The Suicide support thread

[fivelinefury]

Thanks for all the support s4t, oh and for saying I'm smart haha

 

[skillz~4~thrillz]

I am who I am and I only speak the truth-false flattery does nothing for anyone in ANY situation. You will always receive the truth from me-even when it is tough-yet somehow tender love. That is just my way. I got your friend request and was quite happy. Reaching out to make friends w/ kindred spirits is a sign of wanting to live and know more about this painful-yet beautiful thing called life. And there IS beauty and joy-contentment w/ not being miserable all the time(my Psychiatrist taught me that) in your future. Be brave and chose LIFE...ALWAYS!

MUCH peace and love,my friend......................skillz

 

[doppelganga196]

Hey fiveline,

We spoke recently about the situation we have in common; rocky relationship with our fathers, using & abusing prescribed drugs like codeine & diazepam etc.

I just happened to see a recent post of yours on the old suicide suport page & was a bit concerned that you seem to be flirting with your own mortality (for lack of a better term).

I've recently indulged in such a similar way - taking CWE codeine like every day (you ever see that opiates were prescribed for depression back til the 50s?) also prescribed diazepam, & promethazine which my doc gives me as a night time sedative so i dont go overboard with my diazepam (even tho i'm gonna buy a 28 pack of blues this week!)

Anyway, a couple weeks back i took 50mg of prometh, 30 of diaz, a load of codeine & a bottle of opium cough syrup & yeah, i was barely breathing. Made me think the next day, man, i dont wanna end up like some poor prick like heath ledger, or some unknown, like myself who od's & nobody gives a fuck that they died cos it was their own foolish fault.

Just thought i'd let you know i'm there too & appreciate your reply about citalopram recently - it's been nearly 3 weeks since i started on it & i think i' feeling a bit better, tho that may be because of the poppy seed tea i've been drinking. Ha!

I had a real bad day yesterday (saturday) was hungover & had a really bad argument with my mum which led to me shouting for her to shut it, her leaving & me in tears - I wound up calling an out of hours clinic to get a few 5 mg diazepam & did a cwe & felt a lot better.

Anyway bro, lets take it easy on the combos, just stick to low dose diazepam when mixing with the codeine, cos lets face it, the codeine is good medicine! But although i'm not judging, i just reckon you, & me, should leave something like prometh out of the mix cos benzos, antihistamines & opiates are a real danger zone. Throw in a drink or 2 & its a permenant case of not breathing!

Fuck thats a long message, hope you dont think i'm preaching, jst wanted to let you know, once again, you aint alone!

Later man,

Alex.

 

[Doomed2pain]

That's great that your citalopram seems to be working it sent me insane. I am yet to find a mixture of meds that work, but I keep slogging on. Do you have any counselling or therapy in combination with your meds? I have just started cbt myself, waiting for a private psychologist though then I will be on an intensive regime of various therapies for the next 3 or more years according to the psychiatrist, it may even be a life long thing. But I wanna get this beast reigned in a little.

And I haven't wished to not wake up for 2 days in a row now which is great for me, tds is really helping me to try and be more positive. I don't know how long I'll keep this up for, but seeing as how I thought about death constantly, daily for over 6 months, it is a huge improvement for me. Once that thought is in your head it is so hard to banish it.

Anyway you guys all inspire me and make me feel less isolated, so thank you TDS crew

 

[herbavore]

That is the great thing about this community--just by being here, each one of us, we create a place for each other to fall when we need to fall and stand when we can stand and reach out and grab someone else that is falling.

 

[Doomed2pain]

^definitely. I used to have a lot of support from fellow crps sufferers on facebook, but I got really fed up of all the other people I know that were constantly bitching and slagging people off and stirring stuff up so I deleted my account well over 6 months ago. I am still in contact with one lady who lives near me and a few from the US, and I am now in the process of writing a short biography for a book their charity is releasing, as I did e artwork for their logo(we all collaborated as I was setting up the uk's first crps charity, but that's on the back burner for now as I got too unwell)

But yeh, support is such an important thing, and I think isolating myself from my crps friends on facebook didn't help my mental state, but neither did all of the constant back stabbing I was reading every day. I don't need those kinds of people upsetting me when these days it doesn't take much at all.

 

[fivelinefury]

Hey fiveline,

We spoke recently about the situation we have in common; rocky relationship with our fathers, using & abusing prescribed drugs like codeine & diazepam etc.

I just happened to see a recent post of yours on the old suicide suport page & was a bit concerned that you seem to be flirting with your own mortality (for lack of a better term).

I've recently indulged in such a similar way - taking CWE codeine like every day (you ever see that opiates were prescribed for depression back til the 50s?) also prescribed diazepam, & promethazine which my doc gives me as a night time sedative so i dont go overboard with my diazepam (even tho i'm gonna buy a 28 pack of blues this week!)

