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When will I feel normal

Rio Fantastic said:
Hey man, you've been down this road before. You know this is how addiction grips you. You have definitely crossed that line from recreational use to problematic - I would really recommend stopping the lyrica altogether and giving it a wide berth. If you aren't careful you will end up hooked on lyrica or back on heroin or, God forbid, hooked on both. Be careful, man!
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Thanks for the advice mate I will be staying of the lyrica.Might as well be honest last week I was feeling so down and anxious I went and got a twenty quid rock of crack and after smoking that felt edgy then went and got a couple of ten deals of brown.Why do we do it to ourselves.Im so sick of this grip it got on me.I feel trapped I hate relapsing and hate the guilt ridden high but at the same time just want a day of not feeling tired worn out and not worrying if I'll get a good sleep.How are you mate happy to know that you back on track but worried how long your last relapse was
 
Rio Fantastic said:
It can go either way with the high & guilt. I can either use once and find the whole experience is marred by disappointment to the point where I don't even enjoy it and I stop after once or sometimes I'll use, may get guilt after the first shot, but then continue using and the euphoria of the high eclipses the guilt, and then I am back in total junkie mode and don't give a fuck and for days or weeks will only be thinking about where my next shot is coming from. That's what happened this past relapse - thankfully I ran out of money and schemes long enough to come to my senses and wonder what the fuck was going on. I didn't get any physical withdrawals but had an absolutely brutal depression, especially for the first couple of days, but it's fading now I'm lifting weights & meditating again. Trying to keep busy and avoid my main enabler - he's a good friend but I'm the only one he uses with and I know if I contact him he will likely have money and want to get on it, but I'm avoiding.
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Its a tough one when a good friend is your main enabler you have loyalty to a mate but it's a sure way to use again.I have it with my pal who my dealer as well he won't sell me any no more but I just go else where.When I relapse for a few days I get minor aches but the depression is brutal.At the moment I'm just glad the lyrica wd is gone.Its nowhere near the physical wd from opiates but mentally I have to say for me it's worse six days of it apart from the day I relapse on gear which gave a temp relief.Keep going mate try to avoid your pal until you feel stronger.
 
yubacity said:
Thanks for the advice mate I will be staying of the lyrica.Might as well be honest last week I was feeling so down and anxious I went and got a twenty quid rock of crack and after smoking that felt edgy then went and got a couple of ten deals of brown.Why do we do it to ourselves.Im so sick of this grip it got on me.I feel trapped I hate relapsing and hate the guilt ridden high but at the same time just want a day of not feeling tired worn out and not worrying if I'll get a good sleep.How are you mate happy to know that you back on track but worried how long your last relapse was
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I am getting better man! Today is my 5th day just on the subs, and with the help of a smart recovery meeting, some exercise & meditation, I feel like I'm getting better. Why do you conceal the fact you've lapsed, man? This whole thread and everyone in it are here to support you man, don't feel like you have to hide it from *us*. We are the ones who understand, remember? We've been there with you. We aren't your wife and kids dude, we aren't gonna judge you! How many days clean are you now, man? How are you feeling, generally?
 
Rio Fantastic said:
I am getting better man! Today is my 5th day just on the subs, and with the help of a smart recovery meeting, some exercise & meditation, I feel like I'm getting better. Why do you conceal the fact you've lapsed, man? This whole thread and everyone in it are here to support you man, don't feel like you have to hide it from *us*. We are the ones who understand, remember? We've been there with you. We aren't your wife and kids dude, we aren't gonna judge you! How many days clean are you now, man? How are you feeling, generally?
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Good to hear you back on track mate how you using the subs a quick taper or stay on them for a while.Go to meetings run whatever to stay clean.I concealed my last relapse because of shame.If im honest I dont like a normal life.I quit gear because I felt imprisoned by it but while using I never worried about insomnia cravings or feel so tired.I not happy mate I act happy to friends and family but I cant seem to get enjoyment from normal clean life
 
Sorry rio I not answer your question I relapsed last week this day seven clean.I was mentally fucked from lyrica wd and got crack for the fatigue and shitty feelings I had.But I cant use crack without brown for dessert.I love getting high on crack and then when start feeling edgy bring myself down with gear a perfect combination.Felt guilty but also loved the normalcy I felt no more bad feelings no more knowing I be restless all night from lyrica comedown.Fuck it rio I also drank poppy pod tea yesterday so not clean but feeling down today real down.
 
Hi Yuba,

Sorry you're feeling so down, when you feel like that come here and be honest, and we can help you through whatever it is you're going through.

Just start again, it's that simple. Don' worry about what's been done. Each day is a new start.

We love you,
here for you always,
your friend,
Ash.

yubacity said:
Sorry rio I not answer your question I relapsed last week this day seven clean.I was mentally fucked from lyrica wd and got crack for the fatigue and shitty feelings I had.But I cant use crack without brown for dessert.I love getting high on crack and then when start feeling edgy bring myself down with gear a perfect combination.Felt guilty but also loved the normalcy I felt no more bad feelings no more knowing I be restless all night from lyrica comedown.Fuck it rio I also drank poppy pod tea yesterday so not clean but feeling down today real down.
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EPL1 said:
Hi Yuba,

Sorry you're feeling so down, when you feel like that come here and be honest, and we can help you through whatever it is you're going through.

