that bad (well even though shootings happen around there). Well to me its not bad, been in worst places but there were some sketchy people around but usually when I walk with my mom nobody stops us or shit....cause she looks like a drug dealer too especially carrying her backpack around and people just don't stop me lol. Anyways my moms like put your purse in my backpack... I didn't though but she's told me she swears someone would even steal my hoodie over here and then I told her if a motherfucker did I would beat their ass and she said that would be stupid. Then I admitted to her I've been robbed before, she said don't say that kind of thing.... Yet, I was being serious and I told her again I'm not joking. She was like where? And my response was you don't need to know where, when or why.....I'm just telling you I've been robbed. She then was like whatever blah blah and I don't know why I told her. Yet, I'm in the pissed off mood that if anyone tries something with me I'm going to fight them lol....... Let some anger out. I can't believe I got robbed and there was nothing I could do.
 
hugs hun they do put too many responsibilities on him it is unfair on both of you when you both work such difficult, important jobs.
rhat was for eurakyote


im pissed off at karma :'(
 
Last edited:
Well I'm about to go back on amphetamines. Great... Don't know whatelse to do when I'm not starting to take a class, but basically got completely shit on by the women I love. She doesn't ever want to talk to me it seems. Wont even say a word to me. blocking my phone, blocking my facebook, etc. I've never felt so shitty before. I have to study but there isn't a single bit of me that cares anymore. I was so excited when I finished the class. It was the best day I've had in a while. However, after I woke up from falling asleep in my bed, i noticed that i was wanted out from her life.

Oddly enough my ex gf before this one txted me this morning out of the blue. Crazy ass chick, but kinda cute. We had a lot of fun together.
 
VanWeyden said:
^^ It is similar in Germany. Although I'm glad we have a comprehensive public health service, it rots slowly. In the somatic disciplines, you have a few minutes to examine a patient, no time to develop a adapted therapy schedule, just the default procedures for everyone if you are publicly insured. When you have mental problems, you can either go to acute psychiatry and be basically shut away and sedated, or you wait for ages for proper therapy, I waited 8 months for ambulant psychotherapy, the same time to get my add diagnostics finished, its really a shame. On top of that there are more and more charges put on top of the public insurance, 10€ per day in hospital, per er visit, per quarter visiting your gp, additional payment for medication, now they want to establish a 10 € fee for every doctor visit generally. Who is able to pay that for such a shitty treatment?
Click to expand...

Missed this but man that's shit. Here one of the worst things about the health care system is that they pay for a psychiatrist but not a psychologist. Now as much as i like just being handed my script to keep me sane i don't really like just having some fat sow nod her head and look at the clock when i tell her I'm about ready to blow my fucking brains out or that i feel like I'm going to blow up due to stress and have been doing every drug i can get my hands on in order to relieve it. Then she just nods and gives me another appointment and my script with about 5 different meds on it. I wouldn't mind having someone who actually listens to my fucking problems :! . My GP actually does listen to me but he is not a psychologist so yeah not the same thing but atleast he has some compassion.
 
Yeah, I have gained a bit of a different perspective on our system over the last couple of days... Seems to be worse in many other countries.
 
^If the amps are medically indicated, so be it - if not, it is better to stay away.

I've got a rant. My dude (we're hesitant to say boyfriend/girlfriend) is not doing well. He has an important meeting today. I am intentionally NOT attending because I don't have anything nice to say. He got busted for weed before I met him, so he has to go through a program. WEED. Yes, I understand it is a drug. But WEED? 24 months probation for fucking herb?! He made an admission to the cops and he got busted. His only true advocate is his caseworker, who may have inspired me to go to school for social work or similar. She's great.

His family is Mormon. I am 31 and he is 29. Not creepy, correct? We are consenting adults. We like each other. We both pay rent. I live with housemates in a very nice house to save on expenses in a tough economy, and I do so by choice. My dude lives with his aunt (to whom he pays 1/3 of a fixed income) who does not even allow him to have friends over. Notably, this 'devout' Mormon looked the other way when my dude was sexually abused BY HER FAMILY. We cannot have a normal, consensual sex life when we are at my house. I'd get into more if I felt comfortable, which I don't. We both would like to have a relationship with each other. I don't think there is anything wrong about that.

[ETA] I don't politicize in TDS, but California and the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals <3 has made a decision that discrimination as to marriage on the basis of gender is unconstitutional. I am happy that all are being treated as equals in my beloved home state (well, one of them lol). Now if I can be able to be happy in my own relationship, I will someday show up at my beloved SF City Hall!!!
 
It is a legit script. My doc has the week off till friday, so I called the office trying to see if I can get one of the other docs to write it, but I'm still waiting around to hear. I've had the script the whole past year and didn't pick it up in January as it has a lot of negative side-effects, especially when I'm depressed. I hate being on it also when I'm interacting with people, I turn into someone I don't like, as well. I'm hoping 20mg methadone a day + 2mg of a clonazepam a day will help take away a lot of the negative side-effects. Hopefully it will also stop me from abusing so much of it. I always want to redose when I start coming down so I can avoid feeling like shit, so if the done and benzos make coming down easier, it should help with my abuse. I know in all reality I shouldn't get them, but it'll be worth it for the class Im taking.
 
