I guess this should really go into the love & life advice section BUT I feel to post it over there would be saft, nobody really knows me enough on that part of BL & I got the feeling as much as most of you hate me on here a very small few understand me & even those that HATE me on EADD know enough about the way I am & they way I view life to give me some decent advice on this tricky subject I am on.
My ex who is the only human being I have ever loved (I mean love as in real love, not the kind of love you have for good pets, you dont want to have morning sex with your dog do you) well she got laid off work & got a decent payout as she was on some contract & even though she was let off work 6 months early she got the wage as if she had worked the months out, she has been talking now for some weeks about me going to see her & I have made a plan to go see her & I cannot back out now as I will look a right idiot. She is kinda with another guy but she hs no love for him & she always says she still loves me deeply. She just sent me a photo on Facebook that was for sure meant to get me hard as it isnt the kinda image you would send to your mate shall we say. I am NOT one of these men that thinks with their dick one bit as I find men like that to be fucking idiots & just foul humans BUT I know when I go to stay with er at some point we are going to get drunk or high & end up feeling horny, I really do still love her but I am feeling it would be weird to have sex with her as we are split up & not together though we both still care for each other alot.
If she was just some normal ex in my past I would not care one way or another but she is the only person that has ever understood me, she stuck by my side through several addictions & waited for me to really get my sht together, when we first got together I was DEEP in addiction to heroin & was doing quite alot of mxe (daily use and it was that pre-ban stuff) is it "right" to just sleep with her?
I know when we see each other it is going to stir up so many emotions, both good & bad, I got a feeling I will cry, there is ALOT of water that has gone under our bridge you could say, anyone got ANY advice on how I should play this one?
I dont want to get hurt again & I dont want to hurt her also, it was her idea I go see her btw if that means anything to the females on here as I know women do some strange things & talk in some strange code & also behave on their emotions, fuck knows what I am going to do. I just DO NOT want it to be a quick holiday where I just "fuck" her, I want there to be that special bond between us that you get from when you had ses with the woman you love