Just start again, it's that simple. Don' worry about what's been done. Each day is a new start.

We love you,
here for you always,
your friend,
Ash.
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How you doing Ashley what you up to.I have to start again luckily I through the headfuck that was lyrica wd.I used to not feel bad after a lyrica binge but it caught up with me.Im not to bothered about last relapses I needed a pick me up.Anxiety has gone but depression and fatigue has set in.I been thinking today why I cant stop relapses is because I to weak to get through the insomnia and general shitty feeling that causes.Because of that since my main detox I been either using Benzos lyrica or sometimes gear to sleep.Think im over the worst anxiety now just depression and the hope last relapse yesterday of poppy pods dont cause me much trouble
 
Im just gutted that I had got to the point of 5 to 6 hours natural sleep then went and fucked it with relapses.
 
yubacity said:
Good to hear you back on track mate how you using the subs a quick taper or stay on them for a while.Go to meetings run whatever to stay clean.I concealed my last relapse because of shame.If im honest I dont like a normal life.I quit gear because I felt imprisoned by it but while using I never worried about insomnia cravings or feel so tired.I not happy mate I act happy to friends and family but I cant seem to get enjoyment from normal clean life
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Of course you don't enjoy clean life. To recover from PAWs you have to stop disrupting normal brain function, which means stopping *all* drugs preferably, but at least all opiates. You are not doing yourself any favors with the lyrica either - what you are experiencing isn't the boredom of normal life, but just how shitty it feels to fuck with your brain chemistry and not give it a chance to get back to normal. We are both gonna have to suck it up and accept its gonna take a few months before we reach stability and to stop running to drugs before that happens.
 
Rio Fantastic said:
Of course you don't enjoy clean life. To recover from PAWs you have to stop disrupting normal brain function, which means stopping *all* drugs preferably, but at least all opiates. You are not doing yourself any favors with the lyrica either - what you are experiencing isn't the boredom of normal life, but just how shitty it feels to fuck with your brain chemistry and not give it a chance to get back to normal. We are both gonna have to suck it up and accept its gonna take a few months before we reach stability and to stop running to drugs before that happens.
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How you doing mate your up early busy day or just shit sleep.Your last comment about sucking it up is so true.I woke up this morning feeling like the mental nothingness has lifted a bit.Im listening to rock and playing air guitar so I know I'm getting better.I been wrapping my head around the idea of it being a gradual process of recovery.But saying all that when my wife told me she taking my wife to Bluewater for shopping.The first thing in my mind was she be gone hours I could get some light and dark get high and hide evidence before she back.Now a normal non addict will think wife gone watch porn and knock one out.Keep strong mate and sorry for my shit mood yesterday
 
Now I know my wife and mom going out my mind is fucking with me.The cravings started the mental headfuck of justifying using is going on.Will just have to go with them.
 
Go with them yuba.

Keep busy, distracted, don't give in.

Hugs,
Ash.

yubacity said:
Now I know my wife and mom going out my mind is fucking with me.The cravings started the mental headfuck of justifying using is going on.Will just have to go with them.
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EPL1 said:
Go with them yuba.

Keep busy, distracted, don't give in.

Hugs,
Ash.
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Hows it going ash.I not go in the end thought fuck that.Not used but have taken two phenergan them and weed has kept me mellow.Not lie I am craving but wife and mom be home soon not got enough time to go get it smoke it.
 
Hi yuba,

I'm okay, struggling with pain today, so maybe I'm not actually okay then. Lol.

Good I'm glad you're keeping on, soon your brain will get back to normal and it won't be so hard. It will happen, but you have to give it some time my dear friend.

Hugs,
Ash.



yubacity said:
Hows it going ash.I not go in the end thought fuck that.Not used but have taken two phenergan them and weed has kept me mellow.Not lie I am craving but wife and mom be home soon not got enough time to go get it smoke it.
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EPL1 said:
Hi yuba,

I'm okay, struggling with pain today, so maybe I'm not actually okay then. Lol.

Good I'm glad you're keeping on, soon your brain will get back to normal and it won't be so hard. It will happen, but you have to give it some time my dear friend.

Hugs,
Ash.
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Sorry to hear you in pain how the hell do you help so many people and f8ght your own fight.
 
Not in any major discomfort but feeling the poopy pods done a few days ago leave system.Moods a lot better not really craving.This is the worse stage for me this is the time I try a little gear or crack just a little pick me up.Will try asking wife for a pregab before bed just get good sleep
 
Hi yuba,

I hope you had a great weekend and that you're feeling a litrle better and stronger? Thinking of you.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

yubacity said:
Not in any major discomfort but feeling the poopy pods done a few days ago leave system.Moods a lot better not really craving.This is the worse stage for me this is the time I try a little gear or crack just a little pick me up.Will try asking wife for a pregab before bed just get good sleep
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EPL1 said:
Hi yuba,

I hope you had a great weekend and that you're feeling a litrle better and stronger? Thinking of you.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
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How's it going Ashley hope your having better time with pain management.Did you have a good weekend.Mine was good did not do much only left house to buy weed.Have a totally different view of my recovery.Not going to try rushing it.I had started looking at my years of use through rose tinted glasses.But the reality was I was miserable with having to depend on a drug just to stay functional.Trying to get the courage to go to meetings.Have a good day hope it's pain free
 
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