I eat quite healthily,
I workout every other day usually,

Yet , especially when winter time comes around,
Every morning and most of the day i suffer with some really nasty joint pains, my right shoulder and upper back particularly.
It makes that cracking sound all day long too, the doctors say that is normal.
im in fucking agony every day lol.. Weed helps (I vaporize) but I cant do that when i have stuff to do/ important places to go. argh im in agony im 20 but i feel about 50
 
Right now I'm deciding whether or not to set my alarm. The only reason I will be is so I will wake up early enough to respond to my friend like we planned. Then we will figure out what time to meet up.... And of course we will be stupid and self destructive. Taking risky amounts of drugs when we know better. So right now I lay here and wait, thinking about life; thinking about whether or not I will set that alarm.
 
^I hope you set the alarm to take yourself and your friend to a healthy brunch. <3

Today, I'll vent that my Blackberry is a useless piece of garbage and that I have to do laundry. Minor annoyances, perhaps, but annoyances nonetheless.
 
Fuck, that was a mind-bending day. Next weekend we will move out from our flat, so my ex-gf and I boxed our stuff today. We broke up with no hard feelings and have the same circle of friends, so we are quite used to see each other even after the breakup. But today was really disturbing. We didn't have any physical contact, but it was so much like back in the days before the breakup, something like a emotional relationship relapse... It is so disturbing, in my head I know that we have to make a clear cut now, at least for some time, but my heart begs to get back together. I feel like she isn't straighlined at the moment either. But it would be no good to get back together now. Maybe some time in the future, but not now! I'm such a mess!
 
^hugs, buddy--that is one of the hardest things to go through. It will get better but the actual transition is excrutiating. Hang in there!<3
 
Two things I wish that people in my "support network" would understand:

(1) You can be as adamant as you can be about wanting to remain clean, but cravings will still occur and there's no 100% effective way to mind-over-matter them away. It does not mean that I'm going to relapse, but it will affect how I continue my day. In no way should my cravings be seen as me "not really wanting to stay clean." Everybody has them.

(2) I cannot built time machines. I wish I could, but I can't.
 
YAY! Tonight, and Tomorrow night, valentines day, spent relaxing? Sharing affection with someone? Hell, posting on bluelight at least?

Nope! Fuck yeah! night shifts! Gonna get tonnes of abuse and assaults hurled at me! Fuck yeah! stupid calls for bullshit that I can't do anything about, but which I'm expected to magically fix! Soak it all in! The slick roads, the biting cold wind, the bulky, stiff plain uncomfy vest and load bearing equipment, that stupid fucking cracking two way radio going a mile a minute! And of course, the sneers, jeers, and behind my back insults from every "alterna" type university student with ear lobe plugs and blue hair! Do you not realize I am person just like you! (Hell I'm a student too!) Do you not realize that when your BF hurts you, it will be me, not that sandal wearing goatee'd protester who shows up to sort it out? fuck you in advance for your treatment. You know what? If you treat me like human being, I'll be inclined to do the same for you! Try it some time! (At an abstract 'you' no one in particular)

I think, most of all, fuck everyone and everything for making it un-allowable for me to spend an evening reflecting on some shit and maybe even to shed a tear. No, I can't, both because I am busy, and because that is the correct image I am to project.

So fuel me up with my favorite chemicals, strap on my vest and gear, and let us to our duties, lest one call about a homeless man warming his hands in your lobby go un-answered for more than 5-7 minutes.
 
^ seconded for the fucking truth..... and I don't give a shit if im on the side of the "jackbooted fascists". Goddamn ungrateful scum, until they're screaming for help with a knife at their throats, or a tweaker holding them at gunpoint for the measly $200 in the till.

Vent: I hated my LBE, and those goddamned ceramic plates too.... seeing as how not one fucking insurgent ever learned how to shoot straight with an AK. As it were, they only serve to keep your guts in one spot for the medics to scoop up after a 155mm IED goes off under your ass. For what.... to make the paperwork easier? They don't give purple hearts unless the blood is on the outside.
 
Got super high on sunday... Blacked out all day and night... Came in and out of reality. From what I can remember my night was insanely crazy and of course I did stupid shit. I still was out of it on monday, don't know how I got through the day and my work schedule..... I'm so beat. The exhaustion is killing me. And of course on top of that all I've been thinking about is life and realized I need to get it back on track so I can accomplish the dreams and goals I set for myself; when I actually gave a fuck. Yet, right now I could care less but why does it matter? I'm probably not going to even make it past 21 and I think I'm okay with that.
 
My rant is, why the fuck when people tidy do they not tell me where they have stored my things, because they then forget where they put it and therefore myhouse gets trashed again looking for thhe things i need. Warrrrrgh. I shall vent in my art, i think this is going to be a very dark piece of work. I was happy 10 minutes ago lol.
 
fuck this shit im out. bye to the nice people i have met but im off bl cant be doing with random nssty attacks so fuck it im off.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top