Anyway, a couple weeks back i took 50mg of prometh, 30 of diaz, a load of codeine & a bottle of opium cough syrup & yeah, i was barely breathing. Made me think the next day, man, i dont wanna end up like some poor prick like heath ledger, or some unknown, like myself who od's & nobody gives a fuck that they died cos it was their own foolish fault.

Just thought i'd let you know i'm there too & appreciate your reply about citalopram recently - it's been nearly 3 weeks since i started on it & i think i' feeling a bit better, tho that may be because of the poppy seed tea i've been drinking. Ha!

I had a real bad day yesterday (saturday) was hungover & had a really bad argument with my mum which led to me shouting for her to shut it, her leaving & me in tears - I wound up calling an out of hours clinic to get a few 5 mg diazepam & did a cwe & felt a lot better.

Anyway bro, lets take it easy on the combos, just stick to low dose diazepam when mixing with the codeine, cos lets face it, the codeine is good medicine! But although i'm not judging, i just reckon you, & me, should leave something like prometh out of the mix cos benzos, antihistamines & opiates are a real danger zone. Throw in a drink or 2 & its a permenant case of not breathing!

Fuck thats a long message, hope you dont think i'm preaching, jst wanted to let you know, once again, you aint alone!

Later man,

Alex.

Hey man, I can't remember, but I most likely mislead at the time 8) I must say I'm very thankful for the relationship I have with both my parents (now today). It hasn't always been perfect, but considering a lot of the troubles have most likely been my fault, being off my face, or even if sober, just either my mum or dad not understanding. Also I don't remember the old post of mine in the old thread, but i'm sure there are many! But I don't even wanna look haha 8)

You're right though man. I think back to when I had sooo much more money, when I was working 45-55hrs a week. I could buy anything, which meant the combos back around 3 years ago that I was taking is beyond me how I got away with it in the end at times. Thinking back makes me realise how extremely lucky I have been (whether it be when I woke up in hospital twice, had a car accident twice, and one time probably should have been dead, passing out every night, etc.) It's very dangerous when you stand back and think about it.

Don't worry, you ain't preaching, I know you're just doing what I do and trying to tell people to take it easy

Since bringing this past experience of my car accidents up. I will take this opportunity to stress to people. I cannot stress this enough. Please, do not jump into your car when you know you shouldn't. It's that simple, and believe me, from winding up in police stations not even knowing what town I was in, and not even remembering I had almost done my license for speeding until getting that speeding fine in the mail, and even though being lucky enough to survive totally stuffing my old car up. It ain't worth it!

 

[snafu]

Suicide is off and on my mind a lot.. But I've made a final decision that I won't ever do it. Its better to try and improve things than give it all up. Whatever mistakes you think you've made, wherever you think you went wrong, no matter how hard it is to face the things that bring you down, just keep trying, you don't have to do it all alone, there are many people out there willing to help. Seeking out help is a big step and once you have someone to talk to it's a big weight off your chest. I thought my life was over dozens of times, but I refused to leave because I knew there may be something better around the corner. Whatever your problems are, confront them and fix them, then move on... I know what it's like to want to end it all, but if that's what you're considering as you're looking at this post, then I'll just be a pm away. I might not answer right away, but I'm here for any person for whatever reason and I won't judge... There are also others like you and I viewing this thread as you do who would be more than happy to lend a helping hand... I wish you the best stay strong.

 

[skillz~4~thrillz]

Great post Thizz!
I too after 30+ years and 6 attempts all landing me in the hospital-therapy,close to being committed,I finally realized that I had survived too much horror to ever give in. I saw what my attempts did to those I love and what would be left behind in the wake of my decision. I realized as long as I draw breath,I have the chance to change the things in this life that bring me down to that hellish place of struggling with living or dying.
In the end...dying is easy. It's living that is the real hell and anyone who chooses life shows their courage and for all those who have made the choice to stick it out-I applaud you for our strength,bravery and unyielding desire to live-overcome-and grow.

Keep sharing everyone!!! There is strength in numbers and the number of souls here willing to reach out grows everyday.
What a beautiful thing!!!

MUCH peace and love to you ALL!!!!
Stay strong. Love yourself. Keep posting!!!

...................................skillz

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Suicide is off and on my mind a lot.. But I've made a final decision that I won't ever do it. Its better to try and improve things than give it all up. Whatever mistakes you think you've made, wherever you think you went wrong, no matter how hard it is to face the things that bring you down, just keep trying, you don't have to do it all alone, there are many people out there willing to help. Seeking out help is a big step and once you have someone to talk to it's a big weight off your chest. I thought my life was over dozens of times, but I refused to leave because I knew there may be something better around the corner. Whatever your problems are, confront them and fix them, then move on... I know what it's like to want to end it all, but if that's what you're considering as you're looking at this post, then I'll just be a pm away. I might not answer right away, but I'm here for any person for whatever reason and I won't judge... There are also others like you and I viewing this thread as you do who would be more than happy to lend a helping hand... I wish you the best stay strong.

back at you thizz machine!!!

 

[herbavore]

Thizz, I am really glad to hear that you reached that conclusion and your offer to help someone else who might not be there a ton of extra weight.

Doppleganga, I hope that you continue to feel better. Don't hesitate to reach out whenever you need some support for yourself, too.

 

[Doomed2pain]

I was suicidal yesterday and the yearning to self harm was almost overwhelming but I managed to drag myself out of it, it was hard and painful but I managed and I am still blocking the thoughts and desires. I have never managed that before, I ave always been strong but when it comes to beating myself up I am world champion.

very proud of myself for resisting the overwhelming urges inside, it's like some dark seducing thought that takes over my mind at times.

Thankyou bl for making me fight, you all can have some *hugs* for helping me stay strong instead been sucked down into the bottomless hole of pain and agony that my mind tends to willing walk into, like the arms of a lover only a sadistic abusive fiend.

 

[skillz~4~thrillz]

you MAKE you fight...we just love and support you! Don't sell yourself short. You chose life for yourself...not us. We just hope and pray-in our individual ways-that you will realize your own worth and continue to fight. Congrats to YOU!!! Learning to love yourself is KEY to survival. I am proud and optimistic for you.
KEEP POSTING!!!

MUCH peace and love.............................skillz

 

[Doomed2pain]

ok I will rephrase that, speaking to you guys on here gave me the extra strength that I needed to claw through the darkness clouding my head. 24/7 constant physical and emotional pain is so hard to deal with, the guilt I carry everyday is gargantuan and sometimes it get's too much and I feel like failure and giving up is the least painful option.

So once again thankyou for giving me the push I need to stop the despair and agony from pulling me under, sometimes I just cannot bare to put even more of my pain onto my family, I see the hurt in their eyes everyday from seeing me like this and it kills me, it feels like a searing hot knife carving my heart.

So thanks for the support, and for the lovely message skillz, much appreciated, your empathy, kindness and sincerity mean a lot to me.

 

[skillz~4~thrillz]

Anytime,sweetie!!! Glad to see your strength and determination finally shining through!!! We are always here. And if you ever want to talk privately-feel free to PM me ANYTIME!!!
I am very proud of you!:D

MUCH peace and love................................skillz

 

[mrflowers00]

i've tired to commit suicide multiple times but two in particular should have killed me first i took 70 10/325 hydrocodone APAP 30 soma 350mg and a fifth of hard liqueur and the second time i took 18 grams yes grams of lithium a full bottle of anti depressants and two bottles of codeine promethazine cough syrup the second time is the only one i was hospitalized for the first i just threw up a lot and woke up in the morning

 

[herbavore]

mrflowers, glad to see you back posting on TDS but sad to see it is here and I hope what you are recounting is a ways in the past. This time of year is horrendous for people suffering depression so I hope you have some good ways to cope lined up if you are feeling down. If you would like to talk privately at any point just send a PM. Sometimes it just feels good to spill it all out. Much love to you

 

[Doomed2pain]

I have been in your position, I tried to kill myself 3 times this summer, it should have killed me on all 3 occasions but instead I woke up after 72 hours, 48 hours and 24 hours then was ill at home for 2 weeks after but I didn't go to the hospital and didn't leave a note as per se, I just ranted unintelligibly in my journal and as I had been awake for days before the attempts and took antipsychotics that are anti emetics people just thought I was sleeping a lot due to my long periods awake.

I tried first time to kill myself nearly 12 years ago but was stopped by my sister and she made me sick and brought me out of the overdose (60 df 118's and a litre bottle of vodka, and I slit my arm)

If you would like my support anytime you message me as I am a chronic pain patient and have a plethora of mental illnesses.

Love, peace and hope to you

i've tired to commit suicide multiple times but two in particular should have killed me first i took 70 10/325 hydrocodone APAP 30 soma 350mg and a fifth of hard liqueur and the second time i took 18 grams yes grams of lithium a full bottle of anti depressants and two bottles of codeine promethazine cough syrup the second time is the only one i was hospitalized for the first i just threw up a lot and woke up in the morning

 

[Africanus]

I wish I could do it, but my desires are conflicted.
I want to die.
But I also desire to live, and find it too hard to perform the needed act.

Survival programming at its finest.

Despite what I will, my programming overpowers it.

 

[Doomed2pain]

If you need to chat pm me anytime, I have been in your position and still am, so if I can offer you any comfort or support I'm very happy to do so.

Love and healing thoughts to you